by Lanyon, Josh
Kai knocked Torres’ hand away. “It’s none of your goddamned business who I bring home.” He rammed the heel of his hand through the door opening, Torres abruptly let go of his hair, and Kai put his shoulder to the door. Ryo jumped to join him, still trying to stay out of view.
Torres’ voice rose in shouted obscenities. His flailing arm withdrew just before the door slammed shut. He began to rain blows and kicks on the door.
“I’m warning you, you asshole,” Kai yelled. “Get out of here before I call the cops.”
Ryo threw him a quick, alarmed look.
Torres delivered a final couple of hard kicks to the door and then there was the sound of his retreating footsteps.
Ryo went to the window looking over the parking structure. Standing to the side, he watched and at last Torres appeared below. Torres flung himself into his illegally parked SUV. For a few seconds he sat revving the engine, the angry snarl rising through the night air. Finally the white Cherokee tore out of the lot, tires screeching as they hit the street.
Ryo turned to Kai who was leaning back against the door with his eyes closed. Ryo went to him, putting his arms around Kai. Kai leaned into him, wearily. His hair, soft and silky spilled over Ryo’s hands. “I don’t know what the hell he wants from me.”
Yeah, for all his worldliness, Kai was pretty naïve. Ryo said, “Torres gave you that black eye, didn’t he?”
Kai gave a short laugh, muffled against Ryo’s shoulder. “Believe me, he got the worst of it.”
“Yeah.” Ryo was thinking. “You have to watch what you say to him, though. Don’t antagonize him. Don’t threaten him with the cops.”
“What?” Kai lifted his head and stared at Ryo. “Why the hell shouldn’t I? I’m not putting up with this shit. If he’d gotten in here tonight—”
“That’s not what I’m saying. I’ll deal with Torres.”
Kai’s eyes narrowed. “What’s that mean?”
“It means there are ways to deal with him—legally—that don’t involve you setting yourself up as the focus of his rage.”
“He nearly kicked down my door. You want me to be diplomatic with him?”
“Listen. Pedestrians have the right of way, but if some jackass runs a red light and mows you down, you’re still dead. Do you get what I’m saying? It doesn’t matter that you’re in the right. You have to be smart and stay safe. Which includes not threatening him with going to the cops again. You do not want him to see you as a threat.”
Kai scowled. “Mickey’s not going to do anything to me. I’m his alibi, remember?”
“It doesn’t work the way you think it does. If he thinks you’ve become a liability, well, he’s got nothing to lose. Without your alibi, he’s looking at first degree murder.”
“I’m not going back on my word,” Kai said impatiently. “I didn’t give him an alibi because we fucked. I gave him an alibi because he was here that night.”
“Kai, you’re not looking at this clearly.”
“If he kills me, he loses my alibi. So what’s the difference?”
“The difference is, Torres is a psychopath. He’s not going to weigh this logically. If he thinks he’s fucked either way, he’ll kill you. Besides that, did you hear him? It isn’t just about his alibi. He’s…”
Obsessed.
Ryo didn’t want to say the word. It hit too close to home. But if Torres was coming here night after night, risking the Sotels finding out he was gay, it wasn’t casual with him. Ryo had recognized that from the instant he’d seen the butterfly tattoo on Torres’ hand. Torres was risking his life to be with Kai. That wasn’t casual. And he wasn’t going to forgive his feelings not being reciprocated.
“If you have to deal with him again, try to be tactful. Without opening the door or letting him inside.”
“You’re serious?”
“Hell, yes, I’m serious.”
“Well, in that case, maybe I should just let him in here. What could be more tactful than letting him fuck me when he wants?”
“That’s right. Bust my balls, if you have to, but I’m on your side.” Ryo dug in his pockets for his keys. “I’m going to run downstairs to my car. Lock the door after me.”
“What? Why?”
“Just lock the door. I’ll be right back.”
