by Marcy Jacks
Angel didn’t want to answer that question. It seemed like a trick question, but he couldn’t bring himself to not answer it.
Not when his alpha asked him so nicely.
“People who make big promises, who offer love and support, they want something in return. The vampires do it all the time. It’s always a trick. There’s always something else they don’t mention. Some other price to pay for wanting anything.”
Theron briefly pressed his lips together. “What do you think I would want from you if I wanted to mate with you?”
Angel thought quickly. “Sex, I suppose. I know that’s part of a mating. They’re also supposed to be hard to break off, almost impossible, and sometimes people can die from doing it.”
“Well, no, not really,” Theron said. “It isn’t breaking off the mating itself that can kill. It’s the suicide rate that comes after.”
Angel wasn’t sure why he was being told that. It didn’t seem like much of a difference he needed to worry over, and even Theron, when the words were out of his mouth, displayed a flash of regret.
As though he definitely regretted saying anything.
It was almost funny with the way Seth glared at him after that.
“Yes, well, it’s entirely your decision.”
“Then no.”
Seth blinked. Theron fell back a step. Stefan and Evzen looked at Theron with pity and what appeared to be slight amusement.
“Are you sure?” Seth asked. “You can take time to think about it.”
Angel shook his head, glancing at Theron and then quickly away again. “No. I don’t want to be anyone’s property.”
“You wouldn’t be my property,” Theron said quickly. He sounded as though he was holding something else back entirely. Something that he just wanted to let out before it drove him crazy.
Angel swallowed. His heart ached. He knew there was an invisible string that seemed to be pulling him to Theron no matter what he did, but he also didn’t want to let that string dictate what he did with his life.
He was sorry to hurt Theron, and Angel hated that this was hurting him, as well, but he needed to be stubborn. He couldn’t let this control him.
“I don’t want a mate. I don’t.” He looked to Seth. “Don’t make me take one, please.”
Seth pressed his lips together. He looked over at Theron.
Theron stared at Angel as though he’d grown a second head.
As though Theron didn’t understand why in the world anyone would ever want to turn down this amazing offer for a mating.
Angel didn’t want to think about it. Otherwise he might regret it.
“Well, the decision made then.” Seth got to his feet.
Theron shook his head. “No, come on, wait a minute. He just doesn’t understand the feeling yet. I can get him to come around.”
Seth shook his head. “No.”
“But I know he’s my mate! I know he’ll feel it if you just let me—”
“I said no, Theron. Drop it already.”
The low, dangerous tone to Seth’s voice was enough to make even Angel shiver, and he wasn’t the target of that ire.
Theron glared at the man. Angel waited for Theron to glare at him, to announce how insulted he was that Angel could dare to turn down such an offer.
It didn’t come.
Theron crossed his arms and turned his attention to the bookcases. As if he was trying to bore holes through them.
Angel got up from his chair, coming around to stand behind it. “Am I allowed to go now?”
It wasn’t that he was afraid of Theron’s anger. It was that he felt guilty over it, and sad.
He didn’t want to be around those feelings anymore. He wanted to get away from them.
And putting some distance between himself and Theron seemed like the best way to escape these horrible feelings swirling within him.
“You may go,” Seth said, nodding. “Before you do, I need to tell you this.”
Angel tensed, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Then it did.
“If you go out there on your own again, there’s no guarantee that someone will be able to save you like Theron did. You could be captured by the men in black. They’re still patrolling the woods around the house. You’re lucky they never saw you, or maybe they did and wanted to keep a low profile while they waited for a bigger opening. You’re definitely lucky that none of the men you hitched rides with turned out to be serial killers, and you’re especially lucky that Theron was there to save you last night from getting drugged.”
Seth’s eyes hardened, and this was by far the worst punishment Angel could have ever received. He felt as though he was actually getting the reprimanding he’d expected when he’d first come to the study. “They could have raped and killed you. They could have tortured you. They could have sold you back into slavery for all I know. You’re so lucky that I don’t even have the words to describe how lucky you are. Don’t you ever do something as stupid as that again, understand?”
