I’m so nervous that I can’t seem to keep my thoughts straight. Or it could just be a symptom of being an old woman. As I was saying, that day many years ago, when I first laid eyes on you, I thought you were the most beautiful little girl I had ever seen, and my heart nearly burst with pride because you were my granddaughter.
Seeing you now, even though it’s only through pictures, and seeing your accomplishments, my heart wants to burst again. You’ve made this old woman very proud.
Please know that if we had been in your life, I would have gone to every sporting event, every award ceremony, every graduation, and I would have cheered the loudest, pointing to you and yelling, “That’s my granddaughter!” If Harold hadn’t been so stubborn, we both would have been there.
Back to your grandfather. As I said before, he was raised by a racist, spiteful man. I despised my father-in-law, but I loved my husband. I had honestly never heard him speak a racist word about anyone until the day Jillian brought your daddy home to meet us and informed us they were engaged to be married. We were both shocked by that announcement, as your mother never even told us she was dating anyone while she was away in college.
That was the first time I had ever heard your grandfather say the N-word, and to say I was shocked speechless would be an understatement. Another big regret is that I stayed silent while he told your mother and father to leave and never come back. A couple of days later, I thought he had cooled down enough where I could talk some sense into him about what he did and how I strongly disagreed with him, but he screamed at me and told me never to bring it up again.
He didn’t hit me. In fact, he’d never raised a hand to me or spoken to me in that manner ever. That is why I was scared to say anything else about it again. I wished I had the courage to stand up to him, especially after your mother brought you to visit. If I had, things might have been different. But I wasn’t. I went along with what my husband said and did. That is something I had to live with, and it’s my biggest regret, along with not knowing you in person.
You’re probably wondering why I didn’t contact you when I obviously had your information. Truth is, I was scared. I wasn’t sure how you or your parents would react to me getting in touch with you after all this time. That fear kept me from reaching out so I did what I thought was the next best thing—I left you my property.
My wish is that you’ll love it as much as I do, and that you’ll decide to keep it. I don’t expect you would drop your life in Chicago to move to this small town and live in my house, but maybe you might find it as charming as I do.
We raised your mother in this house, and until that horrible day, our home was filled with laughter and love. I want that to return to our home, your home, and I would love for you to build new, happy memories. If you decide to sell, I’ve made arrangements for Bernice and Abby (they’re my neighbors and two of the sweetest women I’ve had the pleasure of knowing) to take Pokey and the chickens so I know they’ll be well taken care of.
Well, I guess these were the most important things I wanted to say—I regret being a coward, not standing up to your grandfather and allowing the estrangement between your mother and us. I regret not having you in my life and not being able to know you. And I regret not being able to ever tell you I love you. Because I do, Sydney. So very much.
I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive us, all of us, for being so stubborn and cowardly. Please tell your mother that I love her and that I never stopped. I love you and I’m so very proud of you.
Your grandmother,
Virginia
Syd curled up on the floor and cried for the grandmother she never knew, yet loved Syd so much. She cried for all that her mama lost out on with her parents. And she cried for the son of a bitch grandfather who caused this whole mess.
Chapter Sixteen
Abby had been knocking on the door for over five minutes with no answer. Syd must’ve been in the shower. Her car was in the driveway so Abby knew she was home. She had walked around to the back to see if Syd was there or sitting by the pond, but she didn’t see her, so she used her key and let herself in. She found the downstairs to be empty. Syd wasn’t in the kitchen, which surprised Abby. Syd had said she’d cook them dinner, but there was nothing on the stove. Maybe she had been busy packing all day and was running late. She went upstairs and didn’t see Syd in her room or the bathroom. She was just about to call out for her when she noticed the door to Virginia’s room was open.
She stood in the doorway and took in the boxes, trash bags, and utter disarray. The sun was just beginning to set, and there was little light in the room. She was about to turn around and head back downstairs when she heard a sniffle. She quickly made her way to Virginia’s side of the room and spotted Syd lying in a fetal position on the floor.
“Syd? Baby? What’s wrong?”
