“Nah,” Jack said, winking up at him. His face was painted in moonlight and shadows, his features nearly indistinguishable, and Gabriel marveled at how quickly those features had become familiar. No, not just familiar, but cherished, imprinted into Gabriel’s heart. He wouldn’t have believed he could ever fall so deeply in love so quickly. He’d loved Natalie from the start, but it had been nothing like this. His feelings for her had sprung from a tangle of desperation and hope; he’d seen in her everything he’d thought he needed, and he’d done his best to give her everything she needed—and wanted.
But Jack had come into his life out of nowhere, and he’d given Gabriel everything he’d ever been afraid to want. He’d done it without asking for anything in return. He’d done it in spite of his own pain and fear. Gabriel knew that to outsiders, it may look as though he’d simply fallen for the first man to ever show him affection, the first man who’d ever seduced him. Gabriel didn’t care. He knew the difference between love and gratitude; he felt both for Jack. He wasn’t a naïve kid desperate to be loved and wanted. His feelings weren’t transient or conditional.
He was in love with Jack, and he could no longer imagine his life without him. If a day came when they decided they should go their separate ways, Gabriel knew that he was strong enough to go on with his life, but he also knew that he would never stop loving Jack any more than he would ever stop loving Natalie. If there was one thing Gabriel didn’t do, it was love half-heartedly.
He knew that Jack didn’t, either. Jack wouldn’t invite him to have dinner with Alex, he wouldn’t eagerly agree to meet Natalie and Ben, and he wouldn’t introduce Gabriel to Jeff’s parents unless he was sure about the strength of his own feelings.
Jack turned his head in Gabriel’s lap and pressed a kiss to Gabriel’s stomach. Gabriel had taken off his blazer, using it to wrap the bottle of wine—the very expensive bottle of wine, the cost of which he didn’t want to contemplate—gifted to him by the McGintys.
Jack lifted a hand and pushed Gabriel’s shirt up, touching his lips to bare skin. Gabriel made an involuntary sound, and slid his own hand over Jack’s abdomen, tucking his fingers beneath the shirt. He felt Jack’s tongue against his stomach, and then Jack sucked at his skin, surely drawing a hickey.
Gabriel looked up. “There’s a car coming,” he said. A moment later he squinted against the glare of headlights rounding the curve in the road.
“I’m not doing anything,” Jack murmured against his stomach.
“Your feet are up in the air,” Gabriel said, and he felt Jack’s laugh as much as he heard it. “If that’s a cop—”
“I’m a cop.”
“You’re drunk and have your head in my lap.”
Jack turned his head to look up at him as Gabriel squinted at the approaching vehicle. “Am I making you uncomfortable?” he asked.
Gabriel was so focused on the other car that it took a few seconds for Jack’s question to sink in, and then he looked down in surprise, blinking to clear the white spots from his vision. “Uncomfortable?” he repeated. “I’m worried about you,” he said. “I can’t imagine you’d want to explain to a fellow police officer why you’re lying with your head in your…boyfriend’s lap,” he said. He barely noticed as the car passed the turnout.
“I can’t tell. Are you blushing?” Jack asked, and the moonlight flashed across his teeth.
“I’m not accustomed to calling myself anyone’s boyfriend,” Gabriel acknowledged.
“Me, either,” Jack said. “But you’re not anyone’s boyfriend. You asked me to go steady, that means you’re all mine.”
“Yeah?” Gabriel asked, running his fingers through Jack’s hair. “Doesn’t change the fact that I’m a little old for it.”
“I like it,” Jack said, reaching up to touch his fingers to Gabriel’s lips. Gabriel smiled against his fingertips. “When you let me, I’m gonna tell everyone.”
“When I let you?”
“People are gonna be sick of it. They’ll avoid me on the street because I’ll constantly be saying, ‘have you met my boyfriend, Gabe? This is my boyfriend, Gabe.’”
Gabriel laughed, but the sound held little humor; mostly he was surprised. “When I—Jack, you can introduce me to anyone, any time. Anywhere.”
“Yeah?” Jack asked, grinning. He poked a finger into Gabriel’s mouth. “You might regret that.”
