by JC Calciano
“Well… I’m obviously doing something wrong.” It was sweet of Brody to think that someone would be fortunate to have a man like Myles as a husband, but even Brody didn’t want him in that way. Myles was determined not to make this a pity party. He just wanted to enjoy what was left of the evening with his friend, resolved that it was not going to take a downward turn.
“It’s the guys. You just have lousy taste in men. Like Hunter for example...” Brody thought he’d approach the subject carefully. He wanted to tell Myles what happened. It was the right thing to do.
“Let’s not talk about him, okay? I’m depressed enough without talking about him. He was nothing but a jerk, an asshole, if the truth be told. Besides, I don’t want to ruin the rest of the night talking about him.”
“I think we should...” Brody insisted, once again attempting to come clean with what had happened.
“I really don’t want to.” Myles firmly snapped back. “Hunter is over and done with. It’s time to forget him.”
“Let me finish. He doesn’t deserve you. Any guy who would break up with you by text is a creep and isn’t worth your time.” This was Brody’s last attempt to share with Myles what happened earlier in the evening.
“You don’t think I know that? I didn’t even call him back. I’m tired of being mistreated by guys who don’t appreciate me.” It’s said that depression comes from anger. If so, the depression was turning back to the original. He was damned angry now. He was tired of trying so hard and having it end by being ditched.
“Good for you Myles.” Could it be that his friend was finally learning to love himself? Myles needed to stand-up for who he was and accept all the gifts he had to offer. Brody was pleased that Myles was taking charge of his life and demanding that men respect him.
“Now, can we please just move on? Let’s just enjoy the fact that we’re hanging out together,” Myles asserted in a strong confident tone that Brody barely recognized.
“Sure. Let’s make tonight about your amazing dessert.”
“And us!”
Chapter 16
Brody and Richard sat on the hood of their squad car eating lunch from a taco truck.
“So run this by me one more time,” Richard said. “Why didn’t you tell him what happened the other night with this Hunter guy?”
Brody shrugged, feeling miserable. “I couldn’t. If you knew how upset he’d be, you wouldn’t have told him either.”
“Actually, yes, I would have.” Richard’s tone was stern.
“Myles can’t handle these things.”
“He’s a grown man.”
“On the outside maybe, but on the inside he’s all Hello Kitty. Plus, he’ll never find out.” Or at least Brody hoped he wouldn’t. Anyway, how could he? Brody wasn’t going to tell him, and Hunter or Stone—whoever the hell he said he was—wouldn’t either, now that he was out of the picture.
“That’s not how it works. They always find out. Trust me. And if they don’t, you’ll always think in the back of your head that they know and just aren’t saying anything.”
“Does someone have some baggage from a past relationship they want to talk about?”
Richard chuckled humorously. “Let’s just say I learned the hard way.” Brody knew him all too well.
“Fine. I’ll talk to him.” Brody knew Richard was right. He hated to admit it–and wouldn’t. He and Myles had a relationship based on trust and honesty, and he wasn’t going to let that change. No matter how hard it would be.
As soon as they finished eating, Brody called and asked Myles to meet him at the go-go bar. For a night of drinking.
***
It was happy hour. Heavy house music thumped as Myles sat with his Manhattan. Brody was late. Strange, Myles thought. Brody, much like Myles, was always on time. It was one of the few things that they shared in common. It was one of those little idiosyncrasies he loved about Brody, laid back but always punctual. They both felt that it was passive aggressive to make someone wait for you, a trait they hated in people. Something must have come up, Myles surmised, and he was happy to wait.
Finally Brody arrived and took a seat beside him.
“Hey, Myles. How you doing?” Without a doubt Brody was not looking forward to telling Myles what had happened. In fact, he’d delayed showing up for that very reason. Now, he just had to hope it would be okay.
“It’s my second Manhattan, so pretty good.” He joked. It was his way of letting Brody know that he wasn’t upset that he was twenty minutes late.
“Are you still upset about Hunter?”
