Masked Indulgence

by Michelle Love

  She regretfully broke away from him. ‘We can’t do this now, Charlie, not with – ‘ She jerked her head towards the bedroom door where Cora slept just as they both heard the front door slam.

  ‘Shit.’

  Tinsley went to the bedroom and it was empty. ‘She saw us.’

  Charlie sighed. ‘Looks like it. God dammit.’ He went to the window. ‘Getting in a cab.’

  ‘She really isn’t your responsibility, Charlie. And we don’t need to be ashamed of wanting to be together.’

  Charlie looked at her, his mind obviously on overdrive. Tinsley sighed.

  ‘Look…go to work, check she got home safely. That’s all we can do right now.’

  ‘will you be at work later?’

  ‘Only until eight.’

  ‘I’ll come pick you up and we’ll grab some dinner. Cool?’

  She smiled and went to him. ‘Very cool.’ They kissed again, briefly and then Charlie was gone.

  Charlie called her about five pm. ‘Hey, Tins, look I’m sorry, I have a lead on Riley in Queens – I have to follow it. Can you get home safe?’

  Disappointed, Tinsley told him she could and when her shift at the bar was over, she grabbed her bag and went out into the night. She walked briskly, the cool night air refreshing after the sweaty atmosphere of the bar. At her apartment, she took the stairs one at a time then skittered to a stop. Woods Kinsayle was standing outside her apartment. Tinsley considered turning around but then Woods saw her. He looked exhausted and stressed out.

  ‘Hey, Woods,’ she plastered a smile on her face. She’d never liked the man, thought he treated Riley appallingly.

  ‘Tinsley, hey, look, sorry about this. I was passing and it was a whim to stop and come see if you’d heard anything.’

  Tinsley felt sorry for him. ‘Look, Woods, come in, we’ll have a drink and talk. Sound good?’

  She saw his shoulders slump with relief. ‘Sounds great.’

  Once they were settled, with cold beers, on her couch, Tinsley looked at him. ‘Woods, I really don’t know what else I can tell you except maybe that Riley’s absence doesn’t look too good for him.’

  Woods shook his head. ‘I know. But, Tinsley, really – can you imagine Riley hurting anyone, let alone Lila, who he adored?’

  Tinsley had thought of little else. ‘No, I can’t but that doesn’t mean that, in a moment of madness, he didn’t.’

  Woods sighed, frustrated. ‘But look, the manner of the attack, the brutality. If Riley had a moment of madness, why wouldn’t he have used his gun? Why did he run? Wouldn’t a murder/suicide situation have been easier to believe? Riley shoots Lila, realizes what he’s done, then kills himself?’

  ‘I’m not a psychologist,’ she said gently and Woods nodded.

  ‘I know, I know, I just running through all these scenarios in my head. What does Charlie say?’

  Tinsley shifted uncomfortably. ‘I think he doesn’t want to believe it’s Riley; at the same time he’s desperate to protect Lila.’

  ‘Which I know is totally fair…god, but he doesn’t have to tell our parents that not only is Riley missing but a suspected would-be-killer.’

  She put her hand on his shoulder. ‘I know. I’m sorry, Woods, really.’

  He only stayed a little while longer, then left. Tinsley sighed. God, what a mess this all is.

  She toyed with the idea of take-out but then fell asleep on the couch watching TV. before she could decide what to get.

  She awoke with a start and almost screamed. It was dark, the TV. had been shut off and at the side of the couch where she was lying stood a figure in black. She saw the glint of light from the knife he was holding. She reacted immediately, kicking out at the intruder, catching them on the knee, hearing an annoyed grunt. Male.

  Riley. And he was here to kill her…

  No, no, no. As he lurched forward to grab her, she ducked under his arm and threw herself at the door, twisting the handle before she felt the knife slice into her back.

  Not deep. She screamed and lashed out behind her as he came for her again. She opened the door and banged him with it, using every inch of her strength to twist and turn out of his reach, still screaming for help. None came. The knife sank into her side and she jerked away from him and almost fell down the stairs leading out onto the street.

  She was half crying with fear, half screaming, cursing the cowards who would not help a woman in distress. The attacker grabbed her arm, wrestling her to the ground. Tinsley fought with every piece of strength she had left, twisting her body as he jabbed at her with the knife.