Theron growled low in his throat as he sent small, angry glares to Seth, but Seth had eyes only for Angel, and Angel knew what he was meant to say.
“I understand, alpha.”
Seth nodded. “Good, now go on and get to your chores. I’ll keep Theron here and have a talk with him.”
“Right.” Angel sent one more quick glance to Theron before he turned and ran out the door.
He didn’t just run out the door. He ran down the hallway and all the way back to his room.
He leaned against the door when it was shut and locked behind him, panting for breath, his body running at a thousand miles per minute. He needed some time alone. All he could think about was what Theron had looked like when Angel turned him down. The disappointment and the hurt on his face was almost too much for Angel to handle.
Worse than all that was that the entire time Angel had been inside of that room he could smell his mate. He could taste the man’s lust and desire in the air, and it had made his groin feel tight and uncomfortable.
He hadn’t felt a heat like this in his cock for a long time, but he’d felt it last night when he’d had to touch himself before being able to fall asleep, the memory of Theron’s mouth against his lips scorching him, and now it seemed he had to do the same.
Angel flopped down onto his bed. He stared up at his ceiling. He eased his legs just a little farther apart, and he let his hand slide down beneath the waistband of his pants.
He closed his eyes and bit down on his bottom lip when his hand made contact with his dick. The shaft practically jumped in his hand, and Angel knew it was going to be a long time before he felt normal again.
Chapter Five
“Do you ever think about having kids?”
Lucian glanced down at his mate. Sorin was already in bed, wearing his pajamas that consisted of a worn T-shirt and cotton pants. Lucian was getting ready, as well. He reached out for another T-shirt in the top drawer with the Monster logo on it, pulling it over his head as he walked around to the other side of the bed.
“Sometimes. I guess I only ever thought of it after Micah got pregnant.”
Sorin nodded, not seeming to pay any attention to the book in his hands. “Yeah, me, too.”
Lucian crawled into bed, settling himself alongside his mate, observing him. “Why are you thinking of this?”
Sorin didn’t look at him, though his cheeks did color slightly. He was getting pale. He was going to need to feed on Lucian’s blood soon.
“I guess…it just occurred to me that, because I’m not a shifter, that I won’t be able to give you any kids.”
Lucian nodded. “There is always that little problem, but I didn’t mate with you because I was looking forward to kids.”
He’d mated with Sorin because he’d loved him. That meant taking everything their lives threw at them.
Whether it was no children or Sorin’s vampire family trying to destroy what they had together, Lucian was in it for the long haul.
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And yet, ever since he’d brought Sorin home, and Sorin had recovered from being left out in the sun to burn alive, it seemed they’d only grown further apart.
Lucian felt it in the way Sorin reacted around him. They’d had many long talks, and Sorin apologized to the point where Lucian couldn’t hear them anymore without getting angry.
He didn’t want his mate to apologize. Not when Lucian still felt as though he was the one who had something to make up for.
And that guilt was sitting between them right now, preventing Lucian from reaching out and touching his mate when it was the only thing they wanted to do.
Lucian used to sleep either naked or wearing just his shorts or joggers. Sorin always slept bare-chested next to him, and that had always been fine with Lucian. It meant he was able to get closer to his mate. To hold him and be skin to skin with him even in their sleep.
Now they didn’t snuggle at night anymore. They wore more clothes to bed, and this thing between them was still eating away at what they’d built.
When Lucian had been captured by the vampires, Sorin had been taken with him, and as the son of Varrick, Sorin had been forced to do some things that Lucian didn’t think he would have had the balls to do had he been in a similar situation.
He still had the scars on his back from when Sorin had lashed him. They would fade with time, but they were going to be there for the rest of his life.
