by J. Daniels
“Where is Mia?” Ben asks, but his question goes unanswered when I continue contemplating how I’d like to inflict pain on the idiot in the room.
Luke’s eyes shift from Ben’s to mine. “I told you he was wearing his vest, thank Christ, and only took one to the arm. If he hadn’t been wearing it, he’d probably be dead. Look at this thing.” He reaches down and lifts Ben’s police vest off the ground, numerous holes visible through the chest plate.
I put my hands on my hips. “You didn’t say that. You only said he got shot and was en route to the hospital. Thanks for keeping the important details to yourself, asshole.”
I don’t want to admit to Luke that I had tuned him out sometime during our conversation. He could’ve told me that Ben was okay, and the thought of me not hearing it instead of him not saying it was maddening. I’ve freaked everyone out for no reason. This was all me. But he doesn’t need to know that.
Ben grabs Nolan’s head and covers his ears. “Really, Tessa? Could you not cuss around him? And where the fuck is Mia?” he harshly whispers, keeping Nolan completely oblivious.
Luke stands up and drops the vest on the bed. “God, I’m so sick of this shit from you. You break up with me for no Goddamned reason at all, and now you act like a complete bitch.” He bridges the gap between us, bringing his face inches from mine. “Why did you end it? You owe me a reason and you’re going to give it to me right fucking now.”
“I don’t owe you shit.”
“Tessa!”
Luke and I both turn toward Ben’s frantic voice.
The nurse who is working on him grabs his shoulder and pushes him back so he’s reclining on the bed. He’s still covering Nolan’s ears, which is a good thing.
“Sir, you’re going to have to keep still so I can finish this. If you yell like that again, I’m likely to stick this needle straight into your arm.”
“Sorry,” he says to her before looking back at me. “Where is she? Nothing else comes out of your mouth until you tell me where she is.”
I ignore Luke’s closeness and feel my stomach drop at the thought of my best friend. “Her mom was dying. She went out to get pancake mix for Nolan and got a call from her aunt. She’s in Fulton.”
The words come out like rapid fire, and as soon as I finish talking, Ben tries to get up. The nurse firmly pushes against his shoulder again. “Sir, I’m not finished.”
He shrugs her off and shifts Nolan in his lap. “I don’t care. I need to go.”
“Mr. Kelly, you can’t leave with an open wound. You’re likely to get an infection. A nasty one at that. Let me finish stitching you up and we’ll see if the doctor will release you.”
He grunts and leans back, both fists clenching on his sheet. “Hurry. Up,” he firmly directs her. His eyes pierce into mine. “Why didn’t you call me? Why didn’t she? She shouldn’t be there, going through this, without me. One of us should be with her.”
“I know that. I haven’t been able to get a hold of her all day. She left me a message and asked me to try and get a hold of you because she couldn’t reach you. And then I couldn’t reach you. Where the hell is your phone?”
He looks at the vest on the bed and reaches for it, pulling out a barely held together phone. “Shit,” he whispers, looking quickly at Nolan, who is now playing with the TV remote at the foot of the bed. He winces while the nurse continues to stitch him up. “Call her. Find out where she is and tell her I’m coming to get her.”
I pull my phone out and notice the nonexistent reception I’m currently getting. “I have to step outside. Do you want me to take Nolan?”
“No. But I’ll need you to watch him when I leave. I’m getting to Fulton in under four hours.” He turns and watches the nurse, undoubtedly willing her to hurry the fuck up.
I nod and exit the room, hearing footsteps behind me. I turn, and Luke runs straight into me, grabbing me before I topple over. “Christ! What? I don’t have time for this. I need to call Mia.”
He keeps his grip on my arms. “Tell me why you broke up with me.”
I’m sick of this. And I know Luke. He won’t let this go until he gets what he wants.
Persistent little bastard. Just like when he has to get another orgasm out of me.
The nerve.
I pull my arms out of his grasp and grit my teeth. “I thought I was pregnant, you prick.”
