by Tania Crosse
He set everything on the table and I gave Daniel an encouraging smile. He returned it, but there was a look of irritation in his eyes that said he considered Edwin was making a fuss over nothing. The laceration wasn’t serious – I had seen far worse casualties at the hospital – but there was a gaping two inch gash that needed closing. I saw Daniel flinch slightly at the injections, but it wasn’t his face I was looking at. I had seen him undressed when he’d been in hospital, but it hadn’t seemed right to study his fine physique when he’d been so badly hurt. But now I felt the irresistible draw of his masculinity. His broad shoulders were perfectly muscled and his arms had a slender, wiry strength. His chest was scattered with fine, dark hair and there was not an ounce of spare flesh on his hard, flat stomach.
I felt that tingling sensation plunge into the pit of my belly. Dear Lord, was that love? I’d never really felt like that about Edwin. He was solid and dependable, full of fun. But with Daniel I felt excited, exhilarated, almost feverish. I felt…
‘There. All done,’ Edwin pronounced. ‘Keep it clean and dry, and come to the surgery on Friday morning for me to take the stitches out. Should be healed enough by then. But no doing anything physical that could burst the stitches in the meantime. And here’s some penicillin just in case. God knows what germs were on that knife. Make sure you take the full course. I know what you are.’
‘Yes, doc,’ Daniel murmured, glancing up darkly.
‘I’ll nip up and get you some other clothes,’ I offered, jumping up.
‘Lily, it’s all—’
But I was already out of the door and up the stairs. My head was spinning. God, I loved Daniel. I was enflamed. He was such a good man and I just wanted to open up his heart. And then I remembered the sheet of paper I had found earlier that afternoon. Was there a way I could draw him out? He had come so far since I had first met him.
‘Do you want to come back with me, Lily,’ Edwin asked as I went back into the kitchen, ‘if you don’t feel up to driving?’
I considered for a moment. ‘If I do, someone will have to drive me back up to get my car tomorrow. So… Well, I think I’d rather stay here tonight. That’s if it’s all right with you, Daniel?’
Daniel took the clean shirt from me and slowly raised a quizzical eyebrow as he shrugged into the garment. Then the shadow of a smile twitched at his mouth. ‘Yes, of course. It’d be good to have some company tonight,’ he said quietly.
Edwin cleared his throat. ‘I’ll be off, then. Nothing strenuous, remember.’
‘I’ll see you out,’ I offered as we went into the hall.
‘Thanks for coming, Ed,’ Daniel called from the kitchen as he fastened the buttons.
‘You and Danny seem…’ Edwin spread his hands as I opened the front door. ‘I’d never have thought—’
I’m sure I blushed like a radish. ‘We’re just good friends. Honestly,’ I insisted. ‘And you drive carefully in that nippy little thing of yours.’
Edwin grinned. ‘I will. See you some time tomorrow, then.’ And he zoomed off into the darkness.
I went back to the kitchen. Daniel was pulling on the jumper I’d brought down for him. ‘I’ll get the fire lit in the drawing room. Are you hungry yet?’
I shook my head. ‘Not really. I’ll make a drink, though. Tea or coffee?’
‘Tea, please. Tell you what. There’s some ham in the fridge. How about making some sandwiches and we can have them later when we feel like it?’
‘Yes, all right. I’ll do that while you get the fire going.’
He gave me that lazy smile and went out of the room. I still felt strange as I made the drinks and the sandwiches. But it wasn’t only the events of the day that were making my stomach churn over and over. I had never felt so close to Daniel as I did now. Could I possibly find the courage to tell him?
It was an hour or so later as we warmed ourselves in front of the fire that the telephone rang. Apart from the kitchen, the old house with its spacious rooms was really cold, so we were in the best spot with one of the sofas drawn up close to the hearth. Daniel reluctantly took himself off to the hall, and I was pleased when Trojan came and lay down on my feet.
It was some time before Daniel came back. He shivered and knelt down in front of the burning logs. ‘That was the police,’ he told me, rubbing his hands together. ‘The fellow’s confessed everything. Apparently he’s an old warrener, possibly the last one on the moor.’
‘Really?’