“I liked him. He was a really nice guy.” His voice sounded sad but not angry or depressed like it had before.
Brody gave him an earnest look. “He wasn’t that nice.” Brody thought he’d broach the subject slowly. Warm Myles up to what he had to tell him.
The bartender approached them. He was clearly familiar with Brody and his choice of drink “Hi, Brody. Martini?”
“No. Thanks. I’ll just get it thrown in my face.”
The bartender frowned in puzzlement. After a moment he shrugged and left.
“What did you do?” Myles asked, his tone full of apprehension. He knew Brody all too well and this was clearly going to be something big that Brody had to get off his chest.
“Can we just start off by me saying it wasn’t my fault?” He felt a knot in his stomach. This was harder than he thought it would be.
Myles couldn’t imagine Brody doing anything so wrong that he’d actually be that upset with him. He figured that he’d just make light of the news Brody was about to deliver. He teased. “That’s the worst way to start a conversation! That’s like telling someone, ‘Oh. I know it looks bad,’ or, ‘This is just going to hurt a little bit.’”
Brody took a deep breath. He knew he had to get this over with and just hope for the best. “I can already tell this is not going to end well.”
“I’ve known you for over ten years. Nothing you can say is going to bother or surprise me anymore. So just tell me.” Myles hated games. He was a lawyer, so he just wanted facts. He knew Brody fucked up and had something to confess. He just wanted to know what happened and move on. No need to dance around it. Myles knew all of Brody’s tricks by now.
If that would only be true, Brody thought. But he had his doubts. “I ran Hunter’s ID down at the station. His real name is Steven Adams. He’s from Nebraska.”
“I know where he’s from. But I didn’t know his name wasn’t Hunter.” Brody watched Myles process that and brace for whatever he had to say. Myles tone was shifted from amusement to genuine annoyance.
Okay, Brody thought. This was going to be the hard part. Yes, he’d known Myles for years, but he didn’t know how he’d react. “Yeah and it’s not Stone either. That’s the point.”
“What’s the point? And who is Stone?”
“Exactly! Neither of us knew his real name.” Damn it, this was hard, Brody thought.
Myles frowned. “Just tell me what happened.”
It was now or never, but he really had no choice. “The other night after I left your place I went on Grindr to meet someone.”
“You hooked up with Hunter!” Brody dropped the bomb and Myles was ground zero. Did he just hear correctly?!
“I didn’t know it was Hunter! He called himself Stone. Who calls himself that anyways? He texted me on Grindr, and I went to his house. I didn’t know I was doing anything wrong. I would never do that to you!”
“You suck.” Myles dismissed him. It was like a switch had been turned off within him.
Oh, crap, Brody thought. He was afraid of this. Now Myles was both hurt and angry. Again, Brody should not have taken Richard’s advice. Would he never learn? “How was I supposed to know? You’ve never introduced me to the guy.”
“So you were the one who ruined this for me? I met a great guy and you just couldn’t stand it, could you?”
This was even worse than he’d thought it might be. Damn it, why did he have to hook up with the sam
e man as Myles? Karma? Fate? Whatever? Shit! Well, maybe Myles had a right to be upset. But my God, Brody hadn’t known it was Hunter.
“He’s not a great guy. Certainly not the Prince Charming you think he is. Trust me, Hunter’s a creep.”
“Trust you?” Myles was furious. He suspected that Brody was jealous that he wasn’t spending time with him. Myles knew that Brody missed him and needed his attention, but this? Total betrayal! Myles felt like he was just sucker punched in the gut. His best friend stabbed him in the back. Brody clearly wanted out of their “Ten Year Plan” and went to great extents to weasel out of the arrangement. That had hurt Myles’ feelings, but he was willing to let that go because he knew Brody wasn’t capable of having an adult relationship, but to sabotage Myles’ chances of happiness, just so that he always had a buddy to hang out with, crossed the line.