He leans back as if I’ve just slapped him across the face. “What? You did? When? Are you?” His voice is softer, the heat that was in it moments ago completely vanished.
I feel my body remembering that day and the pain I felt when I delivered the blow that broke us. The agony burns like acid in my mouth, coating my words. “No, I’m not. But I thought I was.”
He holds his hands out in front of him, still seemingly clueless to why I ended things.
“I asked you if you ever saw yourself having kids someday and you said no. You said you never wanted what Ben had. And I want that.” I bite my tongue to distract me from the pain of the memory.
His nostrils flare and he steps closer to me. “You broke up with me thinking you were pregnant? And you didn’t think I should know about it? Do you know how fucked up that is?”
“You wouldn’t have wanted it. You said . . .”
He steps into me and brings his face so close to mine; his breath tickles my eyelashes. “Don’t tell me what I would’ve wanted,” he growls. “Was there a chance it wasn’t mine? Is that why you didn’t tell me?”
His words are like venom coming out of his mouth. I gasp, stepping back and putting some distance between us. “No, there wasn’t a chance it wouldn’t have been yours. But since you’re bringing it up, how many other girls were you sleeping with besides me? I should probably go get myself tested while I’m here.”
He shakes his head and comes up beside me, stopping when his arm brushes against mine. “You should’ve told me,” he snarls down at me.
He’s never looked at me like this before. I can practically feel the revulsion coming off him. And then he’s gone, moving down the hallway in the direction I was originally heading.
He chose not to satiate me with an answer to my question, but I suppose his silence answers for him.
I walk outside and quickly dial my parents’ number after my phone beeps with a voicemail alert. My mother’s casual voice throws me off, until she informs me that she hasn’t read my text message due to the fact that they’ve both been asleep. However, that doesn’t prevent the earful she gives me about not feeling the need to call her with that kind of information. She calms down eventually after I tell her Ben’s okay, and only keeps me on the phone for a few minutes. After hanging up with her, I dial Mia’s number. She picks up on the second ring.
“Oh my God. Is he okay? Please tell me he’s okay.”
Her panicky tone makes my heart shudder in my chest cavity. It’s my fault she’s so worried.
“Sweetie, he’s fine. He’s not really hurt at all. Just a minor cut on his arm.”
She cries through the phone, her whimpers mixed with the noise of traffic. “Tessa, I thought . . . I thought I’d never see him again. I never got to tell him . . .” Her voice breaks apart in sobs, and it kills me.
“Shhh, Mia, it’s okay. He’s okay, I swear. He’s fucking pissed as hell about not being there with you. And so am I. Are you okay?”
She pauses, taking in a few deep breaths. “I’m okay, I guess. She wasn’t in any pain when she died. It was very peaceful, and I got to say goodbye. My last memories of her are of when she was healthy, so I have those to hold on to.”
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. And Ben’s torn up about you going through this alone.”
“I actually thought that maybe he didn’t care about me. That he didn’t care enough to call me when I needed him. And then when I got your message telling me he had been shot, God, Tessa, I almost died right there. I’ve never been that scared before.”
I wipe the tear that had worked its way down my cheek. �
�Oh, sweetie. How could you think he doesn’t care? He loves you. Hasn’t he told you that?”
“No, not yet. It doesn’t matter. I’m telling him as soon as I see him. I can’t wait another second.” Her voice sounds steady now, full of determination. When my best friend wants something, she goes for it. “I better get off here though before I get pulled over. I’m about two hours out, so tell Ben I’ll be there soon.”
“He’s coming to you, Mia. I’m telling you right now, as soon as he’s discharged, he’s leaving here.”
She sighs heavily. “Well, tell him to stay put.”
“You’ve met him, right? I can’t tell him anything when it comes to you.”
She laughs slightly, sniffing at the end of her subdued chuckle. “Yeah. Just have him call me when he’s leaving. I guess I’ll meet him somewhere.”
I walk toward the entrance to the hospital, having worked my way along the side during our conversation. “All right. I love you.”