Daniel sighed heavily. ‘That was the root of it all. The myxomatosis was the last nail in the coffin of a dying trade. It was a complete way of life, handed down through generations. But a very lonely way of life. This chap’s lived alone on the moor for decades. Probably been going off his trolley for donkey’s years. When myxomatosis got here, it killed not just his business but his entire way of life. He blamed the farmers for introducing it. I suppose some unscrupulous farmers in the country might have encouraged it, but up here on the moor rabbits weren’t a particular threat. But this chap was so twisted, he was killing sheep to get back at the local farmers. Totally unfounded, of course. But he was trying to make it look as though the sheep had been sacrificed by some occult group to shift the blame.’
I shook my head, struggling to take it all in. ‘Doesn’t seem possible.’
‘Well, there we are. I feel sorry for the poor man in some ways. He had his head turned by loneliness, I suppose.’
‘Daniel, he tried to kill you! And very nearly succeeded.’
He shrugged ruefully. ‘Yes, I know. It was definitely him. His van. Remember I nearly caught him a couple of times before? He recognised me and thought he’d do away with me. I’d become the enemy as well.’
‘So what’ll happen?’
‘There’ll be a court case, of course. You and I will have to give evidence. But the poor devil will probably end his days in an asylum. Sad really. Anyway.’ He stood up again and gave a deep sigh. ‘It’s all over now. And I could do with a drink. And I don’t mean tea.’
He was out of the room for just a few minutes while I sat staring into the flames. I still felt numbed and yet every fibre of me was poised, strung on edge. When Daniel returned, he was carrying two glasses, each charged with a good measure of brandy. He handed one to me and we sat, sipping at the burning spirit, exchanging an odd word but mainly trying to absorb the enormity of what had happened. Daniel kept feeding the fire and had a good blaze crackling in the grate. Although the rest of the house was cold, we were toasting by the hearth and both of us had taken off our jumpers. The fire and the brandy had relaxed me and I could feel the tension draining away as I sat on the rug at Daniel’s feet. My hair had been scooped up in a ponytail all day and now I shook it free and it fell down around my shoulders. A minute or two later, I tensed as I felt something moving. Daniel was stroking my hair so softly I could barely feel it, and my stomach clenched.
‘I’m glad you never had your hair cut or permed or anything,’ he said from behind me, his voice thick and low. ‘It’s beautiful, you know. And if I tease you about it, it’s only because—’
He didn’t get to finish the sentence. He must have moved awkwardly and drew in a wincing breath through his teeth. I turned round at once, kneeling up between his spread knees.
‘Are you all right?’
He nodded with a slightly sheepish smile. ‘Yes. Sorry. I guess the anaesthetic’s wearing off. It’s just a bit sore. I’d forgotten about it really, and it just took me by surprise. But…I’m really glad you’re here, my little Carrot Top.’
His deep, violet-blue eyes were smouldering into mine, steady and strong, and the fire plunged down inside me. Oh, Daniel. I held my breath as he reached out and cupped my cheek. I was mesmerised, heady with love. Was he…was there a chance Daniel felt the same way as I did? I couldn’t stop myself, overtaken by some force far more powerful than I was. I turned my head into his palm. Kissed it.
A small quivering sound fluttered in my throat as I felt Daniel’s fin
gers entwine in my hair, drawing me towards him. And then his lips found mine, so gentle and tender. A thrill of joy, of need, pulsed through my limbs as we kissed, long and deep, and when we finally parted, his eyes were so soft, his mouth lightly curved as I stared at him, breathless and intoxicated.
‘I love you, Lily Hayes,’ he articulated deep in his throat.
We were so close. I could feel his brandy-scented breath fanning my cheek. He was smiling, his eyes passionate and intense. And I was lost in some enchanted rapture. Daniel loved me. And not in the same fantasy way I had once thought I had loved Edwin. This was real. Pure, hard and strong.
‘I could…kiss it better,’ I gulped in a tiny whisper. I was shaking, but my keyed up emotions knew what they craved. Daniel’s eyes followed me darkly and he didn’t move as I began to unbutton his shirt and I slid it back over his shoulder. The neat stitches looked like a train track near the top of his left arm and I tenderly kissed the skin on either side. And then I found myself moving my lips along his collarbone, kissing his chest…
His long fingers dug into my shoulders as he pushed me away. ‘Christ, Lily, don’t! I won’t be able… I’d never forgive myself if something happens you regret.’
