by Brian Godawa
Ittai and a few other well-placed secret insurgents shouted out at the soldiers as they passed, “That is David ben Jesse! I have seen him! He is the arch enemy of Lord Achish!”
The subterfuge worked. The soldiers took their captive to the palace.
Four soldiers dragged David in chains before the throne of Achish. David stared at them until he was dropped at the foot of the stairs before the throne. The guards did not leave him, but they released him. The chains around his neck, hands, and arms would not allow him any advantage.
David knew that Philistine Lords were technically not kings, but more like warlords in a confederation. But he noticed that they acted no different than kings and queens in their abuse of power, as well as their display of riches. Achish wore a gold-plated robe on his pudgy little body, and a silly looking golden miter on his head. His coregent, Bisha, was middle-aged, and dressed like a queen with a red velveteen satin dress, with plenty of jewels and heavy make up. She was attractive for her age, but had a malicious undertone to her presence. David saw her eyeing him lasciviously.
To the poor citizens of such a feudal system, and to captives like David, the fine distinctions between monarchs and feudal warlords was irrelevant.
David stood proud and announced with a crazed look in his eye, “I am David ben Jesse, slayer of your champion oaf, Goliath, and the bane of King Saul. I am the ruler of the wilderness of Azazel.” Then David howled like a wolf. He then let off a disgusting fart with humorous timing. It brought a smile to Achish’s face.
David’s play was not entirely insane. His madness did have meaning. The “howling” wilderness was considered the domain of chaos, where Azazel the goat demon and his fellow creatures of chaos resided. Centaurs, Lilith the demoness, and other goblins and chimeras would dance over the bones of dead soldiers and conquered cities. It was all connected to the image of chaos that David sought to impress upon Achish.
At that moment, three giants approached the throne and stood to the side of it.
Ishbi and Lahmi watched David closely. Though he was fifteen years older, much more ruggedly built and looking like a madman, Ishbi recognized something of the boy champion through the shaggy hair and beard. Lahmi could not place him in his memory. He assumed him an imposter. Runihura stood back. He was more superstitious.
Ishbi’s familiar spirits exploded in his skull with a cacophony of hatred and violence. Kill it! Destroy the Seed! Get away! Get away!
David shuddered. He knew these had to be the Sons of Rapha that he had heard were after him. And here he was chained up like a piece of bait for them to chew on. He prayed silently to Yahweh and hoped that his plan would work.
Achish told the soldiers, “Take off those chains. This man is touched by the gods. He is sacred.”
The soldiers obeyed. David made babbling noises and squeals of joy. He then ran around in a circle on all fours as if he was a wolf boy. He howled again. He sat down on the floor at the foot of the stairs, looking up at the Lord and Lady.
Ishbi said, “My Lord, you called us to see a madman?”
“Not just any madman,” said Achish. “This is a very particular one. Someone you will be interested in, Lahmi. He is the one who killed your brother, Goliath.”
Lahmi looked angrily at Achish, then at David. He couldn’t believe it.
David could see Lahmi’s reaction. He said, “I slew Goliath with a single stone in the forehead. Pow!”
Lahmi became agitated. This crazy little squirrel dared to speak of the mighty legend Goliath this way?
Then David said, “He called me a dog, so I pissed on his corpse like a dog.” He barked and pulled up his tunic to take a pee on the floor. Considering he had felt the urge to pee earlier from his fright in the presence of these malevolent monsters, it was a convenient bit of drama.
It hit Lahmi like a brick. David’s form and stature now became clear to him. He had watched the little desert rat relieve himself and cut off his brother’s head. This crazed man crouching before them now was that young, vile enemy of the past now matured. Lahmi’s rage boiled over and he started toward David.
“Lahmi, stop!” shouted Achish.
Lahmi did not listen to Achish. He kept pacing toward David, with eyes fixed to murder the vile little creature.
Achish commanded Ishbi, “Stop him, captain.”
