by E. L. Todd
“Really, it’s fine. I’ll manage.’
“Really, it’s fine. Shut up.”
I rolled my eyes and grabbed my purse.
River grabbed my hand then walked with me out of the apartment. I noticed that he held my hand the entire time and he was more affectionate than usual. Or perhaps I was just reading too much into it.
He walked me to my door then pressed me against it. “Good night, sweetheart.” He brushed his lips past mine then gave me a gentle kiss on the lips. “I had a great time this weekend.”
“Me too.”
He cupped my face and gave me another sensual kiss. “I’ll see you soon.”
“Okay.”
He rubbed his nose against mine before he pulled away and walked down the hallway.
When I got inside my apartment, I replayed our weekend in my mind. It was fun and satisfying. River was good in the sack like I expected him to be. He clearly knew his way around the bedroom. But that was a one time thing and now we were back to being friends. I just hoped I wouldn’t have another slip up. After having sex that good it would be hard not to beg him to take me again.
***
I was reading a report on my computer but I wasn’t really looking at it. I was daydreaming about River kissing my entire body from head-to-toe. I imagined how much he stretched me when he was inside me. My thoughts got me carried away and I realized my panties were wet. But it was so hard not to think about.
Nathan approached my desk. “Hey.”
I practically jumped out of my chair. “Geez, you scared me.”
He stared at me blankly. “Sorry…did you almost get caught looking at porn?” There was a teasing note to his voice.
I released a nervous chuckle. “Something like that…” He pretty much hit the nail right on the head. “I’m sorry. Did you need something?”
“Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something. You have a minute?”
Was that a joke? He was my boss. Of course I had a minute. “Sure. What’s up?”
He kept his hands in his pockets while he gathered his thoughts. “I know you’re seeing River or whatever is going on so maybe this question is inappropriate but…I’d really like to take you out on a date.” He watched my reaction, his eyes slightly anxious.
I couldn’t believe he asked me out again. He asked me last week and now he was asking me again. River hadn’t prepared me for this. I’m assuming he hadn’t been expecting it either. “Uh…”
“It doesn’t seem like you and River are really serious, correct me if I’m wrong, but I’d really like to take you out. I’ve been pretty obsessed with you over the past few months and I can’t stop thinking about you. I know we work together and our families are close but…I thought we would give it a shot.”
I couldn’t believe Nathan was fighting for me so hard. River was a pure genius. He predicted this flawlessly. And now Nathan wanted me and was willing to do anything to make that happen. He wanted to take me to dinner, not just his apartment, and he didn’t seem to mind that we worked together. He clearly gave this some serious thought. I should ask River what I should do but I didn’t have that opportunity. And I played hard to get long enough. “Sure, I’d love to.” The victory wasn’t as good as I thought it would be. I assumed I’d want to dance in my chair and scream but I didn’t. I wasn’t even nervous when I looked at Nathan. Perhaps I was growing more confident. I wasn’t sure.
“I’m busy for the rest of this week but how about Friday?”
“Friday would be great.”
“Great.” He gave me a smile then stepped away from my desk. “I look forward to it.” He entered his office.
I sat there and stared at the computer screen, forgetting where I left off. Instead of feeling happy I felt something else. What was it? Anxiety? Uncertainty? It felt like guilt. And River came into my mind but I wasn’t sure why. He and I were just friends. He was only spending time with me because I was paying him. We made out and fooled around but I knew that was common for him.
So, what was the problem?
River
“Guess who’s my girlfriend?” I asked as I sat across from Jett.
He shrugged. “Cato?”
“No.” I wasn’t amused.
“Rhett?” he asked. “But he’s too pretty for you.”
“Meadow,” I said. “She’s mine. I got her.”
He smirked then clanked his beer against mine. “Congrats, man.”
“Damn right I deserve a congratulations,” I said. “I had to put her head on straight and make her realize Nathan was just a douche.”
“You slept with her?”
“Oh yeah, I slept with her.”
He rolled his eyes. “Please don’t name your kids Waterfall or Mountain.”
“Not a bad idea, actually…”
Jett cringed. “Your kids would be teased mercilessly.”
“I’ll teach my kids how to fight,” I said. “Problem solved.”
“What a good role model,” he said sarcastically.
I was too happy to care about his comments.
“She good in the sack?”
“Fucking amazing,” I said. “Tightest pussy I’ve ever had.”
“Then you obviously don’t know Ophelia that well…”
“And she’s an amazing kisser,” I said. “But I care more about all the other stuff.”
“What other stuff?”
“You know, the foundation of friendship and trust. I can hang out with her all day and not have sex with her. I mean, I want to have sex with her but that’s not all I want. Just holding her is enough for me. We can hang out like we’re friends but we have amazing sex. It’s the coolest thing ever.”
“Welcome to the married club.”
“Thank you,” I said. “It’s pretty awesome so far.”