  Suddenly there was a group of young men, yelling and the knife-man disappeared. Tinsley couldn’t believe it. She lay bleeding on the sidewalk as a couple of the guys knelt down to take care of her. They helped her to her feet when she said she was okay.

  ‘Looks like he got you a couple times,’ a kid, no more than twenty, peeled off his over-shirt and pressed it against the worst of her wounds.

  In minutes, paramedics and police were there and in a daze, Tinsley was whisked off to the emergency room. Different voices talked at her for a while but seeing she was in shock, soon left her alone. Her wounds weren’t serious but she was sore and covered in blood.

  What the hell happened? Her brain was a fog, not helped by the morphine the doctors had given her for the pain.

  It was only when she heard Charlie’s deep voice, raised and angry and scared, that it hit her.

  Someone had tried to kill her.

  Breathing became hard and as Charlie came into view, Tinsley finally broke down. Charlie took her into his arms as she sobbed, telling her over and over that it was okay, and she was safe now.

  Seattle

  Noah watched fondly as Lila demolished a stack of pancakes and a side of bacon. As she chewed she grinned at him and he laughed. ‘How are you not the size of a house?’

  Lila swallowed her food. ‘Believe it or not, it’s just the last couple of days I’ve felt this hungry.’

  He took her hand as they sat in the diner. ‘You excited to find out the sex of our bambino?’

  It was their final scan and last night, Lila had told him she was sick of waiting to find out whether their little Matty was a girl or a boy. Noah hadn’t needed much persuasion to agree.

  ‘I’d like us to start looking at family homes for us,’ he said and she nodded.

  ‘That would be good…I’d like to keep the cottage on the island; it such a good little weekend place.’

  ‘I agree but I think we need something more suitable than the condo here.’

  ‘With a garden and a white picket fence?’ Lila chuckled and he grinned.

  ‘Hell, yes a white picket fence.’

  Lila stirred her hot milk. ‘Noah, would you mind very much if it wasn’t in one of those gated communities? I know between us we could probably buy an entire community to ourselves, but I want our kids to be best friends with the kids on a normal suburban street, ride their bikes, play pea-knuckle.’

  Noah burst out laughing. ‘Do you even know what pea-knuckle is?’

  Lila grinned. ‘No idea but you get the picture.’

  Noah nodded mock-seriously. ‘Yep, you want our kids to grow up in the 1950’s.’

  She flicked some milk at him. ‘I was thinking more 1980’s, E.T. in the basket at the front, Grandpa.’

  Noah shook his head smiling. ‘I adore you, Miss Tierney. Come on, it’s time.’

  Hand-in-hand, they waited for the OBGYN to start the scan. Lila winced; once as the doctor took a look at her still vivid scars, even more prominent now her belly was swollen, then as the doctor squeezed the cold gel onto her skin.

  Lila suddenly felt nervous…she so wanted a girl that she was scared that if it was a boy, she wouldn’t love it as much. She looked up at Noah, who smiled down at her, and she felt better. A little boy – a little Noah. Of course she would love him, god, she would love him…

  ‘Okay, let’s go…’ the doctor, gazing at the screen and
pressing the sensor into Lila’s stomach. She moved it around for a while but didn’t say anything. Lila glanced at her face.

  ‘Can you see what sex it is?’

  She felt Noah squeeze her hand and when she looked at him, there was something in his eyes that made her feel cold. She looked back at the doctor and suddenly her throat felt full of cotton wool.

  ‘Dr. Stevens?’ Noah’s voice was flat. ‘What is it?’

  The doctor put down the sensor and turned to them. She seemed to have trouble getting the words out.

  ‘Noah, Lila, there’s no easy way to say this…’

  Lila moaned when she realized what the woman was about to say. ‘No…no…please, no…’

  ‘I’m so sorry, but I can’t find a heartbeat, or any signs of life.’

  Noah made a noise, a groan, a heart-wrenching sound as Lila shook her head furiously.

  ‘No, that’s not possible, I felt her, I felt her kicking…’

  ‘When did you last feel that?’