‘I won’t regret it,’ I whispered. And I knew I wouldn’t.
Daniel took me in his arms again, kissing me hard and urgently. His mouth moved down to the well of my throat and my stomach cramped with need. His hand slipped inside my blouse. I’m sure he must have felt my heart beating frenziedly beneath his touch. A warm, delicious sensation burnt through me and I pulled at Daniel’s shirt until that glorious torso was glowing amber in the firelight. I traced my trembling fingertips over his chest and then he was undressing me, slowly, touching, stroking every inch of my skin as it became exposed. I flinched as he unhooked my bra and tossed it aside, but the moment of embarrassment was gone as he took my breasts in his hands, so gently, and bent to kiss them before laying me down on the rug. I was aflame, devoured by my love for this good, sensitive man, and he drew me on, alive to the slightest touch, until I was on fire, yearning with desire. He stopped for a few seconds to strip off the rest of his own clothes. I’d never seen a man excited before. I felt scared but fascinated at the same time, but Daniel’s body was beautiful, perfect. I lay, rapt and submissive, as he pulled off my slacks and then my knickers, pausing to smile as he ran a tantalising finger over my belly.
‘Are you sure?’ he rasped, swallowing hard.
I was shaking but I didn’t hesitate and nodded silently. And then Daniel was drawing me on to some wondrous world I had never dreamt of, his mouth, his tongue, his fingers stroking, caressing, enticing. He found the sweet, moist core of me, and I knew I was ready to give myself wholly to him. I moaned, feverish, hysterical, but utterly trusting as Daniel came to me. I felt a sharp, intimate pain for just a moment, but Daniel was so gentle and caring, and I welcomed him inside me, healing him, healing myself. He moved in a slow rhythm, delectable and unhurried, building until something unimaginable, bewitching, erupted and exploded within me, sending shockwaves rippling through my entire body. And in that instant, Daniel cried out and shuddered, and I clung to him, knowing at last that this was true, pure love.
He was smiling at me, his brow creased. ‘Are you all right?’ he whispered.
Just for a moment I wanted to cry, but Daniel was raining tiny, playful kisses on my cheeks, my nose and chin, and I began to giggle instead. Then he turned more leisurely attention to my breasts, sending a riptide of emotion through my flesh before he drew me against him and I curled up next to him, resting my head on his shoulder and with my hand tracing the strong contours of his chest, the faint cigarette-burn scars, everything that made Daniel what he was. We lay there, holding each other, not exchanging a word, for some time, totally at peace, until Daniel rolled away to put some more logs on the fire.
He raised his index finger at me. ‘Don’t go away!’ he ordered.
I sat up, tipping my head coquettishly. ‘I don’t think I’m going anywhere,’ I grinned back.
Daniel pulled on his jumper which was sensible as the rest of the house was so cold. I lay back, hugging the dream, the exquisite sensation, to my heart. I had slept with the most wonderful man who had earned my love and respect against all odds. And I was running over with joy.
It was so amazing that I couldn’t lie still. I sprang up, facing the roaring fire, watching the dancing light from the flames playing over my skin. I felt strangely free, glorifying in my nakedness, and began to hum, swaying in the firelight, engulfed in a perfect world that contained only Daniel and me. Daniel and me…
‘God, stop that or I’ll want you again,’ his voice came in my ear. ‘No, don’t turn round. And keep your eyes shut.’
My eyebrows shot up in surprise. But I did as he said, feeling a little giddy with my eyes closed, whether due to the brandy or the intoxication of my love for Daniel, I didn’t know. I felt something cold at my throat, and then Daniel moved my hair to one side and was fiddling at the back of my neck.
‘OK. Open your eyes.’
I did. And I glanced down. The exquisite Victorian necklace, the one in the portrait, hung around my neck. I caught my breath.
‘I hope you’ll accept it this time,’ Daniel said at my shoulder. And then his voice became oddly ragged. ‘You said I should keep it for my wife.’
