by Brie Paisley
This book is a work of fiction. Any names, places, character names, establishments, locations, or incidents are the work of the author’s imagination and is used fictitiously. If any resemblance to actual persons, dead or alive, places, locations, establishments, or events are coincidental.
Copyright © 2017 by Brie Paisley
All rights reserved. This book is not to be copied, shared, or produced in any way without the written consent of the author.
Cover art by Rebecca Marie of The Final Wrap
Edited by Karen Mandeville-Steer of Karen’s Book Haven Editing Services
Proofread by Nikki Reeves of Saints and Sinners Books
Formatted by Brenda Wright of Formatting Done Wright
Photograph and photography by Christopher Correia of CJC Photography
Cover model: Jonny Sobel
Cover model: Alli Theresa
Other books by Brie Paisley:
Worshipped series
Worshipped-book one
Betrayed-book two
Redeemed-book three
The Harlow Brothers Series
Carter-book one
Caleb-book three (coming soon)
Carter and Shelby: Ever After (coming soon)
Standalone Novels
Temptation
Addiction (coming soon)
Heartless (co-writing with Nikki Reeves-coming soon)
Okay, I’m going to get a little sappy for a moment. I have so many amazing people to thank, but I don’t want to forget anyone. Instead, I’m making this thank you for all of you. Firstly, I would not be here, doing what I love, if it were not for you, the reader. Thank you for taking a chance on me. I honestly don’t have enough words to express how grateful I am for you wanting to read my books. I hope you love it as much as I did while writing it and thank you again from the bottom of my heart for reading.
Secondly, to the wonderful ladies in my fan group. Thank you for sticking by me when things weren’t going so well. Thank you for keeping me sane, and for all the laughs. Thank you for the naughty posts as they were highly appreciated. You guys are absolutely amazing, and the love and support each, and every one of you show me, is awesome. Ladies, you keep me going, and for that, I cannot thank you enough.
To my beta team, thank you for reading and giving me the wonderful feedback. Thank you for your honesty and wanting to help make Caden the best. To my review team, you ladies rock it. I’m so glad to have such an amazing group willing to read and review for me. It really means the world to me.
I can’t forget about my lovely ladies from Saints and Sinners Books. Thank you so much for going above and beyond to make Caden’s cover reveal and release day such a success. From all the hard work y’all did, down to tagging me in each post, I can’t thank you enough. You ladies are the best.
Thank you to my amazingly talented cover designer. Caden’s cover is absolutely stunning, and it’s always a pleasure working with you.
A big thank you to Christopher Correia for capturing the perfect photo for the cover. You’re so talented, and I cannot express how thankful I am for everything you did to make sure I had the right picture. You’re amazing to work with, so kind and sweet, and I can’t wait to work with you again. To the models, Jonny Sobel and Alli Theresa, both of you are such an inspiration. I couldn’t have picked anyone else to fit the characters so perfectly. It was a pleasure working with both of you, and I can’t wait to plan more books with you.
To my brilliant and ever patient editor, as always, your suggestions were great. You’ve helped me with so much, and of course helped me learn what to do and what not to do. It’s always a pleasure working with you.
I know I said I wouldn’t name anyone, but it’s needed with this thank you. Nikki, thank you so very much for supporting me and helping me so much when I needed it. You always cheer me on, giving me the courage to step out of my comfort zone, and I really have no way of thanking you enough. You’ve been there for me from the very beginning, and I’m so glad I have you on my team. Thank you again for everything you do, no matter how small it may seem.
Last but not least, thank you to my husband. Thank you for your support and telling me more than once how proud of me you are. The support and love you give me every single step of the way means more to me than you know. Thank you for understanding when I disappear for days, and the housework slips. You’ve always understood me, and I love you for that. Thank you, babe, for being everything I need.
