by Tania Crosse
‘Did he?’ My heart stopped beating and I almost swooned. I felt instantly so much better! Blow Daniel! I shouldn’t let him upset me, but the remnants of my agitation kept me on my feet and I wandered about the room, inspecting all I found. I guessed everything had belonged to the Great Aunt Marianne who Daniel had apparently worshipped. Next to the door hung a Victorian portrait of a stunningly beautiful woman. A thick ringlet of glossy, raven hair coiled down one shoulder, giving a devil-may-care character to the otherwise formal pose. Yet the facial expression was so full of vitality, so alive, I thought the lips were about to move and speak to me. She seemed familiar, and then I recognised the violet-blue eyes that were staring at me from the canvas.
‘That’s Daniel’s great grandmother,’ Wendy informed me. ‘Isn’t she glorious? An amazing person, they say. Never afraid to speak her mind, but so bighearted. Daniel looks like her, don’t you think?’
‘Yes, I do,’ I mumbled. And then, throwing caution to the wind since I was aware of Wendy’s reluctance to visit Daniel, I commented tartly, ‘Pity he didn’t inherit her big-heartedness.’
‘Oh, Danny didn’t used to be like this. It was what happened to him in Korea that changed him. And losing Great Aunt Marianne and then his fiancée going off with someone else. Before all that, we used to have a lot of fun together.’
She stopped abruptly as Edwin and Daniel came back into the room with the coffee. I don’t think they’d heard her, but to cover up, she said with an exaggerated sniff of the air, ‘Mmm, real coffee!’
‘My grandmother likes it,’ Daniel answered shortly, ‘so I thought I ought to get some. Don’t know what they’ll make of my cooking, though.’
‘Pity Lily’s got a full-time job, or she’d come and cook for you, wouldn’t you, Lily?’ Edwin beamed at me. ‘She’s a super cook is Lily.’
Cook for Daniel? You must be joking! ‘I’m not that good,’ I answered, hoping my voice didn’t show my contempt.
‘Must be better than what I survived on in Korea,’ Daniel murmured under his breath. I wasn’t sure if we were meant to hear, but Edwin cleared his throat and neatly changed the subject.
‘Let’s go for a walk when we’ve had this. Pity to waste such a lovely day.’
‘Do we have to?’ Wendy complained over the rim of her cup.
‘You don’t get enough exercise, Sis. And I know Lily would love to have a walk on the moor. Danny?’
He shrugged. ‘Fine by me. I see the girls haven’t got the best footwear but it’s relatively dry underfoot and we can always rescue you if need be.’ He shot a glance at me and I glared back. He wasn’t going to let me forget the incident when we had met, was he, particularly as he added, ‘We could go out to the Drizzlecombe stone rows. Don’t expect we’ll find any sacrifices, though.’
I struggled to control my fury, but I had to admit that a ramble out to one of the loneliest places on the moor would be wonderful. My curiosity over its ancient cults was rekindled, and even if we did happen on anything untoward, being in Edwin’s company would make it more bearable.
It lifted my heart to feel the vast emptiness of the moor again and to allow its intense harmony to sink into my spirit. It smoothed away the antipathy I felt towards Daniel, even though he and Edwin were striding away in front of Wendy and me as if we didn’t exist, Trojan running circles around us as he tried to herd us together. Every so often, he would scamper too far and Daniel would call him back. I marvelled, quite reluctantly, that Daniel had trained him so well.
Daniel led us past the remains of Eylesbarrow Mine and across the moor to the three stone rows at Drizzlecombe, scattered unevenly and incomprehensibly, and with one of the tallest menhirs or standing stones on Dartmoor. I laughed as Edwin stood with his back against it, arms outstretched, so that we could get the full idea of its size as it towered above him. What had it meant to the men who had put it there at such huge effort so many thousands of years ago? Perhaps Gloria would know.
‘I’ll take you back a different way,’ Daniel announced. ‘Along this stream – it’s the source of the Plym by the way – and then up through Evil Combe. Could be a bit boggy along here, but we’ll help you.’
He seemed casual, more relaxed, the shadow of a smile pulling at his mouth. But was he amusing himself at my expense? I scowled back.
