by J. L. Drake
“This is who I am,” he whispered as if it were a confession.
I turned away from him and took a few steps back before I tightened my grip on the handle and swung it with all my might toward the man who had wanted us dead.
The ball smoked him across the face, and his body jolted backward and hit the wall with a splat.
Brick’s face fell, but it was more from shock and amazement than disappointment. Trigger held up a hand, and the three men left, but not before Brick placed his hand on his chest as if to tell me he understood I was okay.
It was true; I was. I now understood their world, and to prove it, I fully embedded myself in it.
Trigger stood a few feet away, his eyes dark and hard to read. His chest rose and fell, and before he could say anything, I turned to strike the man again.
Right before I swung, he grabbed my arm to stop me. He bent down from behind and whispered, “Don’t do something you’ll regret—something you can’t come back from, Tess. There’s dark, then there’s that.”
Slowly, his hand slid up my wrist and removed the weapon from my fingers.
He was right, but at least we knew we were both equally fucked up inside.
Reaching over, he changed the song, cracked his neck, and flexed his shoulders. I stepped back, unsure what to do.
His hand tightened over the leather handle before he started back on the crumpled man. He swung, beat, and ripped the man’s body apart while the music continued to beat. As disturbing as it all was, there was a part of me that understood the level a person can sink to when they’ve been pushed too far.
Whack.
Whack.
Whack.
Finally, after there was hardly anything left, he dropped the weapon and grabbed his phone. He snapped two pictures before he turned back in my direction.
He moved to stand in front of me, and his hand slipped around my neck and urged me to look up at him.
“I needed you to see that, Tess. I am not someone to fall for. I am a monster.”
My eyes prickled. I did fall for him, and I hated it. I mustered all that I had to make him understand and went with the truth.
“You’re not a monster to me, Trigger.” My voice was clear, which surprised me.
I saw pain flash across his face momentarily. Then his expression softened, and I knew that for once he actually believed me.
Just when I thought he was going to walk away, he moved closer and wrapped his arms around my shoulders. He hugged me hard and buried his face into my hair.
“I got you.” My hands moved to his back and held on just as tightly. “Let me help.”
I moved back and spotted a shower on the far wall. “Hang on.”
He didn’t want to let go, but he did and watched me turn the water on and remove my clothes. I felt his hand run across my stomach as he pulled me to him. He quickly dropped his pants. His erection pressed hard against my back, and he kissed my shoulder as I stepped into the spray. I tugged him under with me.
He reached over my head and grabbed the soap and a big, puffy sponge. Covering it with the blue soap, he rubbed it over my stained arm. Blood swirled in circles around our feet.
Once I was clean, I took it from him and did the same. I turned him around and started to wash his strong back. It was the first time I was able to study his tattoos.
On his shoulder blade were two boxers, one with blue shorts, and one with red. They both had their fists up ready to fight in a ring. The Grim Reaper rested its arms on the rope that sagged under his weight. The words Death Is Never Far were scrolled above.
I stretched on my toes and kissed the words. He froze but let out a sigh when I moved back to my feet and continued to wash him.
He reached behind and pulled me to his front.
“I don’t do romance, Tess, or tender, or any of that shit.” His eyes closed and I saw how hard it was for him to express himself intimately.
“Me either,” I confessed. I was just as lost as he was as to where we were, but I wanted to try.
He dipped down and kissed my cheek, the corner of my mouth, then my lips. He tried to be tender, but I wanted him to lose it on me. Like he said, we don’t do this shit.
“Trigger?” I fought to keep my thoughts in order.
“Tell me.” He nipped at my shoulder.
“Flip your switch.”
I heard his throaty laugh that nearly made my knees give out. Before I could think, he flipped me around, grabbed my shoulders, and sank himself to the root.
I screamed as he did it again and again. The way my body reacted to his was like a million orgasms going off at once. My muscles clutched around him, and I heard a deep hiss escape.
“Bend,” he ordered, pushing my front down to the floor. I grabbed my ankles and held on. “Jesus!”
Water poured down my face, and I gasped to find my breath. It was an intense angle. Right before I thought I couldn’t take it anymore, he moved me upright then picked me up so I was straddling his waist again.
“I want to see you come.” He bit and pulled my nipple roughly. The jolt of pain traveled down to the center of my stomach. “Give it to me, Tess.”
I turned my head off and let myself fall. I vaguely registered my screams as I shook and shivered from intensity of it all.
“Where did you come from?” He thrust inside one last time and rested his forehead to mine. I was far too gone to answer him.
***
“Do I even wanna know?” Brick blocked my way as I came into the bar.
“Watch out!” Rail ducked as he came by. “Chick’s got an arm.”
“Yeah, remember that the next time you piss me off,” I joked.
Brick pulled me aside and lifted my wet hair between his fingers. He looked back at Trigger, whose hair was also wet. His eyes shut for a moment as he accepted the proof. “I’m going to say this once, that’s it.”
“Okay.” I knew better than to fight him. He needed to get his big brother fix out of the way.
“Tell him.”
“Huh? Tell him what, exactly?”
