by E. L. Todd
“Yeah?” He leaned across the table.
“Yeah.”
“What else do you think?” A slight smirk was on his lips while he stared into my face. His eyes were blue like a bottle of Gatorade.
“A lot of things…”
“Care to venture one?” He leaned further.
“I think you’re sweet and compassionate. You like to help people even though you get nothing in return. It makes you feel good when you make other people feel good. And you’re an amazing kisser…”
His smile widened. “You know me pretty well. You’re my best friend, Meadow.”
“I am?” There wasn’t surprise in my voice. Because I knew he was mine. I told him things I wouldn’t say to someone else, and when I wasn’t with him I wondered what he was doing. He made me feel safe. He felt like home.
“What? I’m not yours?”
“No, of course you are.”
“Then we need to get a friendship bracelet or something,” he teased.
“You would look ridiculous wearing one.”
“I can wear a manly one.”
“I don’t think such a thing exists…”
“Unless you know where to look.” His hand was still in mine, and judging the way he squeezed it he didn’t intend to let it go—ever.
***
River arrived at my door. “You ready to do this?” He wore a white t-shirt and denim jeans.
“You sure you want to wear that?” I asked.
He looked me up and down, eyeing my blouse and jeans. “Are you sure you want to wear that?”
“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?” I asked.
He shrugged. “What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”
“You’re wearing a white shirt. You’re probably going to spill.”
“Oh, don’t worry about that,” he said. “They give us aprons.”
“Oh,” I said. “And what’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”
“It’s not slutty enough.”
I rolled my eyes. “Why would I wear something slutty to eat a bunch of pie?”
“Because you should always dress slutty.” He stepped over the threshold and waited for me to join him.
I grabbed my purse, and together we walked to the restaurant. When we arrived, it was a little hole-in-the-wall place. But those were the best kind. We took a seat then ordered dinner.
“They expect you to eat first?” I asked in surprise.
“Get something light,” he said. “Otherwise it won’t even be a close race.”
“Stop talking like you’ve already won.”
“Well, think about it,” River said. “I’m three times your size. I can eat more than you.”
“Three times?” I asked in doubt. “That would make you three hundred and sixty pounds.”
“You don’t know how much I weigh.”
“I can tell just by looking at you.”
“Oh yeah?” he challenged. “Take a guess.”
My eyes roamed over his body and I remembered the hardness of his chest and stomach. I had to take that into account, plus his height. “One ninety…three?”
His jaw dropped. “Damn, you actually got it.”
I smiled in triumph. “Seeing you naked really paid off.”
“And for other reasons I’m sure…” He picked up the menu and browsed through it.
We both decided to split a sandwich and a plate of fries. The action was something I would do with Danielle. I’d never done it with a guy before. River was the first guy friend I ever had.
When we were finished, the waitress put aprons over our heads. “Ready?”
“I was born ready, ma’am,” River barked.
I grabbed my fork and clenched it in my hand. “Bring it.”
She placed two pies in front of us. “On your mark…get set…go.”
River and I both dived in and ate as quickly as possible. He didn’t even use a fork. He just used his bare hands. Then he stopped and pointed over my shoulder. “What’s that?”
I paused and turned. “What?”
He smeared pie across my face. “Whoops. It must have slipped.” Then he kept eating, inhaling his food.
“Jerk.” I threw a clump of pie on his face. “I’m not letting you get away with that.”
River kept eating and finished half of his pie. Then he smeared whipped cream on my forehead. “It’s a good look for you.”
I threw pie back at him. “You look like the Pillsbury doughboy.”
“And you look like a ghost.”
We kept eating but then my stomach reached its limit. Instead of continuing to eat, I sabotaged his effort by scooping my pie into his tin.
“What the hell are you doing?”
“Take that.”
“That’s just cheating,” he said with a laugh.
“All is fair in love and war.”
He rose from his side of the booth then slid into mine, plopping a large piece of pie on my face.
“I’m never going to get this out of my hair.”
“We’ll take a shower together. Problem solved.”
I laughed at the look of pie all over his face. I could barely distinguish his features. He reminded me of Frosty the Snowman. “You look ridiculous.”
“And you think you look much better, sweetheart?”
“Actually, yeah I do.”
He grabbed my chin and forced my look on him. Then he gave me a hard kiss on the mouth. His hands moved into my hair, spreading the cream and crust everywhere else.
The taste of his lips mixed with the sweetness of the pie was the perfect combination. I forgot about our competition as he kissed me with force, crushing my mouth against his. He breathed hard into my mouth, like he needed everything I could possibly give him.
My lips moved against his and I breathed hard while I felt the heat course through me. His kiss always sent me into the clouds, making me feel higher than a kite. My toes felt numb since all my blood left my extremities. It pooled in my heart and the area between my legs.
River kept kissing me like he had no intention of stopping. The pieces of cake fell from our faces and landed in our laps. We probably looked ridiculous, making out in the middle of eating pie but we didn’t seem to care. Then he finally pulled away and looked at me with a smolder in his eyes. “Who won?”
