by M. T. Pope
I continued to type away, partially ignoring her. “No, Janice, everything is fine. Sorry for ignoring you earlier. I was thinking about something and I wanted to write it down before I forgot. How are you doing this morning?” I said all in one breath.
“Wonderful, Mr. Spencer. Just marvelous. God is good.” She was now smiling and that alone caused me to smile. She was infectious and lighthearted all the time. I’d never heard her raise her voice once.
“That’s great to hear, Janice,” I said with a bit of envy in my voice.
“Here are your messages,” she said, placing them on my desk. “Do you need anything to drink, Mr. Spencer?”
“Sure, I’ll have a mint tea and a bagel with cream cheese, please.”
She shuffled out of the door making her exit.
As I looked at my messages I had noticed one from my father. He was estranged, or strange if I had to tell it. He and my mom were together, but they were separated. He came and went as he pleased and she let him. Maybe that was where I got my ways from. Letting men do and act the way they wanted to.
My dad was a good provider from a distance even though he wasn’t always around when I needed him. And he asked me if that was the reason I was the way I was. You know, gay and all. Blaming him for me being gay was not even an option. I was gay because I liked men, plain and simple. He was not to blame and I never made him feel that way. Anyway, he wanted me to call him. He said he was worried about me. This had my mom written all over it. She is such a blabbermouth. She just couldn’t keep it to herself, could she? Now he was going to be all in my business.
Like the procrastinator I was, I pushed that message to the end of the day, maybe even the end of the week. I was not comfortable with my dad asking me about how the men in my life were treating me. It was just too freaking weird, SMH (shake my head) kind of weird.
I continue to sift through the rest of the messages, none striking me as urgent: a few prospective clients and one from my sister, another busybody. I wish they would just leave me alone.
Janice came back in with tea and bagel and my itinerary for the day: a couple business meetings and project projections, nothing too heavy.
“Thank you so much, Janice.”
“No problem, boss.” She was just so refreshing, a needle in a haystack of people, very reliable and dependable.
“Oh and, Janice, I appreciate all that you do around here for me and the company.” I had to make a mental note to put a little extra money in her paycheck this week.
“My pleasure,” she said, making her exit.
I turned back around toward my computer and proceeded to start my day.
About an hour into my day Janice buzzed my office to tell me I had a call. I was a little miffed but I kept it to myself. I hated being sidetracked when I was working. When I had a set pace I got a lot done. Any interruptions were costly. Janice knew this and she only let in calls that the caller deemed necessary.
“Okay, I got it,” I slightly yelled to her. When I saw the light flashing on my phone line I picked up. “Kardell Spencer speaking.”
“What are you doing, baby?” Ronald asked.
It’s called work. You should try it. That was what I wanted to say to him but I kept my cool.
“Nothing, I was just thinking about you,” I lied.
“Yeah, ’cause daddy can’t wait to get with that tonight,” he cooed into the phone with seduction. I was not as enthusiastic. I mean I loved having sex with him and all of that, but there wasn’t any other incentives for me to come home to. He was eye candy and a warm body. I kept conversation to a minimum with him.
“I’m sorry, baby, I have a little shift in plans. I have to be here a little later than expected.”
“How late? ’Cause it is getting lonely up in here.”
If you had a muthafuckin’ job you wouldn’t have to worry about that shit now would you? Again, I kept that one to myself. I was such a coward when I came to confrontation and men. No backbone at all. Just lying the fuck down and letting them walk all over. It was getting so bad, I was about to get WELCOME tattooed on my back, because I felt like a doormat most of the time.
“I don’t know,” I said, blowing out some air, hoping he would get the point and hang up.
“You mean to tell me you’re the boss and you don’t know what time you getting off?” he said with an attitude. “Let one of them muthafuckin’ flunkies do that shit. I need you home on time tonight.”
I looked at the phone in disbelief. I know this dude is not trying to call shots up in my shit. He was but a trip and a fall down my steps from being on the street and he was telling me what I should and shouldn’t do.
“Well, what am I supposed to do until you get here?” he questioned me again.
Try looking in the classifieds, bastard. You just might find a job. “Well, baby,” I said with some sweetness in my voice. I wanted to blast his ass and he didn’t even know it. “Could you clean up for me a little? I have some laundry that needs to be washed and I would love to have one of those delicious meals you cooked for me the other day.”
“Man, what do I look like, Uncle Ben or Benson?” he said like he was offended. “And I ain’t about to be getting on my hands and knees and cleaning anything. That shit is women’s work.”
“Okay, then, baby, you going to have to find something to do then, because I can’t help you,” I said, sounding defeated. I was stuck with a loser and I couldn’t get rid of him all because he could sex the hell out of me.
“Okay, I’ll find something to do,” he said, hanging up the phone.