He sucked his lips in while he thought. “If you really are with Trigger, fine. Just know that if he finds out your past and you haven’t told him first, he might not be able to get past it.”
“Brick, my past is my past. But you’re right. I’ll try.”
I hated this topic.
“Yours is sexual, Tess, his is violence.”
“I’ll be fine, Matt.” I touched his arm to make my point.
“Yeah?” He grabbed my arm when I turned to leave. “Then why in the fuck did he call your cell?”
I felt my face blush, not from embarrassment, but because my best friend went through my phone.
“First,” I whispered, “you want to tell me why you were going through my phone?”
“I wasn’t, but when you were in there, he was calling your phone, like, fifty times. I finally went to silence it and saw it was the famous unknown number.”
“So, what? You decided to answer it?” Oh, I was fucking pissed.
“Yup.”
“And?”
“And, just like always, he listened and hung up.”
I crossed my arms and tried to calm myself. The fact that my past was mixing with my present was terrifying.
“Tess,” he bent down to eye level, “do you still love him?”
“No.” No, of course not…
“You can lie to yourself, but you sure as hell can’t lie to me.”
Fuck!
“It’s hard to let go of something that held you so close for so long.”
“I know that, but if he tracks you down and Trigger finds out, I’m not sure what he’ll do.”
I tossed my hands in the air, which made a few look over. “He won’t find me.”
Brick closed his eyes then stepped back and waved his hand for me to leave.
“I love you, Tess,” he whispered before I turned and dove into his arms. Brick knew I loved him too, but he also need
ed to back off. I didn’t do well being smothered. With that, I headed to my room.
A short while later, with one last look in the mirror, I eyed my outfit. Black Jack Daniel’s tank, black leather pants, and heels. Gold bracelets stacked up my arm, with matching gold on my shoes.
It was a little fancy for a bike ride, but when I glanced over at Minnie, I saw she was dressed to impress, and I knew I made the right choice.
I flipped my sunglasses down and thanked Big Joe for opening the door for me while he texted someone.
The sun was hot, but there was a slight nip, a promise that cooler weather was on the way. The guys were loading up the van the prospects would drive in ahead of us.
“Damn.” Rail hit Brick’s shoulder and pointed at me. “How did you not hit that?”
Brick cursed then whistled at Trigger and punched Rail in the arm. “I have no words for how much I despise you right now.”
Trigger lit his joint and hopped off the wheel well. “Damn.” His eyes went from my heels to my face in a long, sexy minute. His arms slid around my midsection before he leaned in and kissed me hard.
“So, she’s driving with him?” I heard Peggy whine from behind me.
“Yup,” Cooper said. “Get on, Peggy.”
“No way.”
“Prospect it is, then.”
“No, wait.”
I rolled my eyes at Trigger. Peggy was so irritating. He huffed with a laugh before he led me over to his bike.
I was very happy to see there was a backrest for me. Trigger handed me a different looking helmet.
“See here.” He turned it over and showed me two buttons. “Top one is so we can talk, and the second is to control the music from your phone.”
“Seems easy enough.”
“Good. Ready?”
I couldn’t help but smile at the fact he was asking me instead of ordering.
“What?”
I shook my head then leaned up and gave him a quick kiss. “Nothing. Ready.” I slipped on the helmet as he reached for the straps and secured it in place.
“You look,” he shook his head, “like you belong on a bike.”
“A bike?” I questioned playfully.
“My bike.”
He eyed my shoes but didn’t say anything. With a swift movement, he climbed onto the bike and waited for me to join him.
He hooked my legs and dragged me against his back when I tried to test out the backrest.
With a pat to my thigh, he eased us out of the parking spot, we started down the street, and the rest of the bikes followed behind.
To my surprise, Big Joe and Gus rode with us, along with Cooper, Brick, and Rail. We headed down the PCH, and I breathed the salt air in deeply. I sat back and enjoyed the view.
Two hours into the drive and now following the desert road, Trigger’s voice found my ears.
“You good?”
It took me two attempts to figure out how to hold the button down when I spoke.
“I am.”
“Coming up to a truck stop in about five minutes.”
“Okay.”
When the gas station was in sight, I thought I would ask the question that had been on my mind the whole drive.
“Trigger?”
“Yeah?”
I fought to keep my voice level.
“No one on here but us, so just say it.”
“When do the Serpents show up?”
“Not sure.” He reached back and patted my thigh.
“Okay.”
He looked over his shoulder before he took the off ramp and turned to the gas station.
We parked in front, and I felt a little bad for the few people who were there. We did look pretty intense as the whole club rolled in.
Minnie hooked an arm around my waist as she joined us.
“Your pants make me want to take you in the bathroom.”
Trigger gave her a frown before he urged us into the station.
“Grab something to drink.” He nodded at the huge fridge that covered the whole wall.
“So.” Minnie pulled me away from the guys. “How’s it going?”
“Good.” I removed a bottle of water and drank about half of it before I felt a little better. Damn, I didn’t miss the desert.
“I heard something strange earlier and thought since you’re—”
“So close to Trigger maybe I know if it’s true or not?” I finished for her.