Water Under the Bridge by Adele
All of Me by John Legend
Mercy by Shawn Mendes
Love On the Brain by Rihanna
Issues by Julia Michaels
Cold by Maroon 5 feat. Future
Influence by Tove Lo feat. Wiz Khalifa
Stay by Zedd & Alessia Cara
Cheap Thrills by Sia
Close by Nick Jonas feat. Tove Lo
Free Bird by Lynyrd Skynyrd
Summertime Sadness by Lana Del Rey & Cedric Gervais
Without You by Sixx:A.M.
In the Name of Love by Martin Garrix & Bebe Rexha
Can’t Hold us by Macklemore & Ryan Lewis feat Ray Dalton
Don’t Leave by Snakeships &MO
The Bliss by Volbeat
Party Monster by The Weeknd
Just Hold On by Steve Aoki & Louis Tomlinson
Lost in You by Three Days Grace
Without You by Three Days Grace
Ship of Fools by Flyleaf
Devotion by Ellie Goulding
Hearts Without Chains by Ellie Goulding
Everything Changes by Staind
M.I.N.E. (End This Way) by Fiver Finger Death Punch
Table of Contents
Prologue: Savannah
Chapter One: Savannah
Chapter Two: Caden
Chapter Three: Savannah
Chapter Four: Caden
Chapter Five: Savannah
Chapter Six: Caden
Chapter Seven: Savannah
Chapter Eight: Caden
Chapter Nine: Savannah
Chapter Ten: Caden
Chapter Eleven: Savannah
Chapter Twelve: Caden
Chapter Thirteen: Savannah
Chapter Fourteen: Caden
Chapter Fifteen: Savannah
Chapter Sixteen: Caden
Chapter Seventeen: Savannah
Chapter Eighteen: Caden
Chapter Nineteen: Savannah
Chapter Twenty: Caden
Chapter Twenty-One: Savannah
Chapter Twenty-Two: Cadenc23
Chapter Twenty-Three: Savanah
Epilogue: Caden
Thank you J.T. and Nikki for providing me with so many stories and inspiration for Caden’s book. I hope I did those funny stories justice, and thank you both for all your support.
Love y’all.
Everything I’ve ever known has been based off a lie.
I remember the exact moment my entire world changed, and that moment changed everything about my life. I hadn’t realized the truth could alter so much that I never thought possible. The people I trusted the most lied to me and now the truth is out, it can’t be undone. The truth is much worse than their lies. To be honest, I wish they would have never told me their secret. If they hadn’t, I wouldn’t be questioning everything about my life, my family, or even myself. I wouldn’t have gone so long feeling as if they betrayed me, and I can’t lie and say they didn’t break my trust. Not a day goes by that I don’t wonder what could’ve been or how my life would’ve turned out had I never known I was adopted.
I was sixteen when my parents told me the truth. Before the truth came out, I was shy, quiet, and the good
girl. But afterward, I changed into someone I didn’t recognize. Their news devastated me in ways I never thought possible, and I wasn’t the same young woman I thought I was. Drinking and drugs became my means of coping, and I can’t even count the times I’ve been in trouble for it. No amount of talking or counseling helped. After my parents told me, I could see the differences in us. Like how I didn’t look anything like my mom who has strawberry blonde hair to my dark brown, or like my dad’s brown eyes to my bluish green ones. Both my parents are tall while I’m short. Not to mention, I’ve never once seen a picture of myself as a newborn. The thing is I was happy with not knowing. I didn’t want to know, but I was forced to see what was staring right at me my entire life. After the truth, my once simple life turned into chaos. I didn’t know how to deal with it. I didn’t understand why my parents lied to me my whole life, and why they finally decided to open up about my birth. The worst part about it is that they had no idea how much the truth would hurt. Not only am I dealing with my parent’s lies, but now I have this gaping hole inside of me.