Syd didn’t answer, but also didn’t object when Abby picked her up off the floor and carried her to her room. She gently placed Syd on the bed, and when she turned on her side, again resuming fetal position, Abby got behind her and wrapped her arm around Syd.
“What happened, sweetheart? Why are you crying?”
“I found letters in Virginia’s nightstand.”
“What letters? Who were they addressed to?”
Syd took a shuddering breath that made Abby tighten her hold.
“There was a stack from Virginia to my mama that were marked “Return to sender.”
“Did she have the wrong address?”
“No. Mama sent them back without even reading them. I can’t believe she didn’t open any of them.”
Abby dropped a kiss on Syd’s temple. “Why would she do that?”
“The short version? Because Harold told Mama that if she married Daddy, she’d no longer be welcome in the family. She married him anyway. When I was a young girl, they brought me here to meet my grandparents and Harold told us to leave and never come back. That was the last time my mama saw or spoke to her parents.”
“Jesus, Syd. That’s awful. The Virginia I knew wouldn’t have treated her own daughter that way.”
Syd extracted herself from Abby’s hold, and Abby felt it like a slap to her face. She watched Syd stand and look out the window, not bothering to look at Abby. “Are you calling my mama a liar?”
“Not at all. I believe what you told me. I’m just saying that I can’t imagine Virginia treating anyone that way.”
Syd’s shoulders slumped and she turned around with her arms crossed over her chest. “Well, technically, Harold was the one that did all those things, but Virginia went along with it. She didn’t stand up for her daughter or against her husband.”
Abby moved to sit on the side of the bed so she could be closer to Syd but still give her the space she seemed to need. “Do you want to talk about the letters? What was in them? If you do want to talk, I’ll listen.”
Abby waited until Syd uncrossed her arms and sat in Abby’s lap. She again wrapped her arms around Syd and waited for her to begin.
“I feel so bad for Mama and Virginia.” Syd told Abby about the first letter, when Harold had been diagnosed with cancer, and every letter until the last, when Virginia had resigned that she had lost Jillian forever. “They both lost out on so much because they were all too stubborn to accept and forgive.” Syd placed her head on Abby’s shoulder and began to cry. “I lost out on so much by not knowing my grandmother. Did you know she’d hired a private investigator to find me?”
“Yes.” Abby tightened her hold. “You mentioned it the first time you had dinner with Gran and me.”
“Oh, yeah. I just can’t believe she knew where I was and she didn’t contact me. She wrote me a letter that I was meant to find after she died. I could’ve gotten to know her, Abby. I could have visited her.”
“Would you have? Knowing your mother was estranged from her parents, would you have possibly gone against your mother’s wishes and had a relationship with Virginia?” Abby asked the question as gently as she could. The m
oments of silence that followed led Abby to believe Syd wouldn’t have.
“I’m not sure, to be honest. But I was never given the chance. And now it’s gone. All I’m left with are photographs, stuff that belonged to her.”
“What did your letter say?”
“She talked about regrets—of losing Mama, of not getting to have a relationship with me. How much she loved me. How proud she was of me.”
Abby could feel her shirt become wet from Syd’s tears. “I believe her, Syd. How could she not be proud of the woman you’ve become? How could she not love you? You are an incredibly smart, giving, courteous woman, and I’m willing to bet Virginia would have been a wonderful grandmother to you.”
Abby hadn’t meant to say anything to make Syd cry harder, but that’s what Syd did. Her arms came around Abby’s shoulders, and Syd held on like Abby was her lifeline.
“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry,” Abby cooed as she held Syd and let her cry. Abby’s heart broke for Syd and her never having the time to spend with Virginia like she’d had. She wished that Syd had had the opportunity to know and love Virginia, and vice versa.
Having had the opportunity to spend time with Syd over the past week or so, she was certain Virginia would have completely loved Syd, just as Abby was beginning to. She had meant for this time with Syd to be a fun, no-strings-attached affair, but the times they’d spent together had begun to attach those damn strings. Abby knew she was going to ache to her very core when Syd went back home. But she wouldn’t have traded this time with her for anything.