I eyed the demolished pies. They were destroyed and it was difficult to tell who ate more or less. I turned back to him. “It’s a tie.”
“Good answer.”
***
I returned from my morning break with my scone in hand. It was blueberry and crunchy and I was excited to demolish it at my desk. But destroying food made me think of River and our pie-eating contest. It got a little out of control.
I sat at my desk and smiled while I ate my muffin, thinking of my evening with River. The night after the pie contest, we played video games at my place. And the night after that we went to the movies. I was starting to spin more time with him than I did with Danielle.
Nathan came out of his office and cleared his throat. “You really like that muffin, huh?”
I tensed at his unexpected approach. I didn’t even hear him. “What?”
“You’re grinning like an idiot.”
“Oh.” I realized that must have looked weird. “I just really like blueberry.”
“I’ll say. Can I try a piece?”
“Sure.” That was a weird request. I handed the muffin over.
Instead of taking it from me, he leaned down and took a bite of it, his eyes glued to mine as he did it. He pulled away and chewed. Then he wiped his lips with his forefinger, getting a smudge of blueberry.
I froze, insanely confused and turned on. Seeing the way he took a bite out of my food and stare at me as he did it sent a shiver down my spine. I wanted him to eat me like that, to devour me.
“Now I know why you’re smiling so much.”
I knew I had a crazed look on my face. I wish I would close my mouth and act like a normal
person, not like a love-struck teenager. “Uh…” Words left me in that moment.
“Speaking of eating, I was wondering if you’d like to have dinner with me tonight.”
Oh my god, he just asked me out. I wished I had a remote so I could rewind the moment just so I could watch it again. I’d wanted him to ask me for years and now he finally had. Jumping on my desk and dancing like an idiot sounded like an appropriate reaction—but not in front of him. But then I realized I couldn’t accept the offer. River told me not to. I slowly deflated from my place in the sky, coming back to earth. How did I reject him? “I actually have plans tonight.”
“How about tomorrow?”
I wasn’t expecting him to follow up with that. “I’m pretty much booked all week.”
He didn’t react. His features stayed exactly the same. “Next week, then?”
I wanted to reject him but I didn’t want to be a bitch as I did it. I wanted him to ask me out again sometime, when River finally said I could actually agree to the date. “My schedule is pretty full right now...” I stared at him and felt terrible.
He didn’t show any disappointment. “A beautiful girl like you probably has a busy nightlife.” Without another word, he walked back to his office.
I wanted to savor the feeling of joy of him asking me out. But it was hard to hold onto that when I felt terrible for rejecting him. I’d never been the type of girl to play games. I was always honest with my intentions and I certainly didn’t play hardball. But Nathan hadn’t even noticed me until River helped me. I had to trust River’s judgment even if I didn’t totally agree with it.
***
“He asked me out,” I told River when he came over.
“That guy is so predictable,” he said in a bored voice.
“Do you have any idea how hard it was to say no?”
“No,” he said. “It must have been pretty easy.”
I shook my head in irritation. “He’s a good guy, River.”
“Whatever you say, sweetheart.” He moved to the couch. “What are we doing tonight?”
“You want to visit your sister?”
He turned to me with a surprised look on his face. “Seriously?”
“Yeah, why not?” I asked. “You haven’t seen her in a few weeks, right?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Then let’s go. I’m sure she would want company.”
“But you would actually want to do that?” Disbelief was in his voice.
“Why would I offer if I didn’t?”
“Visiting a stranger in rehab for drugs and alcohol isn’t how I would spend my night.”
“No, probably not,” I said. “But you’re my friend and she’s important to you. I want to be there for you. You aren’t alone in this.”
He stared at me with a look I didn’t recognize. I wasn’t sure if he’d ever given it to me before. The light left his eyes but was replaced by something different. He regarded me in a new way. There was a spark of affection and a blaze of fondness. “I like not being alone.” He said the words quietly, almost as a whisper.
“You never have to be alone.” I moved beside him on the couch.
He grabbed me and moved me onto his lap. “You’re the best client I’ve ever had.”
“Really?” I asked. “Because I kiss you?”
He released a faint chuckle. “No. Because you make me happy.” There was sincerity in his eyes. He held my gaze for a long time before he leaned in and gave me a gentle kiss on my neck. Then he gripped the strap of my dress and pulled it down my shoulder. When the skin was exposed, he kissed the area, pressing a gentle but sensual kiss there.
I contained the moan in my throat and loved the way his warm lips felt against my cool skin. His light breaths moved across my skin, making my body come alive from the dormancy it experienced. I hadn’t been with a man in a long time, and the longer I was around River the more impossible it became to resist him. I wanted a night of passionate sex, especially with someone I was extremely attracted to, cared about, and felt comfortable with. My other partners were a little awkward, probably because we didn’t know each other that well. But River knew my body perfectly even though he’d never seen it bare. And I knew his all too well. Nathan was the man I wanted to hit my sheets with next but my desire for him faded with every passing day. I wasn’t sure why. Maybe it was because it seemed unlikely that Nathan would ever fall in love with me. Maybe it was because I knew he was unattainable. And I was preparing myself for that hurt.
