by Fuse
“Mmmm, this is good!”
“Ah!!”
“Whew. Really good. Oops! I’m almost out.”
“Whaaa?!”
This is fun. She’s just like a child, ripe for getting picked on.
“So you gonna admit that I won?”
“…Wait. I have a suggestion.”
“Let’s hear it.”
“Call it a draw. How about we call it a draw this time?”
“And what do I get out of agreeing to that?”
“I’ll forget about everything that happened.”
“Oh?”
“That, that’s not all, either! I swear I won’t meddle with you guys at all! And you know, if you have any problems, you can talk to me about them, okay?!”
I won!
Her strength was overwhelming, but inside, she was every bit the kid that she looked like. Against a grown-up’s negotiation skills, she had no chance. Yep. Grown-ups play dirty.
Of course, trying to extract anything else out of her would be dangerous. She was a catastrophe-class demon lord, and if I got on her bad side any further, I ran the risk of my town being turned into ash. I decided to play my hand before she changed her mind.
“Sounds good to me. I accept. We’ll call it a draw, then.”
I had a fair bit of inventory left, so I put a generous supply of honey into a jar and handed it to her. It wasn’t a fancy jar, misshapen and handmade from clay, but Milim still accepted it with a smile, scooping a bit up and sucking at it with gusto.
The danger was gone. She was in a good mood, and the most unprecedented catastrophe to ever hit our town ended before it began.
I had just healed the ogres and started to head back into town when I realized that Milim was following me. Oh, brother. I thought I had talked my way out of this, so I assumed she would be going back home, but already my plans were failing.
Holding the jar of honey drops carefully, the demon lord stuck right to my side in lockstep. Does she want more honey? I had a supply, but no intention of letting her have more of it. I didn’t want my portion to run away on me.
“Hey,” she asked, sidling up to me as we walked. “Hey, have you ever thought about calling yourself a demon lord, or trying to become one?”
What on earth is she going on about…?
“Why would I want to put myself through that?” I asked.
She gave me a genuinely perplexed look in response. “Huh? I mean… We’re talking about a demon lord, here! They’re really cool, you know? You kinda want to…look up to them, right?”
“Nope.”
“…Huh?”
“Huh?”
It appeared that Milim the demon lord and I saw things in very different ways. We looked at each other.
“Well, lemme ask you this: Do you get anything good out of being a demon lord?”
“Huh? Umm, well, all these strong guys seek you out to try to start fights. It’s fun!”
“I’m already getting in enough fights now, thanks. Not interested.”
“Whaaaa?! Well, how do you get your fun in life?”
“Oh, all kinds of things. There’s practically too much for me to do, if anything. I only just got my hands on that honey a little bit ago. There’s lots of other stuff I want, too, so I really don’t have the time to be a demon lord. Or is there something to it besides fighting?”
“No, but…you can act all big around humans and magic-born…?”
“Isn’t that kind of boring?”
The question caused Milim to make a face like she was just struck by lightning. I guess it was kind of boring. I was so on the mark that she had nothing to say.
We were almost back at town again, and if she was that shocked about it, I kind of wished she would go away and leave me alone.
“Well, I guess you know my story now. Be careful on your way back home, all right?”
I thought that was a pretty smooth way to drop the hint. I was wrong.
“Wait! Y-you…?! You’re doing stuff that’s more fun than being a demon lord? That’s not fair! It’s totally not fair! Now I’m angry. Tell me what it is! And let me join you, too!!”
I did my best not to call her a spoiled brat to her face. She was a demon lord; riling her could have unexpected consequences. Really, just thinking of her as a child made dealing with her a cinch. Judging by our confrontation just a moment ago, it was super-easy as an adult to talk around her. You can’t try to read someone like this too deeply. Just work around her selfishness and nudge the conversation in your direction—that’s the real key to it, and along those lines, I was already treating Milim like the children of my relatives.
“All right, all right. I’ll tell you. But on one condition. Can you start calling me Sir Rimuru from now on?”
