by J. L. Drake
“You won’t. Consider it a gift. Just stop by once in a while, okay?”
She nodded and headed for the door. I looked at Mud, confused, but followed her out.
I caught up to her and grabbed her arm.
“Hey, what’s with the quick exit, and who called you?”
She rubbed her head. “You jealous, Trigger? Oh, no, wait. That would require feelings.”
“Who called?” I hated that she wouldn’t tell me.
“You fuck Tammy?”
She hadn’t heard yet?
“Hard to fuck the dead.” It was a poor joke, but I was pissed she’d implied it.
“What?”
“Stripe Backs hit our club after you left. Killed Tammy, Moe, and Maze.”
Her hands flew to her mouth in disbelief.
“Oh, my God! I’m so sorry, Trigger.”
I crossed my arms and waited for her to tell me about the phone call.
“And everyone else is fine?”
“Physically, yeah. Mentally, Fin is suffering.”
“Poor baby.” Her hands moved to her hair, and she turned away from me as she processed it all.
“Tess—”
“It wasn’t Clark.” She cut me off and stepped closer to my bike. I could tell she was ready to go back to the club. “I wouldn’t do that to you.”
Good. One less person to kill…right now.
I nodded once before I handed her the helmet.
“Tammy did try to get me to screw her, in exchange for information. I didn’t.”
She let out an unsteady breath and slipped onto the back of my bike.
I wouldn’t do that to you.
Chapter Twelve
Tess
Big Joe held the door for me, and I saw the damage the Stripe Backs had done. Bullet holes dotted the walls, and the bar was only half stocked. Morgan gave me a stressed smile before I headed out back.
“Oh, thank God, you’re back!” Minnie wrapped her arms around me and whispered, “He’s such an asshole when you’re gone. Can you believe what happened?”
I caught Trigger’s annoyed expression as he muttered something mean next to us, and Morgan cleared his throat with a warning. Minnie missed the tension and pulled back and looked at me before I could get a word in. “You look thinner. Are you eating? Lord, tell me your secret!”
I shifted in embarrassment. I knew I was thinner. It was what happened when I was at the house. “No sleep.”
“Oh.” Her gaze fell, and she stroked my arm. “Date night tomorrow? I could use some girl time.”
“Sure.”
Trigger’s hot hand landed on my back, and I knew he was growing restless. I waved goodnight and let him lead me in the direction of his room.
He disappeared into the bathroom, and when I heard the water running, I took that moment to head back to my room and get cleaned up. My tattoo was stuck to my shirt, so I cleaned it and rubbed in the sample lotion Mud gave me and quickly slipped into a silky, long-sleeve nightshirt. The USB was in my night table, and I hesitated as it gnawed at my curiosity. What was on it? Did I want to know? I pushed that aside and grabbed my book instead.
I tucked myself under his cool sheets, happy I chose a long-sleeve shirt, and pulled the comforter up under my chin to will my body to stop shaking. I was frozen. Trigger liked to sleep in a temperature reminiscent of the Arctic. Once I created a warm spot, I rolled over, clicked on the little light that hung over the spine of the book, and felt the rush that came with a second book in a trilogy.
Hello, old friends.
I was so lost in my fictional world that I hadn’t heard Trigger come in. The bed dipped, and he lifted the blanket, destroying my hot air bubble.
He missed my glare, and I went back to the words in front of me. I couldn’t help but sneak a peek as he lay facing the ceiling, one arm under his head, his muscles flexed as he thought about something.
God, between the story and this man, I’m doomed.
“What’s on the USB?”
I hated that he interrupted me, but I was waiting for that conversation.
“All I know is he guards it with his life. I wanted to hurt him, so I took it.”
“You haven’t watched it yet?”
“No.”
He stayed quiet after that, so I went back to reading.
The pages couldn’t turn fast enough. I knew it was coming, but when? My eyes and my mind were in a battle as to which could absorb the story faster. My heart was in my throat. Mike was hinting at something, but what?
Suddenly, I gasped and felt my eyes prickle.
“Yes!” I blurted and heard the pillow slap as he turned to look at me. I ignored him and kept one hell of a grip on my book.
I could feel his eyes on me. They made my skin heat up, but so did the scene. He rolled to face me and stared harder.
“Read me what part you’re at.” His tone was raspy and hit me in the center of the stomach.
“I can’t.”
“Why?”
I tried to think of a good excuse, but I was fresh out. I licked my lips. Why the hell not? I dropped my tone to a low, raspy whisper.
“Mmm, you were ready for me.” He groaned as he pushed his fingers in further, feeling her velvet insides squeeze around him.
“I’m always ready when it comes to you, Cole.” She flopped her head against his chest. “Please, I need you.”
I flicked my gaze up to his and was caught off guard by his expression. He looked hungry or pissed. I wasn’t sure which.
“What?”
“Does that turn you on?”
I blushed, thankful the moon wasn’t overly bright tonight, and the little book light was turned away from me.
“Maybe.”
“What exactly about it does? Cole or the sex?”