Ishbi grabbed Lahmi from behind, mere feet from David. He whispered with anger into Lahmi’s ear, “Lahmi, obey your Lord.”
Lahmi struggled. Ishbi held him tight.
Lahmi roared.
By now, David’s fear had turned to faith. He ramped up his antics by mimicking the roar and running in another circle on all fours.
Bisha watched this exchange with great interest. She burned with lust for this little Hebrew. She had had sex with great men and she had had sex with animals. But she had never had sex with a great man who thought he was an animal. What if he had an evil spirit like his king Saul was alleged to be tormented by? What was it like to have sex with an evil spirit? She knew that Achish was superstitious enough to keep David alive, so she might actually get her chance yet to indulge in her illicit desires.
Ishbi pulled Lahmi back out of the way, next to the throne. Lahmi growled to Achish, “That piece of dung killed our mightiest champion and defied our gods and your throne. How can you allow him to live and claim to be Lord?”
Achish said, “Our gods have seen fit to touch him with their sacred madness. I will seek Dagon’s will in this matter. If you disobey me again, if you so much as put one hand on him, I will have you arrested and executed.”
Achish looked down upon David, who now scratched himself like he had fleas. “Since our divinely filled captive thinks himself a dog, then we will keep him where he will feel safe—in a cage with the royal hounds.”
Chapter 59
One hundred and thirty miles north of the coastal city of Ashkelon, the sister cities of Tyre and Sidon ruled the northern regions of Phoenicia. They were both port cities that were wealthy and cosmopolitan from merchant trading around the world. Both were cities of the goddess Asherah, but she favored Sidon with its larger temple and more loyal priesthood.
Unlike the patriarchal religions of Canaan, the Sidonian priesthood allowed female priests to serve alongside their male counterparts with equal authority. More deliciously, they also included many priests who castrated themselves and dressed as women. Others were women who dressed as men. Others sought an androgynous appearance without gender.
The goal was to defy Yahweh’s distinctions within creation; male and female, adult and child, human and animal, god and human. But the most desirable object of pleasure to Asherah were the two high priestesses who were hermaphrodites, special creatures of the gods who were born with both male and female genitalia. Their extremely rare occurrence among humanity gave them worshipful status among the humans. But it also gave them special attention from the gods Asherah, Ba’alzebul, Dagon, and Molech, who currently engaged in unspeakable sexual violations on one of them in the midst of an orgy at the temple of Asherah.
Earlier, the four gods had exploded out of the sea onto the coastal shore of Sidon, released by their mount, Leviathan. The sea serpent, under the spell of Lady Asherah of the Sea, had helped them escape the archangels. It now returned to the depths of chaos in the waters of the Abyss. The gods made their way to the temple and put out a call to the local deities, Resheph and Qeteb, to join them in their plan. But first, they engaged in gratifying their lusts in a temple orgy involving men, women, children, animals and inanimate objects, that ended in the performance of a child sacrifice, which was the only thing that gave Molech any satisfaction.
When they tired of their abominable deeds, and could no longer garner pleasure, they gathered together and left the city on their trip eastward to the cosmic mountain of Hermon.
They had called an assembly of all the gods of Canaan.
Chapter 60
David jealously guarded his corner of the iron-barred dog
cage. The large greyhounds lay down around each other at the other end. The cage was not tall enough for David to stand up, but he was comfortable enough to curl up in his corner. He had slept well through the night, and now it was time to hatch his plan.
He called out, “Guardsman, where am I? How did I get here?” A guard approached him. David said, “All I remember was the full moon and then I blacked out.” The guard complained, “Crazy lunatic. The moon has passed.”
David said, “I must speak to Lord Achish.”
David was brought before Achish and Bisha at their breakfast table. They were seated on the floor with a display of freshly caught fish, fruits and vegetables before them. Achish was a bit of a slob when he ate, as he had stains and food pieces on his tunic front.
With his mouth full of plums, Achish said, “Son of Jesse, I am told you have a respite in your divine madness. Your mind has returned to you for the moment?”