“What? No! You’re crazy! It should be the opposite. You need to call me Lady Milim! Don’t go bandying about my first name like that…”
Oops. Maybe I got a little too cocky? She looks and acts like a child, but angering a walking potential catastrophe could be lethal.
“Well, hang on a sec. We just drew our last fight. That’s fine, isn’t it?”
“Nnngh…”
“All right. Let’s do this. I’ll call you Milim, and you can just call me Rimuru. Sound good?”
“Mmmmhh… Well, okay. I got it! I’ll allow you to call me just Milim. You better appreciate that, though! Only my demon lord friends are allowed that.”
“Well, thanks. I guess we’re friends now, too, huh?”
“Huh?!”
Despite all the sparks, we had overcome our naming dispute. We’d just call each other by our own names—no honorifics or anything.
“Okay, well, I’ll give you a tour of the city, but no wandering around by yourself, okay?”
“Okay, Rimuru! Ee-hee-hee!”
The demon lord Milim—just Milim to me—was being oddly cheerful.
“Great. There’s a good girl. And no starting fights in town without my permission, either. Promise me?”
“Of course! I promise, Rimuru!”
So far, so good. Easier than I thought, even. I ought to be fine now.
“…Well done, Sir Rimuru. Taming the wild demon lord so briskly…”
“We should expect no less of Sir Rimuru!”
“I will let Sir Rigurd know about this…and to take care not to anger the demon lord.”
The feedback from the ogre mages seemed positive enough, too. No complaints, at least—and if they did have complaints, I thought as I guided Milim toward town, lodging them to a demon lord wouldn’t do much.
It seemed, by the way, that calling yourself a demon lord was a good way to make the other demon lords punish you. If you couldn’t prove your strength, they’d boot you right out of the club.
Whew. That was a real close one. If I declared myself a demon lord, like Milim was semi-pushing me to do, I’d start to get watched by real demon lords. Not that Milim wasn’t one, but either way, I dodged a bullet without realizing it. Hearing that story afterward, I gave myself a mental pat on the back for refusing the bait.
I was showing Milim around town.
It turned out to be much more laborious than I was expecting. If you’ve ever taken a young child to an amusement park, I think you can imagine how it was. Take your eyes off her for a moment, and she’s gone. It was exactly like that.
“Hey! I told you to stop running off!”
“Wah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! I’m over here! What’s this thing?!”
“Listen to me! Just calm down and pay attention.”
“Wah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! What’s the big deal? I’m listening!”
She plainly wasn’t. She was running up and down the streets, her tension level so high that it honestly made me wonder about her.
“Ah, Sir Rimuru!”
Just inside town, we ran into Gabil, who was carrying a box.
“What good timing. I am here because our test run is complete.”
He may live to regret calling it “good�
� timing.
“Oooh, a dragonewt! Wah-ha-ha-ha-ha! That’s pretty rare. Doing okay?”
“Well, well, here’s a new girl. Indeed, I am Gabil the dragonewt! As Sir Rimuru’s right-hand man, I have been tasked with the development of a secret potion. Are you new to town, too, li’l lady?”
—Snap!
“Huh? What did you just say? ‘Little lady’—you don’t mean me, do you? You want me to kill you?”
She was all smiles a moment ago. Now, Milim was transformed. Guess she didn’t like what Gabil called her.
Grabbing Gabil’s head with a single hand, the demon lord pulled it toward her, then planted a fist in his stomach. I had no time at all to stop her. With a pained exhalation, Gabil had been brought to the brink of death.
Uh… Wait. What happened to her promise not to start a fight without my permission…?
“Listen to me. I’m in a very good mood at the moment. That’s why I’m willing to forgive you now that I’ve done that…but not next time, so watch yourself, got it?”
I don’t think she could’ve done much more than “that” without causing literal death. Some “forgiveness.” It was like she expertly judged the exact amount of force to bring Gabil up to—but not over—the cliff. This girl was fearsome! She probably used Dragon’s Eye to gauge the strike, but still, fearsome.
