by Tessa Gray
“Adam, wait. I came here to talk to you. Give us a few minutes, Jake, will you?” Adam whirled around to face her, but said nothing.
Jake glanced over at Adam, as though he might be trying to get a read on whether or not Adam was agreeable to her suggestion.
Adam’s brows narrowed and he worked the muscles in his jaw, as though deciding. But then he dipped his head and Jake walked away, giving the two of them privacy.
Meredith folded her arms and looked at him. “Can you sit down with me for a few minutes? We haven’t talked in a long time. Would you like a sip of my beer?” She was rambling now, and the more she talked, the more awkward things seemed.
He stared at her, a mystified expression sweeping across his face. “No thank you. I don’t generally drink on the job.”
“Of course, I just thought—”
“Could we make this quick? Jake is probably ready to bust out of here. I need to check the tap lines and make everything is set to go. The evening shift generally gets pretty busy.”
Her face heated, and she took another swig of beer. This entire idea had been stupid—to come here like this, thinking a few months apart would automatically drive her and Adam into each other’s arms again.
He stared at her, and she studied the amber flecks in his eyes. There was an intensity about him that gave her pause. She thought of just walking out of the bar, leaving him wondering what she wanted to talk to him about. But as she watched him absentmindedly trace the terracotta colored tiles on the bar counter with the ball of his thumb, she suspected maybe he was as uncomfortable as she was.
Turning to face him, she swallowed the lump in her throat and spoke. “Adam, I realize we’ve both moved forward with our lives since I moved out. I get that.”
He cocked his head, and spoke, his voice barely audible. “So that’s what you came to tell me? That we’ve both moved on?”
Just tell the man how you feel.
Fighting back tears, she finally put it all out there.
“I came here to tell you that I love you, Adam. That’s what I came here to say.”
“You seemed pretty certain that the two of us being involved was detrimental to your kids. I don’t want to jeopardize your relationship with them, Meredith. That’s the one thing I absolutely do not want to be guilty of.”
His concern overwhelmed her, making her feel even worse for so quickly throwing in the towel. She’d hurt him.
Emotions bubbled to the surface as she considered all the times Travis had asked if they couldn’t invite Adam to his games; of all the times Carly had mentioned she wished he still tutored her in math. “You’re anything but a detriment, Adam.”
“Well, I’m glad you feel that way,” Adam remarked, fidgeting with a napkin on the counter.
She thought about linking her fingers through his but didn’t. He hadn’t told her how he felt about her, and maybe she didn’t want to know. Maybe coming here had been a mistake.
It took every ounce of courage inside her to ask the question that had loomed over her for months. Determined to gain closure, she finally asked. “Your personal life is absolutely none of my business, Adam, but I’ve been wanting to ask you this for a while. Did you and Fiona get back together?”
He stared straight ahead, not making eye contact. Waves of nausea swept through her-like an evening riptide being hurled against the rocks. She already had her answer.
~ ~ ~
When Meredith rose, stumbling to her feet, Adam caught her. The question about Fiona had shocked him. He gazed at Meredith, as her eyes clouded.
“I-I guess I’d better let you get back to work, Adam. I’m sorry to have taken up so much of your time.”
She fidgeted with her purse and pulled out her wallet.
“No charge, Mere. It’s on the house. One drink’s not going to break the bank.”
He thought back to the first time he’d offered to pay for her drink. She’d been resistant, to say the least.
This time was different. She accepted his offer. “That’s kind of you.” She began making her way to the door.
“I haven’t seen Fiona since that one time you saw us together.” He called after her.
“Oh?” She stopped walking.
He wanted to say more, afraid if he didn’t, Meredith would leave. “I think maybe a few months earlier, I’d have given me and Fiona another shot at getting back together. But-well-I met you, and that changed everything.”
Meredith’s eyes blazed through him, and she walked over to where he was standing and reached for his hand. Looking squarely into his eyes, she spoke, her voice raspy. “I guess I’m relieved to hear that, Adam. The truth is that when we were together, I had no idea how deep my feelings for you ran.”
Her honesty surprised him, and for a fleeting second, he was pleased that she missed him so much. But as he thought back to their relationship-how confused she sometimes was-how she sometimes waffled whenever her mother visited, he decided to be more guarded than he’d been in the past.
“I-I don’t really know what to say.”
“I’m sorry, Adam. I didn’t mean to put you on the spot like this. Just listen to me prattling on and on as though nothing has changed since we were together. Actually, a lot has changed in the past few months—for both of us.”
She crossed and uncrossed her arms several times, as though she didn’t know what else to say. Then she clenched her fists tightly, as though frustrated.
“Yes, Meredith. A great deal has changed.”
She nodded. “That’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.” When she stared down at the floor, he realized how difficult this was for her.
