“Good to see you, Ava,” Nina said as they stepped away from one another. “I’m glad you came today.” Her lower lip quivered, eyes growing bright. “I’ve missed having you coming to visit…” Her gaze flickered to Cole and then back. “Both of you.”
“Thanks.”
Ava wasn’t sure what else to say, but she was saved by the arrival of Dr. Langden. Marta carried two industrial chairs from her waiting rooms, making the space seem tinier than it actually was. Dr. Langden offered to sit in one of them and Cole went to take the other, but Ava stopped him. Instead, she dragged him over to one of the large recliners, urging him to sit down. Cole sat and she perched on his lap, the two of them sinking into the deep cushions, his arms circling her waist. Marta smirked, but said nothing, and the session began.
After a few minutes of small talk, Dr. Langden launched into the plan for their discussion. Cole was the one who’d requested the meeting, so he would start by explaining his concerns. She turned to Frank and Nina.
“You will certainly have a chance to explain your side of the story. That’s why we’re here, after all. But it’s important that we let Cole share his thoughts without interruption.”
She waited until Cole’s father looked up at her.
“Frank, we’ve spent the last couple weeks working on your reactions. I need you to focus on your breathing today. All right?”
He nodded, reaching up to squeeze the bridge of his nose as if staving off a headache. Across from him, Marta smiled sympathetically before turning to Cole.
“Alright, Cole. You told me that you’d made some notes.”
Ava could feel Cole tense as his hands tightened against the spine of the black notebook, flipping through the pages, one after the other. Ava turned her head, putting her mouth near his ear, dropping her voice.
“It’s okay,” she whispered. “You can do this.”
He held her eyes. There was determination there, something Cole had fought hard to discover over the last months. He wasn’t running anymore; he was ready to stay. Ava smiled, trying to will resolve into him. Giving him strength to do this.
Taking a harsh breath, he began.
“When Dad and I met last time, we talked about the affair that he and Nina had before Hanna died. I knew that Mom suspected it, though Dad had always denied it...”
Frank Thomas was staring down at the carpet as his son talked, his face a mask of pain. It struck Ava how sensitive he was about any mention of his ex-wife. It seemed odd. She wondered what else lay under the surface.
“...I kind of figured, at that point, that I knew why Mom became so depressed over the years. It was her fear and anger... and then, of course, Hanna’s death... all coming together at the same time. It was just too much for her.”
Cole’s words disappeared.
“Go on, Cole,” Marta prompted. “We’re all listening.”
“Hanna had told me some stuff when we were teens. Things that Hanna thought had happened, though I never knew if this was just her take on it, or if she really knew something for sure.” Cole’s voice wavered. “The last time we met with Marta, Dad admitted that he’d had an affair with Nina while he and Mom were still living together. And...” Cole's voice broke. “and it felt good to me, to know how it had happened back then. To finally know what Mom had been going through... I felt... settled... somehow... but I don’t have that feeling anymore.”
Cole stopped, closing his eyes, breathing raggedly. The uncomfortable silence stretched out, the calm before the storm. Nina’s face was white, her hand clasped tightly in Frank’s. Frank’s face had changed. He watched his son struggling, expression grave. Ava was surprised by the lack of reaction so far... she knew he’d had two weeks to get to this point, but Frank Thomas’s volatility had always worried her.
Cole cleared his throat, ready to continue.
“Before we left for Martinique, Nina lent Ava a couple books to read.”
Cole’s eyes jumped to his stepmother as he talked, and Ava saw a bright flash of anger. It was almost like a bolt of lightning, the way it came so quickly. Nina shifted nervously in her chair and Frank’s eyebrows pulled together in annoyance.
‘Careful… careful…’ a voice inside Ava chanted.
“In one of the books,” Cole continued, “Nina had left Ava a note. It said that the affair was just one part. That there was more to the story. Nina,” Cole said, focusing on her again, his voice dropping into a growl. “I want YOU to be the one to explain how—”
“Cole, I can’t!” Nina interrupted, her eyes wide and anxious. “Frank knew, he could—”
“I want to know!” Cole snapped, his temper flaring abruptly.