“Ryo—”
Ryo slipped out the door and sprinted down the walkway to the stairs. He took them two at time. Reaching the parking lot, he ran across the warm asphalt to his car, flinching when he stepped on a piece of gravel. A faded flyer for a local club scraped past in a gust of wind. Glancing upward, Ryo spotted Kai’s silhouette watching him from the top story. He raised his hand in brief greeting but Kai did not respond.
Ryo unlocked his car, slid inside, and unlocked the glove compartment. He felt silly getting his Beretta out, but better safe than sorry. He felt naked without a gun at hand, that was the sad truth of being in law enforcement. Not carrying a firearm felt much the same as not carrying his wallet or his keys. He closed the compartment and slid back out of the car.
He pressed the fob to lock the door. Headlights swept the driveway and a white SUV turned into the parking area. A white Jeep Cherokee.
“Shit.”
Torres was back.
Ryo stood motionless, ready but waiting. He was hoping that Torres, cruising silently past, would miss him in the rows of parked cars. He couldn’t see through the tinted windows, but he was pretty sure Torres would be focused on Kai’s apartment. Especially since Kai was still standing there, outlined by the light behind him.
The Cherokee rolled past, tires sighing, engine growling, then suddenly Torres accelerated and hurtled down the driveway at the other end. The Cherokee’s taillights vanished around the corner.
Chapter Seven
“I’ll talk to him,” Kai said. “It’s going to make it worse if I act like I’m afraid of him. Like I’m afraid to face him.”
Now that he had calmed down, Kai was in a more forgiving frame of mind. In fact, he seemed almost melancholy as they lay on their sides, facing each other, talking quietly in the wide bed. If the talk had not been about Mickey Torres, it would have been a lovely thing to lie together in the darkness and simply talk and touch each other. Ryo could not remember ever sharing this kind of quiet intimacy with another man.
“What is it you think you could say that would get through to him?”
“I don’t know. Something. Let him know that it’s not…” Kai’s voice drifted away.
Ryo reached out, brushing the shimmer of hair back from the pale oval of Kai’s face. Kai’s hair crackled with static electricity, clung to Ryo’s fingers. “What?” Ryo asked.
After a second or two, Kai said, “It’s being treated like a nothing, like you don’t exist, that kills you.”
The quiet revelation closed Ryo’s throat. It took him a moment to be able to say, “He’s not like you, Kai-chan.”
“He’s like me in that. Everyone is like me in that.”
Yeah. Maybe. But you didn’t patch the cracks in the Mickey Torres of the world by applying a little sympathetic validation. It was a nice thought, but what Mickey wanted was… Ryo thought of Saturday night when he’d sat in his own car staring up at Kai’s dark windows. The last thing he wanted was to feel sorry—or akin—to Torres, but he couldn’t easily forget the hell of being on the outside. Fearing that he would always be on the outside.
The difference was, he would have taken no for an answer. Torres wouldn’t.
Ryo leaned forward and kissed Kai’s forehead. “Don’t worry. Tomorrow I’m going to my captain. I’m going to tell him everything.”
“You can’t. Sex with a suspect? You know you can’t.”
“You’re not a suspect. You’re a witness.”
“Sex with a witness is just as bad. You’ll lose your job.”
“It’s not just as bad.” But yeah, he probably would lose his job. Best case scenario was, he was going to get a reprimand and demotion. It didn’t matter.
Well, yeah, it did matter. He loved his job, loved being a cop, was proud as hell of making detective. And he was a good detective. But tonight everything had changed. Now his first concern was Kai. And he couldn’t protect Kai if he didn’t come clean. It wasn’t so complicated.
“If anyone goes to your captain, it’ll have to be me,” Kai said. “I’ll tell him I need a restraining order or whatever it is. If I’m a witness, he’ll have to see that I get protection.”
“You’re a witness for the defense,” Ryo said, amused despite himself. “Anyway, you’re not in any better position. You can’t have any scandal or disgrace without jeopardizing your inheritance, right? Think about the kind of publicity that move would bring down on you.”
Actually, from that perspective, Kai had shown real courage in coming forward the first time to give Torres an alibi. Until now, Ryo hadn’t appreciated what Kai had been willing to risk. No wonder he had been scared and angry and reluctant talking to Ryo that first day.