I don’t belong anywhere because no one seems to know where I come from or who my mother is. What’s worse is the fact I have so many questions I’m dying to figure out. Questions that plague me every single second of the day. I don’t know her name, how old she is, or what she even looks like. Does my biological mother even know my name? Did she just give me away because she didn’t want me? Was I a mistake? These questions have been circling around in my head for years. My parents wanted me to wait until my eighteenth birthday, before they would give me anything to go on. I’ve been so angry with them for dropping a bomb like this on me, but yet they chose to make me wait for the answers I needed. I know my parents love me. They’re loving, caring, and they would do anything for me. But at the same time, I have to know why my biological mother gave me up. Why didn’t she want me? Why didn’t my parents want me to find her until it was the right time for them? I secretly searched for over a year for the answers I so desperately craved, but it seemed at every turn I hit a wall. Every lead I thought would get me closer to the woman that gave me away ended abruptly. Eventually I gave up, thinking I would never find her. I didn’t do it willingly. No, it’s because I had no hope left in me.
My second year of college, I’d finally got a break in my search. My adoptive father was the one that handed me the key to finding who my biological mother was, and I know he did it so I could move on. At the time, I thought I was hiding the pain of not knowing my birth mother or how I was handling it. But Dad and Mom knew of the downward spiral I was still on, and honestly I don’t think I could’ve stopped myself if he hadn’t helped me. The smart thing to do was to finish my college degree, but I was eager to find the truth. At twenty-two, I left behind my friends and family to chase after a woman that probably never wanted to meet me. Mom and Dad both warned and pleaded with me to let it go, but the thing is I couldn’t. I love my mom and dad. I’m grateful for everything they’ve ever done for me, and even though I knew everything I did, I still packed my bags and left for the small town in Mississippi.
I don’t know what Columbus, Mississippi has in store for me or if it will have the answers I’m searching for, but I have to try. Dad gave me a copy of her driver’s license, and I’m determined to find Tammy Richards and all the answers she knows. It’s only a matter of time before I finally know the truth, and then maybe, just maybe, I’ll be free.
Three weeks have passed since I got to Columbus Mississippi, and I’ve yet to find any information regarding the mysterious Tammy Richards. It’s as if she doesn’t exist, and each day that goes by, I find my will to keep looking dwindling. I’ve Googled her, looked through several newspaper clippings, and I’ve even thought about putting an ad in the local paper just to help me narrow down my search. It just seems either Tammy doesn’t want to be found, or she doesn’t live here anymore. And every single day before work, I sit in front of the courthouse. I went inside the huge building on Main Street once, but yet again it was another dead end. It’s not easy finding a person that I have no information on, or the fact I can’t even prove that I’m her daughter. Although I understand I can’t get personal information on her without legal help, it’s frustrating that I keep hitting that damn wall I had before I came here. This is why I decided to find a job at the local bar close to the hotel I’m staying at, until I can hopefully find the answers about my birth mother. Staying at The Holiday Inn isn’t exactly helping my savings account. I have my adoptive parents to thank for giving me the funds to make this uneventful trip, but I also know it hurt them knowing I wouldn’t be happy until I found what I’m looking for.
Looking out the window of the rental car, I let out a deep sigh wishing I knew how to make my parents understand. After they told me about my adoption, it seemed as though everything about myself clicked into place. For as long as I can remember, I always felt … different, but never really understood why. I had friends and loving parents, but I felt as if a part of me was missing. I thought since learning about my birth mother things would change, and I wouldn’t feel this gaping hole inside of me. If anything the hole has grown, and the longer I go without finding who Tammy Richards is the bigger the hole will get. It scares me not knowing if I’ll ever be complete. If I could just find the ever elusive Tammy, just maybe I can move on with my life.
I will say, Columbus isn’t all bad. Glancing around Main Street, I feel a strange sense that I’m where I’m supposed to be. It sounds crazy, and I question this feeling every day, but something deep down is telling me I’m where I need to be. It’s partly why I sit in the same spot every day for hours just waiting for fate to give me something to go on. Granted it’s humid here, but the people I’ve met are so welcoming. Even now as I have the air conditioner running, I feel the sweat under my armpits. Maybe it wasn’t such a great idea to move here at the beginning of May, but I couldn’t stop myself from coming once Dad gave me the small shred of information I’d been looking for. Maybe fate or some higher power is in play here. I also like the busy streets of downtown, but yet I like the smallness of it. It’s not a huge city by no means, but it’s just enough to feel at ease and home. Even if I’m still new to the area, everyone I’ve met always greets me with a southern twangy hello, and one lady even hugged me once. They’re complete and total strangers, but somehow they don’t feel like strangers. Growing up in Florida wasn’t bad either, but the environment here is so different than I imagined. The air isn’t as salty, the people always seem to have a cheerful vibe about them, and the food is unbelievably amazing.