“I’m so sorry,” she yelped. “I just don’t know if I can—”
“NO!” Cole bellowed, his voice echoing through the room, silencing her. “YOU brought this up and I want to know the rest of it and I want to know it NOW!”
Chapter 27: Old Wounds
“Cole! Stop it!” Frank commanded. He leaned forward, positioning himself to shield Nina. Defensive and angry.
Cole gasped, closing his eyes and trying to pull himself into some semblance of control. Ava pulled the notebook out of his grip, setting it between the cushion and the side of the recliner. Cole felt her wrap her fingers tightly around his, squeezing three times like he’d done so often with her.
‘I… love… you…’
Cole focused on that warm point of connection. Feeling the balance tipping back in his favour, he let out a sigh, opening his eyes.
“We are all going to keep our voices down,” Marta warned. “All of us.” She had a calm voice, but there was a backbone of steel in every word.
“Cole is going to finish saying what he wants,” she continued. “And then you two may respond to him... appropriately.” She turned to Nina, dark eyes flashing. “Please do not interrupt again, Nina. You’ll have your own chance to speak.”
There was a murmur of assent and Cole began again.
“Nina,” Cole said. “You were the one who gave the note to Ava. So I want you to tell the story. The whole story...” he paused, his face sharp with anger and pain, “... please.”
Her gaze dropped, guilt and shame and something else flickering over her features. He felt almost bad for doing this... but he knew his father could hardly speak of his ex-wife without an explosion. Frank Thomas wasn’t going to be much help.
Nina took a wheezing breath, her free hand coming up to rest on her throat.
“Your father and I met years before he was divorced...” she said, voice wobbling. “We were friends at first, but we grew close over time.” Her chin lifted, voice growing stronger. “Sometimes you can’t stop things like that from happening. Things just clicked with us.”
Cole’s arms tightened around Ava sitting in his arms. He understood that part of Nina’s story... because that’s exactly how he felt about Ava.
“The two of us just had this bond,” she continued. “Like we just knew each other somehow… understood things that no one else did.”
She paused, looking over at Frank, eyes shining. Cole could see how much she cared for his father. There was love and genuine respect in how she looked at him. Feeling like he was intruding on a private moment, he stared instead at Ava’s fingers, noticing how well they fit together with his own.
‘She was wearing my ring…’ a voice inside him whispered, but he couldn’t remember why.
“It... uh... things with us...the affair, I mean,” she stumbled uncomfortably over the word, “it had been going on for some time when Hanna found out. I don’t know if she just suspected, or what, but she came to my apartment and confronted me. And for a while, I left the city.”
Cole’s head bobbed up in shock.
“What?”
“I had to make some choices,” Nina explained. “I went to France for a time, and when I came back, I kept my distance. Things with Frank and me just sort of... stopped for a while.”
Next to Nina, her husband
was watching her sombrely. There were sorrow and understanding in his eyes. Nina nodded to Cole, continuing.
“I think you were in Junior High then, Cole, and Hanna had just finished high school.” Her voice was wistful. “Hanna was so determined to follow in her father’s footsteps.”
Next to her, the Sergeant Major laughed bitterly.
“Headstrong, foolish little girl.”
Cole blanched. He’d never heard his father say anything like this before. Not about Hanna: the golden child. It unnerved him.
“Later that year,” Nina continued, “when Hanna died—”
“Wait.”
Everyone's eyes jumped back over to Frank. Marta had opened her mouth, ready to chide him about interrupting, but there was something almost visible about the unspoken communication between Frank and Nina. Dr. Langden waited for him to continue.
“There’s more,” Frank said grudgingly.
Nina smiled, weary.
“You don’t have to do this,” she said. “It isn’t really part of Angela’s story.”
Frank shook his head, gesturing to Cole.
