“There’s no time limit for any of it,” Gabriel said, putting a hand on Jack’s arm.
Jack seemed to give himself a mental shake, and he turned to Gabriel with a more genuine smile. “You look nice,” he said. “Are you wearing blue for me?”
Gabriel glanced down at his chambray shirt. “You said you liked me in blue,” he answered with a shrug, looking up to see Jack’s smile widen.
“I like you in anything,” Jack said. “Or nothing,” he added. He reached out and fingered a button halfway down Gabriel’s shirt. “Hmm. I don’t want to get you all dirty, though.”
“Didn’t seem to concern you the other night,” Gabriel said.
Jack grinned at him. “You weren’t wearing a shirt, then.”
Gabriel lifted a hand and slid his fingers between Jack’s. “I can wash my hands easier than I can get grease out of my shirt,” he said.
Jack opened his mouth, but before he could respond, the door opened behind him. Alex cleared his throat loudly as he walked into the house, and Jack laughed, looking back at him. Alex put a hand up beside his eye as he walked past them. “Not looking,” he proclaimed. “Just going to wash up for dinner.”
“King of comedy,” Jack said. Then, to Gabriel in a stage-whisper, he said, “Hurry, he’s gone, we’ve got two minutes to make out.” They heard Alex’s laughter as the boy closed the bathroom door, and Jack grinned at Gabriel. “Seriously,” he said, quieter, before stepping forward to kiss the other man.
***
“I haven’t played Go Fish in…I don’t even know. Since Ben was little,” Gabriel said, watching Jack draw a card.
“So, Mr. S,” Alex said. “You wanna hear embarrassing stories about Dad?”
Jack groaned. “You made it through dinner, I was so proud, and now…”
Alex grinned.
“I’ll pass,” Gabriel laughed. “For now,” he added, winking at Jack.
“Thank you!” Jack said. He looked at Alex. “See? Some people understand loyalty and—”
“You want embarrassing stories about Mr. Santiago?” Alex interrupted, still grinning.
Jack looked at Gabriel.
Gabriel laughed and spread his hands. “Feel free. I’d like to know what he comes up with.”
“A challenge,” Alex said. He glanced at his cards. “Got any eights?”
“Go fish,” Gabriel answered.
Alex drew a card, thinking. “There was the time you had to sing that song at graduation and you had the wrong music,” he said, raising his eyebrows at Gabriel.
“I had the wrong music?” Gabriel asked, raising his eyebrows in return.
Alex laughed. “Okay, someone switched the music,” he amended.
“Give me your five,” Gabriel answered, pointing a finger toward the backs of Alex’s cards.
“How’d you—” Alex broke off, dropping a card onto the table with a sigh.
“I’m psychic. And you’re lucky we’re not playing poker,” Gabriel said. He looked at Jack. “Do you have any fives?” he asked, sounding amused.
Jack handed over two cards, held between his first two fingers, his eyes on Gabriel’s face. “I need more information. First of all—you sang at a high school graduation? Give me context.”
“Last year, the senior class asked me to sing instead of giving a speech,” Gabriel said, laying down his group of fives. Looking at Jack, he added, “How about twos?”
“I—Go fish. What was the song?”
“He sang two,” Alex said as Gabriel drew a card from the deck. “Some sad thing that made all the parents cry—”
“‘Letting Go,’” Gabriel said, sounding amused. “Suzy Bogguss?”
“God, I was a kid when that song came out,” Jack said, and Gabriel laughed. “Sixes?” he asked his son.
“Go fish, Daddy Jack,” Alex said, flashing his teeth in a smile. “And then he was supposed to sing ‘Forever Young’ but the senior class switched the music to ‘Here’s to Never Growing Up’—it’s Avril Lavigne,” he added. “Gimme your kings, Jack.”
“I don’t have any kings, oh son of mine,” Jack answered. “You may take yourself fishing.” He looked at Gabriel. “Okay, so this sounds awful, actually. So you’re at the microphone and the wrong music starts playing, what the hell do you do?”
