“I’m walking home,” Alex said. “See you later.”
“Jesus, Nat,” Gabriel wheezed, swiping at his eyes.
“Maybe something simpler, like ‘Coach,’ and ‘Eager to be coached,’” she said.
“I’m transferring schools,” Alex said.
“I’m ordering more alcohol,” Ben said, but he gave his mother a soft, affectionate smile.
***
“There’s probably a bunch of college kids in here,” Ben said when they gathered outside the karaoke bar. He’d ridden with Jack, Gabriel, and Alex; Jack had had only one glass of wine, early in the meal, before switching to water. Gabriel and the other three adults had consumed considerably more, and Gabriel, while not exactly drunk, had quite a pleasant buzz.
Arnie and Natalie were more than buzzed, and they’d left their car at the motel in which they were staying the night, taking a cab to the karaoke bar. Ben was managing his own intoxication pretty well. Gabriel, who’d never seen his son after so much alcohol, was glad to note that, at the very least, Ben seemed to be a happy sort of drunk.
“It is a college town,” Natalie said.
Gabriel was pretty sure he understood Ben’s point, though, and a moment later, Ben proved him right: “But there are some kids from our school here. Not many, but there could be some who know you guys.”
“If us being here will embarrass you—” Gabriel started, but Ben clapped him on the shoulder and, peering at him in the glow of the parking lot’s lights, interrupted.
“No, no,” he said. “I’m worried about you, Pop.” He glanced at Jack and then said, in what he apparently thought was a whisper: “If you kiss in here and someone from back home sees—”
“Excuse us for a minute,” Gabriel said to the rest of the group, taking Ben by the shoulder and steering him toward the corner of the building. When they had some distance between themselves and the others, Gabriel put his hands on Ben’s shoulders and looked him the face. “Benny, mijo, I know tonight has been a lot,” he said. “And I couldn’t be prouder of the way you’ve handled yourself. If you’re uncomfortable, you can say so. We don’t have to go in here, we can call it a night or even go somewhere else.”
“Dad,” Ben said, putting his own hands on Gabriel’s shoulders. “I’m drunk.”
“I’m aware,” Gabriel laughed.
“And I love you.”
“I know.”
“You go make out with your boyfriend if that’s what you want.”
Gabriel laughed again. “I think it’s more likely your mother and Arnie will be making out, actually.” They’d gotten more and more affectionate with each glass of wine.
“That, I’m not okay with,” Ben said. “I’ll have a word—” Gabriel tightened his grip on Ben’s shoulders, keeping him in place. “Okay, I won’t have a word,” Ben said.
Gabriel smiled. “Go easy on Arnie,” he said. “He makes your mom happy.”
“Does Jack make you happy, Dad?” Ben asked.
“Yes.”
“You make him happy. He lights up when you smile at him.”
Gabriel blinked. “I’m a little drunk, too,” he said. “Don’t make me cry.”
Ben laughed at him, roughing his shoulders for a moment. “You’re such a sap, Pop,” he said. “Come on, let’s go get stupid.”
When they got back to the others, Natalie and Arnie were standing with their arms around each other, kissing. Jack gave Gabriel a questioning look, making sure everything was alright, and Gabriel smiled, moving to his side.
“Are we going in?” Jack asked quietly.
“Yes,” Gabriel said.
Jack leaned close to his ear. “I’ll keep my hands to myself if you want,” he said.
“Just your hands?” Gabriel joked. Then, before Jack could answer: “No, I don’t want that.”
Jack drew back a bit to look at his face. “How drunk are you?”
“I’m a little buzzy,” Gabriel answered with a crooked smile. “But I mean it. Come on,” he said, taking Jack’s arm. “Alright, you two, let’s move this PDA inside,” Gabriel told Natalie and Arnie, and they pulled apart, looking around with dazed expressions on their faces. Gabriel laughed and looked at Jack. “Not that drunk,” he said. “But if I sing you a song, I expect at least one serious kiss.”
“Define ‘serious,’ and what do you mean if you sing me a song?”
“It’s been brought to my attention by my son that I’m a sap,” Gabriel said.