“No, I do. Cole said he wanted to know it all.” He winced. “So he should.”
“Yes, Dad, I do,” Cole answered in a strangled voice.
Frank sighed.
“Well, your sister suspected the affair. She came to me... accused me of it.” Frank’s voice was aching and sad. “And I... I lied to Hanna. I...” He coughed. “I told her it was all in her head, and that she was...” Frank ran a trembling hand over his face. “She was just taking your mother’s side, the way she always had when we used to fight.”
Frank’s voice broke and Cole could see him swallowing again and again, trying to pull himself together. Fighting down tears.
“Breathe,” Marta said quietly.
After a few long seconds, he continued.
“We had a terrible fight, Hanna and me. God, I just... I said awful things to her. Hanna decided then she was leaving. She said she wouldn’t stay at home a day longer than she had to. Her marks weren’t high enough for a really good college... but she’d always had excellent reflexes… was good at sports, and the military seemed like the next best choice. A choice I supported.”
Frank’s face dropped as he stared at the carpet, his voice ashamed. “She joined up to get away from me. I knew she was probably too young really – younger than I was when I joined – but… but I...” He coughed again, eyes glittering with unshed tears, “I figured it’d help her grow up, you know? Get rid of some of that daredevil attitude of hers.”
Frank looked back up, face ragged and worn. Across from him, Cole nodded, his own throat aching.
“She really pulled some dumb shit sometimes,” Cole said with a tearful laugh.
His father nodded.
Nina squeezed Frank’s hand, clearing her throat as she picked up the story.
“Frank and I became close again after Hanna’s death.” She looked over at Cole, her gaze bright with tears. “Your father was changed by losing Hanna. He blamed himself for her death, and he needed someone to talk to, and I was—”
“But Mom—”
It was Frank who answered him.
“Your mother was broken by Hanna’s death, like we all were. She couldn’t get past it. She wouldn’t let me in... wouldn’t let anyone in. She just wanted Hanna back.”
“She was always Mom’s favourite,” Cole whispered, voice breaking.
Ava turned, watching him fight through the emotions. His father nodded, chest heaving with half-suppressed sobs.
“It was hard for Angela,” Nina said quietly. “She’d lost a child, and now was faced with divorce. I can understand that in some ways, Cole, but she...” Her voice cracked, lips pursing tightly. “She did things, Cole. You have to realize that. She tried to hurt Frank. To hurt me. She used to call me late at night. Showed up at my office. Left angry notes on my car. She threatened me... She...”
Cole stared, horrified as Nina went through a litany of his mother’s erratic behaviour. What concerned him the most was that it all made perfect sense for who his mother had been. She’d always done those types of things. Cole knew Nina was telling the truth.
“...The worst part came when she began threatening to kill herself,” Nina said, her fingers picking nervously at a seam on the chair. “I wanted to end things with Frank again… because of her threats. It scared me that she might actually do it.”
She clasped her hands to her chest, sniffling.
“I made a clean break with your mother,” Frank explained, looking at Cole. “Angela and I didn’t see each other except for the times you came to stay with me and Nina. I thought that it would be for the best...” His face crumpled. “…but I was wrong. And I’m sorry about that.”
Cole’s legs were wobbly, his hands around Ava. This was almost too much. He knew Nina’s secret... and the source of her shame. Marta leaned forward, gesturing, open-handed, to Nina.
“Keep going,” she prompted. “Share the rest. You’ve come this far.”
“We’d been married almost two years when Angela decided to sell the house. The home that we have now... and move into town. She wanted to be closer to her friends. The house, as you know, is a bit out of the way.”
Cole remembered that summer. The suburban neighbourhood they’d moved to, with its modern homes and convenient accessibility, rather than the too-big house on the water that always echoed with Hanna’s ghost. Cole had loved the change of location. For the first time, he had been within walking distance of all of his friends. His social life had become so much better.
