by SJ Molloy
Lexi excuses herself to use the restroom. Vincenzo and Armando give me a huge pat on the back and a wicked smile as soon as she has left. “Lucca, son, she is an absolute treasure, a diamond. I can see you are infatuated with this girl and I know why. She is very special, no?” Vincenzo asks, folding some napkins on a spare seat next to us.
“Yes, she is very special. I know that I have just found my angel … my breath-stealer, the one you old men told us about. Turns out you and Papa were right by the way … love at first sight and instant attraction, ” I say seriously before sipping some water.
“Less of the old, young man. Si, Si, we know what we are talking about when it comes to romance and women. Your papa and I swept our bella ragazzas right off their feet. We charmed your mammas, romanced them … and look,” he says, waving his hand in front of Lorenzo and myself, “… look how happy we are and how life turned out. You boys would not be here if we did not find our angels. Fate is a wonderful thing, boys, never forget that,” Vincenzo wisely says.
I smile, appreciating his words. Lorenzo rolls his eyes, giving me a sly look, embarrassed that his father still feels the need to educate us on life and romance, even at our age. An unsettling twist knots in my stomach. These are the talks I would have been having with my son had God spared him.
Losing myself deep in thought, I think about the future and what it holds. Unquestionably, I want Lexi in it with me … but listening to all the male influences in my life recently just confirms that I would very much like a family of my own. I would love someday to give the gift of life to my own kids and especially with a woman I desperately love.
My angel.
My dolcezza.
My breath-stealer.
“What are you thinking about?” Vincenzo asks, gathering the condiments from the table next to us placing them on a ledge near the window.
“Oh, um … just the future. Children I guess. Happiness … being complete,” I say, swirling my thumb around the rim of the wine glass.
“Yes, you should be, both of you should be at your age. Lucca, life is only just beginning, son. Life can be cruel and what happened to you was the worst kind of devastating agony. No one should go through losing a child, but as men … we need to be strong and think about the future. God has given you a second chance. You need to embrace it and think of your happiness in years to come.” He clears his throat and sits back down, leaning closer to talk quieter.
“Lexi, your bella ragazza … she is your second chance. I see the way you look at her, and she is in love with you. Make no mistake … I read it in her eyes. She is very fond of you. Perhaps … fate may be mapping out your happy future for you bringing you two together. But fate only does so much … you also need to welcome it and take control to make things the way you have always wanted. Si?” He pats me on the back. Lorenzo cocks his head towards the restroom door advising us Lexi is returning.
Before leaving, Vincenzo shares some words with Lexi. She blushes and drops her head. If it was not for Lorenzo and Vincenzo both fussing over her, I would have my hands under her chin lifting her head back up to meet me so I can see her beautiful eyes.
Lexi cock teases when reaching the car, and shit, I could throw her over that bonnet and take her right here, right now. When she mentions going home to the farmhouse, I have never felt as happy or excited. I love that she is enjoying staying there with me, and after the chat with Vincenzo, all I can think about on the car journey home is my future with Lexi and possibly having my own kids with her.
This time last year I would have laughed or dismissed the idea if anyone mentioned it. For a number of reasons: my fertility may not be great, I have never settled down or found someone who I would want to spend the rest of my life with, and I have been so distracted with my businesses and getting over grief that it was always the last thing on my mind.
Now, things have changed. I am more mature, settled, level-headed, careful, considerate, and I have found the perfect woman in Lexi to love, cherish, and honour. Even after such a short space of time, no one has ever made me feel the way I do with her.
Vincenzo’s words have me thinking about Lexi being a wife and a mother. Is that something she would want? Is it too soon to think irrationally like that? Would Lexi even want to stay with me long term?
I have never been so confused, but at the same time absolutely positive and sure in my life. Conflictingly, I know what my heart wants, but my mind tells me it is too soon to think like this, and it is several types of crazy.
I fell for Lexi very quickly. The lust I feel for her is explosive. I have never experienced instant lust desiring someone as much in my life after just minutes. And now with the more time I spend with her, I am falling deeper for her. I know that I love her. I have known since she climbed on my lap and compassionately comforted me when I broke down telling her about my son.
I just do not know if she feels the same way. She harbours her feelings and is very deep. Telling her I love her just now might be too much for her. She lacks confidence and this relationship is all new to her. I have only just earned her trust, and I do not want to abuse it or take advantage of that, but I am an impatient man at times. I would love to tell her how I truly feel when the time is right.
All I can do is be true to myself and love her the way she should be loved. In time hopefully she gives me a piece of her heart, if not all of it. Would that not be something? It would complete me.
Reaching the farmhouse, I kill the engine. I take in her luscious legs, smooth and silky. Her dress rides up her thigh. Too tempting. Leaning over, I grab a handful of her hair and crash my lips against her in a dirty, needy, open-mouth kiss. My tongue tortures hers greedily so that when we part lips, she is left reeling and gasping for breath.