Abby was surprised when Syd released her hold and stood, facing Abby with her red, swollen eyes and flushed cheeks. Syd lifted her shirt over her head, released the clasp of her bra, and shimmied out of her shorts and panties, standing gloriously nude in front of Abby.
“Make love to me.”
That simple command unraveled all the protection Abby had tried to place around her heart. She stood and cradled Syd’s face in her calloused hands and kissed her like there would be no tomorrow. Before tonight, all of their kissing was hot and heavy and meant to turn up the heat that would lead to even hotter sex. Tonight, her kisses would be slow, sensuous, loving. Syd parted her lips and Abby slid the tip of her tongue into her warm mouth. She felt Syd’s hands move down her back and squeeze her ass as Abby deepened the kiss. A moan escaped, but she wasn’t sure if it came from her or Syd. All she knew was that Syd was like no other woman she’d ever been with. She reined in her aggressive passion because tonight felt different. She felt different. There had been a shift in her feelings for Syd, and tonight they were going to make love.
Reluctantly, Abby broke the kiss but held Syd’s gaze with her own. Their eye contact broke only with Abby pulling her own shirt over her head. When her clothes were discarded, she stepped slowly toward Syd and fully embraced her, reveling in the skin-to-skin contact—thighs, stomach, breasts. Abby resumed kissing Syd, first on the mouth, down her neck, and to her shoulder. Abby felt Syd shiver from the delicate contact of Abby’s lips and tongue tasting Syd’s warm skin.
Abby slowly turned Syd and walked her back until they reached the bed. Syd lay down in the center of the bed and reached out for Abby. She obliged Syd’s request and stretched out on top of her, noticing for the first time how perfectly they fit together. Abby leaned on her elbow, caressing Syd’s face with her free hand.
“You’re so lovely, Sydney.”
Abby tasted the salt from Syd’s tears as she kissed her again. She kissed Syd like she’d never kissed another woman. Abby moved down Syd’s body and captured her rigid nipple in her mouth and danced her tongue around before gently biting it. She sucked Syd’s breast, taking her time to build up Syd’s excitement before moving to the other. Repeating her performance, she felt Syd’s chest rise and fall in staccato with her tongue flicking her nipple.
Syd grasped the back of Abby’s head, silently pleading to take more—more of her nipple, more of her breast, more of Syd. Abby felt Syd’s pelvis move beneath her, and she wanted to continue her journey down Syd’s body, but more than that, she wanted to be staring into Syd’s chocolate brown eyes when she came. Abby again kissed Syd as she slipped her hand between Syd’s legs, to the wet warmth that begged for her. Abby slid her fingers in the slick wetness and spread it about Syd’s sex.
Syd’s clit grew with every excruciatingly slow stroke of Abby’s fingers and more liquid was released from Syd’s center. Abby gently slid two fingers into Syd’s velvet walls and just as slowly, slid them out. After a few languid strokes, Abby brought her fingers out to circle Syd’s growing bundle of nerves. Even though Abby’s tongue was dancing with Syd’s, she could practically taste Syd’s excitement.
“Abby, I’m so close. Make me come, baby.”
Abby returned her fingers into Syd’s warmth and sped up her thrusts, curling her fingers to hit Syd’s special spot. Abby couldn’t not give Syd what she wanted, what she needed, what she hungered for.
“Open your eyes for me, Syd.”
Syd opened her eyes and stared into Abby’s, into her soul as she cried out and her walls contracted and squeezed around Abby’s fingers. Abby continued to massage Syd’s inner walls until her contractions subsided, but their eye contact never wavered. It was that moment Abby knew she had fallen in love with Syd. It was also that moment Abby knew her heart would be eventually shattered into a million pieces.