“The house had a lot of upkeep for one person, and Angela decided she wanted a new place to start over. When she listed the house,” Nina said, looking over at Frank, “your father decided he wanted to get it back. It had been hers in the divorce, of course, but he wanted it now. He wanted the memories of Hanna, and the times there. The bedroom had never been changed...”
Cole nodded; he remembered his parents’ mausoleum to Hanna. The untouched room, and the bed that still had one corner folded back, waiting for her return. He could remember how his mother had talked of moving away and starting fresh. She’d even brought in a pile of boxes, but they’d never gone further than the hallway.
“Frank offered to purchase the house back from her,” Nina said anxiously. “Angela accepted, and the arrangements seemed fine at first. Hanna’s room was left as it was, and your father hired movers to help Angela with the rest. We moved back out to the coast and you and your mother moved into town.” She smiled tightly. “Everyone seemed to be happy with how it had all worked out, but there were consequences we hadn’t expected…”
The hairs rose on Cole’s arm. The story was nearing the horrible spiral, the dark part of his mother’s life when everything went out of control.
“She started showing up at the house,” Nina said, her voice reedy with strain. “Standing on the doorstep in the pouring rain, keys in hand, not sure how she’d gotten there. We had the locks changed, but… sometimes she got violent.”
Cole’s chest was being pinched in a vise as he sat, horrified by the story.
“We didn’t know it then, but Angela had started drinking...” Nina’s gaze darted over to Cole and away. “I think... I think that was part of it. Though it was depression too, and maybe some type of…” Nina winced. “… mental illness. It started to scare me, these episodes. Angela kept accusing me. There were some horrible, public moments when she called me a whore and a home wrecker, told people I’d stolen her husband. Then the late night phone calls started… the notes… the threats… broken windows…”
Cole tried to focus on the room, but his body was reacting in a panic: blood rushing in his ears, skin prickling with heat. He wanted to run. He wanted to get away from here, but Ava was sitting with him, sitting on him! All he could do was stay.
This was the secret no one talked about.
“One night, very late, she showed up… began pounding on the d
oor.” Nina’s voice dropped. “Frank and I were at home. He was furious that she couldn’t move on without him. The three of us were in the doorway, yelling. She tried to push into the house, and Frank stepped in the way. Angela said she’d changed her mind. Said she wanted things back the way they’d been. She… she wanted the house back… and her husband.”
Cole’s father winced.
“God!” Nina hissed. “None of it made any sense, but she was raging. She… she threatened to kill herself...” Nina took a heaving breath that sounded like a sob, her hand fluttering up to rest on her throat. “But she’d threatened that before… many times. Frank and I told her to leave or we were calling the police.”
Cole felt as if he’d been punched. He couldn’t breathe. One sentence echoed loudly in his mind: ‘she’d threatened that before, many times...’
This was the night she’d died.
“She left. Stormed off without a word. A day passed, and we figured things were fine. You would’ve called if something had happened, Cole. We knew that. And you didn’t call, so we just assumed, you know, that she’d calmed down…” Nina’s words tumbled out faster and faster. “You were supposed to come stay with us that weekend, but then we got a call from the police that... that Angela had killed herself.”
Her words abruptly ended. Cole gulped. Frank was silent and unmoving, watching him. Father and son stared at one other warily, unspoken words and years of heartache exposed to the light.
“That’s why you blamed me,” Cole said, his voice hollow with the weight of the realization. “Because I wasn’t there when she came home that night.”
Ava was still struggling to keep up with the quicksilver shift of emotions. Her gaze swung from Cole to his father, grief leaving her mute.
“No, Cole!” Frank roared, surging forward, his whole body tensed as if waiting for a blow. “No! You were NEVER to blame for your mother’s death!”
Frank was livid, his voice outraged and anguished. Ava recoiled, her shoulders bumping against Cole’s chest. This was the part of his father’s personality she’d been hoping to avoid. Frank’s hands swung in wide circles, gesturing to Cole as he spoke. He was close to exploding.
Intaglio: Dragons All The Way Down Page 19