He turned the horse and rode down the road toward the church.
Eden sat on a rattan chair by her father and hardly tasted the crushed golden-yellow papaya fruit drink her father had ordered.
Eden watched her father slump in his chair, sipping his fruit drink. Dr. Jerome’s once dark hair and his long sideburns were tipped with gray. His lean face was tanned, leathery, and haggard from years of traversing the tropics.
Although Rafe was recovering, Eden had learned that Dr. Bolton and her father still didn’t know if he’d suffered any permanent physical or mental impairment. Eden knew setbacks were possible. She’d discussed Rafe’s condition with both Ambrose and her father.
She was dancing near a cliff’s edge where her emotions were concerned.
“I don’t understand about Rafe,” she said. “He can talk, and you said his memory seems normal. Why would he refuse to see me?”
Especially after we’d decided to marry at once, she thought, frustration igniting her temper.
“Rafe isn’t sure about himself or his future. Don’t look so upset, my dear. It’s only reasonable after what’s happened that he should give second thought to what’s ahead. We both would do the same.”
“I understand, but it’s not just his future—it’s our future. I told you we’d decided to marry now.”
“Yes, you did tell me. But it’s rather unwise to marry so hurriedly. Especially now, when Rafe’s future is on uncertain ground.”
“When can I see him, Father? Tomorrow morning?”
“Rafe remains in critical condition. If anyone can understand how critical, it should be you, dear. His emotional level must be calm. If a blood clot forms …”
“I can help him.” She leaned forward, setting her glass on a rattan table. “After all, I’m a nurse. I’ll look after him. You can marry us—or Ambrose can—and then I’ll move here and become his nurse.”
Dr. Jerome sighed, stood, and shoved his hands into his white trouser pockets. He paced about, frowning.
“This is painful for me to explain, Daughter, but Rafe has requested I do so.”
She looked at him. “Rafe asked you to explain what?”
“I’m getting there. I’d have preferred that Ambrose tell you, but he said no. So, it’s left to me.” Jerome gazed at her with compassion. “Making you unhappy is the last thing I wish to do!”
Eden stood and walked toward her father. “Ambrose refused to tell me a message from Rafe?”
That just did not sound like Ambrose, and yet earlier at Kea Lani he had acted as if he wasn’t telling everything he knew.
“I know you have a wonderful, loving heart to help Rafe,” Jerome said. “Even so, the decision is not mine to make. I must respect Rafe’s right to discover, on his own initiative, the direction his life should take should he be permanently blind.”
She searched his troubled expression. “What did Rafe tell you that he can’t—or won’t tell me?”
“He does not want to discover himself blind, or immobilized, and obligated by marriage plans. He made that quite clear. A man’s pride can sometimes prove difficult. Especially Rafe. He’s always felt a responsibility to protect you. He cannot accept having the shoe on the other foot. He doesn’t want to burden you.”
The strange words sent her emotions reeling.
“Burden me?” she finally repeated. “Are you saying Rafe’s changed his mind?” She looked into his eyes. “That he doesn’t want to marry me?”
Worry filled his tired face. “Rafe does not want to get married now. Keep in mind that he remains ill. What he needs now is as little emotional disturbance as possible. He needs rest and time to heal his bewildered feelings.”
Eden fought for words. “Doesn’t he understand that I love him, no matter what?”
“Oh, I think he does. If he’s unsure of anyone, it’s himself. He doesn’t want to enter marriage as a liability to you. Given time, however, the outlook might change.”
“If anyone can take care of him, I’m the most skilled person to do so. If we married now—”
Jerome sighed. “You know Rafe. If he’s robbed of his sight, Eden, he won’t be an easy man to get on with. He’d rather wait to know what his new calling is.”
“I’m beginning to wonder if I know him at all.”
“I’m sorry, my dear.”
Her father’s firm hand rested on her shoulder.
She rubbed her forehead and turned toward the cool breeze from the sea.
“Still, there seems something I can do, or should do,” she stated.
“He’s made it clear he doesn’t want either of you to have the strain of seeing him just now.”