Slowly, he turned me round, and I gazed up at him, wide-eyed. Could he possibly mean…?
‘Will you, Lily?’ he croaked. ‘Will you spend your life with this miserable old devil?’
His eyes were searching my face, anguished. I blinked at him as a scintillating, joyous whoop burst from my throat.
‘Do I take it that’s a yes?’ he said, a slow smile unfurling on his face.
‘Oh yes!’ I cried, finding my voice. ‘Most definitely a yes!’
He took me in his arms again, pressing my bare flesh against his jumper. ‘You do realise you don’t have any nightclothes here? I’ll have to lend you one of my pyjama tops. Mind you, I’m sure you’ll look very fetching in it,’ he chuckled softly. ‘And I take it I won’t have to make up a spare bed for you?’
I threw up my head with a happy laugh and snuggled against him. ‘No, I don’t think you will,’ I replied.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
‘What’s the matter, Lily? You look as though you’ve seen a ghost.’
I staggered, groping my way into the lounge. Several pairs of anxious eyes swivelled in my direction, and I sank into the nearest chair.
‘Who was on the phone? It wasn’t Daniel, was it?’ Wendy’s eyes opened wide with horror. ‘He hasn’t…? Oh, the—’
‘No, it wasn’t Daniel,’ my lips articulated. They felt peculiar, like rubber. I had been floating on a cloud since the night Daniel and I had pledged our lives to each other, and now I had fallen to earth with a crash. I had abandoned my search for my father, forgotten about it in my euphoria over Daniel, and suddenly it had been laid at my feet again.
‘It was…one of the nursing homes I rang some time ago,’ I stammered. ‘The woman I spoke to was new, but she’s been asking around and…someone remembers. My father was there for two or three years after the accident. And then he palled up with one of the nurses, a single lady who wanted to retire from full-time work. And…’ I realised my gaze had been riveted on the pattern on the carpet, and now I raised my eyes to the expectant faces around me. ‘He went to live with her. Somewhere in Mannamead. And…he’s still there. They have his address. They couldn’t give it to me, of course, but if I write a letter, they’ll pass it on.’
There was a stunned silence while I read the surprise on every face, followed by a chorus of amazed comments. Their voices became jumbled in my head as I tried to let the information sink into my own brain.
‘I’m sorry I could have thought that about Daniel,’ I realised Wendy was saying as she came and perched on the arm of my chair.
I gave her a wan smile. ‘It’s all right. But Daniel is
back to his old self. If you knew all what he went through, you’d understand. But he’s over that now. I just wish…’ I felt my forehead pucker in bewilderment. ‘I wish he was here now.’
‘Shall I ring him and ask him to come?’
‘No, thanks. I don’t want him driving all that way, but I will ring him.’
‘So, what are you going to do?’ William asked gravely.
I sat back, rubbing my hand pensively over my mouth. ‘Well, of course I’ll write. A very careful letter. And…see what happens, I suppose.’
I sucked in my bottom lip and bit down hard on it. I felt confused, a million thoughts, uncertainties, swirling in my head. Disorientated. It had been hard, but I had fought my way through everything, emerging victorious in the end. But at this, the final hurdle, the last piece of the jigsaw, my spirit was faltering. What if my father didn’t want to know me? He believed I was dead. Perhaps he would want the past to remain buried. Too many painful memories. Perhaps he might not believe who I was, although I had the proof of it in Ellen’s letter and Sidney’s diary, and what was I out to gain but my own identity? And what about Sidney’s part in his accident? Should I reveal the shocking truth to him? But I had to, didn’t I, for it all to make sense?
‘We’re all here for you, no matter what,’ Edwin said almost reverently.
I lifted my head and smiled gratefully at him. Dear Edwin. He never knew that he had once broken my heart, and I wanted it to stay that way. I knew now that Daniel had loved me for a long time while I had held him in contempt, deepening his wounds. It was in the past now, but guilt still twinged at me at times, and I didn’t want Edwin to feel like that. Edwin was a dear brother to me now, and there was no need to rake up my former feelings for him.
‘Thank you, all of you,’ I answered instead. ‘But if you’ll excuse me, I think I’ll ring Daniel now.’