I wanted to run and hide. Men would never understand the feelings behind a romance book. It wasn’t that the men were sexy, so much as the fantasy was sexy. They were fictional characters, created to make women feel something amazing, make us feel wanted no matter our flaws, something that barely existed in this world. But, shit, there was always hope.
However, I knew this book was based on a true story, so I decided to tread carefully.
“It’s not Cole that turns me on. It’s the way he is with her.”
“Meaning?”
My book flopped out of my hands when I rolled onto my back. I couldn’t look at him. Trigger didn’t do deep feelings, so it was hard for me to open up with him, but I was willing to try.
“Meaning he’s primal, alpha, protective, but all the while she knows he loves her beyond anything else in this world. It’s just so…”
“So…what?”
“Right, I guess. Cole shows romance here and there, but not all the time—”
“You like romance?” He pushed for more answers while I fought to find the right words.
“Not all the time, but yes, sometimes, just to know you matter enough, you know, that they are thinking of you, and you only.” I rubbed my face. I wasn’t good at this—we weren’t good at this. “That no matter what, however angry the guy was, or if there was another girl in the room, you know they only have eyes for you.”
“And Cole is that way?”
I shrugged and rolled my head to look at him straight on. “I don’t know. I’ve never met him. The author sure paints him that way.” I tucked my hands under my cheek so I could see him better. “Can I ask you something?”
“Maybe.”
I rolled my eyes dramatically. “When I was gone, did you sleep with anyone?”
“No.”
“Kiss anyone?”
He flinched, and I got the answer. I hated that it hurt so much.
“You?”
“Never slept with anyone.”
His eyes flickered with anger but paused when I reached out and ran my hand along his tattooed chest.
“Doesn’t feel good, does it?” I stopped to make my point. “To know the one you care for ha
d a little kiss with someone else.”
He took my hand and held it over his heart. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking, but I went with it. Slowly, he reached out and skimmed his finger along my jaw and stopped at my lips. His gaze landed there and narrowed in on them.
“How did your body react when Clark kissed you here?” His thumb brushed over my bottom lip like he was wiping away the memory.
I went with the truth, because the truth was all I had right now.
“It was confusion mixed with comfort.” I swallowed hard. “But,” his eyes turned up to mine, “it took me a moment to realize what I wanted.”
“What do you want, Tess?” he whispered as his hand brushed over my brow.
You.
To myself.
I swallowed past the giant lump that formed in my throat. My mouth felt dry, and I was sure he could see my panic. I was always nervous to show anything remotely romantic with Trigger. He and I had both made it clear we didn’t want more from each other. I didn’t want to rock the boat. I just got back, and already so much had happened.
“I’m not sure.”
His hand stilled, and I knew he felt my lie.
“Try again.” The force of his glare dared me.
“Fine.” I stared into his eyes and secretly begged his softer side to show itself. “I want what I’ve never had. I want someone to love me.” I thought about Matt and how he’d always loved me, but in a brotherly way. He filled that void, and I, in return, had filled his, but that was different. “Someone who can see past my wall, past all my flaws and mistakes.” I thought about my tattoo, hidden from his view under my shirt. I wasn’t ready to show it to him yet. I didn’t regret it. I was waiting for the right moment. I ducked my head down when I felt my face flush again. “Things like that don’t happen to girls like me. We are unlovable, broken pieces of someone we could have been.” I stopped when I realized my mouth ran away with me. “And you wonder why I read,” I muttered to lighten the mood.
Just when I thought he was going to say something, he grabbed my waist and rolled me over. He pressed against my back and tucked his arm around my midsection.
I let a sad smile creep across my face. I was sure I had just made another wall go up. Trigger wasn’t built to understand what I had said. Though he had his moments, I wasn’t sure how to get through to him, or even if it was possible. For now, I’d hold on to the fact that I was the one in his arms tonight.
“What’s wrong?” I sat next to Clark on the bed.
“I need to tell you something, something that is going to hurt you, but you need to hear me out before you freak out, okay?” I heard him, but his face scared the shit out of me.
“I don’t know if I can take any more hurt.”
His mouth opened, and the words came out, but I soon felt like I was falling down a black hole. My stomach dropped. How could this happen? He just kept going, and the last words that ripped me apart were…
“I’m still here, just in a different way now.”
I shifted to smooth my shirt over my leggings, but it was really so I could buy some time to let the words sink in.
“I don’t understand.”
Clark reached out and cupped my chin. “I love you, but I also love your mother.”
My heart ripped from its anchor and floated around inside, bumping into other organs.
“I want to be with you, Gumdrop, but in order for that to happen, I need to marry your mother.”
“Have you slept with her yet?” I didn’t want to know the answer, but at the same time, I needed to know.
“Yes.”
I stood on shaky legs and leaned against my dresser. “I’m confused. You say you love me, but you sleep with my mother. You say you love me, but you are marrying my mother.”
“I know it’s confusing.”
“No.” I laughed because if I didn’t I would cry, and that was pointless here. “What’s confusing are things like when I had a boy over to help me with a project and you sent him home. I got an F on that project. You act like we’re together, but you’re marrying my mother.” Oh, God, I felt sick.
