by Patrice Lyle
The driver calmed the horse and swung around on his seat. "You told me to come over here, and now you're angry about it?"
"I don't look for trouble, but I certainly deal with it when I need to," Tex fired back while glaring at the man.
The driver turned back around and muttered something about us making it quick because he wanted to get home to watch The Brady Bunch on Netflix.
Ruby squinted at me, and when she recognized me, she scowled. "What are you doing? Spying on me?"
Callie frowned. "Look, you don't have any right to keep asking us stuff. We already told you that about Helena and the Oil of Olay blackmail."
"We're not spying," I said. "I have a question for Ken." I watched Callie to see her reaction.
Sure enough, Callie stiffened and edged closer to Ken.
Ken looked at me. "Hey, Doctor Piper. I take it your question's about Veronica's blog post?"
Guilty as charged. "I'm wondering about the Vegas bust with the three-legged endangered turtle, which I assume is Tripod?"
Callie looped her arm through Ken's and gazed at him with a soft, romantic smile on her face. "Ken was trying to help Tripod, that's all. The poor little turtle got pecked by a mean seagull when he was trying to get to the sea. Ken's a hero, not a criminal."
Ken closed his eyes for a second and then glanced at Callie. He looked grateful for her support, but his smile was brother-like. Something that must have driven Callie mad. Here she was pining away over Ken, and he didn't appear to be interested.
That wedding must have been a huge proverbial thorn in her side.
"Callie's right," Ken said. "I was only trying to help Tripod. I was on the beach the day he was born, and seeing him scoot through the sand with only three flippers was gut-wrenching. I fought off a couple of birds, but one seagull hurt him. My animal-lover instinct kicked in, and I grabbed the little guy. Took him to a vet and planned to raise him."
"Until hideous Veronica found out about it and turned Ken in to the police." Callie's acid tone made my stomach twist.
Tex must have noticed it too because he shifted in his seat and tightened his hold on me. Despite his closeness, I shivered anyway.
Callie's anger was scary for sure. But had her rage spiraled out of control until she snapped and killed Veronica?
I gazed at Ruby. She stood close to them, but her crossed arms gave off the vibe of not being in their inner circle. Or maybe she was just mad at me?
She narrowed her eyes. "What now?" Ruby's voice rang out with an irritation too low for her Alvin-like voice.
Once again, I noticed that the squeak seemed to be fizzling out. But why? The doctor in me was more curious than the PI.
I involuntarily scooted closer to Tex. "Nothing." Then I considered asking her about the slight change. It wasn't my business, but I couldn't help myself. "Your voice seems to be, um, changing."
The corneal daggers thrown my way were unmistakable. "Thanks for bringing up a very sensitive subject in public, doctor." Her sarcasm wasn't lost on me nor was her attempt at diversion again.
Instead of responding to my question, Ruby had thrown it back on me. Callie glared at me, and Ken's eyes widened. Even the driver gave me a how-could-you look.
I slunk closer to Tex, mortified. My goal as a naturopathic doctor was to help people, not hurt them.
Ken glared at me. "I think you two should go."
Tex must have agreed because he told the driver to resume the tour. The horse let out a neigh, and we were off. I cast a last look at the group as our carriage rolled away. Ruby was staring at me but not with hurt in her eyes.
Pure rage simmered on her face.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Late Night Death Threats
We arrived back at the hotel no worse for the wear, despite the strange encounter with Ken, Ruby, and Callie. As we strode down the hall toward our room, a major duh hit me.
I tapped Tex on the arm. "We should have asked them what they were doing in Central Park."
"That's a good question, Doc. Why would the three of them be in the park so late? It's not like they were on a carriage ride."
My mind raced to piece the story together. "It was surprising enough to see Ruby and Callie together at the bar tonight because you'd think Callie would avoid anyone who works for Veronica. Or, I guess I should say 'worked for' because Veronica's dead. Now Ken's in the mix."
"Of course, Ken asked Ruby to return the dress, so they obviously know each other, Doc."
True. I was going to respond when a familiar noise distracted me. Wwwweeee! Brownie's squeal was loud enough to wake up our neighbors all the way back home in Sea Spray.
