by Every, Donna
“Yes, I’ll stay.”
Richard closed his eyes in relief and released a breath he did not even realize he had been holding. He hadn’t known until then just how important her answer was to him.
Tonight was different. Tonight was the first time that she would be with Richard as a free woman, not because he held the promise of freedom to persuade her, but because she chose to be with him. It was a powerful and exciting feeling. She took a leisurely bath, dressed with particular care and then sent a note to the dinner table by Cassie. She smiled as she recalled what she had written.
Miss Deborah Edwards requests the pleasure of your company in your room after dinner. Don’t have dessert. Dessert awaits you.
She couldn’t believe that she could make a joke about being dessert after William had referred to her that way two years ago. Richard had healed her with his love and gentleness. Love? Was it love he felt for her or simply desire? After all, he had never said the words.
Richard took the note that Cassie had surreptitiously handed to him and opened it beneath the table. He couldn’t contain the laugh that escaped his lips or the anticipation that surged through him at Deborah’s boldness and the thought of her waiting for him upstairs.
His aunt glanced at him questioningly but he smiled and said, “Private joke. Sorry.”
He passed the note to Thomas discreetly. He had told him earlier of his decision to free Deborah today and that she had decided to stay until he left.
He practically devoured his food, not even caring what he ate, wanting to get to the end of the main course as quickly as he could. Why did this woman excite him so much? All he could think about was her note and imagine her waiting in his room.
As soon as Cassie removed his plate, he pushed back his chair. His aunt looked up in surprise as he made his excuses.
“I’m afraid I’m much too full for dessert right now,” he apologized. “I may just have something in my room later if I feel peckish.” His uncle smothered a laugh.
“That’s quite all right, my boy. Don’t let us detain you. I’m sure you’re anxious for your bed tonight. Don’t bother to come out tomorrow. Make sure you get a good rest.”
“Thank you, uncle. That’s very generous of you.” With that he put down his napkin and eagerly headed for his room.
Deborah stood as Richard burst into the room. His breath caught at the picture of her in one of the new dresses he had bought in town and her hair loose over her shoulders and down her back.
“Dinner finished already?” she asked teasingly, as if she knew that he had wolfed it down without noticing what he had eaten.
“You knew very well I would have no idea what I ate after I read your note. You wanton woman,” he accused. She laughed delightedly, her spirit free.
“It is my birthday! It is as if I was born for the first time today and I was born free,” she said with joy. Richard was pleased that he had given her that joy.
“I know that you could have waited until you were leaving to give me my freedom but you gave it to me today as a gift. You do not know how much that means to me. Thank you,” she finished humbly.
“Now although it’s my birthday, I want to give you a gift,” she said talking off his jacket and dropping it over a chair. “Tonight I give you the gift of myself; not because I want my freedom or because you own me, but because I choose to.”
Richard was both humbled and exalted by her words. He pulled her into his arms and buried his face in her hair; his heart full of an unnamed emotion that threatened to overwhelm him.
Raising his head he looked into her eyes and then bent to kiss each eyelid, her nose, the corners of her mouth, all with light butterfly kisses. He trailed kisses down her neck to the ticklish spot he had discovered, making her squirm. He gently sucked on a sensitive place on her neck, branding her with his mark.
Deborah unbuttoned his shirt and pushed it off his broad shoulders, enjoying the sensation of his smooth warm skin against her hands. She rained kisses on his chest, nipping and branding him as hers in reciprocation.
Richard suddenly pulled her head up and plundered her lips with a passion that he could not seem to restrain. Deborah gloried in the fact that she could move him with just a few caresses and met his kiss with the same intensity. They quickly divested themselves of any hindrances between them, coming together with an urgency born of the realization that their time together was short.
Later they leisurely explored each other as if trying to imprint on their minds memories that they wanted to last the rest of their lives.
Chapter 23
June 29, 1696
Thomas paced up and down as he waited for Sarah to come to his office. This was more difficult than telling Deborah that he had sold her to Richard because he at least knew that Richard would take care of her and that she was still going to be in the house. With Sarah it was different. He was going to be freeing her and it was harder than he imagined it would be.
It was not just the thought that she would no longer be owned by him or be available to him but he realized that she would be without his protection as she and Deborah would be living in Town, so far away if she needed him. He had bought her a small property there earlier in the month; a two bedroom house with a shop front where she and Deborah could run some sort of business.
He had decided to give her Jacko as a slave since he couldn’t do much on the plantation with one hand and he would give her one of the women from the field to help out.
Sarah knocked at the door and he bid her to come in. She looked as if she had come in from doing the laundry as the front of her dress was wet and her hands looked wrinkled from being in water for too long.
“You wanted me Master Thomas?”
“Yes Sarah.” He paused as if to collect himself. “Since Richard will be leaving tomorrow and Deborah will be free to go, I have decided to grant you your freedom now.”
