by Jorja Tabu
“Lena,” he whispered, pulling back and looking down at her. “Is it supposed to feel this...overwhelming?”
She caught her breath, but wasn’t ready to pull away from him yet. Instead, she guided him towards the harsh sunlight from the door so that she could better read his expression. His long eyelashes fluttered along his cheekbone as he tried to read her face as well, and they looked at each other for a long moment before she spoke. “Maybe it’s overwhelming because it’s the first time.”
“Were you this way the first time?” He studied her, and she reached back into her memory to see.
“My first kiss was underwhelming,” she finally said, smiling. “The boy was thirteen, I was twelve, and we were at cotillion--this dance thing. He wasn’t who I wanted to kiss, I guess, and that’s a lot of what happens when you’re younger, too, Jordan. You missed all the bad parts, if that makes you feel any better.” She gently kissed his lips one more time, and leaned back.
“My mother wanted me to be a priest. Ever since I was little, she has been reminding me about the potential for my faith.” He ran one thumb over Lena’s lips, slowly, and kissed her forehead. “And ever since I was little, I’ve been trying to be good enough for the priesthood. But maybe...Maybe God was just making sure I waited for you.”
Lena inhaled sharply, overcome with the sincerity of his simple words. Jordan leaned towards her, sliding his strong hands down her back until they were beneath her ass, and then gently and effortlessly lifted her up. Her legs instinctually wrapped around his waist, and he carried her to his bed. Just a single; a boy’s bed, really. Lena wondered how much of his body actually fit in it.
They circled their arms around each other, Jordan’s locking just below her shoulder blades and hers around his waist. “Are we even going to fit in that bed?” Lena smiled up at him. “Why don’t you lay down first?” Refracted light bounced off of every surface in the room, slats of light peeking through the blinds and casting a glow on his face. Jordan nodded, pulled back, and let her peel his shirt off.
The sight of his body made her inhale; he was solid muscle with minute traces of baby fat left on his long frame. Huge shoulders shrugged as she took him in, her eager hands reassuringly running along each buttery rib and tracing his belly button as his skin quivered. “Ticklish?” He nodded again, trying not to laugh. His large hands didn’t know where to go; finally he let them drop to his side. “I’m going to take these off,” Lena said quietly. “If you’re ready.”
“I’m ready,” Jordan said, his voice low and shaky with excitement. Lena let her hands rest against his hip bones where they stood out, the firm muscles of his abdomen stretching between; just below, his khaki shorts waited. His cock was visible beneath the fabric, swollen and long. Lena let her fingers pluck the button on his shorts, slowly and carefully unzipping them. He wasn’t wearing any underwear, and his cock sprang out as soon as she slid them down. Jordan rocked back on his heels, fighting shyness, but Lena didn’t let him wonder for long. Instead, she slowly slid her index finger along his shaft, watching as he shivered under her touch.
“I’m going to put my mouth on you,” she said softly, “the way you did for me, okay?” He stared at her, clearly willing himself not to be frightened, and she smiled back. “It’s going to be okay, Jordan,” she said as she lowered herself to her knees in front of him. He was so tall she found she couldn’t rest on her heels, and as her mouth teased the tip of his cock she realized how big he was. She slid her hands along the insides of his thighs, feeling his body react to every movement, and took her time guiding them up. Very gently, she cupped his heavy balls in her hand as she swallowed the tip of his cock. Jordan rocked and exhaled, and Lena felt the clench of his muscles with her other hand as she wrapped it behind him, gently caressing his ass. Carefully tucking her teeth behind her lip, she worked her mouth along the shaft, wetting it as she went. “Lena,” groaned the boy, and when she looked up his eyes were squeezed shut, his mouth open. “Lena, that feels so good,” he whispered, and then gently rested his hands on her head. One long finger swept her hair back as the other kept it from falling forward while she worked. He groaned again as she approached the base of his cock, then withdrew. She worked at it, letting herself relax and take as much as she could in her mouth, tasting his salty precum as she went. Finally, he pulled back from her. “I don’t want to finish this way,” Jordan said, and then leaned over to pick her up. He was so strong she felt his arms around her one moment, and the next she was in the air.
“Wow, Jordan,” she said, smiling as she licked her swollen lips.
“Thank you,” he said shyly, then gently pressed his lips to hers as he turned to the bed. She squirmed in his arms, rearranging herself so that her hot center was pressed against his cock. With no nightie between, their bodies were suddenly deeply aware of one another. Her nipples hardened beneath her satin nightie as she involuntarily arched her back, feeling him skimming her pussy lips below. Jordan froze, the realization that her wet slit was riding just above his cock too much.
“Lay down so that I’m on top of you,” Lena instructed, and he sat down on the narrow bed and swung his legs over. She kissed him as he lay back, his long body hanging off of the edge. She arranged herself in his lap and allowed her nightgown to drop, her proud breasts parallel with his eager lips. He cupped them, taking each in his mouth in turns, and his gentle touch rocked her body. She was careful not to allow his cock entry yet, instead keeping it perked up between them. It was so long the tip reached her belly button, and her robe and gown gathered on top of it until she gave up and pulled them both over her head. Very suddenly, she felt, she was naked on top of the boy.