Kai was quiet. “Okay,” he said at last. “So we’re back to Plan A. I talk to Mickey.”
Ryo sighed. “And tell him what? That you’d still like to be friends?”
“We weren’t friends,” Kai said, reflectively. “I did like him, though.” He made a sound of amusement at some memory. “He’s smart and he can be funny.”
“I’m sure he’s a great guy.”
“Maybe not, but he’s not a waste of space, which is what you think. He can draw. He designed his own body art. Did you know that? He got most of his ink when he was thirteen. His English class read The Illustrated Man, and he was inspired by the cover illustration.”
Ryo restrained himself from saying something unkind.
“I can let him know that it wasn’t just…”
Ryo wished he could see in the dark. “Wasn’t just what?”
“You know what I’m saying. If things had been different, I could have cared for him. He isn’t like you think he is.”
Yeah. Right. Was there any statement more useless than if things had been different? Wasn’t that pretty much true of everything? But Ryo restrained himself. Kai was not nearly as hard or cynical as he had first believed. He thought of the badly bitten fingernails and the insomnia, and he said only “Blood Red Butterfly.”
Kai raised his head. “Huh?”
“Blood Red Butterfly. Your story. Two men who can’t be together and can’t be apart. They hate each other and love each other and end up killing each other.”
“Oh. Yeah.” Kai made a faint sound, not quite a laugh. “That’s not what I meant, though.”
“Did you notice Torres got a red butterfly tattoo on his hand?”
Kai was perfectly still. Ryo could practically see the thought balloon over his head. At last he lowered his head to the pillow again and said, “I was seventeen when I wrote the first story.”
It was kind of a relief to hear it. Ryo said, “You mean you don’t want to be with a dude who would commit murder for you?”
Kai said quietly, seriously, “I think I’d rather be with a dude who would risk his job to keep me from being murdered.”
“Smart choice.” His spirits lifted when Kai wound his arms around him and nestled his head against Ryo’s heart.
“Hai.”
Ryo laughed. He could feel Kai’s face crease in a faint answering smile.
For a time they lay in silence, breathing in peaceful unison. Ryo’s head was throbbing. Too much vodka and too much worry. He dreaded the thought of tomorrow, and at the same time, the sun couldn’t rise fast enough.
Kai’s breaths grew deep and slow. Was he sleeping? Now there was timing for you. Then Kai sighed.
“Want a backrub?” Ryo asked.
“Hm?”
“It’ll relax me, too.”
“I could give you a backrub.” Kai sounded sleepy.
“Yeah?”
“Oh, yeah. I have many bedroom skills.” Kai still sounded more sleepy than seductive.
“You don’t have to convince me. Actually, do you have something for a headache?”
“Bathroom cupboard. Top shelf. There’s water here.” Kai rolled over and sat up. Ryo heard the plash of water pouring into a glass.
Ryo padded into the master bath, blinking as he switched on the lights and opened the cabinet. Aspirin and Tylenol both on the top shelf, as described. He dry swallowed two aspirin, absently scanning the other shelves. There was a small pharmacy here. The usual cold and flu remedies along with prescriptions for anxiety, indigestion, heartburn, acid reflux, and insomnia.
Okay. Well, at least he knew what he was getting into.
He closed the cabinet. His fingers froze on the light switch. He opened the cabinet again and picked out the vial of Restoril.
“Couldn’t find it?” Kai’s voice asked behind him.
Ryo turned holding the vial. “Sleeping pills?”
“What about them?”
“Did you take them the night Torres killed that old woman?”
Kai frowned. “Of course not. If you’ll notice, I don’t take them. Which is why we’re standing here having this conversation.”
“But you had them here.” Ryo examined the label for the date of the prescription. “This bottle was here that night?”
Kai’s face tightened into older, harder lines. “You can’t stop snooping, can you? You pretend it’s me you want. You don’t want me. You just want answers.” He grabbed the vial from Ryo and threw the pills in the cupboard. The mirrored image of their angry faces swung past as he slammed the door shut.