She shrugged. “Yeah, pretty much.”
“What is it?”
“That we have a mole in the club. That he’s leaking information to the Stripe Backs.”
“Huh.” I remembered Trigger saying he needed me to keep my ears open. That was a horrible thought. I hoped it wasn’t true.
“Rail thinks it’s you.”
My mouth dropped open then I turned to spot the little shit who was filling up a Big Gulp cup like a six-year-old.
“Honestly, Minnie, I didn’t hear much about it.” That was the truth.
“Figured as much.”
I quickly paid for my water and pushed the doors open to see Rail at his bike. I raced across the road, nearly getting creamed by a semi, who beeped his horn at me. I flipped him the finger before I got closer to the guys.
“Rail!” I shouted as he looked over and waved.
“’Sup, Tess?”
I didn’t think as I pulled my hand back and slapped him right across the face. He rose, shocked as hell at what I had done.
“You think I am the problem here?” I shouted again, so hurt that one of these guys would think I would be anything but their family.
“What?” He stood to tower over me. “What did I do?”
“You.” I felt an arm lock around me and haul me back. “How could you, Rail?”
When I looked down, I saw it wasn’t Trigger’s arm around me. I struggled to get away, but whoever it was, he wasn’t having it.
“Calm down!” he shouted in my ear. “What the fuck are you doing?”
My eyes scanned the crowd. Brick’s face was horrified but not scared.
“Hey!” I heard Trigger come up behind us. “What the fuck! Moe, let her go!”
Who the hell is Moe?
“Bitch slapped your boy.”
Pardon me!
“Bitch?” I hissed. Who the hell is this guy?
“I said let her go!” Trigger marched over and released me from his hold. “You okay?”
“Yeah,” I huffed, rubbing my stomach. The ass had one hell of a hold.
“She with you?” Moe, the ass, glared down.
“Yes. What happened here?”
“My guess,” Rail ran his tongue around his mouth, “would be Tess heard what I said about her inside the meeting room.” He glanced at Brick, who shook his head.
“How could you think that, Rail? I love it here. I love all of you guys. I would never—”
“Rail.” Trigger cut me off. “Get the guys. It’s time to go.”
Trigger pulled me over to his bike and handed me my water I had dropped.
“You good?”
“Yeah, sorry.”
He shrugged. “You did what I wanted to, when I heard him say it.” He smirked darkly. “Although I wouldn’t have slapped.”
“A knife to the gut?” I joked.
“Something like that.”
I glanced over to the guys, who were all getting ready to move on.
“You don’t think I am, right?”
He tugged me close and looked down at me. His tight hold on my hips told me the answer. “You think I’d let you in if I did?”
“Well, there is that saying, keep your friends close and your enemies closer.”
His lips found mine as he kissed me hard, and his hands slid down my butt, giving it a squeeze.
“I don’t only want you closer, I want you under me too.” He handed me the helmet. “Come on.”
***
Trigger
I pointed at the horizon where I saw the smoke rising i
nto the air. The guys had a fire going as a signal to the rest of us.
Tess’s grip around my center tightened. I knew she was nervous, but I wouldn’t let a soul touch her.
Moving my hand to hers, I drew it up to my lips and kissed her knuckles. I caught my reflection in the mirror and froze at the man staring back at me. Who would have thought I’d allow someone in or allow myself to care? It scared the shit out of me.
I rested her hand on my thigh and placed mine over it. Her touch calmed me in ways that were hard for me to understand. It was the first time in years I rode without music. I didn’t need it or want it.
What the hell is happening to me?
With my blinker on, I signaled to the rest of the guys and took the turnoff. Thankfully, the path had been beaten down and the road wasn’t too rough.
Three miles in, we finally rounded a mountain, and I saw her eyes grow wide in the mirror. It was a spectacular view of hundreds of tents and trailers spread across the sand in between three mountains. A huge fire pit was in the middle, but small ones were scattered around the tents as well. Music pumped through speakers, and the booze was flowing. This annual party lasted five nights and six days. It took me three weeks to recover from it last year.
I’d seen the bottom of the barrel far too many times. I did it more to mask the voices in my head than anything else.
After I parked by our RV, I helped Tess off. She bent down and stretched her back. When you weren’t used to riding, these trips could be a real bitch on the muscles.
“Trigger!” Minnie wrapped her arms around Tess’s waist. “I’m stealing your girl for a few.”
My jaw ticked at the thought of her walking around here on her own, but Minnie knew the lay of the land. “Not too long. Sun will be down soon.”
“You afraid of the monsters?” She winked.
“Something like that.”
“Tess,” she held onto her shoulders, “when were you going to tell me your birthday was coming up?”
“And now the position of my best friend is officially open.” Tess flipped Brick the finger, but he only laughed at her. “Never. The answer is never.” She looked at me with a shrug.
Huh, never cared enough to know someone’s birthday. I made a mental note of it.
“Well, I think we need to celebrate!” Minnie sang the words.
“Kill me now,” Tess muttered at me, but she gave a little wave as Minnie tore her away through the tents, talking a mile a minute.