My hand slips under the hem of her dress and up the inside of her legs until I find her nectar centre already wet for me. She throws her head back and wiggles under my touch. Her mouth parts, a sharp gasp hitching in her throat, when my fingers edge under her knickers and tease her clit.
Her back arches, legs spreading further, when my fingers enter her, bending to reach that sensitive spot while my thumb circles her clit. Throatily, in a deep growl, I tell her how good she feels and how when we get inside I am going to suck, kiss, and lick every area of that pussy until she cannot take anymore, before driving my cock so far inside her to make her scream.
My words are her undoing. Clamping her hot tight walls around my fingers, she lifts her hips, thrust against my hand, whimpers my name, all while gripping the seat and throwing her head back, riding out the tremors that seize her with her first orgasm of the night.
I plan on making it a very long night for us.
Part one: Lussuria ~ Lucca’s Words
“Lussuria ~ Chapter Twenty: A New Journal”
Chapter 14
Pens, Paper, and Words.
Waking up with Lexi in my arms is the best fucking way to start a day. Feeling blissfully happy as Lexi lies across my chest, hair fanned all around me, I twirl some of her locks in my fingers, thinking about the emotions which overwhelmed me last night.
Nonno’s words come back to me when he said Rome was not built in a day and to be patient. Not exactly an easy task for me. I need things done yesterday. Have always been that way and always will be, I think. Gradual steps. I need to wake up with her like this, and Rose is right … my house is too big, my bed too empty. I need Lexi at home with me.
“Thank you for everything you’ve done for me, for being patient, understanding, and loving. I’ve never felt so special, and I think I might be at a point in my life where I’m content and happy, and that’s unheard of for me. I’m so very lucky to be here with you,” Lexi says, sitting up to stare into my eyes. I seize the moment with my next step.
“You are my something special; I will never let you go. I want you to move in with me when we get home. I want to be with you always and take care of you. Will you move in with me? We could wake up like this every morning and
fall asleep in each other’s arms every night,” I ask with hope, caressing her skin, before moving that unruly wave that always flops over her face behind her ear.
“Yes, I mean I’d be willing to try.” She smiles then kisses me chastely. My heart thuds wildly. A buzz of excitement surges through me leaving my breath labouring in my chest before I exhale with relief. It seems too flawless, too good to be true. She answered me without hesitating. That has to be a good sign right?
“Yes? Really? You are not going to challenge me on it?” I delve to ensure she is not fucking with me.
“Yes, I want to spend my time with you. Although, I don’t come alone. Doris comes with me.”
Establishing that this is the protective dog she mentioned before, I think I might have a fight on my hands vying for Lexi’s attention. I do love a challenge. God, she has made me so happy this morning. Rolling her over, I worship her body and make long, passionate love to her until she begins to fall asleep on me again from exhaustion.
Smacking her ass, I convince her to get up and showered. I want to take her out to Firenze today for some culture and sight-seeing. While she picks out clothes, I call Marco and ask him to arrange fresh groceries as we will be staying here a little longer. I also ask him to contact Adorna at the Uffizi to arrange one-on-one tour.
Adorna is a qualified art historian, and if anyone knows her stuff it is her. I believe Orianna still keeps in contact with her from time to time. Scanning the wet towels on the floor, I call Violetta, my housekeeper, and ask her to have the farmhouse cleaned and fresh bed sheets put on the bed while we are out today.
Since Lexi takes longer than me at getting ready, I use the opportunity to check in with Suzanne and Omari regarding the legal documents I need for putting an offer in for Dino’s land. I am not happy with his plans. I will have Andy Johnston, my project manager, work on my own plans, but the land is appealing to me.
Next, I shoot Chris a quick text to tell him I will not make five-a-sides this Sunday. He will be pissed, but he needs to manage without me. My girl is more important. I call Nonno just to make sure Hazel and Dominic are okay and settled and the hire car I organised for them was dropped off. Satisfied they are good, and have even had a cooking lesson together, I do not feel as guilty about keeping Lexi holed up here.
Adorna provokes a nervous disposition in Lexi. She has not let go of my hand during the tour. I sense she feels threatened. Adorna has treated me the same way she always does, flirty and friendly, but it may be unsettling to Lexi. I know Adorna would never cross the line, unlike Gina, but I am annoyed at myself for putting Lexi in an uncomfortable position yet again.
To assure her she has nothing to worry about, I grab her hair and treat her to a lip-smacking, long, leisurely kiss. It seems to appease her because she relaxes and thanks me with her gorgeous smile. I have no interest whatsoever in what Adorna makes of my public display of affection; it was for Lexi’s benefit … to make her feel better and more confident. While Lexi studies the artwork, I take some more discreet photos of her with my phone for my collection.
Taking in Madonna and Child with Two Angels, I sigh, feeling overwhelmed and drained. For the first time I pay great attention to the masterpiece in a spiritual sense. I have seen this piece of art before, but all the thinking and talking about my son lately has me hoping his angels are taking good care of him.