Good thing Gabil was carrying a test run of our healing potion. We quickly used it on him. It worked.
“Phahh?! I saw my father waving at me from across the river!” he shouted upon waking up.
“Guess you’re fine, then,” I muttered, rolling my eyes. “Your father’s still alive, isn’t he?”
“Er…oh, right. Many pardons. I really was rather close to death, however. Who is this girl—er, this esteemed lady before us…?”
“Yeah, Soei’s informing Rigurd right now, but I guess nobody told you guys in the cave yet. This is Milim. I guess she’s a demon lord?”
“H…uh? Whaaatt?! A demon lord?!”
Gabil was so shocked, he looked ready to piss himself. I could understand why. I waited for him to compose himself, then explained that Milim would be staying in town for a little while.
“I see… No wonder that was such a powerful punch. I suppose I should be glad to be alive…”
“Yeah, well, she promised that she wouldn’t start any fights, so I doubt she’s aiming to kill anyone.”
“Wah-ha-ha! Of course not! That was just my way of saying hi!”
Hell of a way to do that. I guess I shouldn’t trust her on that promise too much. A little love tap from her would have life-altering consequences for any of us. I’d have to make sure everyone here is sufficiently warned.
“I’ll head to the cave later, so let Vester know, too, all right?”
“Yes sir.”
Gabil bowed as he bounded off. Considering the punishment he just endured, he looked in pretty good shape. Maybe the potion was pretty potent, or maybe Gabil was really that tough, or maybe both. Milim gave him a broad, approving nod, waved, then turned to me like nothing had happened.
“Wow, he’s pretty solidly built, huh? Maybe I oughta turn it up a notch next time?”
Um, don’t ask me, I pleaded from the bottom of my heart.
“Hey, um, you know you can’t start punching people just because you’re mad, okay?”
“Hmm? It’s his fault for angering me. Plus, like I said, that’s just a form of greeting!”
No, Milim. No, it’s not.
“Well, I’m not gonna let you greet people with a boxing match, all right? No more of that!”
“No? But I gotta show people a little force to start out, or else they’ll think I’m a pushover…”
“I said, you can’t! I’ll tell everyone in town to treat you with respect, all right?”
“You will? Well, great. I’ll leave that to you.”
“Yeah, thanks. Just chill for now, okay?”
That was about all I could warn her about at the moment. I had a feeling I’d need to gradually teach Milim some common sense over the next little while. It felt like the demon lord had a couple different triggers that enraged her—I’d just have to pray that Gabil was her first, and last, victim.
We continued our journey across town. It was almost dinnertime, when most people would wrap up their work and gather around outdoors, and I figured it was high time to introduce her.
Soei had been nice enough to spread the word around town about our little tyrant, but it was probably safest to show her around and make sure everybody knew exactly what she looked like. I really doubted anyone was stupid enough to try to make a pass at her, but it paid to be doubly sure.
I sent out the announcement for everyone to gather at the main square. They slowly filed in after finishing work, and once the square was filled up, I hopped up on the podium.
“Umm, so starting today, we’ll have a new friend living with all of us. We’ll be treating her as an honored guest, so I’d like you all to treat her politely for me. She’s also promised to follow all the town rules, so if you see her violating any, please let me know.”
I wasn’t willing to let a ton of things slide just because she was a demon lord…but given her violent force, figuring out how to lay down the law was a thorny question. I did make her promise to play nice to the general public, and she seemed confident that she’d stick to that.
“Aren’t you worrying too much?” she said. “I always keep my promises!”
I had my concerns about that, but I couldn’t just sit here and doubt her every move. I decided to trust in her.
Next, Milim took the podium.
“I’m Milim Nava,” she told the crowd, “and starting today, I’ll be living in this city. It’s good to meetcha!”
Um, wait. What did she just say?!
