by J. L. Drake
I nipped at her neck and massaged her ass. Her body felt amazing against mine. I could literally feel my demons close their cage doors and lie down for the night.
“Hey,” she took my head with both hands, “you need to flip your switch, or I will.” The look of dark promise nearly kicked me in the gut.
When I didn’t react fast enough, she tried to shove me away, but I slammed her to me. I grabbed her neck and bit her skin to show her who was in control.
When she tried to pull away, I swung her around and slammed into her. She fought to hold herself out of the water, so I walked her over to the carved-out seat and laid her front on the smooth stone.
With my hands on her hips, I took her savagely from behind. Water lapped the walls, and her screams echoed around us. It was like a goddamn fucking porno just for me.
“Trigger,” she fought to catch her breath, “harder!”
Fuck me, I loved this chick’s sex drive.
I smacked her ass and pumped harder, my fingers entwined in her hair, and I found myself groaning out loud.
“Shit, Tess!” I blurted. “I don’t want to come.”
“I need more!” She flinched but reached around and grabbed my balls.
Flip.
I didn’t remember changing positions, or grabbing her around the throat and kissing her with all I had inside me, but I did remember coming so hard I lost my vision.
She was the only woman I would ever lose control with.
***
After a shower, I joined everyone downstairs. I lost Tess once she returned to the house. Something about Minnie needing her. She was totally out of it when I peeled her off the rock and sat her upright. She had scurried out of the cave the first free moment she had.
“You looked fucked out.” Brick laughed as he came to my side with a plate full of ribs. My stomach growled, and I stole one off his plate. “Tess come off her high yet?”
“Think so.” The flavor smothered my tongue and reminded me of where it was just an hour ago. My pants grew tight, and the thought of doing another round with Tess started to overcome my hunger.
Jace walked by, and I snatched his plate from his hands. I needed to fuel up quick.
“Seriously?” he growled but left before I could remind him he shouldn’t even be eating yet.
Gus hurried by like he was looking for someone. He had been off lately too. Fin zipped by, nearly knocking him over, and the three slices of pizza he carried almost slid off the plate. I was sure the little shit would go find a quiet spot and eat it all himself. I’d never seen a kid with such an appetite.
“You find out why she’s pissed at you?” Brick asked with a rib sticking out of his mouth. “The only time she works out is when she’s mad. So, what did you do?”
I shrugged.
“I bet it’s over the whole ‘she wants more’ thing. Women dwell.”
Her words, “I want more!” suddenly smacked me across the face.
“Trigger!” Langley popped up by the doorway like he appeared out of nowhere. “Time to train.”
Brick jumped. “Jesus. Has he always done that?”
“Yeah.”
“Langley,” he yelled, “feel free to announce yourself instead of fucking jumping out of shadows.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t be so jumpy, Mr. Brick.”
“Man, I’ve been shot at more times than I can count and been stabbed in the gut. I’m gonna be jumpy.”
Langley shrugged. “Maybe you should be more observant so you can see what’s coming.” He ignored Brick’s pissed look and checked his watch. “We are late.”
I tossed the rib bone on Brick’s plate and rubbed my hands on my jeans.
“Watch the guys.”
“Seriously?” Brick snickered at the bone. “Ew.”
“You’ll live.”
“Let’s go!” Langley shouted, and Brick dropped his plate, sending hot sauce across the stones. “Heads up, Mr. Brick.”
“Shit! That’s fucked up, man.”
Chapter
Nineteen
Tess
Morning broke through the thin curtains of the sunroom where I had fallen asleep the night before with the third book in my hands.
My eyes were still puffy from crying. Thank God no one saw me last night. My heart broke when I got to the part where Keith brought Savannah the fish because she kept pushing people away.
Gawd, I’m a sucker for angsty books!
I ran my hands through my hair and tugged my clothes back into place as I heard voices outside the door.