“I love you, too.”
I end the call and pull up the voicemail, crying again when I hear her voice. And then she says it, “Tell him I love him, Tessa.” And I stop the message.
This isn’t for me. It’s for him.
I KEEP MY eyes on Nolan as he fumbles with the TV remote.
I need a distraction, and he’s the only thing keeping me from jumping out of this bed and not giving a shit about my stitches. Every time I watch this nurse work the needle in and out of my skin, she seems to slow down. So I don’t look. Because I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wasn’t with her when she needed me.
It kills me to think that Mia couldn’t get a hold of me. And worse than that, that there was a moment I considered not putting on my vest before that raid. Something could’ve happened. One of those bullets could’ve been fatal, and I’d never hold her again. I’d never see her face light up with her smile or the playful glint in her eye that teetered on seductive. My chest is on fire where the welts are forming, but the pain I’m feeling right now, being without her, is excruciating. I feel like a part of my soul is missing.
She’s the best part of me, my entire future, and as soon as I see her, I’m saying it.
Tessa walks into the room, wiping underneath her eyes before giving me a nod. “I talked to her. She knows you’re okay. And she seems okay now. Her mom wasn’t in any pain when she died. She’s on her way here.”
Fuck. I wasn’t there for her. Her mom died and I wasn’t there.
The pressure forming in my chest intensifies. and I scoff at the nurse who seems to be taking her good old fucking time on my arm.
Tessa walks over to the bed, holding out her phone. “Here. You need to listen to this.”
I take it from her with apprehension. “What is it?” She doesn’t answer me as she walks over toward Nolan, and I place the phone up to my ear. Within seconds, my angel’s voice fills me.
“I’m on my way. Oh, my God, please call me back and tell me he’s okay. Tell him I love him, Tessa. Tell him I’m going to say that to him every second for the rest of his life. He’ll never go another day without hearing those words from me.” I hear her quivering breath before she pleads, “Please don’t take him away from me.”
The desperation in her voice nearly guts me. But those words, the words I’ve held off saying, have my heart slamming so hard against my sternum I’m certain it’ll snap it in half. But I don’t care if it does. I never want it to stop beating like this. I’d do fucking anything to keep feeling this way.
I need her. Now.
I start to move off the bed when the nurse slams her hand on my shoulder. “I have one more stitch. And then you’ll have to wait to see if the doctor will release you. You have a lot of bruises from those bullets and you’ll be in a lot of pain. You might want to think about going home with some medication.”
I turn my head and make sure she is looking right into my eyes. I don’t want to have to repeat myself.
“I don’t care about the pain. I’ll endure anything to get to the woman I fucking breathe for. She needs me, and as soon as you’re finished with that last stitch, I’m going to her.”
Her eyes widen slightly, and she steadies the needle against my shoulder. “But the doctor will want—”
“Tell him that I’m not waiting to get discharged. Say I went against orders. I don’t give a shit.” I look at my shoulder and then back at her. “It doesn’t need to be pretty. Just finish it so I can get out of here.”
She gets to it, and I hold Tessa’s phone out to her.
She waves me off with her hand. “No. Take it. You’ll need to call her so you two don’t pass each other on the highway.” She looks down at Nolan and smiles before looking back at me with a saddened expression. “Her message kind of killed me.”
I rest my head back on the bed. “Yeah. It kind of killed me, too.”
The nurse stands and pulls off her gloves after placing a bandage over my stitches. “All finished. I’ll go grab the paperwork you need to sign.”
I’m out of bed before she leaves the room and my speed startles her.
“Uh, you’re not going to stick around and sign anything, are you?”
“Nope.” I turn to Tessa who is scooping up Nolan as the nurse utters something under her breath while leaving the room. “You got him?”
“Yup. Go to her. But please be careful. I’ve suffered enough stress today.”