Lucian knew how much that ate up Sorin’s insides. He’d seen the way Sorin flinched whenever he spotted Lucian’s back. It was one of the reasons why he didn’t go to bed naked anymore.
He didn’t want to remind Sorin of that guilt.
Sorin had to be cold. He’d had to tell Lucian all kinds of things because so many enemies had been listening to his every word because Sorin had worried, if he’d made the wrong move, Lucian could be killed.
And Lucian had lost faith in his mate. He’d said such horrible things right to Sorin’s face. Calling him disgusting, a bloodsucker, and a whore. Lucian had believed that Sorin had been using him, that he hadn’t loved him, and Lucian had lashed out.
For that, he nearly left his mate to die at the hands of their enemy, and Lucian was so fucking lucky he’d gone back for his mate when he’d had the chance. If he’d made the wrong decision, he would have had to live with a guilt even worse than the one sucking the air out of the room he shared with Sorin right now.
They’d both wounded each other. Deeply. Lucian still loved his mate, and he knew Sorin loved him back. Sorin loved him enough that he’d been willing to make Lucian hate him so he could live. It was honestly the bravest, most noble thing Lucian had ever seen another man capable of.
He wasn’t worthy of Sorin. He really wasn’t.
Lucian sighed. It was four in the morning. The sun would be coming up soon. He and Sorin tried to keep a schedule that fit both of them. Sorin’s need for the night and Lucian’s need for the sun. For that, Lucian slept part of the day away with his mate, and they spent the last half of the day around the house and, during the night, walked along the grounds.
Lucian had yet to take his mate out for a proper date. He wasn’t sure if Sorin was ready to leave the property yet.
Sorin had seemed much more timid after his ordeal.
“Sorry about asking you that question. It was dumb.”
“Don’t be sorry.” Maybe Sorin was just getting to that age. He was a vampire, but a young one. He was only twenty-six. Lucian was much older. Over two hundred. No matter what they did, there was a lot of time for them to figure it out.
“Is it okay if I turn off the lamp?”
Sorin blinked. “Huh? Oh, yeah, don’t worry. I’ve got a book light.”
Lucian nodded, turning his light out. He settled himself on his side, and then, realizing Sorin might not want him watching as he read his book, turned over and faced the other direction.
His heart swelled with a harsh pain in that moment. Lucian felt it. The wedge between them getting wider, pulling them further apart, and he had no idea what to do about it because he thought he was doing everything right.
Only two minutes went by. Lucian knew it because he watched the digital clock next to his bed. It felt like the longest two minutes of his life before he heard the fragile intake of breath behind him and then Sorin’s small voice.
“Lucian?”
Lucian turned, looking at his mate.
Sorin’s distressed expression got his attention right away. Lucian sat up. “What is it?”
Sorin pressed his lips together briefly. “Are we still…are we still mated? Or are we just forcing this along?”
Lucian was taken aback by the question. He had no words to answer that. Not right away.
“What? No!” Lucian shook his head, finally getting some control over himself. He reached out, grabbing Sorin’s hand, clutching it tightly, as though his mate would disappear from sight if he dared to let the man go. “You and I are definitely still mated. Understand? This is a hard time for both of us, but we are still mated. I still love you, and that never changed.”
“I know,” Sorin said softly, sounding very much as though he didn’t know that. “I just…we’ve barely touched each other since I woke up. We feel more like strangers in a bed. I like it when you hold my hand, but sometimes it feels like you’re forcing yourself to do that.”
“I’m not. Trust me and feel it right now. I’m not forcing myself to do anything.”
He squeezed Sorin’s hand tighter. Tight enough that it probably hurt, but he couldn’t make himself stop. He felt as though he was on the brink of something that would destroy him. Something like losing the love of his life if he didn’t fix this right now. “I love you.” He cupped Sorin’s cheek, stroking his thumb across that perfect flesh. “You and I? We’re fine. Everything is all right, and this is just…adjusting. We’re both still getting over what happened to us. It’s normal for things to be a little awkward at first.”