Gabriel used his tongue to press Jack’s finger against the roof of his mouth, and he sucked hard enough to earn a sound of surprise from Jack. “Not ever,” Gabriel said after releasing the finger.
Jack ran his wet finger over Gabriel’s lips.
“Jack.”
“Hmm.”
“It’s after midnight,” Gabriel said with a smile. “Happy birthday. Officer Windsor,” he added, as a callback to the night they’d met.
Jack ran his fingers over Gabriel’s cheek. “Will you tell me in Spanish?” he asked quietly.
“Feliz cumpleaños, mi amor,” Gabriel said without pausing to consider. He held his breath, waiting for Jack’s reaction.
Jack stared up at him in silence for a few seconds. “Can I have you as my present?” he finally said.
Gabriel laughed softly. “One of them, sure,” he answered, settling his palm against Jack’s chest.
Jack trailed his fingers lightly over Gabriel’s eyelids, closing them for a moment. “We should get home so I can unwrap you, then,” he said.
“I thought you were going to say open me up,” Gabriel said.
“I want you to open me up,” Jack answered, barely above a whisper, and Gabriel opened his eyes to meet his hooded gaze in the moonlight.
***
“I knew they’d love you but I don’t think you realize how incredible you were,” Jack said. “How incredible you are.”
“Thank you for inviting me,” Gabriel answered. He was sitting on the sofa, watching as Jack wirelessly connected Gabriel’s iPod to a Bluetooth speaker. Jack was standing beside the entertainment center so that he could drop the iPod into the charging port once he’d chosen a song, but Gabriel wanted him closer.
Jack had sobered significantly during the drive back to the house, probably due in part to the cold wind on his face as he’d sat cuddled up to Gabriel’s side. Since their arrival, he’d made no moves on Gabriel, though.
“I’m looking forward to you charming my parents and sisters, too,” Jack said, meeting his eyes. “At Christmas?”
“Do I need mistletoe to get you over here?” Gabriel asked, earning a chuckle. “Pick a song already so we can make out.”
“You seem to enjoy making out,” Jack teased, looking down at the screen.
“I thought you liked that about me.”
“Oh, I do. Why are there two lists with my name?” Jack asked with a bemused smile.
“The second one is songs that remind me of you. For when you’re not around,” Gabriel answered.
Jack lifted his gaze from the iPod. “Can I look at it?” he asked. He saw Gabriel’s hesitation and said, “That’s okay,” even as Gabriel was answering.
“Sure.”
“It’s okay,” Jack repeated. “I won’t—”
“It’s not like I’m hiding anything,” Gabriel laughed. “Go ahead.”
Jack looked down again and scrolled through the list. Gabriel couldn’t read his expression, and he tried to do a mental count of how many of the songs were likely to have the word “love” in the title, but gave up. It didn’t matter.
Jack started a song by Tedy, and looked up at Gabriel with a question in his eyes.
“You can skip to around the thirty-second mark,” Gabriel said. Jack glanced down only long enough to slide the progress bar closer to the chorus, and then met Gabriel’s eyes again.
“Can I love you? Would it be alright?” Tedy sang.
Gabriel smiled and offered a small shrug.
Jack set the iPod down and crossed to the sofa, dropping into a crouch in front of Gabriel with his hands on the teach
er’s knees. “I never should’ve asked you not to call me baby—I never should’ve limited what you could say to me,” he said quietly, holding Gabriel’s stare. “I don’t ever want you to feel censored by me, or like you have to pick and choose what you can say to me, Gabe.”
“I’m not hiding anything,” Gabriel reiterated. “I’ve never been anything but honest about what I feel since literally the night we met,” he added with a small laugh.
“You’re honest,” Jack said, sliding his hands higher on Gabriel’s thighs. “You’re open. You let me see you without hesitation even though it terrified you. You let people have whatever they want of you, Gabe, but you don’t have to hide away the pieces of yourself that you think will make others uncomfortable. Not with me. I’m sorry. The truth is, I’ve never been good at saying the words. Jeff started throwing it around after a week—one week, and it took me almost six months to say it back. He didn’t care, but—”
“I don’t care, either,” Gabriel cut in quietly. “Words are—” He stopped when Jack shook his head and tightened his grip on his thighs.