So, was that the way he wanted to handle their relationship?
“I should be part of the decision, whatever it is.” She grew angry. “So my opinion simply doesn’t matter. To exclude me is to assume I have a child’s mentality.”
Eden walked to the lanai and gripped the rail. Her heart pounded.
“Rafe is a born leader. He can’t make peace with the idea of being dependent, even if it’s your hand, Eden, he must take to lead him.”
“It’s just plain pride,” she said, frustrated.
“I think he knows that, but it won’t change his decision. He needs to go to San Francisco.”
She gasped and turned toward him, simply staring at him.
“San Francisco?” Her anger evaporated as fear took the reins. This is dreadful! I must see him and tell him I will always love him, not for his appearance, nor for his physical abilities, but for whom he is, Rafe Easton.
“This is for the best, my dear Eden. I’ve recommended a doctor there, Dr. Kelly. A month or two under his specialized care should give the answer Rafe is looking for. Ling will go as his valet. Rafe will stay at Parker Judson’s home on Nob Hill. Celestine will see he’s well provided for. Don’t worry.”
Yes, Celestine was staying at the Judson mansion in San Francisco. And Eden knew that Kip, the young child who would become Rafe’s legal son—and whom she’d also welcomed into her heart, mystery about his parentage or not—was with Celestine. Perhaps Rafe wished to explain to Celestine about Townsend. And where was Townsend?
“Zachary will also go with him,” Dr. Jerome explained.
So Rafe would be staying in the Judson mansion. Even though she knew Zachary was eager to see Parker Judson’s niece, Bernice Judson, Eden suspected the fair “Bunny” was looking at Rafe, admiring, and considering …
“In the meantime, it isn’t as though you have no calling of your own,” her father said. “You have your own mission on Molokai. Your mother wants to see you. I need your assistance, too. You have more than enough to do to find life worth living.”
Eden remained silent.
“I’m sure he’ll contact you when possible,” he said. But it wasn’t enough for Eden to be given secondhand assurance, even if it did come through her father. The painful reality that Rafe would not meet with her held her captive. This behavior wasn’t like the Rafe Easton she knew—or thought she knew.
She could understand his pain and his inability to put his feelings into words, for she felt the same. But to set aside marriage without speaking to her about it—
Then again, maybe it was her fault, she thought with a sudden self-incrimination. Rafe knew what she would do if they were alone together—cry. Yes, she would want to splash warm, salty tears all over the front of his shirt. She would promise her love, and put him in a predicament, and he didn’t want to deal with that extra burden.
But I’m mature enough to not cry if he doesn’t want tears, she thought irritably. If he can be unemotional about our relationship, so can I!
The pain was deeper than she thought she could bear. Far worse than losing Rafe was the truth that he could push her away with that cool determination.
She turned on her father and exclaimed, “If loss of the physical means an end to love, then what do couples do when they grow old together? Do they stop loving each other
as the hair turns gray and their strength weakens? Is the ‘burden’ of failing flesh too much for one to be true and faithful?”
Dr. Jerome’s eyes watered. “If so, every marriage would end up on the ash heap of decay. And in answer to your question, my daughter, that is why I’ve searched so long for some way to save my beloved Rebecca.”
She stared at him as if meeting a stranger. Suddenly she understood her father’s motivation for traveling to far places searching for a way to rescue his Rebecca from physical corruption.
Her tears gushed, and she threw her arms around him.
Chapter Six
Days of Preparation
After taking her buggy to Honolulu, Eden had not felt up to meeting with Aunt Lana at Kalihi hospital. She needed the emotional support that only Ambrose and Noelani could give.
They warmly welcomed her at the bungalow.
No one mentioned her meeting with Dr. Jerome, so she kept silent. She was sure they already knew Rafe was going to San Francisco and that the marriage was off. The fact that Ambrose preferred not to mention it that morning, and that Keno had looked displeased, told her they were already privy to the information.
“What’s the good news you promised?” she asked Ambrose after cake and Kona coffee.