He hoped so, at least.
Sorin exhaled hard. “We don’t feel the same.” His eyes started to swim. It gutted Lucian to see it. “I think I changed us. What I did. Even the way we sleep is different. We don’t hold each other anymore. You’ve been wearing more clothes than ever to bed since I woke up.”
Lucian couldn’t stand to hear words like that. To watch his mate suffer. To know Sorin thought they were just going through the motions was tearing him apart.
Sorin was right. They didn’t feel the same. Sorin was right about that, and something between them had changed.
Even with the rocky way their relationship had started, this was by far the harshest difficulty they were going to have to overcome.
They were changed, but not in a way that would destroy them. Lucian wouldn’t let it happen.
Which was probably why he reached for the man, his hands grabbing the back of Sorin’s head and pulling the man closer and kissing him hard.
Sorin didn’t fight him. A soft noise of surprise left his lips when their mouths came together, and Lucian quickly took advantage of that so he could thrust his tongue inside that sweet mouth.
A mouth he’d barely allowed himself to taste since Sorin had woken up.
God, that had been weeks ago. Years. A lifetime.
Sorin’s hands came up, gripping Lucian’s arms, but he didn’t try to pull away. He just melted against Lucian’s body, releasing a soft, whimpering moan trustingly through his throat and mouth.
Then he came closer. Sorin kept their mouths connected as he pushed himself to his knees and inched forward.
Lucian knew this very well. This was the body language of his mate when he was giving in. When he was offering himself to Lucian.
Lucian needed to breathe. At some point he’d stopped and barely noticed. He pulled back from Sorin’s mouth, inhaling a sharp breath. Sorin did the same.
He could hear Sorin’s heart slamming around heavily against the inside of his ribs. Lucian didn’t dare let him go.
“I’ve been wa
iting for you to do that.” Sorin’s voice was small, hopeful. He looked at Lucian as though he was really seeing him for the first time.
Lucian slid his thumbs across Sorin’s cheeks. “I’ve been so stupid.”
Sorin frowned.
Lucian shook his head. “I’ve been…waiting. For you to come to me. I thought after what happened to you, everything I said—”
Sorin shook his head quickly. “No. I don’t want to get into that again. That wasn’t your fault.”
Lucian nodded. “I know, but that doesn’t stop me from hating what happened.” He kept one hand behind Sorin’s head, the other gripping his mate’s shoulder hard. “I love you. I know why you did what you did, and I don’t blame you for that. Don’t you for one second think I’ve been holding myself back because I don’t want you or because I feel too guilty to leave you. I do want you. I do need you. I’ve just…I wanted to wait until you were ready.”
“Ready?”
Lucian laughed a little. He almost couldn’t believe it. “I wanted to make sure you were ready for me, that you’d really wanted me, and this entire time I was making another misunderstanding happen between us.”
He reached for the hem of his T-shirt, pulling it over his head. Sorin’s eyes widened briefly when Lucian pulled it off. His hands came out, touching Lucian’s chest, his abdomen, as though he couldn’t keep himself from touching him.
Which was exactly what Lucian wanted.
He grabbed the bottom of Sorin’s T-shirt. “Let me get this off you.”
Sorin nodded, as though he was stuck in another world. He raised his arms when Lucian prompted him to, exposing his stomach and chest, the pale skin that Lucian loved when he got the T-shirt off of him.
Lucian threw it away as though it were trash, and he couldn’t stop himself from leaning in and taking one of Sorin’s budding nipples into his mouth.
The tremble of Sorin’s body and the sharp inhale of breath was exactly what Lucian was after. And when Sorin’s hands touched the back of Lucian’s head as he moaned, it was all the proof Lucian needed.
They weren’t the same. They were changed. But they still loved each other, still wanted each other, and Lucian would be damned if he ever let something get between him and his mate.