Once again his equilibrium was thrown off balance. He felt a complete lack of control, willpower or the plain decency that should keep him from staring at her when she obviously felt so uncomfortable. He couldn’t stop himself and his eyes raked over her body. His hand rose of its own volition as if he could pull her to him, right here in the middle of the kitchen with her sister as a witness.
No.
He jerked back, focused his attention on Mille. “You’ll be fine,” he told her and turned on his heel to stride out the door.
It slammed shut behind him. He pressed against the house’s brick exterior. Fluffy white snowflakes landed on his face as he took several steadying breaths. He could practically hear them sizzle as they melted against his overheated skin. If he knew one thing for sure, it was that he needed to keep a safe distance from Olivia Wilder.
Which was his plan until a knock sounded on his door an hour later.
Olivia stood on the other side, this time dressed in the biggest, frumpiest sweatshirt he’d ever seen. It hid every one of her sweet curves, but that didn’t matter. The memory of them was seared into Logan’s brain.
She held up a bottle of wine. “I’m sorry.”
“For what?” His voice sounded gruffer than he’d meant it to.
“That scene in the kitchen. Millie. This whole day?” She smiled but he saw her chin tremble.
His resolve crumbled in an instant.
He motioned her inside. “Would you like a glass?” he asked as he took the wine from her hands, careful not to touch her skin directly.
“I don’t want to bother you. If you’re about to go out or in the middle of something...”
“Reading a book.”
“Reading?”
He raised his brows. “A book. You’ve heard of them? I’m partial to American history.”
She covered her face with her hands. “Of course,” she said through her fingers. “I’m sorry. I didn’t think...”
“That someone like me would spend his free time in such literary pursuits?”
Her hands lowered. “Not at all. But you’re handsome, single and if Millie’s reaction was any indication, at no loss for female companionship. I thought you’d be out or with someone.”
“I am with someone.”
Her gaze shot around the small apartment. “I’m sorry,” she said again and he wanted to smile at how adorable she looked.
“You, Olivia.” He reached forward and tapped one finger on the tip of her nose. That tiny bit of contact he could handle. “I’m with you right now.”
“Oh.” She bit down on her lower lip and he stifled a groan.
“Sit down. I’ll pour you a glass.”
He took a wine opener from a drawer and got to work.
“What smells like cookies?” she asked as she slid into one of the chairs around the small kitchen table.
His back stiffened. “That would be...um...cookies. Oatmeal raisin to be exact.” He glanced over his shoulder to see her reaction.
“I’ll admit to being surprised that you bake,” she said with a small smile. “I don’t know a lot of manly man bakers.”
“Manly man,” he repeated. “That’s funny.” He poured the cabernet into a glass and put it in front of her. “I’ve baked since I was a kid. I was pretty sickly then, bad asthma, allergies, regular bronchitis. I missed a lot of school and couldn’t be outside too much. My mom and I would bake to pass the time.”
“It’s hard to imagine you a sickly kid.”
He wiggled his eyebrows. “I grew out of it.”
He saw her swallow reflexively and smiled again. She made him smile more than he had in years. He put a plastic container on the table and opened the lid. “Try one. I like breads and cakes, too, but cookies are my favorite.”
She hesitated, then picked out one of the cookies. “They’re still warm.” She examined the cookie for several seconds before taking a small bite. Her eyes widened. “They’re really good. Amazing, actually.”
Logan felt an unfamiliar swell of pride. “Thank you. I’m not sure they go well with wine.”
“Everything goes well with wine,” Olivia corrected him and took another bite, moaning softly.
Logan turned quickly to the refrigerator, took out a beer, then sat across from her. It was better if the lower half of his body was hidden at this moment.
He watched her eat the rest of the cookie, marveling again at the elegance of her long fingers.
“I really am sorry about earlier,” she said after she finished. “Millie’s my half sister. Although I’ve known about her for decades, we only met recently. Our relationship is so new it barely exists.”
“You’ve known about her but never actually met? How is that possible?”
Olivia shrugged. “She was my dad’s best-and worst-kept secret.” She took another cookie from the container, her full attention focused on it. “My father was a US senator for many years. He and my mother married while he was in law school at Harvard. It was practically an arranged marriage. Her family had the money and connections he needed to start his political career.” She broke off a small piece. “It’s eerily similar to my story with Craig. I’m not sure my parents ever really loved each other.”
After taking a bite, she picked up the wineglass, twirling the stem between her graceful fingers. “My mother didn’t want to raise me in the capital, so when I started school we lived outside Saint Louis. My father came home sometimes, probably not as often as he could have. He had a mistress in DC and they had a daughter.”
“Millie.”
She nodded and sipped the wine. “She’s seven years younger than me. I found out about her when I was twelve. I heard my parents arguing in his office. My dad stormed out and my mother ran to her bedroom. I slipped in and found a letter from Millie’s mom. It was campaign season so my father was in Missouri with us. There were pictures in the envelope. Millie’s baby picture and some candid shots of the three of them together. They looked so happy.”