I leaned back in my chair and looked out the window down at the people passing by once again. A couple of people with bright, cheery smiles were holding hands. I looked over into the park across from my building and I saw various couples having picnics on blankets while children played feverishly. I was jealous to say the least. A single tear slid down my face as I knew I was sacrificing my happiness for sex. Great sex, but sex nonetheless. Out of all the people in the world, I could not find one man who would love me and treat me with respect. I felt robbed and rejected. I wanted happiness and love. And I didn’t want to pay for it. I felt like it was my fault these men used and abused me. Mainly because I let them. The ones I picked were almost always good-looking. It was a weakness. A physically strong man was a weakness to me. I didn’t want a man who couldn’t protect me in an altercation. Maybe that is where I’m going wrong. Maybe I could find a man if I just let go of my standards. Maybe I will try a regular guy.
I was not in a mood to be in my office, so I decided to take a walk to clear my head before I got back to focusing on my work.
“I’ll be out of the office for a little while, Janice. Can you reschedule my appointments for the day?” I said, walking toward the elevator. I needed to get away fast before I broke down right then and there. I didn’t need her or anyone else in my business.
Chapter 6
Lewis
The Runner-up
Fast forward a few days and, yes, I was at the restaurant that Daniel invited me to eat at on him. I was dressed in light blue ultra-thin pants and a simple white H&M short-sleeved slim-cut shirt. No wild colors for me today. I didn’t want to scare the brother off before I got my hands on him. I had on some really cute white Gucci sandals that showed off my magnificently manicured feet. They looked so good I wanted to suck my own toes.
The restaurant was located in historic Catonsville, Maryland, and the ambiance was fabulous. The place was filled with couples and there was some soft angelic music playing from the speakers.
I was seated for a few minutes before Daniel came out to the table and greeted me. “Thanks for coming out.” He reached over and shook my hand and smiled. It was a firm handshake, too. It gave me hope that he was a firm lover in the bedroom. He probably could hold his own and then some. “I hope you will enjoy the food and the evening.”
“Just being here is a pleasure.” I gave him a light smile. I didn’t want to se
em overanxious with a full-fledged smile. He looked really nice in his chef’s outfit. It was clean and crisp.
“There will be a live harpist and soloist coming out in a few minutes to give the customers a treat, so enjoy.” He smiled and turned back to go into the kitchen.
The restaurant wasn’t a large restaurant. It had about thirteen tables and a small stage located in the back. There wasn’t an empty table so I knew that the place was doing well.
I’d put my phone on vibrate a few minutes ago and the buzzing against my thigh let me know that I had a message. I pulled it out of my pants pocket, read the message briefly, and then put it back in my pocket.
“I will have to deal with that later.” I spoke to myself as I took a sip of the complimentary champagne that was placed on my table a minute after I arrived. I grabbed a piece of the complimentary Gouda cheese and a cracker from the dish in the middle of the table.
There were a couple of fine guys in the restaurant and I eyed some of them to see if they gave off anything, but none of them were giving off any signals. I even smiled at a few and nothing come of any of it. I guess I was fishing hard for affection today. It’s not like I didn’t get enough as a child or even as an adult. I just wanted some personal attention and not just sex, even though that was a plus for me.
Just like Daniel said, the female performer and harpist came on to the small platform and began to entertain the small crowd of people present. Soon Daniel had presented me with my meal personally.
“Lamb, squash, and my special sautéed mushrooms.” Daniel set my extremely well-decorated plate in front of me.
“Oh, wow. This is just wonderful.” Daniel ate up my praise as I put my hand over his hand that was still on the table. I noticed no ring on his finger. Yes! But I didn’t get too happy just yet because he didn’t show me any clear signs that he was interested, or even gay for that matter. “I can’t wait to dig in and tell you how good it is and I know it is.” I winked at him at the end of the comment. He smiled then walked away.
I enjoyed my food and the music as the evening went on. I savored every bite of my food. G. Garvin had nothing on Daniel’s cooking skills and his looks were much more appealing as well, but maybe that was me being biased. I was hoping I could get good food and some good loving from the cook for a long time to come. I already saw him serving me breakfast in bed with nothing on but an apron and the fine body I knew he had underneath his clothes. We would have to work on his teeth though, because, again, that was a no-no.
Chapter 7
Kardell
Boiling Point
I ended up sitting in the park until about ten o’clock that night. I had a lot of thinking to do. I left my phone in the car because I did not want to be disturbed. It was my time to myself and I felt like I deserved it. I couldn’t keep going this route with the wrong choices in men. It’s like I was a bum magnet. If there was a no-job-having, down-low, lowdown brother in the world chances were I dated him and his cousin.
When I finally decided to get my butt home, I walked to my car and got in. I checked my phone to see who called me. I had ten missed calls: eight from Ronald, one from my mom, and the other from my dad. And I even had a text from my sister as well. Do these people love me or are they just too damn nosy? I had already come to the conclusion of nosiness, but they would overall say it was love. Liars!
I called no one back as I made my way home. I had no energy or explanation for Ronald, so I decided to sex him down to keep him quiet. Maybe even give him a couple of dollars. I pulled up to my door and put my car in park. I sat back in my car seat and exhaled and mentally prepared myself for Ronald. Before I exited my car, I prayed that he would be asleep from cleaning the house. Yes, I knew it was a stretch, but, hey, a brother could dream, couldn’t he?