“Morning.” Gus’s raspy voice broke through my fog, and I smiled when I saw he had two mugs of coffee in his hands. I stood to take them from him as he struggled to walk without splashing. “Thanks.”
“How’d you find me?”
His smile quickly changed into a squint as he dropped into the overstuffed chair across from me. I hated that he was always in so much pain and had two little boys to raise.
“You think Trigger goes to bed without knowing you’re okay first?”
“Oh.” I almost blushed. I liked how he cared enough to look for me. “I’m shocked he didn’t wake me.”
“He wanted to.” He coughed loudly and fought to catch his breath. “But he thought you probably wanted to be left alone. Do you?”
His blunt question threw me, and when I didn’t answer right away, he remained quiet.
“You’re different since you came back. Clark’s death botherin’ you?”
I played with a piece of my hair for something to do and shifted uncomfortably. “I’m not bothered by his death, just by the things he said.” I shrugged. I realized I really didn’t give a shit. I tried to kill him before, and now it had been done. “I think I struggle with the fact it wasn’t my mother lying limp and pathetic on the slaughter room floor.”
“Just say the word, sweetheart, and Trigger will make that happen.”
“I know. I also know her time will come.” I knew Trigger would take her out, but, “I guess it’s not time yet. I want her to feel his loss the way I did when she took him away from me. Then I’ll make my move.”
“There’s the fire I love about you.”
I nodded. “Trust me, Gus, the fire is right at the surface, but I’m feeling…”
“What?”
“Like I’m a floater, like I’m not really sure what to think about things.”
“Things like Trigger?”
“Yeah.” I went with the truth. I never thought of Gus as my person to talk to, but he really was the only one who had any insight into Trigger.
“What’s he doing?”
I sipped my coffee and nearly moaned at the flavor. It was a strong brew with hazelnut woven through it. “Nothing, really. It’s me.” My mind spun with the right words.
“I’m confused.”
I laughed and set my mug on a triangle-shaped coaster. “Welcome to my head.” I crossed my legs and took a deep breath. “Look, Gus, I was always the girl who was in love with someone I couldn’t have. Clark strung me along for years, took my innocence, took my choices from me, but even through it all, I did know he truly cared for me. But Trigger…” A lump grew in the center of my throat. “His walls are so high, he won’t allow himself to admit how he feels, and when I think I’ve made progress with him, I’m wrong. I never thought I wanted to fall in love again, but now that I have, I’m not sure how to navigate it…” I trailed off when his face froze.
What?
Oh-my-fresh-hell, what did I just say?
A cold sweat broke out along my neck, and my head started to pound.
“You love my boy?”
“No,” I blurted. “My mouth just ran away with me.”
“Oh.” His smile showed such unconditional pride for his nephew that it made me want to retract that last comment.
“Even…” I cleared my throat and lowered my voice. “Even if I did, that’s not what he wants. He’s made that very clear…and so have I. Gus, I didn’t mean
to fall for him. Truly, I didn’t. We had an understanding, but before the whole church thing happened, we had a few days there where I saw behind his walls, and I hate that I fell. Hard.” I stood abruptly, unable to stay still, so I paced the room. “I thought about dating someone else just to prove these feelings aren’t real. I mean, this isn’t me. I never wanted this. I’m the ice queen. But…” I held my head, feeling dizzy. “Help, help me fix this! I can’t run and leave Brick again. I owe him the world.”
“Tess.” Gus stopped my madness. “Sit.”
I did as he said but still felt like I was on a hamster wheel with no end in sight.
“Trigger has had women fall at his feet his entire life, but never once have they been able to touch him, sleep in the same bed with him, none of them was kept around this long. And this is a big one—never, ever would he have gone after them. He’s shit at communicating his feelings, but let me tell you, he feels something for you. And I know you know that.”
“I do, but anytime I let him know I can see he cares about me, he shuts down. It’s not like I want marriage.” I shuddered at the thought. “But I need to hear from him that I matter.”