Sarah put a hand over her mouth as tears sprang to her eyes.
“You freeing me now, Master Thomas?” she repeated.
“Yes, Sarah. I’m freeing you now.” The words were hard to say because in his heart he wanted to keep her. “I found a small house in town for you and Deborah where you can live and have a shop of some sort and I will give you Jacko as well as Mamie, one of the field girls to help you out.”
“You giving me slaves? Master Thomas I don’t want to own anybody.”
“You and Deborah will need their help.”
Sarah was overcome with all the information and had to sit down. Things were changing so fast. Master Richard was leaving tomorrow, Deborah was free and now the Master was freeing her and giving her property? She couldn’t believe it.
“I’m also going to give you £100 for you to set up a shop and live on until you start to make some money from the shop.”
Thomas knew that Sarah couldn’t really comprehend having that sort of money so he would give it to Deborah and let her deal with the finances.
“It’s not going to be easy to let you go, Sarah. From the time you came, you have made my life happier. I still want to see you. When I’m in Town I will come and spend the night or the weekend with you.” This was more of a statement than a request but she nodded.
He went to his desk and picked up a document. “This is the document that says you are free. Keep it safe so that no-one can ever make you a slave again.”
“Thank you, Master Thomas,” she said clutching the paper. “I can’t believe that this happening. Deborah and I talked about being free but I never believed it would be so quick. She is going to be so happy when she hears this, because I know that she was worried about me.” Thomas nodded.
“Would you come to me tonight, Sarah? We only have a few days before you leave.”
“Yes, Master Thomas.” She left the room quickly and he knew that she was going to find Deborah to tell her the news. He was torn between joy for her and a deep sadness that his life would no longer be the same without her.
Richard
could not believe that he would be on a ship bound for Carolina the next day. His trunks were packed and waiting, only the things he would need for tomorrow remained. Deborah had packed it in spite of his protests that she was no longer his slave. He wasn’t surprised though because in the month since he'd freed her nothing had changed. She still cleaned his room, washed his clothes and looked after him. Either it was a habit that was hard to break or she just wanted to do it for him out of love. He preferred to think it was the latter.
Lying in bed now with her head on his chest, a feeling of longing sought to overwhelm him. It was as if they had already parted and he was experiencing the separation even though she was still here. He remembered leaving Ann in Carolina with hardly a pang and yet here he was torn up inside at the thought of having to part from Deborah. He certainly had not felt this way about Anise either, although he had enjoyed her attentions. He didn't know what it was about Deborah but the thought of leaving her tomorrow made him feel as if his heart was being torn out and left behind in Barbados. Maybe it was.
Thoughts began to torment him. Would she meet some free man and get married? Have children? After all she was only eighteen, even though she seemed so much older. The thought of her in another man's arms gave him a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. He tightened his arms around her as if in protest.
“What’s the matter?” she asked. She had also been deep in thought. She felt as if she was mourning the loss of Richard already and he had not yet gone. She couldn’t imagine how she would feel when he got on that boat tomorrow. Her heart grieved silently.
“Nothing that I can do anything about.”
“I was just remembering when I heard your uncle reading the letter you sent. I disliked you instantly.” She laughed softly.
Richard looked at her in surprise. “Why? You didn’t even know me.”
“No. Nor did I want to. You had told him that you were coming to Barbados to see how he managed his slaves so that you would know what to do when you bought some for your plantation. You were talking about us as if we were animals to buy and sell.”
“I didn’t mean you.”
“Until you freed me, I was a slave too. Just because I worked in the house or my skin was whiter does not make me any different. Because I had the opportunity to learn how to read and do other things does not make me more intelligent than them. They are people just like me.”
Richard was silent. He still saw Deborah differently, no matter what she said. In fact he had never seen her as a slave.
“Tell me what you plan to do now that you’re free and my uncle has freed your mother,” he said changing the subject to a safer topic.
“I’m so glad that Master Thomas freed her too. You know that he has bought her a house?” Richard nodded. “I can’t believe that we will actually own a house.”
“My mother is going to make clothes to sell and I will sell herbs, soaps and things like that. That’s what I know best. Master Thomas said that he would help me make some contacts with merchants from England and France and I can bring in herbs and things on his ship.” She was very excited at the prospect of running her own business and being independent.
“I’m sure that you’ll be very good at it. Look how well you healed me with your teas, when I had that stomach ailment and again when I had the concussion.”
“About that stomach ailment; I have a confession to make,” she started.
“What? You really did try to poison me?” he asked in disbelief.
“No, but I felt very guilty because I didn’t know if I had heated up the food I gave you properly and if it was because of that you were sick. You see, I was very upset when you came and invaded my grove on my day off and then demanded that I get you something to eat. I was so tempted to tell you ‘Get it yourself’ but I could not of course.”