“Yes, my lord,” said David with a bow. “I wish to speak with you about something I suspect will be of great concern.”
Bisha watched David with hungry eyes. This strapping, muscular Israelite before her looked very tasty. He had cleaned up, shaven and brushed his hair out. He seemed sane again. And very desirable to Bisha. He was like an unblemished bull to her—or better yet, an unblemished lamb—innocent and unspoiled. What a pleasure it would be to consume this one like a sacrifice. It would make her feel like a goddess.
She was feeling particularly divine because she had finally conquered one of her most difficult goals in bedding Ishbi ben Ob last night. He had been the last of the Sons of Rapha she had been trying to seduce. Since he did not desire women, she had to use blackmail on him. She told him Lord Achish was considering imprisoning Lahmi for his insubordination before the throne that day and that if Ishbi fornicated with Bisha, she would seek to persuade the Lord of Gath to withhold his judgment on the disrespectful Rapha.
Achish lifted a glass of wine to David, “You must be hungry. Please join us. Break your fast.”
“Thank you, my Lord, but I am not hungry.” Of course David was hungry. He just could not stomach eating a meal in fellowship with this disgusting swine and his lascivious wife, who would not keep her lewd eyes off David. He would eventually have to eat with them, if he was to fool Achish with his plan. But at this moment, he preferred the pangs of hunger.
“My Lord and Lady, it would be folly for me to ignore the fact that Israel is your ultimate enemy, King Saul, your most hated nemesis, and I, your worst insult and thorn in your side.”
Achish smiled. “Ah, your reason has returned to you.”
“Indeed, it has,” replied David, “and with it, an offer for you that will result in great benefit to your strategy against Israel.”
Bisha perked up with even more interest. She blurted out, “Do tell.”
Achish gave her an annoyed glance, and said, “Yes, please, do tell.”
David took a breath and said, “King Saul has spent great sums of money and much of his time chasing me around the wilderness and caves of the hill country. His madness has focused its attention on killing me as much as his desire to vanquish you.”
“I have heard of his pursuit of you,” said Achish.
“You and I have a common enemy in King Saul,” said David. “You and I could be allies.”
Bisha butted in, “Why does Saul want to kill you so badly? Are you this promised messiah king that threatens his reign?”
David could see she was the more cunning of the two. She was sniffing out David’s real motives. He knew he had to throw her off with a half truth.
“My Lady,” said David, “I have had several chances to kill King Saul and have deliberately refrained from doing so, because I believe that Saul is the messiah king of Israel, chosen by our god Yahweh, and anointed by our own holy Seer.”
“But he considers you a threat to his reign,” she repeated.
“I married his daughter and became closer than a brother to his eldest son, Jonathan, heir to the throne. The king became madly convinced I was conspiring to kill his son and steal the throne.”
Bisha eyed him suspiciously, “Are you?”
“No,” said David.
Bisha said, “Why not?” It was an accusation, as if to say that it would be hard to believe anyone having such righteous motives. She was taking over the discussion from Achish, flushing David out.
“Because, my Lady, I believe that if I were to touch Yahweh’s anointed king, I would be cursed and under judgment.”
“Hmmmm,” she pondered. “That god of yours is a curious one. But how do we not know that you are pretending to get close to Lord Achish in order to kill him?”
“Yes,” Achish finally jumped back in so he would not look too passive. “How can I know you are loyal to me?”
David said, “We have a common enemy. But I have worked closely with Saul. I know how he thinks and how he strategizes. I will give you intelligence on him that will enable you to have victory over him. I cannot kill him because of my belief in the curse. But what is that to you?”
“Nothing,” said Achish quickly, with a smile. He also thought that as soon as he killed Saul, he would immediately kill David, to keep David from seeking the throne of Israel against him. Then all of Canaan would be his.
Achish added, “I find your offer enticing. You have proven yourself quite useful.”
Bisha said dubiously, “I would like to add one condition of your loyalty.”
“What is your wish, my Lady?” said David.