"Brownie doesn't sound too happy, Doc."
"Nope, he sure doesn't."
Thoughts raced faster than my feet as we hurried toward our room. If someone had broken into our hotel room and harmed Aunt Alfa and Brownie, I'd never forgive myself for indulging in that carriage ride. Another squeal rang out once we reached the door. I slammed my hotel key into the lock, and we burst into the room.
What I saw made me let out a huge sigh of relief.
Aunt Alfa sat on the floor beside the board game Operation. She attempted to remove a leg bone and missed. The buzzer screeched, and Brownie nudged the game with his snout.
Wwwweeee!
I rushed toward my auntie, crouched, and engulfed her in a hug. "You're okay." Then I planted a kiss on Brownie's snout. "And you're okay."
"Of course we're all right, Pipe. I'm a ninja warrior, remember?" Her serious expression told me she wasn't kidding. "I got this out after Brownie got tired of watching me play Twister to a few Elvis tunes. I would have invited Cooter, but he didn't pick up when I rang his room."
My auntie-and-Brownie-are-okay euphoria was overridden by a huge sense of eeww. Cooter on a Twister mat wasn't an image I ever wanted to see.
Or think about.
Tex stooped down to pet Brownie. "Hey, little guy, did you eat dinner?"
Aunt Alfa smiled. "He had a cinnamon roll that I got from room service and a little bit of his regular piglet feed. But I made a huge discovery that's going to totally save us."
I turned toward her. "What?" I could use some good news tonight after having made myself look like a pariah with my question to Ruby about her voice.
I cringed when I recalled the look Ken had given me.
Oblivious, Aunt Alfa rose and trotted to the laptop. She sat down and positioned the screen so we could see it. "The answer's easy, Pipe. We'll get a food dehydrator and make our own kale chips. I found a place in Manhattan that sells them, so I ordered one, and it'll be here tomorrow."
Tex peered over her shoulder. "Smart idea, ma'am. That health food store has kale, so I'll get us a whole stash."
She pointed at a Styrofoam container on the dresser that I hadn't noticed. "I already got some from the hotel restaurant."
"Did you try offering Brownie raw kale?" Maybe that would work.
"Yeah, but it was a no-go." She glanced at Brownie, who was stationed at the Operation game with a wild glint in his eyes. "Isn't that right, Mr. B?"
Wwweee!
I laughed. "At least he sounds more like himself, and if everything goes well with the dehydrator, which is such a great idea, he'll be scarfing kale chips tomorrow."
A mother could dream anyway.
Aunt Alfa lowered the laptop lid. "You kids find out anything?"
I glanced at Tex. "Yeah. Lots." I filled her in on the cyanide, the Dream Cream blackmail, the meeting in the park, and lastly, my mortifying comment. "I totally didn't mean to embarrass Ruby. I feel so bad."
"Maybe the girl huffs on helium, Pipe."
That made no sense. Of course, I remembered having seen balloons tied to Veronica's expo table. "Why would she purposely make herself a target of ridicule?"
"She could be a masochist." Aunt Alfa headed for the bathroom. "I'm ready to hit the hay. All that Twister wore me out and not to mention the harrowing game of Operation."
I
laughed and agreed it was time for bed. After she was done, I performed my nightly ritual of washing, toning, seruming, moisturizing, and eye creaming. All with fabulous frankincense products by Sparkle O. Twenty minutes later, I exited the bathroom, and Tex went in to brush his teeth.
We all climbed into our individual beds, and I, once again, cursed the darn murderer for ruining my romantic nighttime plans with Tex. One day, I hoped to attend an expo without murder and mayhem.
Or maybe after this latest murder, we were done with expos.
Tex turned out the light, and the long day caused my heavy eyelids to shut quickly. I drifted off into a blissful sleep free of PI thoughts, killer kale chips, and danger. A while later, however, that changed.
Bang! Bang! Bang!
I bolted upright, my heart pounding harder than it did when I ran beach sprints.
Tex flicked the switch on the lamp, which shed soft light into the room. "Doc, you all right?"