“He sang the Avril song,” Alex said, snatching up a card. “He even sang the unedited version. You shoulda heard everyone go crazy when he said ‘we don’t give a fuck.’”
“Don’t make me wash your mouth out with soap,” Jack said.
Alex laughed.
Jack looked at Gabriel. “You just…spontaneously sang an Avril Lavigne song without any preparation…?”
“‘You gotta improvise in life! You gotta improv if the police pull you over!’” Alex exclaimed. “J.B. Smoove.”
Gabriel was laughing when he asked, “How much sugar was in that sparkling cider, anyway?”
“That’s your quote, Mr. S, don’t blame me.”
“I don’t even know where to start,” Jack said, shaking his head.
Gabriel shrugged, still chuckling. “He’s right, I do use that quote on the Drama Club. Regularly. As for the song, they were nice enough to put the lyrics on the podium for me.”
“Had you at least heard it before?”
“A few times, probably.”
“He killed it,” Alex said. “Are you gonna ask for a card or what?”
Jack put his elbows on the table, holding Gabriel’s gaze. “How many jacks do you have?” he asked, his eyes sparkling with amusement.
Gabriel smiled. “Just one,” he answered, handing over the card. Jack’s fingers brushed his as he took it.
“Two, then,” Jack said quietly, giving Gabriel a pointed look. Before the teacher could answer, Jack added: “I really wish I’d seen that.” He glanced down at his cards and then frowned, looking at Alex. “Wait, you weren’t there either. Were you? No, we—”
“It’s on YouTube,” Alex said.
Jack stared at him before slowly turning his eyes back to Gabriel.
The teacher laughed and nodded. “It’s true.”
“You’re on YouTube? And you never thought to tell me?”
“I never thought to, no,” Gabriel answered, his voice cracking with amusement.
“He’s got, like, thousands of hits,” Alex said. “And lots of crazy people who want to sleep with him or marry him.”
“I have to see this video,” Jack said, reaching for his phone. He hesitated, though, and looked at Alex. “So this wasn’t really an embarrassing story after all, was it?” he asked.
“Oh,” Alex said. “Well…he doesn’t really get embarrassed, like, ever.”
“Is that right?” Jack asked Gabriel, and they smiled at each other, both aware of how often—and easily—Gabriel tended to blush in Jack’s presence.
“Yeah, the classes prank him all the time and he almost never breaks. One time the junior Spanish class lowered his chair all the way down so, like, he could barely see over his desk. And he just, like, left it that way all day. Every class.”
“My knees weren’t happy by the end of the day, though,” Gabriel said, still smiling.
“And my English class, we taped paper over all of the chalkboards and so for our whole period he wrote on the paper with markers instead of taking it down. And we put a whole bunch of sugar in his coffee once.”
“Ah, don’t tamper with someone’s food—or coffee,” Jack said with a wince.
“At least it was only sugar,” Gabriel answered.
“He almost spit it out,” Alex said.
“It was very…unexpectedly sweet. And gritty,” Gabriel laughed.
“And he drank it all!”
“So what you’re saying is you all keep trying to prank him and failing. Miserably, by the sound of it,” Jack said, poking at Alex’s arm.
“My favorite was the alarm,” Gabriel said, looking at Alex.
Alex groaned. “That sucked,” he answered, earning
a laugh from his teacher. To Jack, Alex said, “He left his phone on his desk, and we set an alarm to go off, but he never shut it off. He pretended like he didn’t hear it. It just kept ringing.” He paused. “We were taking a test and it just…kept…going.”
Jack looked at Gabriel, and they both started laughing. “They’re lucky you’re a nice guy.”
“He likes it,” Alex said. “He won’t admit it, but he thinks it’s funny.”
“I have no problem admitting that,” Gabriel answered. “It’s always interesting to see what you’ll come up with next.”
“It’s not even possible to make you embarrassed,” Alex said, rolling his eyes.
“Oh, it’s possible,” Jack said quietly, searching Gabriel’s face.
Gabriel cleared his throat. “You’re the only person who makes me blush,” he said, with a small smile. “You’ve seen a side of me no one else has.”