She put the wineglass down on the table with a clink. Logan noticed her fingers tremble. “My mom came down as I was reading. She took the letter, ripped it in half and told me never to speak of the whore or her bastard daughter again.”
“I’m sorry.”
She gave him a sad smile. “I couldn’t stop, though. I found both their address and the name of the school where Millie went when she was old enough. For years I searched my father’s office obsessively for more letters, any information I could find. Once the internet became the norm, that was one more way for me to keep tabs on them.”
“Why were you so interested?”
“My parents stayed married because it was good for my father’s career. We were the family on the holiday cards, the one he’d parade in front of voters. Millie and her mother were the people he loved.”
She held up a hand when he would have protested. “It’s true. I guess I always wanted to know why. What did he get from them that he couldn’t from us? Why did he love Millie more than me?”
Logan ached at the pain in her voice. He knew what it was like to want a parent’s love and approval so much but never get it. “Have you talked to Millie about any of this?”
She shook her head. “It’s part of why I invited her to visit. Now that he’s gone, I should probably let it go, but I can’t. I want to know what it was like for her. What he was like with her.” She gave a shaky laugh. “My mother would have a fit if she found out, but I have to find some way to make peace with this. I think I need to before I can really move forward.”
He pushed the plastic container toward her and smiled when she took another cookie. “So why are you here talking to me?”
“I don’t know,” she admitted, drawing in a shaky breath. “It’s hard to talk to Millie about the fact that our father lov
ed her more. To admit that out loud. Apparently Craig didn’t take every shred of my pride with him when he left.”
She took another bite of cookie and met his gaze. “Plus I wanted to apologize for earlier.” She waved the cookie in front of her like a shield. “I didn’t realize how I looked. I heard the scream and—”
“You don’t need to apologize.”
“Well, I am. Trust me. It was totally embarrassing for both of us.”
“I wasn’t embarrassed,” he said softly but she ignored him, standing and placing her wineglass on the counter next to the sink.
“Millie’s your age. If you want to...take her out while she’s here, I’m okay—”
“Stop.” He stood and took her hand, lacing his fingers through hers, something he’d wanted to do again since their first dance. “There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” he repeated. “You were thinking about your sister.”
She didn’t pull away but wouldn’t meet his eyes. “You certainly bolted fast enough, maybe because you were going to be sick after seeing me like that? I know I’m not as young as...”
He tipped up her chin until her gaze lifted. “I don’t want to take out Millie and I wasn’t going to be sick.” He gave a shaky laugh. “You’re in your early thirties, Olivia. The prime of life. You’re a beautiful woman. I had to leave before I pulled away that robe to really see you. Every inch of you.”
Her mouth formed a perfect O and he tried not to groan. He traced his thumb along her jaw while his other hand cupped the back of her head, bringing her nearer. When he was so close that he could feel her breath, he whispered against her lips, “You need to know how much I want you. I shouldn’t do anything about it. I hope to hell I’m strong enough to resist you after this. But you need to know.”
Then he lowered his mouth to hers.
Chapter Five
Olivia wasn’t an expert at kissing. Craig hadn’t often touched her once they had married and she’d only been out with a couple of guys before him. But even if she’d been kissed a thousand times, she knew nothing could have prepared her for this.
Every single one of her senses delighted in this moment. Logan’s lips felt unbearably soft against hers. He kissed her gently, reverently, as if he wanted to savor the taste and feel of her. He smelled like spice and man. The combination did funny things to her insides, making them swirl and tingle with a need she barely recognized.
A tremor passed through him, subtle but letting her know that she wasn’t alone in her reaction to the kiss. That knowledge gave her the confidence to lean in when he would have pulled away. She lifted her arms around his shoulders and felt the corded muscles there bunch under her touch.
He stilled for an instant, as if she had surprised him. She’d surprised herself. Olivia had never been the type to make any kind of move. She was far more the wait-and-see-what-happens type. Although she didn’t know what this kiss meant, if it was a one-time aberration or something more—and good grief, she hoped it was more—she was going to make the most of it just in case.
As if reading her mind, Logan deepened the kiss, his tongue dipping into her mouth, dancing with hers as his hands moved down her back to cup her bottom. He pulled her tight to him, his arousal hard against her stomach. She almost fainted dead away. He wanted her. There was no mistaking the fact that he wanted her.
To be desired by a man like Logan, someone strong and powerful and...six years younger than she was.
She pulled away suddenly and grabbed hold of the counter for support. What had she been thinking? Logan had agreed to help her with the renovation. He’d let her dump her family problems on him like a real friend. But it couldn’t be more than that. They both knew it. She couldn’t bear to take this any further and have him disappointed. Somehow she knew being rejected by Logan would be a million times worse than her own husband’s betrayal.
“I’m—” she began.
“Don’t apologize,” he said. His breathing was as uneven as hers.
“I took advantage of you,” she countered.