“What are you thinking?” Jordan’s beautiful eyes took in her hesitation, and he leaned back against the pillows propped behind him. He kept a breast in each hand and gently massaged them as he watched her.
“Are you sure you want to do this? With me?” Lena looked at the beautiful young body before her and rested her palms flat on his chest. “You have a long time to do this, and no matter what you think, I’m sure there are a lot of women who would love to take my place--younger women.” She swallowed, not wanting to say it. “Women who aren’t married.”
“I want you,” he said simply, his thumbs absently running back and forth over her nipples. She felt his cock bob against her as he leaned forward to kiss her. “I want you.”
Without another word, he let go of her breasts and trailed his fingers down her belly, letting them wrap beneath her ass on either side. As she sat back he picked her up again and slowly, watching her face for approval, moved his cock beneath her body. She put her weight on her knees and reached down to guide him in, her breasts pushing forward. Jordan latched onto them with a hungry mouth, and his hands squeezed her ass cheeks eagerly while she pushed the tip of his cock near her entrance. Sitting back up, she watched his face for signs of hesitation as she felt the head of his cock slowly fill her wet slit. Instead, Jordan’s eyes blinked as he groaned her name. She sank down, even slower, allowing her body to spread to accommodate his massive cock, feeling him fill her completely.
“Oh my God, Jordan,” she cried out, the stymied orgasm from earlier resurging immediately as her clit stretched and touched bottom. His hands clasped her hips, unsure; she began to ride him, and as he felt her body moving over him a shudder ran along his body.
“Lena,” he whispered, “I want you.” Confidence swept her and she picked up speed, the thick cock inside of her now gently pushing in time to her rhythm as Jordan was overcome with pleasure. He squeezed her ass and leaned forward, sucking her nipples, and she ran her fingers through his thick hair.
Lena’s mind was a blank of unexpected ecstasy. She wasn’t hoping for the kind of fulfillment she’d found in Jordan, his steady caresses and thick cock bringing her to the brink of orgasm so fast her body shook. Relentlessly, his cock thrummed in and out of her, Jordan taking the lead and elevating her with his hands as he began to arc deep inside of h
er. “Fuck me harder, Jordan!” Lena bit his lip and leaned back to watch the muscles in his stomach ripple as he moved. “I want you!”
Lena worked to meet him, gasping for air as the orgasm began inside of her, seizing her swollen clit and sparking along her spine as he pumped into her, harder and deeper than before. All of his shyness was gone as he grunted with each powerful thrust, her whole body rocking as he moved in and out of her dripping, clenching pussy. Lena dug her fingers into his strong shoulders as another wave took her, bending her body backwards so that her breasts pointed towards the ceiling. It was too much for Jordan. He panted her name as he began to cum, buried deep in her body. “Lena--Lena--Lena--”
They came together, their bodies holding tight to one another as the sensation slowly subsided. “Jordan,” Lena breathed into his shoulder, “thank you. Thank you so much.”
“Thank me?” He smiled into her hair. “For making love to me? Isn’t that backwards?”
“No,” she whispered, feeling unexpected tears in her eyes. “No, it’s not. I didn’t think I would feel this way.” She leaned back to look at Jordan, and all the hesitation was gone from her touch as she ran her fingers across his smooth brown skin.
“How do you feel?” Small creases of concern bisected his dark brow, and his golden eyes immediately took on a cast of worry. “Did I hurt you?”
“No, no, don’t worry--but honestly, that is something to be grateful for because you are really big, Jordan.” She grinned at him as a vaguely rosy hue tinted his cheeks.
“Yeah, the guys in the locker room used to give me weird nick-names because...Because of how I am,” he finished, turning darker by the second. He couldn’t meet her eyes. “That did not help me feel better about everything when I was growing up.”
“I guess not. But believe me, it’s a blessing.” She stroked his cheeks as he hesitatingly looked up at her, his huge gold eyes unblinking. He wanted to believe.
“It’s the context,” he said thoughtfully. “Three hours ago, my size was still a curse--being so big and so strong, I can’t exactly blend into a crowd. But I don’t want to be around many people--it was just inconvenient that I could never just disappear into the background. And people think because I’m this size I should be doing something differently...Playing football, for example.”
“People have spent a lot of time telling you what you should be doing, I guess,” Lena said softly.
“Maybe it’s that way with all young people,” Jordan said. His eyes locked on hers with a fierce intensity. “But it doesn’t matter--now I know I’m this strong so I can lift you up. And I’m this big so I can fill you up.” His utter sincerity stopped her breath. “I’m glad I am the way I am when I’m with you,” he finished, brushing a wayward hair off of her cheek.