“Front side or back?” Alex quipped.
“Alexander Windsor McGinty,” Jack said, turning toward him.
“Inappropriate,” Gabriel said, but he was laughing.
“That’s it, bedtime,” Jack told his son, making a shooing gesture with his hand.
“It was just a joke,” Alex said. “Jeez. At least I didn’t ask if—”
“Whatever words are about to come out of your mouth had better stay right inside there,” Jack told him.
Gabriel snorted laughter.
“You didn’t finish your turn,” Alex said, as Jack laid his cards on the table.
“Game’s over. You lose,” Jack answered, although his expression wasn’t without amusement.
Alex sighed and put his own cards down. “No sense of humor in your old age,” he muttered, shaking his head as he pushed to his feet. “Goodnight, Mr. S.”
“Goodnight, Alex,” Gabriel answered.
“Don’t stay up too late,” Alex told him. “Remember it’s a school night.” He grinned and dodged backward as Jack made a grab for him. “Too slow—Okay, okay,” he said when Jack started to stand. Alex was still laughing as he backed away with his hands up. “I’m going,” he said, and Jack settled back into his chair, glaring at him. Gabriel knew as well as Alex did, however, that the dirty look was an act. Jack was as amused as Gabriel was.
As soon as they were alone, Jack looked at Gabriel. “You didn’t blush once,” he noted.
“I told you, it’s only when you say something—”
“Like how cute you are when you blush?” Jack interrupted. He leaned forward with his elbows on the table. “Because you really are.”
Gabriel made an exasperated sound as his face began to heat. “Yeah,” he said. “Like that. Like clockwork.”
“Aw,” Jack said, reaching out to touch the back of Gabriel’s hand on the table. “And here you were too nice to let my son tell you stories about me.”
“I’m not as nice as I seem,” Gabriel answered. “Maybe I was trying to get the upper hand.”
“Yes, you are,” Jack said quietly. He ran a finger up to Gabriel’s wrist. “But I’m happy to give you whatever hand you want,” he added with a smirk.
“You really want to look up that video, don’t you?” Gabriel laughed.
“I do so bad, I need to see it,” Jack grinned.
“I should probably get going, anyway,” Gabriel said. He hesitated, looking at Jack’s hand at his wrist. “Thank you for inviting me over,” he said. “I want to clarify about earlier, when you asked if I was afraid people would find out about us.” He raised his eyes to Jack’s. “I don’t want you to think that I’m ashamed of—or that I have any doubts about wanting to pursue this with you. It’s just that this is new, and we should be able to take our time and figure things out for ourselves, but my life seems to be spinning out of control, and you don’t need complications in your life. I’m just going to…lay my cards on the table,” he said, gesturing toward the Go Fish deck with a small smile.
“When I’m with you, I feel like I can be completely myself for the first time in my life. I’ve said it already but it bears repeating that I want to explore this with you, at our own pace. But I feel like I need to say this: I’m okay. I don’t mean like ‘I’m fine, but I’m really holding on by a thread.’ The night we met, I was in a bad place, mentally, emotionally. Today was a rough day. Sometimes I do feel like I’m holding on by a thread. Sometimes I feel like I’m this close to a breakdown.
“But I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me. That being said…it means a lot to me that you invited me here, that you made a bad day better. I know it can’t be easy for you, having me here. I want you to know that you can talk to me about it, if and when you want or need to, that me having a bad day doesn’t somehow overshadow what you’re going through or…that I’m less invested in this than you are. I’m not. I’m here. Even if you decide that my life is too chaotic right now and you just want to be friends, I’m here.” He offered a quiet laugh. “And sorry I brought the mood down, that was a lot more words than I intended.”
Jack smiled. He was rubbing lightly along Gabriel’s wrist in an absent, comforting gesture; Gabriel didn’t think Jack was even aware of it.
“It’s not as bad as I thought it would be,” Jack said quietly, holding his gaze. “Having you here, I mean. That’s because of you. It’s almost impossible to worry when you’re around. You’re like…lavender and chamomile and…vanilla—”
Gabriel laughed. “So much for that Cuban spice,” he joked.