‘I’m sure we can manage it if you can,’ I told him frostily, and he shrugged in that annoying gesture he seemed to have as he turned to lead the way.
‘Look at that rabbit!’ Wendy cried as we at last scrambled away from the stream up through the gullies of Evil Combe. ‘It’s not running away from us at all. Must be very brave.’
We all stopped to look. I’d seen many a rabbit when I lived at Foggintor. Hundreds of them colonised Big Tip, but they disappeared if you went anywhere near.
‘Oh, my God,’ I suddenly heard Daniel mutter, and then he shouted as Trojan went to pounce forward. ‘Trojan, no!’ It wasn’t his usual calm command, and I caught the agitation in his voice. Trojan reluctantly slunk back to his master’s side and Daniel clipped on the lead.
‘Hold him, would you, Lily?’ he asked swiftly, passing it to me. I knew something was wrong and I forgot my feelings of rancour as the boys crept stealthily forward towards the rabbit that was crouching, immobile, in the long grass.
‘It’s myxomatosis, isn’t it, Ed?’
I felt cold, as if there was ice in my veins. I’d heard about this dreadful disease that had somehow entered Britain the previous year. There was speculation that some unscrupulous farmers had been encouraging it in order to keep down numbers of their considered enemy, the rabbit. They no longer had any need to do so. It was spreading like wild fire, and now it had reached Dartmoor.
I came slowly forward. The sight of the poor, trembling creature, its nose running and its eyes gummed up with matter, tore at my heart. I gulped hard, feeling so helpless. ‘Is there anything we can do?’ I whispered.
I don’t know why, but I looked to Daniel for an answer. Perhaps because he knew the moor better than any of us. But he shook his head, his face twitching.
‘No. Nothing. Just keep Trojan away. In fact, you and Wendy go on ahead. Keep going straight up and you’ll come to the track. We’ll catch you up.’
I frowned questioningly, but I was glad to get away. I glanced at Edwin, and he nodded as well. The horrendous discovery had ruined what had been a lovely walk, my dislike of Daniel aside, and sadness weighed down on us like a cloud. Wendy and I obediently walked on, neither of us speaking. We knew what the boys were doing. When they caught us up, they were both very quiet and pale. I noticed there was a splatter of blood on Daniel’s shirt.
I tried not to let the memory of the incident spoil the last few days of Edwin’s holiday, but all too soon, it was time for him to go. I was the only one free to go to the railway station with him, and though my heart was heavy, it felt amazing to be alone with him. Would he kiss me at last, like in the films? When the moment came, I lifted my head, and when his mouth brushed against my cheek, I was disappointed. But Edwin was a gentleman, and I knew he wouldn’t rush things. Instead, he waved vigorously out of the window as the train bore him away.
I waited until he was out of sight, a desolate fist tightening in my chest. God knew when I would see him again. But while he was away, I would better myself. Prove I was worthy of his love. I would go to evening classes, get a couple of those O-levels and learn shorthand and typing. In the meantime, I would thank my lucky stars that I was firmly accepted into the bosom of Edwin’s wonderful family.
Jeannie had just sent a belated card for my birthday with no note. Too occupied with her boyfriend, I supposed. So I wrote to her, telling her all about Edwin. I imagined her teasing reply.
I never received one. London became a veiled, murky fog to me now. My new life was here on Dartmoor. And somehow it felt as if it always had been.
Chapter Fourteen
‘Hello, Lily.’
The familiar voice brought me up
short, and I bristled with irritation. It was my lunch hour and I had just met Kate off the train. Unlike Sally, who was devoted to her studies, Kate was struggling in her second year of A-levels and had finally made the decision to leave school and find a job. She had asked me to have a word with Mrs Kershaw and now I was taking her for an interview, for while she was bubbling and confident in the world she had grown up in, she was nervous about spreading her wings and wanted to work with me. I thought it was a shame that she had given up her studies at that late stage, but perhaps she didn’t have what it takes, and who was I to talk when I hadn’t even stayed on long enough to do my O-levels? The resemblance to my own situation when Ellen had wanted me to stay on at school made me feel somewhat guilty, so to have the unwelcome presence cut through my despondent mood was more than riling.