“I don’t expect you to understand. This is a grown-up matter.”
I glared at him. We both knew I had grown up entirely too fast.
“No, what I understand is that you want to have your cake and eat it too.”
“Gumdrop.” He lifted off my bed and tried to hug me, but I stepped out of his reach.
“Answer me one question.”
“What?”
“Was this just a game to get to my mother?”
“No.” His actions didn’t match his words. “Of course not.”
Punch to the gut.
I was done.
“Clark!” My mother’s voice ripped through the thick tension. “Open the door.”
Clark slowly went over and opened the door. “Felicia, I was just telling Tessa the good news.”
“Well,” she paused to grab our full attention, “we may need to speed the wedding up.”
“Why?” Clark looked interested.
My mother’s hand rested on her stomach, and she smiled up at him.
No.
“Really?” His face lit up. “How far along?”
I shoved him out of the way and slammed the bathroom door in their faces. I sank to the toilet and covered my eyes. My entire world was crashing down, and there was no way to stop it. Sick. This was all a sick, twisted game they were playing. How could he? He was mine. I saw him first. He was closer to my age than hers.
I pulled at the tissues that stuck out of the drawer, tugging it open. Something caught the light, and my fingers brushed over the sharp edges.
I glanced in the mirror and saw how pathetic I looked.
It had never been clearer. I was unlovable, used up, and disposable now.
I took a deep breath and…
My eyes jolted open, and I jumped in the darkness. My skin had a layer of sweat across it, and my heart raced to play catch up. I was not in the house. I was safe, away from them.
I carefully padded across the icy floor and over to the door where I slipped out, leaving Trigger to sleep.
***
Trigger
I slept like the dead. The demons reminded me that I was never free. My father hovered on the edge of my dreams, taunting me to agree to the fight.
I knew it would be a slippery slope if I stepped into the ring. I had a love-hate relationship with it, but, fuck, I felt alive between the ropes.
Sunlight burned through the gap between the curtains. I could use another few hours, but I knew my head wouldn’t allow it.
I flipped the covers off and rubbed my head as I rolled to the side of the bed. I already sensed Tess wasn’t there. I went for my gun when I detected movement.
It took me three seconds to register the little shit on my couch, rolled up like a burrito in his beloved green blanket.
He was dead to the world, and I saw a wet spot on the corner of the blanket where he had been crying. His snotty nose was a bit of a put-off, but I felt sorry for the kid.
Fuck. He is too young for this shit.
I scooped Fin up and tucked him in the middle of my bed. Maybe one of us would get some more sleep.
I wondered when Tess had slipped out and where she was. Last night was heavy, and I was still trying to figure out how to take what she said. Why the fuck were women so damn complicated? I figured I was safer to keep my mouth shut because I didn’t want to say the wrong thing.
“Hungry?” Peggy asked when I slid into my booth in the back.
“Yeah,” I huffed into my hands. “Normal.”
“Coming right up.” She swung her hips as she walked away. Peggy needed to stop trying. If I hadn’t made her my old lady by now, it wasn’t going to happen.
Morgan brought me a coffee, and I rubbed my face, fighting the fog in my head. So many things were on my mind, not the least of which was how to get Tess to hand over the USB she had taken from Clark. I had a
feeling it wasn’t going to be easy to convince her. I was still working on the problem when I heard her voice.
“Want some company?”
Tess was dressed in jeans, a tank top, and an oversized sweater that hung open in the front. Her hair smelled like that stuff I liked when she blew it dry.
“Sure.” I signaled Morgan to bring her some coffee. He put the mugs down and left us alone. “You get much sleep?”
She wove her fingers through her hair and let out a long sigh. “Enough.”
“What time did you get up?”
“Three something, don’t know.” She sprinkled some sugar into her mug. “I just went back to my room. I didn’t want to wake you.”
Peggy slid my bowl of oatmeal and toast in front of me and glared at Tess.
“What do you want?”
Tess shook her head but granted her a genuine smile. “I’m fine, Peggy, but thanks.”
“Good. One less thing to do,” she snarled and turned, but I caught her arm.
“Bring her what I’m having.”
Tess waved her hand. “Really, I’m good.”
“No, you’re not.” I sent Peggy off. “You need to eat more, Tess.”
She looked me square in the eyes and then glanced over her shoulder. “I lost my appetite earlier this morning.”
“Oh?”
“I decided to open the USB drive.”
I dropped the toast from between my fingers. I knew I was on that thing and what it might show, but I also knew there was a lot more there I needed to see.
“Detective Aaron planted coke on some business guy, and then proceeded to smash his head in.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.” She stirred her coffee, lost in her thoughts. “It was weird, though. He kept looking at the camera on his dash, and when he was finished, he said, ‘There, I did as you said.’”
“Hm.” I bit into my toast and let my mind wander over that.
“Your coke has the reaper hood stamped on it, right?”
I squinted at her, wondering how the fuck she knew that.
“Why do you ask?” I’d never let her get that close to it. “You been poking around? Old ladies are not allowed in the back room.”