I opened the door to soft music playing; it was Luther. Was Ronald one step ahead of me or what? I smelled incense and candles burning. They were all over the place. I softly put my stuff down and walked toward my bedroom. The music was loud enough that he couldn’t hear me. I passed my kitchen and I noticed that he had indeed cooked us a meal. I immediately felt bad for not calling him back. I had even noticed he had mopped the floors. I’m going to have to make it up to him big time. Maybe there was hope for him yet. Maybe I was not giving him a fair shake.
I softly made my way up my stairs toward the bedroom. He was probably tired from all the cooking and cleaning he did and I didn’t want to wake him; at least, not with a lot of noise, that was. As I got to the bedroom I heard what sounded like a porn tape on.
“He must have been bored,” I thought out loud.
I peeked in the door and almost lost my lunch. My eyes were watching Ronald having sex in my bed with another dude. And guess who the other dude was? Darius, the old-man lover from the club. I couldn’t believe this shit. My luck can’t be that bad. My nose flared up instantly. My first impression was to burst in the room and start throwing punches. But, I decided against it. I had a trick up my sleeve that was going to be a long-lasting memory in both their lives.
I crept back down in to my kitchen and quietly put a large pot of water on the stove. The hotter the pot got the hotter I got, so I threw some hot sauce in the pot to make it an even more painful experience for them. I heard somewhere that that was a lethal combination on the skin at those temperatures. I grabbed the pot off the stove with some potholders and made my way up to my bedroom. They surely would remember my name. I set the pot down briefly as I made a quick detour to my office to grab my gun I had stashed in the closet. No one but me knew that I had bought a gun. I was a new homeowner and I lived alone. I felt that it was a necessity.
I stashed the gun in the back of my pants so they wouldn’t see it. It was unloaded, but they didn’t have to know it. I brought it thinking that I would never actually have to use it.
I picked up the pot of boiled water and hot sauce and crept to the door of my room in hopes that I could still catch them in the act. And sure enough I had made it just in time. Ronald was fucking Darius from behind and as they both climaxed I burst in and threw the boiling water on them. Screams and yelling filled the room as they both jumped out the bed with looks of surprise and shock on their faces as they patted their skin, trying to make the burning feeling go away. I was truly hurting. They were patting their skin as if it were on fire. They looked pitiful.
“Baby, I—” Ronald said after a few seconds of just standing there with fear on his face.
“Save it!” I yelled, cutting him off and pulling the gun from behind my back. “There is no way you can explain this one.” They both stood in the middle of the floor stark naked, dripping dicks and all. I shook my head in disgust.
“How could you?” I said with a broken-down mug. I was on the verge of tears, but I was tired of crying for these sorry-ass fools I encountered.
“It was an accident,” Ronald spoke. I must have been playing the part of the fool so good that he thought that that was going to float with me.
“So you are telling me you accidentally started fucking him?” I said, pointing the gun at Darius. He was quiet as a mouse and could have been mistaken for a mute if I didn’t hear him moaning in pleasure minutes ago.
“That’s not what I mean,” he said, coming toward me. “Baby, let me explain it.”
“Muthafucka, I’m good with this gun. You take another step and you going to be looking for one of your balls underneath my bed. And you!” I said, now looking at Darius. “How in the hell did you end up here?”
“I memorized your address when you showed me your identification the other night. I was trying to come by and apologize for the other night.”
“So you said, ‘What the hell, let me get a nut since I came all this way,’ huh,” I almost yelled.
Ronald chuckled. I couldn’t believe this Negro thought this situation was funny. I got even madder.
“This is not a standup show, bastard.” I looked at him with disdain.
He quickly quieted himself.
I shook my head again in disbelief. I didn’t think it could have gotten any worse than this.
“Time for y’all to go,” I said, pointing toward the door.
They started picking up their clothes and shoes.
“Hell nah, that shit stays here.”
They both looked at me with surprise on their faces. There was no way I was letting them just walk out of my place with respect when they had just disrespected me.
“Nah, man, you can’t do this to me,” Ronald said as he walked by me.
“Bitch, move it,” I said, poking him in the back with the gun. Darius said nothing as he too made his way down the steps and headed toward the door.
Ronald turned around one last time. “Come on, baby, let’s sit down and talk about it. Maybe we can even have a threesome or something. I know you like that freaky shit.” He looked at me with a smirk on his face.
“Uhhhhhhh.” I hummed, acting as if I was thinking about it. “Not! Now get outta my shit.” I hated to be ghetto, but liars and cheats brought out the worst in me. I’d had some bad situations but this had to be the worst of them all. “Yeah, lame-ass muthafuckas.”
They slowly walked out the door and onto my stoop with their dicks cupped in their hands. I laughed loud as I headed back into my kitchen. And just for good measure I called the police and told them that I saw two naked men on my block. The police would be in my neighborhood in seconds. I lived in a predominantly white neighborhood. That would serve them just right for messing with me. The blisters on their bodies were damn good reminders as well.