"Yeah, did you hear that too?" All I heard now was silence, however. Had I imagined the banging sounds? I glanced at Aunt Alfa. She was sound asleep. Brownie's snout twitched, and he rolled over.
"Had to be the door thar. Let me go check." Tex threw the cover off and rose. His choice of sleepwear around Aunt Alfa was a pair of gym shorts.
I greatly preferred his nada sleepwear when it was just the two of us.
"I'm coming with you," I said, folding the bedspread back. "What if the killer's trying to get into our room?"
He turned toward me, his eyes dark and serious. "Don't move, Doc."
I followed his order and remained where I was. My heart resumed its beach-sprint pounding as he approached the door, his fist cocked. Yes, we were in a potentially treacherous situation, but how hot was that?
I gulped, hoping to rid the lust from my mind.
Tex carefully undid the dead bolt and opened the door, ready to strike. When he stepped into the hallway, I readied a strike of my own. If anything happened, I'd dial the front desk faster than anything.
"Everything okay?" I whispered.
"Yeah." Tex came back inside with something in his hand. He locked the door and gestured me to him.
My Hello Kitty nightie was cute and Aunt-Alfa-appropriate, but Tex was more a fan of my favorite, spaghetti-strapped, hot-pink little number as he called it.
The one that was packed away in my overnight bag, just in case.
I crept across the room and pointed to the envelope in his hand. "What's that?"
"It was taped to the door." He furrowed his brows. "Think we should call that detective before we open it?"
I looked at the clock on my nightstand. "It's three AM. Isn't it a wee bit too early to contact her?"
He shrugged. "Since when do the police sleep?"
"I'm not calling her at this hour of the night, morning, whatever." I took the envelope from him. "Maybe it's from the hotel staff? Like they're giving us a free coupon to the spa to make up for the crime that occurred here?" I'd love an hour-long Swedish massage followed by a sensitive-skin facial.
"I thought of that too, Doc, but none of the other doors within sight had envelopes taped to them."
There went that theory.
"Let's open it, then." I moved to the loveseat in the corner of the room and turned on a dim lamp. A glance at Aunt Alfa and Brownie confirmed they were still sleeping.
"Shouldn't you use gloves in case that envelope's related to the murder case?" Tex whispered when he joined me on the couch.
"I don't know. I mean, can't they take our fingerprints and distinguish them from any other ones that show up?"
Tex nodded. "Open her up."
I tore into the envelope, not sure what to expect. The coupon-lover in me hoped for a free spa treatment or a future free hotel stay. Either one would work.
That wasn't what we got though.
Out fell a neatly folded note with very neat handwriting with a not-so-neat message. Someone had used a red sharpie to relay a killer love note.
Dr. Piper,
If you know what's good for you, you'll quit sticking your beak into business that doesn't concern you. Let the police catch the killer. If you don't stop being a fake PI, someone's soon going to have to investigate your death.
The Killer
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Shots Fired
Tex's jaw tightened when he pointed at the letterhead. "Look thar at that company logo. I'll be a son of a truck-driving gun."
My gaze followed his lead, and once my eyes made contact, my heart nearly lurched to a stop. Holy chocolate babka. I'd been so distracted by the message I'd missed the forest for the trees.
Or in this case, the threat for the sea turtles.
Pale green letters across the top of the paper read Ken's Killer Kale Chips. Next to the company name, address, fax, and phone number was an image of a tiny three-flippered sea turtle. Tripod!
"This has to be a hoax," I said. "There's no way Ken would send me a letter like this. Why would he incriminate himself?"
"Doc, he's got mafia connections. The blog post said so, and Ken admitted it to you earlier when he talked about his family."
Something about the letter was off. "This makes no sense. Someone had to have written it." My PI mind was on overdrive.
"True, but you can't deny this is Ken's company letterhead." He planted his thumb near the turtle for emphasis. "He could have been stupid enough to write it."
"I know, but why would he make things so obvious? Why would he admit to killing Veronica?"
"Maybe he thinks you'll keep quiet now because he scared you and because of his mafia connection."
"I don't think he wrote the letter. This could be a piece of forged letterhead, for all we know."