Brody had just hurt Myles like no one had ever hurt him before. He trusted that they had each other’s best interest in mind, but clearly Brody was too selfish to give a fuck about Myles’ happiness. Myles snapped right then and there. The rest of the conversation was a large buzz in his ears. Myles contained his rage and looked for the cleanest exit.
Brody was becoming angry too. Why was Myles overreacting? It was a simple mistake. Why did Brody have to be the one to pay for all the guys who had hurt him in the past? Myles was the one who set himself up by overdoing it on every date he went on. Myles needed to accept his responsibility in all of it. “Think about it Myles. It’s always the same thing. You bring this on yourself. Stop hoping that one man is going to be what you need to make you happy. That’s not the case. It never will be. Face it Myles, there is no knight in shining armor who’ll come for you. There never will be.” Brody couldn’t believe he’d said that but there was no taking the words back.
“Sadly that’s true, isn’t it?” Abruptly, Myles stood up. “Things can’t stay the same. I’ve got to go. Sorry, Brody, but I can’t do this anymore.” Myles wasn’t going to engage with this anymore.
He agreed with Brody. He was partially responsible. He had indeed blindly trusted every guy he went out with and wore his heart on his sleeve. This was the very last straw. It ended now. No one was going to hurt him anymore. Especially Brody. After ten years of hoping something special existed between them, Myles need to accept the simple truth. It didn’t. Not in that way. Brody was incapable of giving Myles the love and relationship he wanted. It needed to end now.
Brody had badly wounded him. He didn’t want to even look at him. Myles hurt so deeply that it took all of his strength and self-control to manage to be civil when leaving the bar.
“Wait. What?” Brody was shocked. God, what had he done!
Myles looked at Brody with sadness. He called to the bartender and threw down a couple of bills. He wanted to make a statement. A farewell gesture. This would be the last time he saw Brody. He would buy him a drink and exit his life forever. He turned to the bartender who could see that things had gone very wrong between these two men.
Myles calmly ordered. “A martini… DIRTY!” he said, indicating that what Brody had done was reprehensible, then he stood and strode toward the door, and never looked back.
“Myles, please—” Brody called after him, but before he could finish, Myles was gone.
And Brody knew that things would never be the same.
Chapter 17
Parked at the side of the road in their squad car, Brody, with a dark cloud over his head, and Richard were looking for speeders. Sure enough, a car soon came by that set off the radar.
“Look at this guy,” Richard said. “He didn’t even attempt to slow down when he saw us.”
“Light ‘em up.” Brody was really pissed—not at the driver but at the situation with Myles. He couldn’t do anything about that. But he could about this.
“He was just going forty.”
“He’s speeding. Right in front of us! People need to learn respect for authority. Light ‘em up. Let’s get him!” Brody knew he was overreacting but couldn’t control how he felt.
“It’s not a big deal.” Richard tried to dismiss the situation. Brody had been a nightmare to deal with all week. He’d been edgy and irritated. Not the lovable, fun partner Richard enjoyed, but a sullen, depressed mess of a man who was riding Richard’s last nerve.
Brody gave Richard an icy look. “I said let’s get him.”
“Are you now the asshole cop who chases down an ‘87 Corolla for going fifteen miles over the speed limit?”
“Yes,” he snapped back, quickly adjusting his tone with Richard, knowing he’d totally overreacted and a bit embarrassed at his behavior.
“You really need to straighten this thing out with Myles.”
“I’ve tried calling, texting, and e-mailing. He’s not talking to me. I may not be the smartest guy around, but I can take a hint when someone doesn’t want to see me.” Richard could hear the desperation in his voice.
“You need to go over there and work this out. Knock his door down if you have to.”
Brody ignored him. Richard didn’t know Myles like he did. Once Myles made his mind up about something, there was no changing it. Myles was hurt and done with Brody, and he knew that. No amount of apologizing could fix what had happened between them.
“You’re a cop for Christ’s sake. Man up! You miss him. Make it right.”
“He’s not going to forgive me,” Brody attempted to explain to Richard, despite knowing that it was pointless.