“Tonight when John was talking about an afterlife and getting to see Jeff again, all I could think was that…that’s all I’ve wanted for a year. To see him again, to hear his voice, to put my arms around him.”
Gabriel covered Jack’s hands. “I know,” he said softly. “And I have to believe you’ll get that chance, that you’ll see him again someday, somewhere.” He paused and managed a smile. “And maybe I can visit,” he said. “I think maybe he wouldn’t mind so much, if we’re talking eternity.”
Jack shook his head. “That’s just it,” he said in a whisper. “I don’t want to give you up. I won’t give you up. I wouldn’t want to choose, that’s what I realized. That’s how I know. I was afraid to admit it even to myself, but…I want to be clear, Gabriel. I am in love with you. Completely and irrevocably. I know it’s soon—”
Gabriel leaned forward, his knees sliding beneath Jack’s arms, and kissed him, pressing his palms to Jack’s cheeks. His fingers curled against Jack’s scalp, behind his ears, and he felt the other man’s fingertips dig into his thighs for a moment before Jack shifted forward, gently pushing Gabriel down onto the sofa and crawling on top of him without breaking their kiss.
Jack pressed him into the cushions with the weight of his body, sliding a hand under Gabriel’s shirt. Gabriel turned his head, pulling his mouth from Jack’s, and said, “Wait.”
Jack stilled, lifting his head to look down at him.
“You know I don’t have any doubts, right? That me coming here, when I said I needed to figure out what I wanted to do, it wasn’t about this, about us. It’s not about choosing between you and my job—I’d choose you without hesitation, Jack—you, us, this. The decisions about my career are nothing to do with you and me.”
“I can’t help but feel a little responsible, Gabe. I don’t want you to lose your job, a job you love and deserve and are good at. But I’ll support you no matter what you decide.”
“I love you,” Gabriel said. “I kind of feel like that’s been pretty obvious,” he added with a little laugh, “but just in case.”
Jack dipped his head, his breath fanning Gabriel’s lips, and searched his eyes. “I’m really glad to hear it,” he murmured. He brushed his lips, feather-light, against the other man’s. “Gabe?”
“Hmm.”
“Can I sit in your lap now?”
Gabriel laughed up at him. “You can do anything you want, but uh…you might need to explain the logistics.”
Jack grinned. He pushed himself off the couch and took Gabriel’s hand. “How about a demonstration?” he asked, helping Gabriel to his feet and leading him toward a kitchen chair. “A dry run, so to speak,” he added, pushing the back of the chair against the wall for stability.
Jack turned Gabriel, steering him into the chair with a smile. As soon as Gabriel was seated, Jack slowly straddled him, smirking as Gabriel’s lips parted. He settled most of his weight onto Gabriel but kept his feet on the floor. He leaned forward so they were chest to chest, crotch to crotch, and Gabriel groaned.
Jack slipped his fingers into the other man’s hair, gently massaging at his scalp, and brushed their lips together. “How does this feel?” he murmured.
“Um.”
“The best part? When you’re inside me like this, you can do as much, or as little, of the work as you want. I’ll have my feet on the floor.” He shifted, levering himself up and down a bit, rubbing their bodies together. Gabriel clutched at his hips.
“I don’t think that’s the best part,” Gabriel said, holding his dark stare. “I think this is the best part,” he breathed, and Jack knew that he meant the intimacy inherent in their positions.
“The downside…I’ll make a mess all over you. All over both of us,” Jack said.
“Downside? You mean an excuse to take a shower.”
Jack smiled. “And hopefully you’ll make a mess inside of me,” he murmured.
“Hmm,” Gabriel answered with tilted lips. “Inside the—” He stopped, momentarily held captive by the intensity in Jack’s stare. Gabriel swallowed. “I, uh…” He licked his lower lip and Jack’s gaze darted toward the movement. “Are you sure?”
“I’m clean,” Jack said. “You’re clean. And I promise I’m not ovulating.”
Gabriel laughed, but it ended in something of a gulp. “I love you, Jack,” he said. He couldn’t not say it; his love for Jack was consuming, overwhelming, more powerful than the desire raging through him.
Jack pressed his palms to Gabriel’s cheeks. “Can you say it again?” he asked.