“That’s one of the cutest things about you,” Jack answered. He gave Gabriel’s ass a quick, light pat. “One of them.”
Gabriel laughed. “Well if you think I’m sentimental when I’m sober…” He put his arm around Jack’s lower back as they started toward the door, but he stopped after a few steps. “Shit. I forgot my shirt.”
Jack chuckled and kissed his shoulder. “You’re wearing a shirt,” he said, even though he knew what Gabriel meant.
“Unlock the car. I’m gonna—”
“If you want it, I’ll go get it,” Jack said.
Gabriel pinched at the front of Jack’s t-shirt and the words printed there. “You mean fetch it?” he asked, flashing a cheeky grin.
Jack chuckled. “Try not to let anyone sweep you off your feet before I get back,” he said.
Gabriel looked down. “Are my feet on the ground?” he asked, and Jack laughed again as he turned to head back to the car.
***
When Gabriel stepped out of the bathroom in his new shirt, with his sweater and button-up folded under his arm, he paused near the door, struck by the sight of his group. Jack and Alex were sitting side by side, and Jack had his arm across the back of Alex’s chair. They were both looking at Ben, who was sitting beside Jack and leaning forward, telling them something that seemed to require a lot of hand gestures. Gabriel smiled to himself; Ben had always talked like that as a kid, gesticulating and bouncing around. He’d mostly outgrown the animated tendencies, except when he was excited—or drunk, apparently.
Natalie and Arnie were sitting beside each other, a few feet away from Ben, and they were draped all over each other, laughing and talking and kissing. They were both red-faced and shiny, and Gabriel had a feeling they would be skipping out on the party before long.
There were far fewer patrons in the place than Gabriel had expected for a Friday night, and no one that he—or Ben—knew. With it being the holiday weekend, he supposed a lot of college students might be out of town visiting their families.
There was a young woman currently singing, and her small group of friends was cheering her on, but Gabriel was barely aware of any of that.
Jack laughed at something that Ben said, nodding his head, and Gabriel thought: It’s too soon for me to be in love with you. He felt a momentary flutter of unease, but it quickly faded away. Maybe it was too soon to say it; Jack had admitted that he might be falling in love, but Gabriel knew that Jack wasn’t ready to be in love, and that was alright. Gabriel wasn’t sure he was ready, either.
But he was finished trying to deny his feelings. He was not going to censor himself in his own head or heart, not ever again.
Jack, as though sensing the weight of his thoughts, turned his head and caught Gabriel’s gaze. Ben was swiveling unsteadily toward Natalie, and Alex was texting someone on his phone.
In spite of all the people around them, for a moment Gabriel felt that there was no one in the world but him and Jack. Their eyes locked and held, and Gabriel thought: I love you.
Jack unfolded himself from his seat and stepped around his chair, making his way toward Gabriel. Watching his approach, Gabriel considered asking the other man if he wanted to step into the bathroom and kiss for a while, but he quickly dismissed the thought. As much as he’d like to find a dark and private corner somewhere, there was nothing romantic about a public restroom, and both of their sons were present.
Jack stopped before him and put a hand on Gabriel’s arm, tipping his head forward to be heard over the music.
“Everything alright?” he asked, searching Gabriel’s face.
Gabriel nodded. “I’m glad you’re here,” he said.
Jack smiled and slipped a finger into Gabriel’s belt loop to tug him forward. “Do you mind if I kiss you?” he asked.
“Please do,” Gabriel answered.
Jack leaned closer, his breath fanning Gabriel’s lips, and said, “I wish we were alone right now so I could show you how much I like you like this.”
“Like what? Drunk?” Gabriel asked breathlessly, swaying a little closer until their bodies were touching.
“Tipsy and sentimental and adorable,” Jack answered. He pressed his lips against Gabriel’s, but he kept the kiss light. He let his lips linger, though, and drew back reluctantly. “Here, I’ll hold these,” he said, taking the shirts from beneath Gabriel’s arm. “I think you have some songs to sing.”
Gabriel laughed. “Songs?” he asked, glancing toward the small stage as the young woman made her way off.
“You don’t have to sing anything for me,” Jack said. “I’m happy to wait for a private serenade if you’d rather.”