He let out a harsh bark of laughter. “I kissed you, Olivia.”
“Because you felt sorry for me.”
“Because I wanted to kiss you.” He pushed a hand through his blond hair, tousling it in a way that made her want to brush it back into place. Because at her core, Olivia liked things in their place, even if that place kept her lonely and afraid. She didn’t think she had the guts to live life any other way.
“I’m still old enough to be your babysitter,” she told him, hoping that would freak him out as much as it did her.
He only smiled. “You couldn’t have handled me back then.”
“I’m not sure I can handle you now,” she said, immediately regretting the words as his expression turned guarded.
“That’s not a news flash for either of us.” He looked angry and something more, but Olivia didn’t explain her comment. If he was mad at her, so be it. She could deal with that if it helped her keep a safe distance between them. Because she was afraid she might do something really stupid and fall for Logan Travers if she let herself get too close.
“I should go. Millie will be wondering what happened.”
He nodded. “I’m meeting with the electrician tomorrow to talk about rewiring a few areas based on the revised plan. Do you want to be there?”
“I trust you,” she said, taking a step toward the door.
“You should have learned tonight that’s not a good idea.”
“I trust you, Logan,” she repeated. “It’s me I’m worried about.”
Before he could respond, she hurried out the door.
* * *
The next afternoon Olivia cleaned up the painting supplies from the art class she’d just taught at Meadowbrook, the local retirement community. For the past six months, she’d had about fifteen regular students and loved her weekly visits and the chance to share her love of painting with such an enthusiastic group.
She’d just cleaned off the last of the brushes when she heard a knock at the open door.
Natalie Holt stepped into the room, her gaze taking in the canvases drying on easels around the room. “What are you working on this month?” she asked, her brows furrowing as she studied several of the paintings.
“Light and shadow in nature,” Olivia answered. She picked a new theme for each month.
“Why is it that everything Mr. Crantaw paints ends up looking like a woman’s hoo-ha?”
Olivia smiled at her friend’s observation. “He’s got a one-track mind, as I’m sure you know.”
Natalie returned her grin. “Are he and Mrs. Miller still on the outs?”
“He was working hard to make her jealous by complimenting Molly Jenner’s artistic talent,” Olivia said with a nod.
“Wiley old coot,” Natalie muttered but laughed.
Natalie was everyone’s favorite nurse at Meadowbrook. She was dedicated and caring but could handle even the grumpiest of old men with good humor. She’d been the one to encourage Olivia to start teaching at the retirement home after they’d been introduced by their mutual friend Sara.
Now all three women were good friends, and Olivia was grateful for the women who’d helped pull her out of the depression that had engulfed her after Craig left town.
Natalie pulled a granola bar out of her pocket and sat on the edge of the table. She often spent her lunch hour with Olivia on the days Olivia taught painting.
“How’s it going with renovations? Has Logan started on the building?”
The brushes Olivia had been putting away clattered to the linoleum floor. “Fine. Great. He had some new ideas for the plans, and I’ve got funding sources lined up so...” She knelt to pick up the brushes.
“So what’s the real story?”
Olivia glanced up to see Natali
e watching her. A knowing smile played on her lips.
Olivia felt her face grow hot and she concentrated on grabbing the last brush, turning back to the utility sink without looking at Natalie.
“He’s damn handsome,” Natalie offered helpfully. “And single.”
“And six years younger than me,” Olivia countered. “Do I look like a cougar to you?”
Natalie laughed. “You’re not old enough to be a cougar. A lynx maybe, but not a cougar.”
“This isn’t funny.” Olivia whirled around. “He’s out of my league and you know it. What would people say around town? Olivia Wilder can’t even keep her husband interested, what makes her think she could satisfy a young hottie like Logan Travers? I’d be even more of a laughingstock than I already am.”
Natalie popped off the table, her expression thoughtful. “I was sort of joking. Not that I think you couldn’t get a guy like Logan, but I had no idea you’d want a guy like Logan. I’ve obviously struck a nerve.”
“What does that mean, ‘a guy like Logan?’ Do you think I’m a snob? Is that what this is about?” Olivia hated how petty and defensive she sounded, but she couldn’t make sense of all the emotions rolling around inside her since last night. For someone who craved order and control she was doing a really bad job of keeping it in her own life.
“Whoa,” Natalie said, hands up. “Let’s start over. Are you interested in Logan Travers?”
“He’s working on the building.”
“You know what I mean.”
Olivia dropped the paint brushes into the sink and covered her face with her hands. “He kissed me. I kissed him. I’m not sure how it happened. Millie showed up and I came out in my robe and it was all so out of control.” She pushed the heels of her palms into her eyes. “I like control, Natalie. You know I like control. I don’t know what to do. First Craig left and I’m alone, I’m broke and I’m humiliated. Then I get another chance in Crimson and Logan is willing to help. But now I don’t know how to handle him or anything. It’s too much.”
A Second Chance at Crimson Ranch Page 6