“There are days when Ophelia and I are all over each other and can’t stop. But then there are other days where we just like to be together. She’ll be reading a book and I’ll be playing a game. We don’t say anything but we’re comfortable around each other. She’s like my best friend but I get to see her naked.” He wiggled his eyebrows at me.
“I thought I would never find someone,” I said. “I’m so picky with girls. But then Meadow walked into my life like she was meant for me or something.”
Jett smirked. “Dude, you’re in deep.”
“There was no L word involved?”
“No,” I said. “I’m not sure where she is with that. I don’t want to scare her off.”
“As in, you love her?” His eyebrow was raised.
I shrugged in response.
Jett’s grin stretched wider. “Man, you’re in really, really deep.”
I wasn’t ashamed to admit it. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“No…I just noticed it.”
“Well, I don’t care what any of you guys say. You guys are just as whipped as I am. And I enjoy being whipped.”
“I’m happy for you, man.”
“Thanks.”
“Wow, no one at Beautiful Entourage is single…maybe we should just close.”
“And work where?”
He shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe we can hire more employees and just take an executive cut?”
“That’s not a bad idea,” I said. “Maybe we can hire some girls this time. Geeky losers need dates all the time.”
“I think you’re onto something.”
I kept checking my watch, needing to know what time it was.
“Need to be somewhere?” Jett asked.
“I’m just waiting until Meadow gets off work.”
“So, I’m just entertaining you in the meantime?” he asked with a smirk.
“Where’s Ophelia?”
He shrugged. “Work.”
“Looks like we’re all we got until our ladies are available.”
He drank his beer then looked out the window. “Isn’t it weird since she still works with that guy she used to be into?”
/>
“I don’t think so. She’s not into him anymore so I don’t see why it would matter.”
Jett watched me while he fidgeted with his glass. “Did she actually say that?”
“She doesn’t need to.” When I took a drink I felt the foam on my lips. I licked it away. “She wouldn’t have slept with me unless that was the case.”
Jett didn’t seem convinced. “Wasn’t she in love with this guy for years?”
“And I made her forget all about him.”
“But she was kissing you when she was still paying you to make this guy jealous…”
“What are you saying?” I demanded. Why was he shitting all over my parade?
“I just wouldn’t jump to any conclusions.”
“Well, I know Meadow and you don’t. She’s a good girl. She wouldn’t have slept with me unless it meant something.”
“I’m not saying it didn’t mean anything,” he said. “But maybe it meant something different to her.”
“No,” I said. “You’re wrong.” I eyed my watch again. “Well, my lady is off of work. I’m heading to her apartment so I can snatch her the moment she walks inside.”
Jett watched me with hesitant eyes.
“I appreciate the concern but you’re wrong about this, man.”
He shrugged. “I hope I am.”
***
Meadow came down the hallway wearing one of the dresses I picked out for her. She looked like a Victoria Secret model that just returned from a shoot. She fished her keys out of her purse as she approached the door.
“Hey, sweetheart.”
She practically jumped ten feet into the air. “Shit, you scared me.”
“Because of my ridiculously good looks?” My arms moved around her waist and I gave her a hard kiss on the mouth. “It catches everyone off guard.”
Instead of responding to me warmly like she usually did, her reaction was different. It was like she hadn’t expected me to kiss her, or even worse, she didn’t want me to kiss her. She pulled away and grabbed her keys. “No, seeing a guy lurk in the corner is a bit disconcerting.”
“Because I look dark and mysterious?”
She chuckled. “Something like that.” She got the door unlocked and stepped inside. She set her purse on the counter then immediately kicked off her heels.
I came behind her and pressed my crotch into her ass. Feeling her curves made me rock-hard. I’d been thinking about her all day, wanting to take her in as many positions as possible. Then I wanted to snuggle under a blanket on the couch and stare at her face while she watched TV.
Meadow moved out of my embrace. “How was your day?”
“Pretty boring,” I said. “Jett entertained me for a while but since he doesn’t have a nice ass or rack I lost interest.”
“Understandable,” she said with a smile in her voice. She walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a bottle of water. She twisted the cap off and took a deep drink.
I leaned against the counter and watched her, wanting to bend her over and take her. “How was your day?”
She took another drink before she responded. “Interesting.”
“What was so interesting about it?” I came closer to her then gripped her hips. I liked touching her, treasuring her. She was mine to enjoy and I wouldn’t stop enjoying her.
“Well, Nathan asked me out…again.”
I laughed. “That guy needs to give it a rest.” He was old news and he didn’t even know it.
“Since he put me on the spot I didn’t have a chance to call you and ask what I should do.”
Why would she need to call me? Why wouldn’t she just say no? Was I missing something? “Then what did you say…?”
“I said yes,” she said. “He made a long speech about how he couldn’t stop thinking about me and he wanted to take me out to dinner. I was tired of playing hardball so I caved.” She stared at me with a slight smile on her lips. “After two long months of work it finally happened. Can’t believe I put in that much effort.”
