"So what's this about?" Logan said as they sat down on the grass.
Claire popped open her soda can and unwrapped a sandwich from the cafeteria. More from habit than a desire to eat.
"Do you believe what Mrs. Simmons said?" she asked.
"About what?"
"About how man is not really one but two? Like we all have some kind of beast inside of us just waiting to come out?" She tugged at a blade of grass, imagining what Bodian’s drug might do to someone if they digested it. After several seconds passed, she looked up. "Logan?"
Logan took a long sip from his soda before he said, "I think she's right. I bet on some level we all have to overcome our inner "beast" as you call it. Like today in first hour. We were taking a test and Ms. Smarty Pants, Shawna Reynolds, was sitting in front of me. I had a clear view of her test and could've copied her answers." He stopped talking.
"What did you end up doing?"
"I didn't cheat, but I sure thought about it. It's what we do during those quiet moments, when no one's watching us, that decides who's in control: our inner beast or the person we see in the mirror." He stretched out his legs.
"That's what I want to talk to you about.” Claire broke several green blades. “This morning I found some money, well, more like it was given to me."
"It can't be both. Either you found it or it was given to you."
She cleared her throat. "I found it on my doorstep, left anonymously. In an envelope with my name on it."
"How much money?"
"$800."
He whistled. "That's a lot."
"I know. It's exactly what we need to go to the Fire and Ice concert."
Logan leaned forward. "Someone's obviously looking out for you. So what's wrong?"
"Whoever it was left a note."
"What'd it say?"
She pulled it out of her back pocket and tossed it to him. He read it a few times before he said, "I still don't see what the problem is."
She sighed. "A few days ago, I found muddy footprints on my back porch and muddy fingerprints on my window. And I think whoever it was came again last night. There are other things too. Seriously, I feel like someone’s watching me." Claire brought her knees to her chest. "Then all of a sudden there’s this money, and on the morning news I heard a gas station was robbed."
"I heard about that, too. Messed up. So you think it's all connected?"
"I don't know. I just have a weird feeling about it.” She glanced at Logan. He was looking at her with his mouth turned down, like he was trying to follow her line of reasoning. She realized it was a weak argument without including the Bodian part, but Gary’s threat still scared her and she wasn’t about to risk someone she knew getting hurt.
“What else are you not telling me?” he asked as if he’d read her mind.
She averted her eyes. “Nothing. Why do you say that?”
“Because you have that look. Like that time you showed up at the restaurant where I was waiting for a date. You found out she was going to stand me up and you didn’t want me to feel bad. Remember? You told me she didn’t come because she was sick.”
She winced. “You found out about that?”
He nodded.
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because I knew you were just trying to protect me. I thought it was sweet.”
She turned away from his intense stare.
“You have that same look now, Claire. Like you’re trying to protect me from something.”
Claire thought fast. “It’s nothing. Really. Maybe I’m making too big of a deal out of all this.”
Logan patted her leg. "First thing first. We need to figure out who's been at your house in the middle of the night. That’s messed up. I'll come by later tonight to see if I can find any clues and to make sure your house is secure. As for the money, maybe you should set it aside for a while. See if anyone comes forward. When's the deadline for the concert?"
"Two weeks."
"Then wait it out. Who knows? Maybe it was Smith. I can see him doing something like that.”
Her dad’s old friend. Why didn’t she think of that? "Maybe. But the letter doesn’t sound like something he’d write. I'll ask him about it later, though."
"Don't worry. Everything will work out. You're a good person."
"But if I end up keeping the money and it was stolen or even given to me by some weirdo, won't that be wrong?"
His eyes narrowed. "What's with you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Since when do you care about things like this? What happened to bad-ass Claire?"
She swallowed and looked at the ground. "That dead girl," she whispered. "She reminded me how short life can be."
Logan squeezed her arm gently. "Nothing's going to happen, I promise. As for the money, don't think about it for a while. I bet you'll find it was simply a gift."
Claire glanced over at the sudden sound of a crow cawing in the next tree over. Chills raced up her arms.
"I hope you’re right,” she said.
NINE
After school Kate found Claire at her locker. Steph stood next to her, smiling, and Claire assumed it was because Kate had told her about the money.
"So when are you going to sign us up?" Kate asked.
She closed her locker door and walked past them. "I don't know if I am."
They followed.
"Are you freaking kidding me?" Steph said. "Someone gives us exactly what we need, and you don’t take it?"
Claire turned around suddenly, making Kate and Steph run into each other. "First of all, nobody gave us anything. They gave it to me, and I don't know if I feel comfortable taking money from a potential psycho."
"What are you talking about?" Steph asked.
Claire turned to Kate. "You didn't tell her the whole truth, did you?"
Kate moaned. "What does it matter where the money came from? We need it!"
Claire gripped her books tighter to her chest. "Not if it comes with strings attached.”
"Would someone please tell me what's going on?" Steph asked.
Just then Logan, who must have seen the whole thing, stepped into their circle. "Come on, Steph. I'll fill you in."