“Ah, the printing press, my lass. I’ve word from Miss Nora that she’s willing to sell us the new one in the Gazette warehouse.”
Before Rafe’s injury, he had arranged with Great-aunt Nora to buy the press ordered almost a year earlier, not by Nora, but by an exuberant Zachary who helped Nora and had “big plans” for the Gazette. Nora had expected a smaller and less expensive press to arrive from San Francisco, and already on the verge of losing her paper to spiraling debt, she had been furious with Zachary for buying it. The next best thing to returning the printer was to sell it to Rafe, who had offered her a fair price. Ambrose and Eden had wanted a printing press to use on Molokai to print Sunday school materials and perhaps, even some Bibles. Ambrose would give a young Hawaiian lad from the church training on how to run the press.
“And,” Noelani said, “we have permission from the mission board to print some Scripture portions in Hawaiian, isn’t that right, Ambrose?”
“Yes, along with some of their Sunday school materials. Your father is anxious to get there and begin work. So as soon as we get things arranged, Keno and his cousins will haul the supplies to Molokai. Rafe is letting Keno captain the Minoa.”
“As soon as we get ashore, Keno and I can get the boys started on the private bungalows,” Ambrose said. “After that’s done we’ll work on the medical clinic. However, it will be several weeks before we can get all the necessary supplies ready and stored on ship. Then we’ll be on our way.” He shook his head. “Thankfully, Rafe signed his name to the money draft this morning. We couldn’t do this without his support.”
Eden felt a lump begin in her throat, and sipped her coffee to hide her emotions. Noelani quickly pushed more cake toward them.
Eden smiled at Noelani, trying to lighten the moment. “You’re letting Ambrose go away for a whole month, Noelani?”
“When it comes to God’s work, I let him sprout wings. Just as long as he comes back home.”
“Oh I’ll be back,” Ambrose teased. “A wise man would become a fool to go away from a good woman for very long, especially one who can bake coconut cake. Besides, none of us can get along without you for long. Especially me.”
“My very words,” Eden said. She rose to her feet, looking at the time. “And I’d best get back.” She kissed Noelani’s cheek.
Ambrose accompanied her to her buggy. She stepped up to the seat and took the horse’s reins.
“Did you know Zachary is going with Rafe to San Francisco?” she asked. “So is Ling.”
“Yes, I’d heard about Zachary, but not about Ling. I’d better get that Chinese Bible to him soon as I can. Now you go home lass. Get some sleep. Leave the future to the Lord, and know that we’re praying for you and Rafe.”
Ambrose pulled a folded piece of paper out of his pocket and handed it to her. “Here is your verse. Memorize it. In the days ahead I have a feeling that you, and the rest of us, will need it.”
Eden took the folded paper and drove the buggy to Kea Lani.
When she arrived at the plantation she turned the horse and buggy over to the stable boy. She decided to walk back and look at the water to calm her emotions before going into her house. Nearing the bank, she listened to the soothing lap of water. The melancholy call of a night bird echoed from the trees. She saw a small fishing boat tied up. Not far away stood Silas, hands shoved in his trouser pockets.
At the sound of a low voice she looked toward the open doorway of the halau that the canoes were stored in. A figure emerged and walked toward Silas.
The slim figure with the tall hat appeared to be the same person she’d seen in the garden yesterday morning talking to Silas. This time the woman wasn’t with him, unless she was in the halau.
She backed away. When she was sure she was out of hearing range, she sped toward the front lawn and the pleasantly illuminated plantation house.
Inside, she closed the front door, climbed the stairway to her room, and prepared for bed.
The days of preparing for the trip to Molokai trudged on.
She had heard from Zachary that Grandfather Ainsworth, Mr. Hunnewell, and some others in the Annexation Club would also be on board for San Francisco. Zachary would room with Rafe, and Ling was Rafe’s valet.
During those last few days before Rafe’s departure Eden had thought she would receive a message from him through Ambrose or even Keno, but nothing arrived.