“Whoa, hang on. What do you mean, you’ll be living here?”
“Um, that’s exactly what I mean. I’ve decided to live here, too.”
“Wait, wait, wait. Don’t you already have someplace to live? Aren’t there people you have to worry about over there?”
“Oh, they’ll be fine. I’ll just go home every now and then, and it’ll be no prob!”
It’s a huge prob to me, you idiot! I had to mentally keep myself from screaming my thoughts at her. Well, whatever. She was a pretty flighty girl. Once she got bored of us, I was sure she’d be outta here.
“Well, you heard her, so treat her well,” I said, defeatedly addressing the crowd.
Milim was free to do as she pleased, and the residents generally seemed positive about the news—“What?! Lady Milim, the demon lord?!” “My stars, I’ve never seen her royal countenance in person before!” “Well done, Sir Rimuru! Striking such cordial relations with that tyrant!” “Ahh, it’ll be peaceful days for Tempest now!” And so on.
The name of a demon lord had a lot of cachet around here, Milim’s in particular. Nobody accused her of being a fake, either—with my good word to back her, there was no room for doubt.
“So just to make sure we’re clear, starting today… Well, Milim’s one of us. If she runs into any problems, I want you all to help her out.”
“Yes! Rimuru and I are friends now, so if something comes up, I’m your girl!”
I didn’t expect Milim to require help from any of us. If anything, we’d take the brunt of whatever drama she conjured up. That was what I meant from the statement, but that didn’t register with the demon lord. She took it straight, and I couldn’t deny her.
Still…
“Friends, huh…?”
Was that really all right? Befriending a demon lord and all? I mean, in the short time we’d known each other, Milim seemed nice enough and all, but…
The girl herself, perhaps picking up on my whisper, began to blush. “Yeah,” she said, “‘friends’ does sound kind of odd. Uhmm… Maybe not friends, so much as BFFs!”
Um… BFFs? Milim, when did I give any indication that we were BFFs?
“Er, BFFs?” I hesitantly a
sked.
“Huh? Aren’t we?!”
I could see the tears welling in Milim’s eyes already…but if anything, the hostile force in her already-balled fists came even more quickly. Crap!
“Hee-hee-hee! Kidding, kidding! BFFs forever, man!”
I quickly corrected myself. Now there’s a mine I almost planted my foot on. I was not gonna go down the same road as Gabil.
“Right? Totally! You sure are good at scaring people!” Milim beamed at me, indicating I had made the right call.
Too easy. Too easy, but still a tough one to handle. No letting my guard down any longer. This had been a real lesson for me. The land of Tempest had a new resident, and she was more dangerous than a warehouse full of powder kegs.
With her introduction over, we filed into the dining hall. Food was on the way, and today’s main dish was curry.
To be honest, it was a dish that did its best to simulate curry. We had discovered a grass that resembled wild rice well enough, and we were in the midst of improving upon it right now. It wasn’t very nutritious at the moment, and it certainly didn’t taste great, but curry’s great at covering up stuff like that, so the results turned out pretty well. I had Shuna’s culinary gifts to thank for that. If we could figure out how to grow some honest-to-goodness white rice, I think it’d be a classic, but either way, this worked, too. We also had some ersatz Indian-style naan bread, so you could choose that instead.
Cooking in this town was the result of a long trial-and-error process. We had a stockpile of recipes at this point, but without any sugar, recreating the dishes I knew on Earth was a challenge. I had monsters scouring the forest for anything that resembled sugarcane. There might be plants with sugar stored in the roots, like sugar beets or whatnot, so I’d been asking our patrols to come back with as many different types of plants as they could. A sample was all I needed to run Analyze and Assess, figure out what was inside, and—over time—extract real sugar from it.
Milim certainly enjoyed the meal. I figured she had pretty childish tastes in food, too, so I asked Shuna to put some extra fruit juice in her curry to make it sweeter. Judging by the way she tore through her helping, I guess I made the right choice.