Gabriel smiled. “Are you going to sing?”
“I don’t think anyone here wants that,” Jack answered with a laugh. “I did tell Alex I’d duet with him if he wanted to get up there, but I’m not sure he’s going to take me up. We…used to do ‘Hakuna Matata,’ the three of us. Alex was always a far better singer than either Jeff or me, but he’s never been the performer type.”
“Ben, either, although he might be drunk enough tonight.” Gabriel realized the mic was open, and he said, “Speaking of Ben, I’d better hurry and sing him his song while I can.”
“I can’t believe you sang him a song about a rat,” Jack laughed as they started toward the stage. “And doesn’t it even say something about no one liking him?”
Gabriel laughed, too, lightly backhanding Jack’s chest. “I changed a few of the words,” he said. “Go sit, you’ll see.”
“Yes, sir,” Jack said, tipping him a wink before veering back toward their table. He watched Gabriel take his place at the mic, amazed by the man’s lack of fear. Jack would be intimidated by the small sea of friendly faces, but he was certain that Gabriel would stand before an arena crowd without flinching.
“Sorry for the sentimentality, everyone,” Gabriel said, glancing around the room. “I’ve had a little bit to drink.” There was laughter, and a couple of shouts that included ‘join the club.’ “This is for my son, Ben. Nobody look at him, I don’t want to embarrass him, but he’s sitting right there,” Gabriel added with a tilt of his head toward the younger Santiago, and there was more laughter. Jack patted Ben on the back in commiseration, but he could see that Ben was already misty-eyed.
Gabriel sang the song a cappella, and he had changed some of the words—but Jack barely noticed. He was mesmerized by the sight of Gabriel singing to his son, and by the sound of his voice. Ben was emotional, but nothing compared to Natalie, who had mascara running down her cheeks. Jack felt more than a little emotional, himself, as Gabriel’s voice cut right into him.
When Gabriel finished, Jack blinked as though coming out of a trance, and looked around as people applauded and whistled. Gabriel smiled sheepishly and said, “I’d like to do another, if that’s alright? Yeah?” The sounds from the audience were encouraging, so he turned to the machine and quickly found his selection. “This is for my…for Nat,” he said, meeting her eyes as the music started.
She put her hand over her heart, offering him a watery smile, and Ben gave her a quick hug before she leaned against Arnie. The gym teacher swiped away her dark tear tracks with a napkin.
Gabriel sang Garth Brooks’s “The Dance” for her, and Jack could hear the emotion in his voice. He could almost see the secrets that passed between Gabriel and Natalie when they looked at each other; he could feel the pain, the happiness, and the love that they shared, and he was moved by it.
“Anyone else want a turn?” Gabriel asked when he’d finished, looking around.
“Do something happy!” someone shouted, and Gabriel laughed.
“Happy?” he asked. “You want happy?” He turned toward the machine and found a song.
When the music started, Ben said, “Oh sweet baby Jesus in a manger,” and Jack threw his head back, laughing.
Gabriel sang “All About That Bass” with self-deprecation but no noticeable hint of self-consciousness, and Jack was helpless to take his eyes from the swing of the man’s hips as he danced back and forth across the stage to a cacophony of shouts and whistles from the crowd.
Alex and Ben were both sunk low in their seats, equally amused and horrified. Natalie and Arnie were crying tears of laughter. Jack was doing his best to moderate his body’s reaction to Gabriel’s dance, and making a mental note to ask for a reprise of some of those moves the next time they were alone.
After the song ended, Gabriel switched to “Centerfield,” and Jack laughed again. Gabriel grinned at him, offering a quick wink when he got to the first chorus.
When Gabriel finished, he gave a quick, cheeky bow in response to the cheers, and said, “Sorry for hogging the mic, thanks for indulging me.” He made his way down to his table, where he quickly swallowed the last of his beer and said, “I have to pee.”
“Thanks for sharing, Pop,” Ben said, and everyone laughed.
Natalie got unsteadily to her feet. “We’re gonna head out,” she told Gabriel. “Back to the motel,” she clarified, enunciating carefully.
“You guys aren’t going to sing anything?” Gabriel asked, glancing at Arnie.