"Thank you!" Steph said, tossing Claire and Kate a dirty look before walking off with him.
"Serious, Claire,” Kate said. “You better use that money.”
She shook her head. "I don't know. Let me wait a couple of weeks and see if I can find out who gave it to me, and then I'll decide."
"What are you going to do with the money in the meantime?"
Claire was getting sick of this conversation. She looked over Kate’s shoulder toward class. "Stuff it under my bed or something."
"You better not spend it."
"Of course not."
"Good." Kate started walking. When Claire didn’t follow, she looked back and said, “Are you coming?”
Claire sighed and fell in step with her.
“By the way,” Kate said, lowering her voice. "Ethan’s been watching you all day."
Claire looked around.
"He's not looking now, but I caught him staring at you and Logan earlier and then just a minute ago."
"Did he look mad?" She couldn't stand jealous guys.
"Not really. Just interested. I think he really likes you."
"I'm going out with him tonight."
Kate punched her hard. "Get out!"
Claire rubbed her arm and grinned.
"When did this happen?"
"At the concert."
"Why didn't you tell me?" Kate said, aiming for Claire’s arm again, but she dodged the punch.
"I don't know. I thought you might be mad, seeing how he's Corey’s friend."
Kate stared off into the distance. "I couldn’t care less about Corey.”
Claire followed her gaze. "Then why are you staring at him right now?"
"Huh? What?"
"Please, Kate. You still have it for him bad.” Kate opened her
mouth to speak, but she cut her off. “So this new girl, Audrey. Is she any good?" The less Kate talked or thought about Corey, the better.
Kate didn’t miss a beat. "She's decent. It'll take a little time for her to learn our stuff, but I think you'll like her."
"When do I get to meet her?"
"She'll be at Steph's later today for practice."
"Nice. I'll be a little late, though. I’m going to talk to Smith. See if he’s the one who left the money."
Kate nodded as if she were considering him as the benefactor and pushed open the front door. "Good. And when you find out he's the one who gave you the money, will you sign us up already?"
"Of course. Oh, and would you mind giving me a ride to the police station? I don’t want to ask Logan.”
"Sure, but how are you going to get to Steph’s?"
"Smith or one of the other cops can give me a ride."
Ten minutes later Kate dropped her off. Claire waved goodbye and walked into the police station. It was the newest building in all of Bandon, built just last year. It still smelled like paint and new carpet.
"Hey, Claire. How's it going?" an officer asked as she opened the door.
"Good. Is Smith in his office?"
"Yeah. Go on back."
Several officers said hello as she made her way down a hall and around a corner. She knew most people didn't like policemen, especially teenagers, but she loved these guys. Not only were they there for her during her troubles a couple of years ago, but every year for Christmas they always gave her a basketful of goodies.
She knocked on Smith’s door.
"Come in," a deep voice said.
Claire opened the door and entered Smith’s office. It was much larger than his last one and could actually hold more than two people in it comfortably.
Smith stood up and smiled, making his red cheeks puff out. "How are you, Claire?"
His smile always made her smile. He wasn't super tall, barely six feet, but the way he stood, head held high, chest out, made him seem much taller. But what she loved most was the kindness in his hazel eyes that always looked upon her as if she were someone he truly cared about—like a father would a daughter.
"I'm hanging in there," she said and sat down across from him on a padded chair.
He returned to his seat behind a desk. "You haven't been in any fights lately, have you?"
She shook her head. "Nope. I've been a good girl."
"Good. What brings you by?"
"I want to ask you something."
He set aside a stack of papers and leaned forward, elbows resting on the desk. "Shoot."
"Um, well, did you happen to leave me money on my doorstep last night? Like as a gift?"
He shook his head. "Not me."
"Are you sure? Cause you can tell me. You won't be ruining any anonymous charitable act or anything."
"Really. It wasn't me. I wish I could say it was. Did they leave any kind of a note?"
"Yeah, but it just said, ‘Giving you what you need.’"
He frowned. "And what is it that you need?"
"I assumed it's about the entry fee for the band competition."
"That's right! How's the fund raising going anyway?”
"I have it now, thanks to my anonymous donor last night." Claire searched his face for any sign of deceit but found none. He seemed to know nothing about it.
"Well that was very generous of someone. When's the big event?"
They continued to talk for several minutes of nothing important. She considered telling him how much money was given to her and her concerns that it was related to the robbery, but in the end she didn’t. Maybe if she couldn’t figure out who it was, then she’d come back.
Because Smith still had to work, he had another officer drop Claire off at Steph’s house for practice. Everyone was already in the garage, including the new girl, Audrey.
“Nice to finally meet you,” Claire said. Audrey had short, black hair, combed high in the back with sweeping bangs across her forehead. Wearing torn jeans and a black t-shirt, it looked like Audrey had raided her closet.
Audrey shook her hand. “Thanks again for asking me to be a part of your band,” she answered, more like yelled.