Lena crumpled against his chest, resting herself in the crook between his chin and collarbones, and let the tears come. How was she going to leave this sweetness? It couldn’t be real. He just felt this way because it was the first time he’d ever been this close to anyone before--she couldn’t let it get to her head. She had to rein it in, no matter how much she wanted it to be true.
No matter how completely Jordan had taken over her heart.
A heart she hadn’t even realized was so broken before he’d appeared in the garden.
“Lena,” Jordan said softly, cupping her cheek in his hand, “what’s wrong?”
“I...I don’t want to ruin this,” she said, wiping her tears away. “I want to enjoy this moment...You’re just...”
“I’m sorry,” he said immediately, and she put her finger over his lips.
“No, Jordan,” Lena whispered. “You’re just so good. You deserve someone--”
“I deserve the right to choose who I want,” he said with quiet conviction, and Lena felt a fresh set of tears wrestle to the surface. “And so do you, Lena,” he said quietly.
“I chose a long time ago,” she whispered into his chest. “I chose practically before you were born.”
“I’m here now,” Jordan said softly. “Choose me now.”
They stayed that way for a long while, his strong arms anchoring Lena to his chest as she fervently wished she’d been born at a different time, a time that would’ve given them a chance to be together the way Jordan deserved to be with someone.
And perhaps the way she deserved, too.
When she finally left his side, she softly shut the door and walked out into the garden. The sun was setting, the sky velvet with peach clouds over a violet background; the earth hummed with new life. She knew it would rain tomorrow from the scent in the air, and dug her toes into the soil as she pulled her panties back on from the place where they’d abandoned them earlier. Every inch of her tingled with delighted exhaustion; her cheeks were still wet from weeping into Jordan’s arms earlier.
Had she really told him that much about her marriage? Had she truly confided her shame and sadness in someone who was little more than a child?
She had. And she’d turned him into her lover.
But Jordan wasn’t a child, she thought as she watched the last bit of the sunlight creep behind the horizon. That was the kind of patronizing she hated when her husband did it; she wouldn’t do it to Jordan. He wasn’t afraid of the truth--openly sought it, based his life around trying to be and do the best person he could. Even if it meant sacrifice.
He wasn’t afraid of pain. Her first impression of him--the lost, sad soul in his golden eyes--had been only half true. She’d thought he was afraid of other people, of their presence, because he was wounded; Jordan was afraid of missing his purpose, of getting distracted from the light by the quickly fading glories of chance.
And he had chosen her. He believed she was his purpose.
“I want you,” she whispered back to him, her voice drifting into the ghostly twilight, and then she turned towards home.
Randall would be expecting her.
He knew something was wrong right away. And as soon as she saw his face, his hair damp after a shower--to wash off Sarah, or Ling, or some new conquest, she had no doubt--Lena did too; she didn’t want him any more.
She was free of him.
“Where have you been?” It was the first time he’d asked her this in years, because it was the first time she’d ever gone somewhere without his orchestration, his knowledge, his control. Randall looked her over with an appraising eye and froze. “You’ve been with him, haven’t you?”
“Yes,” Lena said, sounding more confident than she felt. But she knew, inside of her, something had changed. She didn’t want to be Randall’s wife any more.
She didn’t want Randall any more.
“You fucked that virgin nerd out in the fucking garden shed?” Randall practically spat the words at her, taking in her unchanged nightie set and satin robe. “You went out there and seduced that dork?”
“Fuck you, Randall,” Lena said, and to her surprise she actually sounded bored.
“I told you not to,” he hissed, blocking her way through the kitchen.
“You’re always telling me what to do,” she said coldly. “I don’t know why I didn’t notice before.” She stopped trying to walk by him and met his eyes head-on. “Nevermind. Yes I do--I was blinded by your constant tiny manipulations, the way you frame everything to your advantage. It is so hard to be myself around you. I just ended up an accessory to your lifestyle.”
“What are you trying to say, Lena?” Randall’s voice dropped the pretense of justifiable anger and carried an edge of fear. “What are you telling me, besides the fact that you did something I expressly asked you not to?”
“Expressly? Who cares? You’ve been fucking half of Bridgeport for over a decade! I’m leaving you Randall! That’s what I’m saying.”
“What?” He looked stunned, and then an icy fury gripped his handsome features. “You have no right--you can’t punish me for doing things that you agreed to. You can’t tell me, after all this time--”
“You had no right to ask me to
tolerate these things,” Lena said, anger sweeping over her. “Why would you do that to me? Why did you get me drunk and have your little pet eat my pussy--just to shame me into agreeing to whatever you wanted later on?”
“No!” Randall actually looked hurt, and Lena believed that he was. Somewhat. “I wanted to share my life with you, my experiences. I didn’t want you to do anything you didn’t want to do.”
“That’s exactly what you wanted,” Lena countered, pushing past him and stalking down the hallway. “You wanted me to do things I didn’t want to do, and you always found a way to get me to agree--to be compliant, easy going, where anyone else would’ve said you were crazy.”