  Lila’s tears were falling unchecked. ‘Yesterday, yesterday my baby was kicking me…oh god, oh god…’

  Noah wrapped his arms around her, his face creased with pain and sorrow. ‘Lila…’

  ‘Check again,’ Lila almost screamed, ‘check again. Maybe she’s asleep.’

  ‘Lila, darling, there’s no heartbeat,’ Noah said in a broken voice and Lila crumbled.

  ‘I’ll give you two a moment,’ the doctor – a friend and colleague of Noah’s – looked as upset as they did, and she left the room, closing the door behind her.

  ‘How? How can this be?’ Lila asked desperately, clutching at Noah, who shook his head.

  ‘I don’t know, sweetheart, sometimes it…just…happens.’

  They clung to each other then, Lila sobbing, Noah’s own face wet with tears. Finally, calming down, Lila closed her eyes. ‘I wanted her so much, you know? I was so excited to have your baby, Noah; I know we can have more but…’

  ‘It’s okay,’ he said wearily, heartbroken, ‘it’s okay, sweetheart, to mourn our child.’

  There was a knock at the door and the doctor came back in. ‘I’m so sorry, to both of you, It’s rare but late term miscarriages can happen. Have you had any trauma lately?’

  Lila gave a hollow laugh. ‘Where do I start?’

  Noah cursed under his breath, and then apologized to them both. ‘Lauren. Jesus H. Christ.’

  The other doctor looked confused. Lila, head in hands, told her about Lauren’s break-in and their subsequent fight. Dr. Steven’s eyes were big and she shook her head.

  ‘You should call the police, report this. Obviously we won’t have the full cause of death until the autopsy,’ she took Lila’s hand, sympathy in her warm brown eyes. ‘Lila…I’m sorry to add to your pain but we need to make a decision now. Because of how late it is, we’ll need to either give you medicine that will induce birth straight away or wait for your body to naturally go into labor. That takes about two weeks but, Lila, it is risky to leave it and risk infection.’

  ‘I have to give birth.’ Lila’s voice was flat.

  ‘I’m afraid so. Caesarian is too risky, especially in your case. I’m so sorry. I’ll give you and Noah some time to discuss what you want to do.’

  In the end, they all agreed to get it done, get through the worst part. Lila gave birth to their stillborn daughter at four am. the next morning and afterward, they were left alone with her to say goodbye. Lila couldn’t take her eyes from the small perfect features; Matilda Tierney Applebaum was a beautiful baby – with her tiny eyes closed, she looked as if she was asleep.

  ‘I keep looking at her and everything in me is hoping that she’ll just take one breath, live here with us, even if it’s only for a moment. Just hear our voices one time.’ Lila’s voice broke, her body wracked with exhausted, heartbroken sobs. Noah’s tears joined hers, dripping onto their daughter’s tiny forehead.

  ‘We love you, Bean,’ Noah kissed his child’s cold skin then kissed Lila’s temple. They stayed there for hours, the three of them, their family until the doctors came to take Matty away.

  Manhattan

  Tinsley woke in Charlie’s bed. At the hospital, after being stitched up and refusing to stay overnight, Charlie had overridden her objections and taken her back to his place. There he quizzed her on every detail of the attack until she was dropping from exhaustion. He apologized and put her to bed in his freshly changed bed. She had grabbed his hand as he turned to give her some privacy and just said, ‘Stay.’

  Now she woke, cradled in the strong cage of arms, breathing his woody scent in, listening to his breathing. Safe.

  Her wounds were sore now, her muscles aching but god, she was happy, amazed that she was still alive. Now all that was left was confusion; who the hell would want to kill her?

  She realized the magnitude of confusion that Lila must have felt – and with the pain Tinsley had felt, she couldn’t comprehend the pain of being stabbed repeatedly, deep in the belly, that Lila had experienced. She felt weirdly closer to her absent friend and, now she felt desperate to see Lila, to talk with her, for that female warmth and understanding.

  Tinsley looked at Charlie’s face as he slept, deep lines of worry etched on his forehead even at rest. ‘Charlie,’ she whispered, then pressed her lips against his. Charlie opened his eyes and smiled at her. She wanted to tell him then that she wanted to go to see Lila but as he smiled down at her and kissed her again, nothing else in the world mattered, nothing existed except for them, here, now.