“I love—” Gabriel paused when Jack shook his head. He considered, searching Jack’s eyes, trying to decipher what he wanted. And, suddenly, Gabriel knew. “Mi amor,” he said, and he watched Jack’s face split into a smile. “Te amo.”
Jack leaned forward until his lips were at Gabriel’s ear. “I love you, too,” he whispered.
***
“More presents?” Jack asked, raising his eyebrows.
Gabriel laughed, tossing him the wrapped package. “You can have me anytime. That is for your birthday,” he said, pointing.
“Anytime?”
“Mmhmm,” Gabriel answered, undeterred by Jack’s smirk. Jack was sitting naked on the edge of the bed. They’d slept for a few hours, and it was almost dawn.
Jack looked down the length of Gabriel’s body; he was standing, unclothed, in the middle of the bedroom.
“Focus, Jack,” Gabriel said, and Jack laughed, turning his attention to the present. He pulled the paper off and opened the box. He laughed again when he pulled out the contents—Gabriel’s college sweatshirt, and a giant Hershey’s Kiss. “I think that means it’s official, now.”
Jack grinned at him. “Now you’re my boyfriend,” he said.
“Finally,” Gabriel answered. He pointed. “There’s a card, too.”
Jack looked down and found the envelope tucked into the folds of the sweatshirt. He opened it, read the card, and looked at Gabriel with his eyebrows raised. “Location and details of my choice?” he asked.
Gabriel shifted his feet. “That’s what it says,” he answered. He narrowed his eyes, then laughed. “Oh, God. I’m gonna freeze my ass off, aren’t I?”
Jack reached over and snatched Gabriel’s shorts off the foot of the bed, holding them up in the air with a grin.
Gabriel groaned but walked over to get them. “Alright,” he said, reaching for the shorts.
Jack pulled them back and grabbed Gabriel’s wrist, tugging him closer until he was standing between Jack’s knees. “You don’t have to,” he said.
Gabriel laughed. “I think I’m contractually obligated,” he answered, gesturing toward the card. “I put it in writing, signed my name…”
“I got what I wanted earlier,” Jack said.
“In case it wasn’t obvious, so did I,” Gabriel answered, bending down to kiss him. “So I’m going to put on the shorts and
trudge down to the cold, dark beach and let you do whatever you want to me because it’s your birthday and I love you. But,” he added, straightening and holding up a finger. “I need a blanket. Or two.”
Jack gestured toward the closet. “I think there’s a tote in there,” he said.
Gabriel looked over his shoulder, then hesitated and looked back at Jack. “Do you mind if I rummage?” he asked.
Jack tipped his head, regarding him. “Rummage away,” he said, but he held Gabriel’s wrist, stopping him when he started to turn. “Nothing’s off-limits, Gabe,” he said.
Gabriel nodded and bent to kiss his head before heading toward the closet. “I can feel your eyes on my ass.”
“You wouldn’t blame me if you could see it,” Jack answered, making Gabriel laugh.
***
The sand was cold, and so was the briney breeze. Gabriel sat bundled in an oversized blanket, and Jack was a few feet away, staring out at the dark ocean. Gabriel had never been a fan of the cold, but he didn’t want to be anywhere else, with anyone else.
Jack didn’t seem to mind the chilly air. He was dressed in shorts and Gabriel’s sweatshirt, with his bare toes buried in the sand.
“Looks like we’re all alone this early,” Gabriel said. The sun was slowly rising behind them and would soon spread fingers of color over the waves.
“Probably for the best. I haven’t had a threesome since college,” Jack joked, looking back at him.
“Wait, what? Seriously?”
Jack stuck his tongue out, then laughed. “Yes, seriously. It was college. I was experimenting.”
“You and I had very different levels of experimentation,” Gabriel laughed. “I…What was…How was it?”
Jack turned and crawled toward him. “Well, they were a couple, so to be honest I expected to feel like a third wheel. But they were…very attentive,” he said with a sudden grin.
“Male, male couple?”
“Yessir,” Jack said. “I have never been with a woman. Never even kissed a girl.” He opened Gabriel’s blanket, exposing his bare skin to the chilly air. Gabriel was dressed in nothing but shorts.
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