Glancing around the bar, he spoke softly. “How about I try and knock off work a little early and we continue this discussion at your place?”
“I would love that. The kids are with my parents this week.”
Adam hoped she wasn’t inferring the two would pick up where they left off. She was sadly mistaken if she thought they’d be spending the night together.
“I can’t stay long, mind you. But I could stay for a while.” After he spoke, she gazed at him-her deep blue eyes bearing the slightest hint of sadness.
Her words came out in a whisper. “No, no, it shouldn’t take long. I’ll make us some tea.”
“I’ll see you to your car.”
She shook her head. “That’s not necessary.”
Ignoring her words, he strode toward the door to walk her out, being careful not to touch her. If he did, that would just confuse them both.
After she gave him her new address, she drove off. He watched the red taillights disappear in the distance, wondering if he could ever trust anyone, including Meredith, with the secret he’d promised to take to his grave—a secret only he and Fiona shared.
~ ~ ~
Meredith smoothed out the Irish linen tablecloth that had become her favorite and walked to the cabinet to gather several cups for the tea.
She pulled out the clear, plastic canister containing the tea bags and sorted through them, selecting one for herself. Adam could choose his own.
Walking over to the stove to check the kettle of water, she adjusted the heat, putting it on low so it could simmer. She looked about her tiny kitchen and wondered what Adam would think of the apartment.
As she gave the room a once-over, making certain the granite counter top was shiny and clean, she scolded herself for making such a big deal out of the fact that Adam was coming over.
It had been a mistake to surprise him like that. She’d definitely put him on the spot. Looking back, she realized it was presumptuous of her to assume that Adam would spend his time pining away for her and would want to recommit to her the instant she snapped her fingers.
The sensible thing would have been to t
ell Adam she’d changed her mind, and that there was really no reason for him to drop by.
But as memories coursed through her mind of their time together, she realized there was so much she missed about him. That glint in his eye when the two engaged in a sparring match. The way his jaw muscles tightened when he was thinking intently. How tenderly he’d cradled Travis in his arms the time he’d carried him into the house during her parents’ visit.
She squeezed back tears, aware she loved him more than she ever imagined she could love someone. There was a part of her that wanted to demand he tell her how he felt about her, but she made the decision not to back him into a corner. The old Meredith might have tried that, but she’d changed. This had to be something Adam wanted. It was no longer just about her.
When she heard a knock at the door, she walked over to answer it, and the instant she let him in, the woody scent of his aftershave wafted through the air. She’d always liked that particular aftershave.
Unsure of how to start the conversation, she complimented him. “Hmm—you smell good.”
He sauntered past her, turned around and grinned. “I went home to clean up before coming here. Guess I overdid it, huh?”
Staring at the navy Henley shirt he wore, she smiled. “No, you didn’t overdo it at all, Adam.”
Frustrated the two were acting like a couple on their first date, she motioned him over to the table, before walking over to the stove to retrieve the tea kettle.
She poured water into the cups silently, put the kettle back on the stove, and sat down. Not until both of them had prepared their tea did she continue the conversation.
Leaning forward in her chair, she asked him about school. “Rumor has it you might become the head of the science department.”
He flushed at the comment and his brows narrowed. “So, who’s the little birdie that told you that?”
“Courtney tells me everything.”
He chuckled and nodded. “Not much gets past her. I’ll be the first to admit that, but she’s a great kid.”
“She definitely is. If Carly turns out half as sweet as that girl is, I’ll die a happy person.”
“Well—we don’t really want you dying on us, Mere.” He stared at her, as though trying to think of something else to say. This entire conversation was the most awkward they’d ever had. And for that reason, Meredith decided to speak candidly, letting ‘the chips fall where they may.’
~ ~ ~
Adam studied Meredith intently, wondering why she seemed so nervous. Was she upset that she’d put things out there in the open when she’s stopped by the bar? Maybe. While the tea tasted good after a long night of working at the bar, he could definitely use something stronger to get through this awkward encounter. He never should have agreed to come here.
“I’m flying out to see my friend, Gloria in a few days. She lives in New England. Before I leave, I wanted to talk to you openly and honestly.”
“Mere, I don’t think- “
“Please, Adam, just let me say this before I lose my nerve. I know that I opened myself up to you when I admitted I still love you, but in no way to I expect you to reciprocate. I just want you to let me say this one time.”
Leery of making eye contact with her, he focused on her hair-at the way it curled softly about her shoulders. The normally low-cut top she wore had been replaced by something far less revealing. Still—the gentle curves in her body could cause a guy to stare.
“Since you teach college, I’m sure you’ll agree with me that’s it’s never too late to learn.”