  Tinsley pulled him on top of her and wrapped her long legs around his waist. For a second, he looked amazed, then wary. ‘Are you sure?’

  She nodded. ‘I need you, Charlie…’ and with a groan he buried his face in her neck and they began to make love, slowly, gently at first. As they lost themselves in each other, Charlie hitched her legs around his waist and drove his cock deep into her. Tinsley gasped, a mix of sweet pleasure and pain, then as she moved with him, their gazes locked and she gave herself over to the feral animal in her and they fucked long and hard, the intensity never letting up until they were both groaning and breathless, shattering climaxes ripping through them. Charlie moaned as his cock pumped thick, creamy cum deep inside her velvety cunt and Tinsley reveled in the feeling of his weight on top of her.

  He made her come again with his mouth, again and again until she was exhausted and crying, then he gathered her into his arms and held her so tenderly as she let out all the tension that had built up inside her over the last twenty-four hours.

  Tinsley was startled. ‘Really?’ They were sitting in his kitchen and she had just told him of her wish to see Lila. Charlie had shrugged and nodded. ‘Okay.’

  He grinned at her now. ‘Of course, I’ve been thinking the same thing and I know she misses you. Also I want you far away from your apartment, the bar and anywhere else Riley might look for you so I do have selfish reasons too.’

  Tinsley sipped her coffee. ‘I need to talk to Mikey first.’

  Charlie cleared his throat and grinned, his face reddening slightly. ‘Kind of already did. Sorry if that was overstepping.’

  Tinsley sighed. ‘On this occasion, you’re forgiven. How long did you get me?’

  Charlie leaned over to brush a lock of blonde hair from her cheek. ‘As long as you need. That’s Mikey talking as well.’

  Tinsley was relieved. ‘And Lila? Will she be okay with it?’

  Charlie nodded slowly. ‘I haven’t called her yet, but I think so. Especially now,’ he added with a knowing grin and Tinsley chuckled. ‘Look,’ he said, checking his watch, ‘how about this. You go grab a shower and I’ll call her then we’ll go together to your place to pack, grab a flight this afternoon?’

  Tinsley frowned. ‘What about your work?’

  ‘Don’t worry about that, I got some time owed.’

  After she’d showered, checking her wounds in the mirror – a long slice down from her shoulder blade down her back, about three or four inches lo
ng; small cuts in a pattern over her left breast; a deeper wound in the soft flesh of her hip. God, I’m so lucky. As she dressed, she threw back a couple of aspirin with the rather stale glass of water by the bed.

  When she was done, she went back into the kitchen – and stopped. Charlie was staring into the middle distance, an unidentifiable look on his face, his phone on the table in front of him.

  For a second, every horrific scenario ran through her head. Had Riley finally got to Lila?

  ‘What is it?’

  Charlie shook his head. ‘It’s Lila. She’s lost the baby.’

  San Juan Island

  Noah stroked Lila’s soft hair as they lay on the bed together, facing each other, talking softly. She had wanted to come back to the island rather than the condo, the place where they knew now the baby had died. The pathologist had been quick, patient and kind. The placenta had partially detached during the fight with Lauren and the baby stopped getting the nutrients it needed to survive.

  Lila reacted with just a tight nod but Noah had walked out for a few seconds, trying to keep his temper in the face of Lila’s absolute grief.

  They had a small burial service; Lila had wanted a Jewish funeral for Matty and so Noah performed a small service in the non-denominational chapel. It had been a day of unbelievable pain for both of them.

  Now, they lay together, trying to assuage some of that pain by just being together. Charlie had spoken to Noah and Noah had gratefully told him and Tinsley to come. Lila too, had said she didn’t want to be one of those women who moon about and waste time wishing that things could be different.

  ‘Talking of different,’ Noah said now, ‘I’m thinking of giving up my practice at the hospital. I’ve done everything I can achieve in my field…I’d like to go into research, maybe teaching. And that’s something we could do anywhere, Lila. What do you want to do?’

  Lila sighed. ‘I want to go back to school, finish out my Masters, and see where we go from there.’