* * *
Syd lay in the warm, comforting embrace of Abby’s arms, the slow beating of her heart under Syd’s ear. It had been an emotional day and night for her, especially when Abby had made love to her. Everything about it was tender and heartfelt. As Syd looked into Abby’s eyes when she brought her to climax, Syd felt the change in feelings between them—deeper, stronger, soulful feelings that Syd had never experienced before. She wasn’t sure if she could feel this with any other woman. How in the hell was she supposed to leave in a few days? Maybe she could call her boss to see if she’d consider giving her another week off. And what would that solve? One more week to fall faster, harder, deeper in love with Abby, then leave anyway? Syd had considered talking to Abby about having a long-distance relationship, but after what happened between them last night, Syd didn’t want that. She wanted a full-time, no-distance relationship with Abby. She wanted to stay on the farm, keep her chickens, maybe learn more about how to care for and ride Pokey. She wanted to fall asleep every night in Abby’s arms, and wake every morning looking into her bright blue eyes.
That was crazy, right? They hadn’t even known each other for two weeks and Syd was considering giving up her job? Her life in Chicago? What would she do in Iowa? She had spent so many years in school, so many hours giving her life to the kids at Englewood Youth Center. She could just give that up? She felt Abby’s warm, soft lips kiss her forehead, and the answer became clear as the sky was sure to be today. This was how she wanted to wake up every morning.
Syd lifted her head to kiss Abby properly. “Good morning.”
Abby’s smile made Syd’s pulse race a little faster. “It certainly is. How are you feeling this morning?”
“Disappointed in myself,” Syd said as she started teasing her fingers across Abby’s chest. She smiled when Abby’s nipples hardened.
Abby’s voice was deep and husky. “Why is that?”
Syd drew her fingers across Abby’s nipple and lightly pinched it, eliciting a gasp from Abby. “I didn’t get a chance to reciprocate last night. But I intend to rectify that right now.” Syd kissed Abby and explored her mouth thoroughly. She took Abby’s hands and brought them above her head.
“You keep your hands right there and just enjoy the ride.” Syd straddled Abby’s hips and enjoyed the view from above. Syd’s awe was renewed looking down at this gorgeous woman, looking so soft yet solid, compliant yet eager. Syd reached out and began massaging Abby’s soft, supple breasts, continuing to tease her nipples. Abby’s hands clasped, and she looked like she was struggling to keep them where Syd had told her. “D
on’t move, baby.”
Syd leaned forward and licked her way up Abby’s chest through the sweet valley between her breasts. Abby’s pelvis thrust upward into Syd’s, and she felt her own clit begin to swell and throb. She needed to release herself from the delicious pressure Abby was applying. Syd slid her body down to where she settled between Abby’s muscular legs. The tantalizing smell and the glistening coat of Abby’s arousal made Syd’s mouth water, and she couldn’t wait another second.
She parted the soft folds with her fingers and barely touched Abby’s hardened clit with the tip of her tongue, causing Abby’s body to jerk. She moved her mouth lower, flattened her tongue, and moved it upward, tasting all of her. She repeated the sequence then pulled the rock-hard bundle of nerves into her mouth, lightly tugging, feeling it grow in her mouth. Syd slipped her hands under Abby and squeezed her behind in rhythm to her tongue flicking over Abby’s clit.
“Syd, please.”
Syd released Abby and she moaned. “Please what, baby?”
“Make me come. I need to so bad.”
Syd slid one finger, then another into Abby and stroked her slowly before taking her clit back into her mouth.
“Oh, fuck. Just like that, Syd, baby. I’m going to come.”
Abby grabbed the back of Syd’s head and held her there as her body shook with her orgasm. Syd had no intention of releasing Abby until she sucked every last tremor from her. When Abby’s body finally relaxed, Syd crawled up and cupped Abby’s cheek, feeling her lean into the pressure. Syd looked into her eyes and saw her soul.
“You’re amazing.”
Syd was surprised to see tears well in Abby’s eyes, but before she could say anything, Abby kissed Syd so deeply, so passionately, so lovingly, that Syd couldn’t help but think Abby felt the same about Syd as she felt about her. That kiss was a life-changing kiss that Syd would feel until the day she died. She wanted nothing more than to tell Abby she loved her and wanted to see where this could go, but it was too soon. And she wanted it to be special. Not that saying it after she brought Abby to climax wasn’t special, but she wanted it to be romantic. Wine, dinner, candlelight. Besides, she knew Abby had to get going soon to do her chores and take care of the horses. That was one more thing that she loved about Abby—her reliability.
A Call Away Page 17