I froze and felt my heart race in my chest. Pain like I’d never known washed through me and made me feel sick. Everything hurt. It was as if my heart had frozen over and shattered into indefinite pieces of glass. Then they penetrated every other part of my body, inflicting as much pain as possible. I felt like someone threw me under a bus but then I was ran over by five additional cabs before anyone noticed I was there. Embarrassment, anger, and shame washed through me, heightened by the blood pounding in my ears. What did I miss? How did I misinterpret all of this? I thought Meadow and I were happy with each other. I thought she was mine…
“River?” Meadow’s voice played in my ear.
My eyes turned to her face when I realized I was staring at the ground. The tone of her voice suggested she’d been saying my name for a long time. I’d been too distraught to notice anything. “I…I have to go.” I turned away from her and headed to the door.
“River?” Meadow followed me. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Nothing at all.” I walked out and slammed the door behind me.
***
I turned my phone off and disappeared from the world for the next few days. Anger and pain washed through me in waves. Sometimes the waves were enormous like an incoming tide. Sometimes they were calm, but just as devastating.
I was unsure what to do with myself. I’d never had my heart broken before. Was that what I was feeling? Heartbreak? My heart felt strained under an invisible weight and the pulse was irregular. When I tried to sleep at night, it pounded in my chest like it was terrified to let me fall asleep. Nightmares of Meadow and Nathan came back to me.
Every girl on the planet wanted me, wanted me to be her husband. I couldn’t count the number of hearts I’d shattered when I said it would never work out. Being on the receiving end of that didn’t feel good. Why did I have to fall for the one girl I couldn’t have?
What went wrong? Did I miss something? The time we spent together was blissful. Every time we kissed my lips burned in longing. Every time I felt her waist with my hand I felt like we belonged together. She and I had a connection most people would never experience. We were comfortable around one another, made each other laugh, and we trusted each other.
So why did she want Nathan?
He was an asshole that didn’t give a damn about her. She was just one of the many he needed to conquer. To him, it was purely sex and instant gratification. He got off to kicking girls out and watching their tears stream down their cheeks. That wasn’t me. I always avoided hurting someone if I could help it. I told women what I wanted up front. It was their decision to take it. But Nathan was just a monster.
The more I thought about Meadow and what happened between us, the more pissed off I became. She used me and hurt me. When we were lying in bed together, I was hurt and vulnerable over my sister. I wanted comfort from Meadow in the form of snuggling with her. But she took it one step further and took advantage of me. She slept with me, and I thought that meant something.
How could she do this to me? I’d been nothing but perfect to her. My hands balled into fists every time I thought about it, and the anger burned through me in waves. My skin started to sweat. I was so angry I didn’t know what to do with myself. If she wanted Nathan, that was fine. But he would break her into a million pieces.
And I wouldn’t be there to put her back together.
***
“You seem…tense.” Sarah watched me from her spot on the couch.
“It’s been a long week.” I watched the fire dance in the hearth. The rehab center was quiet. I could hear the distant sound of a tennis racket slamming against a ball from the courts. The waves from the ocean crashed against the shore. The fire licked the wood and crackled.
“Where’s Meadow?”
I didn’t like talking about her. “You won’t be seeing her anymore.”
Concern came into her eyes. “What did she do?”
“Nothing. I just don’t want to see her anymore.” I kept m
y eyes glued to the fire. Seeing the hurt on my sister’s face wouldn’t make me feel any better.
“What happened?” she asked quietly.
“Nothing.”
“If you guys are having problems, talk about them. Don’t just push her away.”
“I didn’t push her away,” I said with a sarcastic laugh. “That cold woman broke my heart.” Saying the words out loud made me feel worse. It somehow made it true and innate. There was no going back. Meadow preferred Nathan over me and I was just a quick lay. I never meant anything to her. All that time we spent together was irrelevant.
“What did she do?”
My sister and I were never particularly close. I never opened up to her, or anyone for that matter. The only people who really understood me were my friends, but that was because they’ve known me for so long. I didn’t always say what was on my mind. They just knew. “She slept with me but it didn’t mean anything to her. She sees me as a friend. And she prefers some other guy.” I already knew this was true but it hurt to say it out loud.
Sarah stared at me with no emotion.
“She was just a mistake, a regret.” My fingers felt the fabric of the armrest. It was something to do to occupy my hands.
“Have you talked to her about it?”
“She said she wants to go out with this other guy. That was all that needed to be said.”
“She hasn’t called you?”
I shrugged. “My phone is off.”
“Has she come by the apartment?”
I shrugged again. “I haven’t been there much. I’ve been hanging out at the office and staying busy.”
Sarah rested her hands on her lap. “I think you’re avoiding her because you know she’s going to come after you and apologize. And you know you’re going to accept her apology.”
“No, I’m not. What she did was wrong.”
“I think she just had a different view of what was happening between you.”
“I didn’t ask for your opinion, Sarah.” My voice was cold.
She turned away like she was wounded. But then she looked at me again, like she found her courage. “She was paying you to help her get another man. Perhaps she thought her intentions were clear based on that.”