Ryo ignored Kai’s display of temper. “Tell me the truth. Did you take sleeping pills that night?”
“Yeah. Of course. I palmed a mouthful. I thought Mickey might like to fuck a corpse. What the hell are you talking about? Of course I didn’t take sleeping pills that night!”
Even as the words left Kai’s mouth, his expression altered. It was infinitesimal, but Ryo caught it.
He grabbed Kai’s shoulders. “But you slept?”
Kai’s mouth opened but he didn’t answer. His eyes were dark and guarded.
“You slept, didn’t you?”
“I-I’m not sure. Maybe.”
“He drugged you!”
Kai shook him off. “You’re crazy, Ryo.”
But Ryo was sure, now. He said calmly, with conviction, “You know he did. If you didn’t take them yourself, he slipped them to you.”
“No. He didn’t!” Kai looked frightened. And no wonder. “How could he, without me knowing? I’m telling you, I don’t even remember if I slept or not. You’re running away with this insane, ridiculous theory.”
“How can you not remember?”
Kai stared at him shaking his head in disbelief. “I do sleep sometimes, you know. I was nearly asleep five minutes ago—until you started asking if I wanted a backrub.”
“Think back to that night. Did he give you something to drink?”
“He didn’t give me anything.” Kai fell silent, thinking. He shook his head. “Yes, we probably drank. But if there were drinks, I fixed them.”
Ryo was thinking, too. “How hard would it be for him to use the john and grab a handful of your pills? Hell, he could have brought sleeping pills with him.”
“I think I would have noticed him pouring a handful of pills into my glass!”
“Maybe he—”
“Do I have to spell it out? We didn’t sit around sipping cocktails and making small talk.”
Ryo ignored that. “You keep a carafe of water beside your bed. He could have dumped the pills into that.”
“And then what? He poured the carafe down my throat when I wasn’t paying attention?”
“You drink a lot of water. You’ve poured yourself water twice tonight. He could have noticed that the first night he was here. And when he saw the drugstore in your bathroom—”
“You’re. Out. Of. Your. Mind.”
Ryo shook his head. “The only person you’re fooling is yourself.”
“You know what, Ryo?” Kai pointed toward the front room. “Just go. I’ve had enough of you for one night. Get the hell out of my home.”
“Sure, I’ll go,” Ryo said. “But before you start feeling too sorry for Torres, keep in mind he was willing to risk giving you an overdose just so he could go bash an old lady’s brains in.”
“Get OUT of here!” Kai yelled.
“Don’t worry, I’m going.” Ryo brushed past Kai and went into the bedroom. He found his jeans on the floor beside the bed, retrieved his gun from the bedside table, jamming it in his waistband. He went into the brightly lit living room and found his socks and boots.
Kai, dressed in sweatpants, came out of the bedroom. He folded his arms across his chest, watching silently.
“I’m still going to my captain first thing tomorrow,” Ryo told him. “So don’t do anything stupid.”
“You mean as stupid as letting you in here so you could search through my things?”
Ryo stared right back at him until Kai looked away.
As victories went, it was pretty hollow. Ryo was still getting tossed out on his ear, and all the hopeful promise and quiet intimacy of the previous hours felt like a dream. How was it possible to feel so much disappointment over something that had never really been much more than a wish?
“This isn’t about me breaking your trust. We both know what this is really about,” Ryo burst out. “This is you scared to death at the idea of the morning after. Anything is easier than that. Hell, suicide is easier than having an actual relationship with a guy who might get to know you without your fake blue eyes.”
Kai’s eyes were dark with fury. He strode down the hall and punched the security code into the pad before yanking the door open. “Don’t worry about losing your job, Ryo. You can always become a mental health expert. You’re such a natural.”
Ryo made sure he had his keys and took a final glance around the room to make sure he wasn’t leaving anything behind. He stepped outside. “Sayonara, sweetheart,” Ryo told Kai. “Don’t forget to lock the door behind me.”