River pulled away and looked me in the eye. Then he cleared his throat. “We should probably get going…visiting hours end early today.”
Disappointment flushed through me when I realized I wanted to stay on the couch and make out. His hands needed to be on me, to roam across my body and feel my bare skin. I wanted those kisses all over me, from the back of my neck to the area between my legs.
River continued to watch me. “If you want me, take me.” It was like he could read my mind.
His words made my breathing increase and I was at a loss for words. How did he know what I wanted? Did I wear my heart on my sleeve like I feared? Did he see the desire in my eyes?
River brought his lips to my ear. “I always want you. I’m here whenever you want me.” He stood up, carrying me as he did it, and then put me down. “We should hit the road.”
“Yeah…” I was dizzy, blinded by my confusion. Heat flushed up my neck and to my face. I could even feel the steam come out of my ears. My legs felt weak, and I knew I wanted to straddle his hips and ride him up and down. But something stopped me. And I was grateful for whatever that was.
***
Sarah sat across from us on the other sofa. Her hair was pulled into a braid over one shoulder and she was unrecognizable from the last time I saw her. Her blonde hair looked combed and washed. She looked like a new person.
“How’s it going, sis?” River asked, keeping his voice low.
Sarah ignored him. Her eyes were on me. “Meadow?”
“Yeah?” How did she know my name? I hadn’t had a chance to introduce myself yet. Did that mean River talked about me?
“She wanted to come along and check on you,” River said.
“That was nice of you,” Sarah said quietly. Now that she was sober, she was actually very sweet. She looked tired, like she had no energy, but there was a natural warmth about her. The lack of poison was already effective.
“She’s a good friend,” River said. “She’s always there for me.”
“I’m glad my brother has you,” she said. “He really cares about you.”
Did he talk about me a lot?
River cleared his throat and changed the subject. “That’s a nice tennis court out there. Have you used it?”
“No, I don’t know how to play,” Sarah said.
“I’m sure someone here wouldn’t mind teaching you.” River spoke to her differently than before, almost like a parent rather than a brother. He kept his tone specific, like it would keep her calm and make her feel safe. He was extremely attentive to her, unnaturally in tune with her feelings and emotions. River was much more sensitive than he let on.
“River?” The nurse approached him and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Can I speak to you in private for a moment?”
“Sure.” River shot Sarah a significant look before he stepped away with the nurse.
Now it was just Sarah and I.
She stared at me without blinking, like she was trying to memorize my face. Her eyes were blue just like River’s. I couldn’t help but see the similarities between them.
“River said you like it here. That’s good.”
“It’s a beautiful place,” she said. “It’s much more comfortable than the other facilities I’ve been to.
“It’s nice. I’d live here.” I added a laugh at the end to break the tension.
“There are no distractions here. And everyone is so calm and nice.” She spoke slowly, almost in a dreamy voice. “My brother is a g
ood man. He’s treated me better than I’ve ever treated him.”
“That’s why he’s so beautiful,” I said. “Making other people feel good makes him feel good. He doesn’t care about his own wants and desires.”
Sarah watched me closely. “I thought River would never settle down with one woman. But after seeing you with him, I know he’s found the person he’s been looking for.”
Her words made my heart race. I wasn’t sure why she said that or where it came from. He and I were just friends—nothing more. We kissed now and then but that was the extent of our physical relationship. I wasn’t sure how she got the impression we were romantically involved. “He and I are just friends.”
“You came all the way down here just because River is a friend?” There was no accusation in her voice. “It’s a far drive, and spending time with an alcoholic doesn’t sound like a good time to me. You came to support River, which means you care about him.”
“Of course I do,” I said. “Because he’s my friend.”
“There’s more than that,” she said. “I can tell.”
I stared at her blankly.
“My brother is a good man. You’re lucky to win his heart. No one has ever done it before. And he’s very lucky to find you. I can tell you’re a really sweet girl. You guys are perfect for each other.”
I kept my mouth shut because I didn’t know what to say. My relationship with River was platonic but she didn’t believe that. It was a waste of time to sit there and convince her otherwise. I wasn’t sure where she got this impression. “Why do you think that?”
“What?”
“That we are together.”
“Because you aren’t his usual type.”
“And what’s his usual type?” I asked.
“You know, slutty, busty, and blonde.” She stared at the fire.
Well, I definitely wasn’t a blonde.
We sat in silence until River returned and took the seat next to me.
“Everything okay?” I asked.
“Yeah,” he said. “The nurse gave me an update. She said Sarah is doing well.”
“Since there’s no liquor around I don’t have much of a choice,” Sarah said.
River held his silence while he stared at her.
“The biggest component of recovery is determination,” I said. “When you make the decision to change your life and you really want it for yourself, you can’t fail. But you have to want it first.”