Jack leaned forward over the table. “Oh,” he breathed. “You have that, too, trust me,” he said. He lifted his hand and crooked his finger, and Gabriel shifted toward him with a smile. Jack touched his fingers and thumb to Gabriel’s chin as he kissed him. His lips were gentle, and so were his fingers, and when he drew back a bit to search Gabriel’s eyes, he said, “You don’t have to pretend with me, Gabe. I know you’re used to sort of…putting on the face you think everyone wants or needs. You don’t have to do that here.”
“I know,” Gabriel said.
“Can I tell you a secret?”
“Hmm,” Gabriel answered with a smile.
Jack’s eyes dropped to the other man’s mouth. “All night, I’ve been thinking about sucking on your…bottom lip,” he said. Gabriel responded with a surprised laugh, and Jack added, “And that’s the real reason I sent Alex to bed. Does that make me a bad father?”
“Sorry, what? My mind went blank a few seconds ago.”
Jack chuckled and pulled back. “Unfortunately, if I start now I won’t want to stop.”
“Hmm,” Gabriel repeated, this time the sound tinged with disappointment rather than amusement. “That is unfortunate.”
Jack grinned across the table at him as he leaned back in his chair. “Sorry I don’t have any Ziploc bags of leftovers to offer you, either. You remember what it was like to have a teenage son in the house.”
“Yeah—I’d say being eaten out of house and home is the one thing I don’t miss, but that’s not really true. I do miss cooking enough for an army only to find there’s nothing left by the next afternoon.” Gabriel sat back in his seat, too, and drew an ankle up onto his knee.
“I try not to think about him going off to college,” Jack said. “The truth is, he wouldn’t need to work. He’s got a pretty big trust fund collecting interest, waiting for his twenty-first birthday. Part of me wishes we’d raised him without work ethic so he’d just bum around the house forever.”
Gabriel laughed. “This from the guy who was teaching him an oil change when I got here.”
“I know. Damn us for raising productive members of society when we really want them to be couch potatoes in our living rooms forever.”
“What were we thinking?” Gabriel smiled. “It’d be selfish to keep them from the world, though. And I can tell you, nothing compares to seeing your kid standing in front of you as an adult—a kind, intelligent, hardworking adult—and thinking I made this person, and he’s going to make the world better. Nothing is more
humbling or fulfilling. I know you feel it already, when you look at Alex.”
Jack was silent for a few moments. “You were right about Alex being Jeff’s biological son,” he said.
“That’s not what I meant. You made Alex who he is as much as Jeff did.”
“No, I know. He’s my son. He knows that. I want to finish what I started to explain the other night, though. It’s sort of complicated. I told you, all Jeff wanted was a family. His parents loved him, and they love Alex, but they weren’t really the type to read bedtime stories and, I don’t know, pose in matching sweaters or have breakfast together. They were ski trips and adventure, you know? The opposite of my family, in a lot of ways—he was the only child of two only children, I have three sisters and twelve cousins, and while I no longer have much interaction with some of them, we all grew up together. We had Sunday dinners at my grandparents’ and huge holiday gatherings. Even after I came out—and that’s a story for another time—I had the love and support of a big family—with a few exceptions,” he added with a small, slightly-bitter smile, “and I took some of that for granted the way I guess all kids in bigger families do. As a kid, I would’ve given anything to go on yachts and trips to Hawaii and skiing in Vermont and on safari in Africa. His parents took him to Australia when he was eleven. But what he really wanted was everything I had—family dinners, et cetera.
“When we met…” He paused, gathering his thoughts, his gaze growing unfocused. He gave his head a little shake. “We were young,” he said, softly. “I was only twenty-two when he first started talking about having kids, I thought he was crazy. Except…” He raised his eyes to Gabriel’s. “He had this way of just believing in things so much that you couldn’t help but believe in them, too. And young or not, God, I loved him,” he said, and the raw pain in his voice brought the sting of tears to Gabriel’s eyes.
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