I give Nolan a kiss before I sprint out of the room and down the long hallway to the stairwell. I’m out the door and running toward my truck that thankfully, Luke had made sure would be here for me when I was released. But it didn’t matter. I’d fucking steal a car at this point to get to her. As soon as the bars register on Tessa’s phone, indicating the reception, I dial Mia’s number.
“Hey, I’m still like an hour and a half out. This traffic is ridiculous! Does nobody work anymore?”
I start up my truck and pull away from the hospital, the sound of her voice sending an ache throughout my entire body. “Baby,” I whisper, my voice a strained plea. I hear her soft gasp, and then her staggered breathing fills my ear.
“Ben,” she says through a soft cry.
My name on her lips blankets the pain I’m feeling right now. The pain that I’ve felt for the past several hours. Hope and pure need flood my senses, and I push my foot down on the gas pedal until it touches the floor.
“Oh, God, babe. I’m so happy to hear your voice. I was so worried.”
“Angel, where are you? I’m getting on 215 right now.”
“I’m on Route 7. Why don’t you just wait there for me? We might pass each other.”
I laugh slightly, my first laugh since yesterday. “There’s no way I’ll let you pass me, baby. Just keep driving to me and I’ll find you.”
She pauses for a beat, and I can almost see her fidgeting through the phone.
“Ben, I have to say it. I can’t go another second without saying it to you.”
Christ, I needed to say it, too. But not like this. Not fucking yet.
“Don’t say it, Mia. I want to be looking into your eyes when I say it to you. And then you can say it back. Okay? Just hang on for me.”
She sniffles several times. “Okay. But you better say it the second you see me or I’m saying it first. I’ve waited long enough for you, Benjamin Kelly. Don’t make me wait anymore.”
I shake my free hand out of the fist that is beginning to permanently set in. Knowing Mia is this close to me feels like having an itch I can’t scratch.
“No more waiting, baby. I promise you that.”
“Good.” She pauses and a muted grunt fills the phone. “Shit, babe. My phone’s about to die. I should get off here in case we completely miss each other and I need to call you. I’m actually betting on that happening.”
“Don’t doubt me, Mia. I’d find you anywhere.”
The possessive hunger in my blood yearns to prove her wrong on this one. She won’t need that phone again. I’m drawn to
her like a fucking honing missile.
She laughs slightly. “Yeah, you better.”
I knew I’d run into her on Route 7 somewhere.
It’s the longest stretch of highway that connects Alabama and Georgia. I’m only looking out for one vehicle across the grass covered median that separates east and west bound. And as soon as that cherry red Jeep comes into my line of sight, I feel like someone plugs me into an outlet.
My entire body stiffens in anticipation as I cross the three lanes and drive my truck across the median. My back end fishtails several times given the speed I take it at, but it doesn’t slow me down. I drive toward the direction of the traffic, still in the median, and the red Jeep darts off the highway in between cars and skids to a halt in the grass.
Christ, baby. If you got into an accident right now . . .
I slam on my emergency brake and jump out of my truck, leaving it on. She swings her legs out of the Jeep and hops down, steadying herself before taking off running in my direction.
Mia. Mia. Mia.
She slams against my chest, a whimpered moan escaping both of us as I cradle her to me. The pain she’s causing against my welts is ignored. I can’t let her go. Not yet. But I do ease her away from me and take a hold of her delicate face with both my hands.
She looks at me with desperation. To hold me. To talk to me. To fucking hear what I’ve kept from her. And I don’t make her wait.
“I love you. I can’t remember a moment when I didn’t love you. I’m so sorry that I wasn’t there for you when you needed me, but that’ll never happen again. I can’t be without you, angel. Please tell me you’ll stay with me.” I drop my forehead to hers and close my eyes. The magnitude of my love for her is crippling. “I can’t say goodbye to you.”
Her hands grab my wrists with a gentle squeeze. “I love you, too. And you’ll never have to say goodbye to me. It was always supposed to be you in the bar that night, Ben. You were always meant to be my first, and my last. I can’t imagine giving myself to anyone but you. Not now. Not ever.”