Gus leaned back, his lips pressed together in thought. I took the moment to down some more coffee. “I came in here to talk to you about something else, but now I’m wondering if I can use your confession as a tool to help me.”
“I don’t know what you mean.”
“Hear me out.” He rubbed his face then leaned forward, resting his arms on his thighs. One shoulder rose higher than the other. His body was in such bad shape.
“Look, Tess,” he massaged his knee, yet another sign how much his body hurt, “you have Trigger’s ear more than anyone right now, and that’s sayin’ a lot. I need you to do something for me.”
“I’m listening.”
“I need you to convince Trigger not to fight.”
“Why?” The conversation had taken a strange turn.
My senses went on overdrive. I knew something was up, something more than just Trigger going back into the ring. Gus looked straight at me, and his jaw bulged as if he was gritting his teeth.
“You think you’ve seen Trigger at his worst in the slaughter room. Well, you haven’t. The ring is what makes Trigger go into beast mode. It messes up his head, and it takes him over. They talk about how he has a switch, but you really haven’t seen his switch fully flipped until you’ve seen him after that bell has rung.”
“So what? He flips it, fights, wins, and we’re done.”
“No,” he shook his head, “it’s not that simple. He’ll probably win, yes. Allen is sixty-something, but it’s the after that scares me. He might go back to the old Trigger. I’m afraid he’ll get lost in his hell again, and he won’t want to get back out. I’ve seen it before, firsthand, and I don’t ever want to again.”
“I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do, Gus. We all know Trigger does what he wants, when he wants to.”
He nodded then rolled my arm over and pushed up the sleeve of my cashmere sweater. The corners of his mouth went up and he chuckled quietly.
“What?”
“Nothing.”
I glanced at the black and gray tattoo key that was hidden in the thick ivy of ink. I loved how my scar was now hidden so well. The only way you’d know it was there was if you touched it.
His hand fell on top of mine, and I looked over. He seemed to be struggling with words.
“Spit it out, Gus.”
“Tess, promise me you’ll try anything you can to keep him out of that ring.” He swallowed hard before he looked deep in my eyes. “Give him a reason not to.”
His words echoed around my head, and then it hit me.
“You want me to ask him not to fight if he truly does love me?” I felt sick. What a way to ask someone to prove they love you. With a threat.
“I get how this sounds, Tess, but there’s more to it than Trigger getting lost back in his own hell.” He shifted and hesitated. “I have a shitty feeling there’s a lot more going on with this fight.”
“Like what?”
“I don’t know, but Allen hates his son more than anything, and he never does anything without a damn good reason, and he always has a backup plan.”
And his backup plan could be death…
***
My shoes pounded the pavement, my arms pumped at my sides, and the cool, crisp air lined my lungs with a thin layer of frost. Light mist hung in the morning air, and dark rain clouds promised another wet afternoon.
I missed my usual running companion who left me alone with my thoughts. Instead, I had a wheezy Rail who had stopped twice now for a smoke break. Jace disappeared this morning to run an errand for Big Joe. Really, I thought he’d offered himself up so he could avoid running with me.
I glanced over my shoulder to see Rail heaved over, hands on his knees. A guy in tight shorts and a headband ran by him in perfect form and slowed.
“Slap my ass and call me jazzed. Beautiful morning for a run, hey, man?”
I fought my laughter at Rail being hit on.
“Yeah, we get it.” Rail snickered as he drew closer to him. “You work out, and we’re all so impressed.”
“What?” The cute guy looked confused but kept moving.
“You about done?” I folded my arms once again, annoyed I wasn’t able to go out for a run on my own.
“I just need—” He coughed and pulled out another smoke, lit the tip, and closed his eyes as the poison smothered his insides. “Sweet,” he purred. “Tastes like sex in the dirt.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake.” I covered my face and groaned. “Can we just get this done?”