‘Daniel,’ I answered flatly, turning on my heel.
He blinked those penetrating, violet-blue eyes at me as if I should be the one to open up the conversation. I met his gaze stubbornly, refusing to think of anything to say. For once, I appeared to make him feel awkward, which pleased me no end.
‘How are you?’ he finally enquired, and I noticed he ignored Kate totally despite the fact that she was gazing at him, goggle-eyed, beside me.
‘I’m well, thank you,’ I replied tersely. ‘What are you doing here?’ Although why I asked, I really didn’t know.
‘Ordering some building materials and things I can’t get in Princetown. And I thought I’d call in to see William and Deborah. I haven’t seen them since Christmas and I owe them an apology.’
I couldn’t suppress a scornful snort. ‘A bit belated, wouldn’t you say? It is the end of October.’
Daniel flashed a dark look at me. ‘You’re quite right, of course. It’s taken me this long to pluck up the courage. Are they in, do you know? Edwin tells me you’re still living there.’
I felt myself soften at the mention of my dear Edwin. So he had been talking to Daniel about me on the telephone from London, had he? It must be a good sign and my heart gave a little bound.
‘William might still be in if you’re quick, but I think Deborah will be there all afternoon,’ I told him, feeling less annoyed.
‘Oh, good. Thank you.’ He half smiled, hesitating as if he wanted to detain me but couldn’t quite think how. ‘And how’s the driving going?’
I was surprised, not only by his interest but by his pleasant tone. Was he mellowing? Or perhaps he was trying to make up for his former mocking abrasiveness in the same way as he was about to apologise to William and Deborah eight months too late! Well, it wasn’t going to wash with me!
‘I passed my test,’ I said cautiously.
‘Oh, well done!’ His generous mouth broke into a grin, revealing those sickeningly straight, white teeth. ‘In that case, why don’t you see if you can borrow William’s car one day – unless you have your own, of course – and drive up to me? I could see how you love the open moor, and I could take you for a walk somewhere. Or I could come and pick you up in the jeep.’
His eyebrows had arched expectantly, his head tilted to one side, while I seethed. Why on earth should he think I would want to go for a walk with him? So that he could poke fun at me again?
‘I’m afraid I really don’t have the time,’ I answered tartly. ‘Some of us have a proper full-time job, and I’m doing several courses at evening classes—’
‘Really?’ His eyebrows reached up further in genuine surprise, it seemed, as he ignored my scathing remark – which peeved me somewhat. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Shorthand and typing, and O-levels in English and English Lit,’ I informed him shortly in an effort to brush him off. ‘Look, I must go. Kate here’s got an interview.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry. You should have said. Good luck,’ he added, jabbing his head at Kate. And as we hurried away, he called to me, ‘If you need any help with the literature, let me know!’
I didn’t reply as I increased my pace across Bedford Square, Kate trotting along beside me.
‘Why on earth did you turn him down, Lily, you lummox?’ she gabbled, dancing sideways to look at me, her nerves about the interview apparently dispelled. ‘He’s gorgeous! I’ve seen him up at Princetown. Wish he’d asked me out!’
‘You’re welcome to him, Kate. Personally I wouldn’t touch him with a barge-pole. He must be one of the rudest, most bad-tempered brutes I’ve ever come across. Now, come on, or you’ll be late.’ And as we turned into Duke Street, I wondered quite why I felt so piqued.
It was absolutely true that I didn’t have a moment to spare. I worked five and a half days, attended evening classes three nights a week and spent all my spare time studying or practising my new secretarial skills. Wendy was a brick, helping me with little tips and reading out shorthand dictations for me to transcribe. We always went out together on Saturday nights, though, to one of Tavistock’s two cinemas or to a dance whenever there was one. She was very friendly with the new junior partner at the solicitors and he often came along, too, usually with a friend in tow for me. I had the feeling Wendy was delaying cementing their relationship for my sake, guessing that I was secretly waiting for Edwin. When I hinted at it, she merely shrugged and said she and Ian were just good friends, but I was sure her feelings ran much deeper.