The comment got his attention, and as their gazes locked, her mouth morphed into a smile. When her blue eyes glistened, he decided since she’d put so much effort into getting him over here, he might just as well hear what she had to say.
“Yes, I’m convinced people can learn things at any age.” He hesitated, then continued. “Are you referring to yourself, Meredith, or just people in general?”
The expression on her face softened, and she smiled again. “I’m fairly certain you know I’m talking about myself.”
He nodded. “That’s kind of what I suspected.”
Folding her arms, she took a deep breath and continued. “When I moved to Alpine, it was no secret that I was overwhelmed. A great deal of that was my own doing. During our marriage, Blake and I did little to disciple our children. Carly always managed to avoid consequences for her actions. Looking back, I realize all the damage I did. I always gave you a hard time for pointing things out to me about my poor parenting skills. Sadly, I never listened to you.” She splayed her palms across the tablecloth and shook her head.
What was the point of all this? Why did she insist on beating herself up like this?
When she looked past him, and gazed out into the darkness, he felt sorry for her. “Look, you were a single mother living in a town you were unfamiliar with. Don’t beat yourself up too much.”
“You only get to make one first impression, and I realize, looking back, the impression I made was horrible, Adam. I overreacted every time someone offered me advice about the children. And as far as our relationship was concerned, well, all our conversation centered around either my children, my job at the diner, or how hard my classes were. By the time we parted ways, I knew almost nothing about you.”
“I think for us that probably worked out all right.”
She looked over at him, smiled faintly, and shook her head. “No, Adam. It’s not the way things are supposed to be.”
His patience was waning, and he climbed to his feet, eager to put the past behind. Before he realized what was happening, his frustration came pouring out. “To tell you the truth, Meredith-this all seems pretty pointless. If that’s all you have to say, I’m going to shove off.”
She jumped to her feet and followed him as he prepared to leave. “The reason I asked you here is to see if we could give us another chance. But the more I listen to you, Adam, the more convinced I am that our visions of what a relationship should look like are very different. I want very much to get inside your head—to see what makes you tick. But I feel as though you’d always be keeping me at arm’s length. And maybe that’s what you were doing the entire time we were together. Only you masked it by asking me about myself, knowing I’d prattle on and on, never getting tired of talking about myself. The thing is—I’ve changed.”
“Yes, it sounds like you have.” He began leaving, before he changed his mind and did something crazy.
She moved closer, and he inhaled the scent of lavender.
He turned back around, and their gazes locked. She spoke again, her voice filled with emotion. “I have no regrets about us, Adam. You taught me the value of friendship, and most importantly, you taught me how to stand up for myself. I’m grateful for the time we had together.”
He wondered if she had a clue how much he enjoyed being with her. Getting to know her children had meant the world to him, and these months later, he missed both Carly and Travis very much.
And as for Meredith . . . although she sometimes had a quick fuse and appeared obsessed with winning an argument, she carried that passion into the bedroom. She’d left a void no one could fill.
His brain scrambled as he considered rekindling their relationship.
She covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes pooling. When he looked into her eyes, he saw the pain. It must have taken every ounce of strength she had to tell him how she felt about him, while he, in turn, said little.
Common sense told him they were far too different to make this work. But the sight of her standing there, looking totally vulnerable got to him.
“Meredith . . .” he whispered her name and reached out, stroking her cheek with his hand.
“I don’t want you to leave.” She quickly bowed her head, as though trying to mask her sadness.
Moving closer, he began kissing her and she parted her legs, allowing him to slide in between them. She stared at him, her eyes glistening. “This isn’t going to be just about sex, is it, Adam? I need more.”
No, Mere, but sex is a pretty damn good place to start.
~ ~ ~
Early the next morning, Meredith slipped out of Adam’s arms to make him coffee.
“Umm . . . no . . . what are you doing?” He grabbed her playfully, pulling her back in bed.
She curled up in his arms and leaned her head against his chest. “I love this, Adam.”
“Me, too.” Nuzzling hear ear, he tightened his grip.
Initially she’d been worried that their getting back together was more about making crazy ass love than jump-starting the relationship. And while they’d made love well into the night, they’d also discussed their future; one they planned on spending together.
Adam massaged her shoulders, and she silently thanked her lucky stars for a man so comfortable touching her. She basked in the afterglow of his touch for nearly a minute.
“Are you ready for that coffee, now, Adam?”
“I can think of something I’d like even more.” His voice was thick as he splayed a hand across her breast.
“Is that all you think about?”
“Umm-yeah-when I’m with you.”
Laughing at his honestly, she pushed his hand away. “I’m wondering if you’ll still be attracted to me when I’m old and wrinkled. Well, will you?”
He sat up in bed and stared at her. “This is one of those trick questions, isn’t it?”