“Why can’t we quit now? What are…” He sucked in another breath, and something crossed his mind and his eyes widened. “What are you running from, anyway?”
“I’m not running from anything.” We both stopped, and he walked over to a railing. He rolled his head and blew a white cloud at my face.
Sexy.
But was it that noticeable?
“Ugh,” I huffed and flopped down next to him on the railing. My muscles screamed for a break, and I could really use some food. “Myself. Trigger. I don’t know.”
“Wow, I was just grasping for an excuse, here. I didn’t know there really was something going on,” he joked, but when he caught my unimpressed expression, he tried to get serious. “Okay, let me get in the headspace.” He squeezed his eyes shut and chanted. “Chick talk, chick talk, chick talk. Ass, tits, scissoring, and wet bits. Okay,” he sighed dramatically, “I’m ready.”
“Aren’t I lucky?” I rolled my eyes at his views on women. “I’ve been asked to do something, and I don’t know where to begin.”
“Ah,” he nodded, “Gus got to you about Trigger and the fight.”
“How did—” I stopped myself. I wasn’t sure how much he really knew.
“Not like we all aren’t thinking the same thing. Trigger goes rogue after he fights. I’ve seen the tail end of it, and it wasn’t pretty. Ever since he told Gus, the old man has been stressed out.”
“Oh.” My mind slapped me around a little. Gus needed your help and what did you do? You decided to go for a run. Talk about ungrateful.
“Trigger listens to no one but himself. Of course, there’s the whole ‘is Allen really the one fighting Trigger, and if not, who is he bringing in’ thing.”
“Yeah, there’s that too.” Who would be good enough to fight Trigger?
Rail pushed himself up. I joined him and looked around at the clouds closing in. It suddenly felt like it was a race to tell Trigger before the storm hit.
“Gus thinks you might have an in.”
“Do I?”
“Don’t you?” he countered.
“Fuck me.”
“That’s the spirit.” He slapped my shoulder. “Now, are we done here, or do I have to choke on this fresh fucking air some more?”
“No, let’s go.”
“Good.” He raised his ha
nd. “Taxi!”
After we returned to the house, Rail went directly to the bar and yelled for a beer while he dramatically clutched his chest as if in pain.
I showered and headed downstairs for something to eat. I was almost lightheaded with hunger.
Just as I rounded the corner, I heard voices and slowed my pace. Trigger and Brick were at the island discussing something, and the way they were hunched over and speaking in low voices, I assumed it wasn’t something they wanted me to hear.
“You kill him?” Brick quickly switched topics and kissed my cheek.
“Yeah, about that.” I rested my hands on my hips. “Why the hell would you send Smokey Joe to run with me when he has the lung capacity of a five-year-old?”
“Jace was busy.” Brick shrugged.
“That so?” Trigger checked his phone. “I just saw him.”
“He’s avoiding the workout.” I hoped Trigger was in a chatty mood.
“Won’t hurt Rail.” Trigger grunted as he texted someone. “Next time, take Cooper.”
“Or you could run with me.”
Brick laughed as he left the room, and Trigger looked up at me. “You couldn’t keep up.”
“Wanna bet?” I bit into an apple.
The corners of his mouth went up into that oh-so-sexy look he gave me when the promise of sex was in the air.
“And when I win?” He set his phone down and stood like a panther, excited at the challenge.
“Me, anywhere you want.” I lifted my head as he came closer. “And if I win,” I held my ground, “I want to speak to you about something without you shutting down on me.”
His brows drew together, and I could see he was interested. His curiosity would get the best of him.
“What’s wrong?”
Seriously? Here?
“Can we talk alone?”
“No.” Rail leaned over the back of the couch. When did he get here? “If you leave, I can’t eavesdrop.”
“Fuck off, Rail.” Trigger took my hand and pulled me outside. He led me to a pathway partially covered with palm trees so we could have some privacy. He didn’t seem to mind the cold weather, whereas I held onto his arm with both hands to steal his warmth.