“Maybe next time,” Natalie said, patting Gabriel’s chest. “This was a good idea,” she told him. “Thanks, honey.”
“You guys need a ride? Or…want me to call a cab…?” Jack asked, clearly concerned by their level of intoxication.
“We got it,” Arnie said, waving his phone and nearly dropping it. “Taxi’s awaitin’,” he added.
“Be careful,” Gabriel told Natalie. “Love you.” He kissed her on the mouth, more out of habit than anything else, realizing only belatedly that it might seem inappropriate. He could see the swirl of emotions in her eyes, and the sadness in her smile. He glanced at Arnie, but he was talking to Ben and not paying attention to Natalie and Gabriel.
“Love you, too,” Natalie said quietly, touching her thumb to Gabriel’s scruffy jaw for a moment. “Goodnight, Gabe.”
Gabriel nodded as she turned away, and he caught Jack’s eyes. Jack was far more observant than Arnie, and not only because he was sober.
Jack hugged Natalie and shook Arnie’s hand, and Ben did the same, and then the couple was heading toward the exit. Jack walked over and put his arm around Gabriel’s shoulders, kissing his temple. “Are you okay?” he asked quietly, with his lips near Gabriel’s ear. Behind them, two women were singing a Katy Perry song that was barely recognizable.
Gabriel nodded. “I have to go to the bathroom,” he said. “Then if they let me back up there, I’ve got another song for you.”
“You want me to get you another drink?” Jack asked.
Gabriel laughed. “I think maybe I’ve had enough.”
“Hmm,” Jack said, giving Gabriel’s lips a quick kiss. “I can carry you out if I have to.”
“Thanks for the offer,” Gabriel chuckled, “but I’m pretty sure I can walk myself out. And I think our kids are both about done for the night,” he added, nodding toward Alex and Ben—sitting side by side, Ben laughing drunkenly at something that Alex was showing him on his phone.
“Too bad,” Jack said. “I could really listen to you sing all night. Okay, go pee, I have to go before we leave but I’m not going in there with you. Too much temptation.”
Gabriel laughed as he drew away. “I already had that thought earlier,” he said. “But I didn’t want you to have to arrest yourself,” he added.
“Very considerate of you,” Jack said.
When Gabriel returned from the bathroom, the two wome
n were just leaving the stage, so Gabriel took his place at the mic. There were a few cheers, and he smiled, waving. “Hi, me again,” he said. “Sorry, I promise this is the last one and then I’ll take my geriatric self out of here,” he joked. “This is for Jack,” he said before selecting another Garth Brooks song.
Gabriel sang “You Move Me,” and he hoped that the line “I’m burning with love and with hope and desire” wouldn’t bother Jack. Singing the words was the only way Gabriel would say it, for now. When he made his way back to the table after the song, Jack, Ben, and Alex were gathering up their stuff and standing, ready to leave.
Jack met Gabriel beside the table, and said, “You still want that ‘serious’ kiss you mentioned?”
“Mmhmm,” Gabriel answered with a smile, leaning into him, and he gladly opened his mouth to the gentle pressure of Jack’s lips against his. He splayed his hands at Jack’s waist, making an involuntary sound in his throat as Jack methodically claimed every bit of his mouth.
This kiss was Jack’s answer to Gabriel’s song, and they each knew that their declarations were equal.
***
“Are you sure you…” Gabriel trailed off, peering through the windshield at the shadowy hulk of the dorms. He wanted to offer to walk Ben to his room, but Ben was an adult. He was inebriated, but Gabriel wasn’t so naïve that he imagined it was the first time Ben had returned to the dorms in such a state.
And Gabriel had imbibed a bit too much, himself, to be wandering around a dark, barely-familiar campus. He’d most likely get them both lost, or at least get himself lost while trying to find his way back to the car.
Ben was talking to Alex in the backseat, and didn’t notice Gabriel’s slip toward overprotectiveness. Gabriel bit the rest of his words back, tucking them into his sentimental heart. He thought, not for the first time, that being a parent was really nothing more than a painful series of letting go. He wouldn’t change it for the world, but that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt—some times more than others.
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