“I could not tell by the way you walked off with such dignity. That was when I knew that I wanted you.” Deborah smiled.
“I wasn’t sure if you would have me flogged so I bit my lip to keep from answering you back.”
Richard sobered. “I would never have flogged you. When Jethro was flogging you, it was as if I could feel the pain in my own body.” He hugged her tighter.
“I truly understood pain that day and I swore that I would never again be rebellious. I was crying out to God to help me when you rode into the yard and shouted for Jethro to stop.”
“You were? I didn’t even know that you believed in God.”
“I was not sure then, I was wondering if he was real; but now I do. I’m convinced that your coming to Barbados was part of some divine plan because so much has happened since you came, for the better. I feel as if you were sent here on a mission.”
“Thank you for your kind words, Deborah, but I don’t think that God would use the likes of me for any divine purpose. I’m the worst of sinners. I have a fiancée in Carolina as well as a mistress and here I am in bed with you, to say the least.”
“You have a mistress in Carolina?” Deborah said in disbelief, sitting up. To her that was even worse than having a fiancée because she knew now that his marriage was an arrangement but having a mistress was by choice.
“I used to, but she may have moved on to someone else. You have successfully removed both from my mind. Let me just hold you until the dawn then I will leave without disturbing you so that we don’t have to say goodbye.”
They became silent, their thoughts filled with the memories of the few months they had had together and reluctantly of the days to come when those memories would grow dim and be replaced by others of which they would not be a part.
Early the next day
Richard slipped out of bed while it was still dark. Deborah stirred but thankfully did not wake up. He washed quickly with the water in the jug and dressed without lighting a lamp. He quietly picked up his trunks and deposited them outside the door for Jethro to pick up.
Returning to his room he put some money wrapped in a piece of paper on the bedside table and took one last look at Deborah as she lay on her stomach with her hair gloriously down her bare back as he liked it. That was one of the images that he would take with him to Carolina. She had changed his life in ways that she did not even know, opened his eyes to see things differently and stolen his heart, leaving him with a gaping wound where it used to be. He knew that time would heal the wound but his heart would always remain in Barbados.
Deborah woke up with a start as if a noise had penetrated her sleep. The room had an empty feeling about it and even without seeing Richard’s side of the bed empty; she knew that he was gone. Something on the bedside table caught her eye as she looked over at Richard’s side of the bed. She eagerly opened the folded up paper thinking that it was a note from him. Instead she found money. On counting it she discovered it was £20 and although she was disappointed that he had not left a note she knew that he was making sure she was taken care of. After all what else was there to say?
Pain seized her, causing her to curl into a foetal position clutching the pillow that he had slept on to her chest, as if it could somehow ease the pain there. His familiar smell on the pillow overwhelmed her and she buried her face in it smothering the sobs that shook her body.
She had what she had always wanted; her freedom. But now it was hard to rejoice when a part of her had been torn away and was on the way back to Carolina.
Chapter 24
Elizabeth stood at her bedroom window and watched the laden cart crawl down the driveway under its load, with Jethro handling the reins and Jacko at his side. Sarah, Deborah and one of the field slaves sat in the back squeezed into the small space that they were sharing with their trunks.
She smiled victoriously. They were finally out of her house and out of her life. She would have preferred if they were leaving in the back of the cart of some cruel owner but at least she didn’t have to put up with their hurtful presence any longer. She was now truly mistress of her own house again.
Thomas had said that he would buy
two more girls for the house and this time she would make sure that she was there to pick them herself. She did not want another Sarah on her hands.
He had not said so, but she was sure that he had bought Sarah a house and given her some money to start out. She would have a look at the records in his office next time he went out. He would no doubt be going into Town a lot more frequently now. She would be fooling herself if she thought that he had truly given up Sarah. At least she wouldn’t have to endure the humiliation of knowing that they were together in his room.
The house seemed so empty now without Richard around. He had filled up the space and had fit in as if he had always been here. She was sorry that their relationship had become somewhat strained towards the end but she could not condone him bringing that slave girl to sleep in his room with no respect for her or her daughters. What would his mother say if she knew, and he was betrothed at that? Had Barbados corrupted him? It had a way of doing that; to the men especially.
Now that Richard had left and the troublesome slave women were out of the house, she hoped that Thomas would bring William back home. She missed him terribly and she was sure that two years was enough of a punishment for him for no matter what Thomas had called it, she saw it as banishment for defiling his precious Deborah. He had a lot to answer for.
Deborah and Sarah looked around their house in awe. Theirs! It was a quaint little wall and wood house with a shop at the bottom and living quarters above it. There was a small kitchen with a table and four chairs, a small parlor and a living room in addition to the two bedrooms. The master had even bought some basic furniture for it.