“You owe it to yourself and even more so, you owe it to Myles to clear this up. It was an innocent mistake; you can’t let him go on hurting like this. If not for your sake, for Myles’ sake. He doesn’t deserve the heartache this is bringing him.”
Richard was right. Just like he was during lunch when he told Brody to make sure he confessed everything right away. Brody couldn’t let Myles go through the rest of his life thinking that his best friend betrayed him. He knew he had to talk to Myles whether he wanted to or not.
***
That night after work Brody pulled up in front of Myles’ apartment. He wasn’t sure about how this would go. Come on, man, he told himself. Myles is your friend. Your best friend and has been for years. He sighed deeply, you have to do this. He deserves to know the truth. Brody paused for a moment, and then climbed out of the car.
Inside the apartment building Brody banged at the door. No answer. He tried again. “Myles? I know you’re in there. Please answer. Please talk to me. I need you to open up now.”
Across the hall, Mr. Harrington opened his door. “Knock one more time and I’m calling the cops.”
Brody turned and flashed his badge. He was in no mood for this guy and just wanted to shut him up.
“Sorry, officer. Undercover, huh? A sting operation? I get it! Is everything okay? Are you still after Myles?”
Not this guy again, Brody thought. “Have you seen him?”
The man shook his head. “What did he do this time?”
“He didn’t do anything.” The guy was a jerk! No, he was just the typical nosey neighbor. He had to stop blaming everyone else for his own problems.
“It’s always the quiet ones. I knew he was a bad seed!” Mr. Harrington said.
“That isn’t the case,” Brody said, his tone dismissive.
“Of course you can’t say anything. I know what’s going on. I just hope you get that son-of-a bitch!” Mr. Harrington expounded as he gave a nervous look around the courtyard, obviously wanting to see if any additional mischief was afoot. With a look of satisfaction that all was fine, he retreated into his apartment.
Brody shook his head at the obviously off fellow and realized Myles wasn’t home. He’d have to try another day. Defeated, but slightly relieved, he left the complex.
***
Myles sat on the couch in Diane’s house with a full spread of food in front of him—not the sort he would generally eat, but the situation had changed. Diane was his only friend now and the only person who he could talk to
and share his news with. He was thankful to have her in his life. If it weren’t for her, he’d have nobody. Diane’s house was a homey place with comfortable chairs and couch, in a warm brown. Splotches of color—abstract art—decorated three walls. The fourth wall was a large picture window looking out on a wide expanse of green lawn.
Diane entered the living room carrying two beers proclaiming, “Pizza, wings, and beer. Who needs men?” She set the drinks on the coffee table in front of the couch. “We’ll have more fun without them.”
Myles rolled his eyes. “No, we won’t.”
She half-shrugged and admitted, “You’re right.”
Myles took a swig of beer. “I’ll try not to bitch about how much men suck.” It was meant to be funny, but behind the humor was a bit of truth.
There was all the bad luck he’d had in dating, and now this thing with Brody. Of course, he had to admit it really wasn’t all Brody’s fault, Hunter hooked up with him too. They were both to blame, he thought. But no, that wasn’t fair either. Brody had no idea that Hunter and Stone were the same person.
If he was being honest with himself, the truth was that Myles didn’t care enough about Hunter for it to really hurt. It was Brody who had broken his heart this time. If Brody had cared, he wouldn’t have hooked up with anyone that night. No, that wasn’t true either. But Myles couldn’t stop blaming Brody and himself for being so gullible, and for believing that something existed between them for all those years. He sighed and shook his head.
“Lucky for you, I have the perfect evening planned. Comfort food, ice cream, and a romantic movie!” She pulled out a copy of her favorite romantic comedy, eCupid.
“I love that we’re doing this,” Myles said. And he did very much appreciate that Diane was there when he needed her.
“I do it every day.”
“What about Richard?”
“Are you kidding me? He’s more into it than I am. Two bowls of pistachio ice cream, twin snuggies, and a romantic movie. We cry all night long!” She laughed at Myles’ expression.
“Lucky bitch.”