With all the good surrounding me, there’s still a deep sense of longing I’ve yet to fill. It’s as if something is missing, or like a part of me isn’t whole. It’s hard to explain a feeling without knowing the cause, and that just makes the feeling worse. Since finding out I was adopted, thoughts of finding my birth mother have consumed me, and I have high hopes that this part that’s missing will be filled once I find her. Huffing out another breath, I glance at the dash clock wondering if I should go back to my hotel room. I’ve been sitting here for hours, even though I know the answers I seek aren’t here and even if they are, I can’t get them. My phone begins to ring, and I’m grateful for the distraction. A smile crosses my face as I see my best friend, Kelsey Bennett, calling. “How did you know I needed to hear your voice?” I ask, relaxing back into the seat.
“What can I say? I must be psychic.”
Shaking my head, I respond. “That has to be it.”
“Are you doubting my mad psychic skills, Savvy?”
I roll my eyes and let out a huff. “No, I’m not doubting you. You’re my bestie for a reason.” Kelsey and I have been friends since elementary school. She might as well be my sister from another mother because we did everything together. We even went to the same college for our art degree. She went for painting and mine was for photography. Kelsey has always supported me and my search for my birth mother. She and I attended the same college for a while, but o
nce she decided to move to New York to attend a different college, we did lose touch for a year. Once we reconnected, it was as if we never stopped talking. “How are you? Still cooped up in that small apartment you call home?” Once Kelsey and I started speaking again, she told me why she closed herself off from the world so much. On her twentieth birthday, she was brutally attacked, and she’s never been the same.
“Don’t hate on my apartment.” She’s quiet for a moment, and I wonder if she’s really alright. Before I have a chance to ask her, she says, “I’m fine. No need to worry about me. Plus I have Kayleigh if I need anything since you’re in the Deep South.”
Kayleigh is Kelsey’s older sister and recently got married to her high school sweetheart. “I know Kayleigh is watching out for you, but I still worry. I wish you would take me up on my offer and come down to see me.”
She huffs and I know she’s irritated with me. Kelsey hates when I bring up anything with her leaving New York. Even if I know she hates it there, I also know she’s terrified to leave her apartment. Since her attack, she’s developed agoraphobia. I hate she’s so afraid to literally leave her home, and I wish there was something more I could do for her. “We’ve talked about this, Savvy. I can’t leave.”
“But you can, Kel. You’re the one that’s stopping yourself. If you would just –”
“It’s not that I can’t.” She snaps. “I want to go outside and not have a panic attack. I miss the sun. I miss feeling the wind on my face, and a million other things. I’ve tried to get over this fear, but I can’t.”
“I’m sorry, Kel. I know you want to get over your fear. I just hate knowing you’re suffering.”
“It’s no big deal. Kayleigh and my parents are always on my ass about it.”
Feeling guilty, I change the subject hoping to take her mind off me being inconsiderate. “What about your art show? How did it go?” Kelsey’s mood immediately changes, and I know it’s because of her art. It’s her one passion, and she puts her heart and soul into. There’s no doubt in my mind that she’s still doing something she cares for. It’s present in the tone of her voice and the way she describes her most recent painting. It’s as if I can see it right in front of me. Even with her agoraphobia hanging over her, Kelsey still manages to deliver every time when she has an art show. Granted it’s a bit unconventional how she does it, but with the modern technology, she makes it work. She explained it once to me, and from what I gathered, it’s similar to going live on Facebook or like Skype. I’m also glad she has a wonderful agent that cares for her needs and respects her enough to do whatever possible to make Kelsey comfortable.