Eden was at Kalihi when the steamer left Honolulu for San Francisco. Watching the departing vessel from the windows overlooking the harbor, she extended her hand and envisioned a moment of unity with Rafe.
“Aloha, my love, and Godspeed.” But she found little to link with her empty hand except a cold gray shadow that dimmed the glimmer of her diamond engagement ring.
How ironic, she thought bitterly, watching the departing steamer. When at last she had chosen to put Rafe first in her commitments, above her work with her father, then suddenly he’d been caught away from her.
Eden remained at the window looking toward the harbor when her aunt, Lana Stanhope, Rebecca’s younger sister, joined her. She was a tall, willowy woman in her late thirties, with thick honey-colored hair rolled up at the back of her neck. Fatigue lined her hazel-green eyes.
She grasped Eden’s hand and her squeeze of understanding imparted courage. If anyone had a right to say, “I understand how you feel,” it was Aunt Lana who’d endured a life of hardship and disappointment. During her years of youth and beauty, she had loved Dr. Clifford Bolton and he’d apparently been in love with her, but their feelings had never been declared, and circumstances had separated them. Only after Lana left the nursing school she’d managed in San Francisco to work at Kalihi did she and Dr. Bolton come together again.
“Clifford and I will leave with Dr. Jerome next week for Molokai,” Lana said. “We’ve decided on a quiet, small wedding before we go. After all, it’s not exactly what others would call a happy wedding, is it? Not with Clifford in his leprous condition. I shall be, well, his kokua.”
Dr. Bolton’s last sacrificial act was to join her father’s medical team to begin the research clinic on Molokai. It had become Lana’s sacrifice as well.
“And now you’re going back to Molokai,” Eden said softly looking out at the harbor.
“I’ll go where Clifford goes,” Lana said. “He thought I ran away from him when I went to San Francisco years ago, but he misunderstood why I left. I was running away from myself, from my inadequacy. But I didn’t know it then, so I couldn’t explain. Unfortunately, that took away twenty years in which we could have married, had a family, and been happy. Odd, isn’t it? The way things work out sometimes? Though, in everything, if we know Jesus, our circumstances are not left to fate, as some people imagin
e. He can use ruin in our lives and still bring us to the finish line on time!”
Eden watched the ships in the smoky-blue waters, some leaving, and some coming. “Yes,” she said quietly. “Now you’ll be together at last.”
“Yes, for a little while.” Lana’s voice was steady, without a suggestion of self-pity.
“The Good Shepherd,” Eden said.
Lana looked at her. “Yes?”
“I was thinking that whichever way we go, we have the promise that the Good Shepherd will find His sheep and bring them home.”
Lana smiled. “Yes. A promise for a troubled mind.”
And heart, Eden thought.
“Neither of us are under any romantic illusions about our future,” Lana commented. “We never were. Illusions are for the young. If either of us had wanted illusions we surely wouldn’t have come to research leprosy. It is an ugly, dangerous work, and few understand our commitment in doing so.”
Eden glanced at her.
“Even though Clifford and I pretend that we were not at risk, we knew we were.” Lana looked at her. “You know as much, Eden. I confess I was secretly pleased when I first discovered you weren’t going to work with us on Molokai because I didn’t want you to take chances. But merely meet Rebecca before she dies—and she’s very ill. You know that, don’t you? Word came in just yesterday that she weakens. Dr. Jerome becomes more determined to go at once. So, we leave next week.” She turned to Eden. “Why don’t you stay here—”
Eden shook her head. “For years I’ve sought this opportunity. Until a few days ago I had given up the idea. Then again, here I am. Rafe has left me—” Her voice became tinged with a hardness that surprised her. “He’s gone to San Francisco. I don’t know when he’ll come back, or if he ever will. I’ll go on with my life as I planned it. I’m going with the rest of you.”
She turned and walked past her aunt and down the hall toward Dr. Jerome’s office to tell him that she, too, was leaving next week. She was sure he would be pleased to learn of the change in her decision. Yes, the paths of life led on, twisting and turning, to where only God knew they would lead.
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