Claire stepped back, surprised, and looked at Steph and Kate who were trying not to laugh.
“Why are you yelling?” Claire asked her.
Audrey’s green eyes widened. "Am I? Sorry. I live with my mom and she's hard of hearing. I grew up always having to talk loud.” Her voice was quiet at first, but the more she spoke the louder it got.
Kate’s giggling turned into full-on laughter. Claire looked at her for just a second before she joined in. She couldn’t help it. Fortunately, Audrey and Steph laughed too. And for a moment Claire forgot all about Bodian and the money on her porch.
"You're early," Claire said to Ethan just minutes after she got home from practice. He stood on her doorstep wearing exactly what he wore to school. She still remembered.
"I can come back if you're busy," he said, taking a step back.
"No! It's fine. I'm not doing anything. Come in.”
"Cool. Thanks." He walked in the house, hands stuffed in pockets.
Claire sat on the couch, but he remained standing, glancing around like he’d walked into a doily museum. Not one to beat around the bush, she said, "You look uncomfortable. What's up?"
His face reddened. "Nothing. I'm fine." He removed his hands and sat next to her. "It's just weird being here."
"Why's that?"
"Well, ever since you decked me and told me to go screw myself, I figured you'd hate me for life."
Claire laughed. "What are you talking about?"
"You don't remember?"
She shook her head. "Drawing a blank."
"Sophomore year, in the lunch room. You were fighting with Corey. I saw that he was getting really angry and I thought he was going to hit you, so I jumped up to get in between you two, but ended up tripping and running into you instead. I think you thought I deliberately shoved you or something because you freaked out and decked me."
Claire leaned back into the couch cushions. "I remember now.”
That had been a particularly hard time for her, and she’d been extra volatile. Valerie had just died. And then she’d gone to the police about her father. She shook her head, wanting to forget, and turned to Ethan. “Is that why you haven’t talked to me the last couple years?"
He inhaled deeply. On his exhale his shoulders sagged. “I was just giving you what you wanted. The last thing you needed was more grief.”
“What I wanted? What are you talking about?”
“You asked me to stay away from you.”
“No, I didn’t.”
Ethan closed his eyes as if trying to recall details from the past. “Shortly after that incident, I called you to apologize but your phone had been shut off—”
“I didn’t want to talk to anyone for awhile.”
“—so I came by your house. Your mother answered the door and when I asked to see you, she said you didn’t want to see me. Ever. There were more words but I don’t remember them, or maybe I don’t want to. I let a week go by and then tried again. I was pretty sure you were home because you hadn’t been to school for awhile.”
Ethan looked at her as if waiting for an explanation, but she said nothing. It had taken her almost three weeks before she felt like she could face her peers at school—more like gain the strength she knew she’d need.
Kate had told her about the many rumors, about why kids thought her dad was in jail. Some thought it was because he’d put Valerie out of her misery as if she were a wounded dog, but others thought he’d beat up his wife after discovering a scandalous affair. Claire didn’t want to confirm one way or the other so when an older classmate wouldn’t stop harassing her about the truth, Claire threw a fist—the first of many.
She shook her head, trying to forget. “I don’t remember you coming by, and I know I didn’t tell my mother
those things.”
“But what about my letter?”
“What letter?”
“On my third and final visit, I asked your mom to give you a letter. In it I apologized and asked if we could simply be friends. I wanted to be there for you any way I could. I also said that if you didn’t respond, then I’d honor your wishes and leave you alone. You never responded.”
Claire’s heart pounded at the realization of what her mother had done. “Ethan, I didn’t say those things. I didn’t even know you had called or come over. And I never got any letter. My mother didn’t tell me anything.”
“She didn’t?”
She tightened her hands into fists. “Not a word. As far as I knew, you just wrote me off.”
Ethan was quiet for a moment then lowered his head into his hands. “I’m such a fool. All this time—”
“You’re not the fool, Ethan. It’s my mother. She was probably angry and that was one way she could get back at me.”
Claire sunk into the sofa. Her mother had said some horrible things to her the day she went to the police station to turn in her father. To protect what fragile self-esteem she had, Claire blocked out most of it, even choosing not to be bitter, at least not toward her mother. But this new revelation made her mad. Her mother knew how much she had liked Ethan.
He shook his head. “I wish I would’ve known.”
“Me too.”
Ethan leaned back into the sofa next to her. She didn’t say anything and neither did he. All she could think about was what could’ve been. Maybe the last couple of years would’ve been easier if Ethan had been in her life. She glanced at him, wondering if he was thinking of their lost time too.
“What changed?” she asked.
“What do you mean?”
“How come you decided to try again? Why now?”
Ethan looked at her. "Honestly?"
"Always."
"When you came running out of the school crying. You came to me and I held you. I got to see a side of you I hadn’t seen in a long time, and I guess it made me want to take a chance.” He smiled and took hold of her hand.
She looked down at their entwined hands and was about to pull away when he stood and said, "You want to go have some fun?"
"Where to?"
"You know how to ride, right?"
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