"Possibly," Tex said. "But the mafia's not scared of anyone. This seems like something they would do."
"I think this a forgery, Tex. A desperate attempt to scare me, and I refuse to allow this piece of paper," I said, shaking the flimsy note, "to do that."
Tex didn't look convinced. "Yeah, but there's also that old saying, 'desperate times call for desperate measures.' Trouble is, if you keep nosing around, what will the author of this note do next? Regardless of who wrote it?"
I sat against the couch with my arms crossed. "True. I guess we have to call the detective."
Tex retrieved my phone and handed it to me. "Absolutely."
I sighed in frustration and dialed the detective. She answered on the fifth ring.
"Dr. Piper?" Detective Malone spoke in a sleepy voice and then yawned loudly. "What's going on?"
"I've received a death threat."
"A death threat?" The detective sounded alert now. "What kind? Verbal, written, what?"
"It's a threatening note."
"Read it to me."
I did as she asked, and as much as it pained me, I described the letterhead. Then I waited for her response.
"Have you been playing PI?" Detective Malone demanded in a terse tone. "Be honest, Dr. Piper."
What kind of response is that? I'd just been threatened!
"No. Not really. I mean, sort of, I guess. But only because I've solved two other murders using these super cool How to Be a PI flash cards."
A moment of silence passed. Then two terse words. "PI flash cards?"
"Yeah, I'll send you the link to order a set if you want. They've been extremely helpful, especially the cards about following evidence and interrogating suspects." I wondered if I'd said too much. Flash cards always got me giddy.
"I don't need a set of How to Be a PI flash cards because I'm a detective. A real one. Now you listen to me carefully, Dr. Piper." A sucking sound came over the phone. "You made me break out my emergency cig. Happy?"
Uh-oh. "Do you want to come examine the letter in the morning?"
She let out an irritated laugh. "My detectives will be on their way now, and I'll be by shortly. This is a huge break in the case. But let me make it very clear to you, doctor, the only cases you should investigat
e are health problems, not crime. Got it?"
Before I could respond, she ended the phone call.
"That went well." I set the phone on the couch and rose. "I better wake Aunt Alfa because the police are on the way."
Tex's jaw tightened. "Good. I want this threat taken seriously."
Something told me I wasn't in harm's way, but maybe that was a self-protective thought? I trotted to my auntie and gently nudged her shoulder.
She woke up swinging a punch like a seasoned fighter. "Hiyah!"
Luckily, I was able to retreat before her tiny fist made contact with my face. "Aunt Alfa, are you okay?"
"Geez, Pipe. You can't startle a ninja warrior." Aunt Alfa reached for her teal-colored glasses on the nightstand. "What's going on?"
Then Brownie roused and rolled over. Wwwweeee!
I filled my auntie in on the note and advised her to get dressed. But first, I showed her the letter.
Her eyes narrowed into slits. "I wish I'd brought my ninja warrior sword." Then she cupped my face and kissed my nose. "Don't you worry. I'll take care of any yahoo that tries to do anything to you."
Aw. "Thanks, Aunt Alfa."
I sat on the bed and stroked Brownie's snout while Aunt Alfa grabbed a fresh velour pantsuit and darted into the bathroom. Tex pulled on a pair of jeans and a short-sleeved black shirt. I threw on my hot-pink running pants and jacket. I turned to see Tex ogling me in a way that made my pulse race. I gave him a quick bootie shake.
"Don't tease a man, Doc."
I winked.
The bathroom door flew open. Aunt Alfa appeared fully dressed with her eyeliner and lip gloss beautifully applied, holding a shot of wheatgrass.
Aunt Alfa lifted the I Love Bingo shot glass. "I need a shot after that news. Bottoms up." She downed the bright green liquid and smiled. "Shot fired." Then she returned to the bathroom to rinse out the glass. "Either of you two want some wheatgrass?"
"I'll take a shot, ma'am."
Wow. I smiled at Tex. He wasn't normally a fan of liquid greens. Or any greens, for that matter. He had recently come to love my turkey-bacon-wrapped asparagus, however. One step at a time.
"I'll take one too, Aunt Alfa." I didn't want Tex to drink alone.