It all helped to keep my mind off being separated from Edwin, and I felt that while I was bettering myself for him, I was also sharing his dedication to study. He rang home once a week and I always spoke to him for a few minutes. Just chit-chat, but it was marvellous to hear his voice. He never mentioned a girlfriend, so I kept my fingers crossed it would stay that way. I just prayed that, after his finals, we would be able to see more of each other and bring our feelings into the open.
He wasn’t able to come home at all, and we all missed him over Christmas. I couldn’t help thinking how last year Sidney and I had spent the holiday contentedly together, not knowing what lay around the corner. I had been convinced that, in time, he would have told me more about my mother or indeed about himself. It was too late now. There was the box with the diary in the attic, of course. Should I swallow my pride and look at it again? My heart lurched every time I thought about it, bringing me out in a cold sweat and trapping me in a tangled coil of conflict. In the end, I always came to the same spiritless conclusion, that it was better to bury the past. And that, in itself, made me feel ashamed.
There was only one person who would truly understand how I felt. Gloria. It was February and the first anniversary of Sidney’s death. I had some flowers to put on his grave in Princetown’s churchyard and took the train up on my afternoon off. I hadn’t ridden on its glorious, winding route for a year, and it filled my heart with wistful memories. The moor had been blanketed in deep snow since New Year and looked quite magical from the warmth of the carriage. Outside, though, it was freezing. I went straight to the grave and stood there for a few minutes as the Dartmoor wind turned the tears on my cheeks to icicles. Then I shivered my way to Albert Terrace, reminded of how much colder it was on the moor than down in sheltered Tavistock.
I had rung Gloria the previous evening so that she would be expecting me. As I crossed the road that had been partially cleared of snow, I noticed Daniel’s jeep parked outside Bolts. He must be doing some shopping so I dived up Gloria’s front garden before he could come out and see me.
Gloria opened the door with her usual welcoming smile and she smelt of expensive perfume when we hugged.
‘Come in, my dear. How lovely to see you!’ she sang as I followed her into the back kitchen. ‘I’ve got another visitor. Someone you know, I believe.’
My heart sank like a stone as I entered the room. Daniel got to his feet, his hand outstretched. I had no choice but to let him shake mine. His grip was warm and firm.
‘I’m sorry. I had no idea you were coming. I should go,’ he said evasively.
‘No, no, lad, you stay,’ Gloria insisted. ‘We haven’t finished talking. You two sit there and I’ll make som
e coffee.’
Daniel’s forehead dipped as he looked at me apologetically and resumed his seat. Was my message getting through to him at last? I reluctantly sat down opposite him.
‘You didn’t come up with William and Deborah at Christmas,’ he observed without expression. ‘Pity. You could have met my parents. And my grandmother. She’s not Great Aunt Marianne, but she’s still quite a character.’
‘I’m afraid Wendy and I had other things to do.’ I had nearly said better things, but that would have been churlish and Daniel was being polite for once. ‘So how do you know Gloria?’ I asked, my curiosity getting the better of me.
‘My great aunt was a friend of hers.’
‘Dear Marianne,’ Gloria sighed as she set three cups of coffee on the table. ‘She talked of Daniel here so much when she was dying. She was so worried about you, you know. Word had got through that you’d been taken prisoner, but then there was nothing. No one knew if you were dead or alive. Why didn’t you write?’
Daniel shot me a dark glance with those brooding eyes. ‘I did,’ he answered, his words directed as much to me as to Gloria. ‘On the rare occasion we were allowed. It wasn’t my fault they didn’t get through. I never received any either, though I know Edwin wrote to me several times and my parents wrote every week.’
‘Well, you’re home and safe now. And looking so much better, I have to say. I didn’t recognise you for some time, you looked so dreadful. But then, I hadn’t seen you since you went to university, which was when?’
‘1947.’
‘There you are, then. It was only last spring I realised who you were, and then it was really because of Marianne’s old jeep. But it was only just now, when you were saying about this sheep sacrifice and mentioned the earlier one that Lily had told me about, that I learnt about you two meeting.’
I glanced from one to the other in appalled horror, and I saw Daniel lower his eyes.
‘I’m afraid I told Gloria how I met this young girl who’d twisted her ankle out at Down Tor, and she put two and two together.’