“I want you to fight for us. I want you to kill Israelites.”
She saw David’s face go taut. She was definitely trying to ferret him out. But he said, “I have prepared myself for such an eventuality, my Lady. And I have already decided that I will fight for you. I only ask that you allow me to gather my six hundred, who have been scattered from me, to form a combat unit. They will fight with me and for Lord Achish.”
Bisha turned to Achish with overwrought deference. “My Lord Achish, forgive me for being forward, but before you grant a decision, may we talk in private?”
Achish turned to David. “Wait for us out in the hall with the guards.”
“Yes, my lord.” David left them.
Bisha waited until she was sure he was outside the door and out of hearing range. She spoke as if she was the Lord and Achish the Lady.
“Of course, you will accept his offer and be wary of ulterior motives. But I must warn you, I have spies who inform me that the Sons of Rapha are planning an assault on David.” She was lying. She knew the plans of the Sons of Rapha because she just slept with Ishbi ben Ob the night before. “Your best bet is to assign Ishbi and Runihura to head up two separate regiments in battle against Saul. Keep them out on the field of battle. That way, they will not be in town to plot against David.”
“What about Lahmi?” said Achish. “What do you propose we do with him?”
“The insubordinate?” she said with contempt. “What do you think I would propose for the blood avenger of Goliath, who will not stop until your new ally is dead?”
• • • • •
Lahmi had just finished his morning exercises. He was exhausted and starving for a meal. He sweated heavily from his workout, so he stripped off his loin cloth to cool his naked body. He went into his bed chamber, where he had left his sexual partner from the night before.
But he was gone. Lahmi thought he might have gotten up to relieve himself, so Lahmi walked over to the latrine. It was empty. Not that he cared one whit for his one night conquest. In fact, he would kick the prick out as soon as he could, because he tired of them all anyway.
He walked back out into the atrium, an open area about fifty feet square where he exercised. He ran into a regiment of twenty soldiers and the decorated General of Achish’s forces, Phicol.
Lahmi stood naked and vulnerable before the armed soldiers. Even so, they were visibly nervous to a man. Confronting a Son of Rapha, no matter their numbers and no matte
r how disadvantaged or surprised he might be, was a frightening prospect. That was why Phicol was there. As the most celebrated General of Achish’s armed forces, Phicol commanded the respect and admiration of the entire Philistine pentapolis. If Lahmi resisted Phicol, it would spell certain exile or execution for him.
Phicol barked, “Lahmi of Gath, Lord Achish has ordered your arrest for insubordination to the throne and willful conspiracy. Will you surrender peacefully?”
Lahmi realized he had been betrayed by his partner from the night before. He stared into the eyes of Phicol with a smug smirk and held out his hands as if giving up his naked body as an offering.
• • • • •
Shortly after Lahmi was arrested and imprisoned, two of the three remaining Sons of Rapha, Ishbi and Runihura, were called before Lord Achish and Lady Bisha to accept a commission over three separate regiments of the Philistine armies of the pentapolis. They were told Ekron and Gaza needed their leadership, so they would be split up and sent to these cities. They were also told that Lahmi had been arrested for insubordination and conspiracy against the crown. Obvious trumped-up charges to protect their new political alliance with the Hebrew scamp. Yes, the Sons of Rapha had their own spies within the palace as well.
Rather than react to Bisha’s betrayal with hostility, Ishbi silently plotted his revenge against the Philistine bitch queen. He would not let such minor inconveniences distract him from his ultimate responsibility before the gods: to continue to hunt down the Chosen Seed of Eve, David ben Jesse of Israel.
Chapter 61
That night, David was asleep in his bed chamber in the palace when he was awakened by a presence in his room. He turned over to find Lady Bisha standing with a small oil lamp in her hand, wearing a sheer gown through which David could see everything. She was a mature woman with a full figure that would otherwise be tempting to David, had her soul not been so rancid. She let down her hair and it fell to her shoulders. She shook it loose and stepped closer to him, offering her body.