Lexi seems to understand. She just gets me. Wrapping her arm around me, she whispers that she said her own prayer that his angels are looking after him. Jasmine and Genaro. God, she is an angel. It means so much to me that Lexi is considerate and non-judgemental … in a way exactly like Jasmine was. Sweet, caring, and patient.
Adorna interrupts our reflective moment to excuse herself. I am happy to continue on without her and am grateful she was not rude towards Lexi. I do feel saddened and somewhat dark, and the only person who can make me feel bright and happy is Lexi, so I am pleased Adorna has left to let us be.
Outside on the bridge over the River Arno while Lexi leans against the bridge, facing up to the sun, I snap some more pictures. Thankful for sharing these precious moments with Lexi, I suggest we should just stay here in Tuscany together. I will be happy wherever we are together, but ultimately most of my time needs to be spent in Scotland because that is where my head office is. Although, I have enjoyed our time here together so much, I would love to stay longer here with her.
She becomes defensive and anxious, pleading a case on why she needs to go home, letting the fact she has family slip out. I know about her brother, but she has not mentioned anyone else. Running my fingers through my hair, I tense up with frustration.
I am trying to take things to the next step and bring her closer into my life, but her priority seems to be pushing me away and closing me out. I do not understand. Is she embarrassed of them? Have they let her down? Did they neglect her? There is a reason she will not talk about them, and it starting to niggle at me.
On the bridge surrounded by tourists is not how I want to question her about it. Quietly trying to keep my calm, I lead her to a boutique style restaurant in the Santa Croce square, not far from Ponte Vecchio.
She wiggles her fingers in front of her mouth, chews the inside of her cheek, and cannot even look at me. This is killing me that I have upset her, but I do not know how to keep my frustration concealed.
“Why will you not tell me about your family? Were they bad to you?” I ask trying to mask any irk of displeasure in my tone.
“I told you about Cameron.” She frowns and wrinkles her nose. Cute, but I am far too worked up to melt for her adorable sweetness.
“No, that is not all. You referred to family when we were on the bridge,” I add, rubbing my hand over my jaw.
“Well, of course I have family. Everyone does, but I just don’t see them often. I would like to think of Mr. Carlin as family. He’s part of my life,” she barely whispers, her voice broken and sad. She drops her head, her eyes squinting with pain. I feel like a right prick now. I really have upset her.
“Doc, I am sorry. I just feel like you are closing yourself off. I hate not knowing all about you, and I thought because you said you trusted me that you would confide in me more,” I softly say, dipping my head, trying to encourage her to look at me. She looks up and I hate that she has paled, yet her chest is blotchy with an anxious rash.
“I’m afraid to talk about things, especially to you. You won’t give me your heart when you know. You’ll run a mile when you find out about the real me. Who I really am. I know you’ll see me differently. I have nothing but dark shadows. They follow me everywhere, Lucca, and I won’t drag you into them.” She pushes her plate away from her and wraps her arms around her chest.
No, no, no, baby girl. I have already given you my heart.
Nothing she could possibly tell me or share with me will ever change how I feel about her. If Lexi has a difficult time with her family, then that is unfortunate and I hate that. If they are complete fuckwits, it is no reflection on Lexi. She is her own person. My dolcezza.
An older woman at a table next to us catches my eye. She is writing in what looks like a journal or notepad on her knee. A flash of inspiration grabs me. I remember after Jasmine and my son died, when I could not say the words, Casey encouraged me to write them down in a journal. It was my first step to confessing my thoughts and explaining how I actually felt.
Abandoned.
Bereft.
Hurt.
Guilty.
Betrayed.
Angry.
Hopeless.
Afraid.
Broken.
The writing was a huge reality check for me, and I soon discovered it was more for me than her, but just like Casey suggested, it did help me. In fact, I think it was the key to the success of my cognitive behaviour therapy.
“You will not drag me into any darkness. I have had my own fair share, remember? Nothing you tell me will change the way I feel about you. I have every intention of bringing you mor
e into the light, my light … my luminoso.” I lean over, stroke her hand, and kiss her cheek meaningfully.
“Come on, you need distraction, and I have a good idea.” I take her hand and head towards the boutiques on Via Tornabuoni. Lexi’s feisty side makes an appearance at the thought of going clothes shopping. Cute … I think I might have my girl back.
Leaving her outside of the craft shop, I purchase an indigo journal for her. If she cannot share her words with me just yet, then she can try writing them down. If it helps her express herself, then it will make me extremely happy that I am able to help her. God, I would do anything for her.
She becomes emotional when I give her the journal … her gift of the day. I wipe away a lone tear running down her cheek before kissing her lips then her nose. I love to see the magic in her eyes, sparkling just like those glistening diamonds in front of Cristofano’s jewellery boutique window she is admiring.
Knowing she now is enraptured with diamonds, even if she will not admit it, I plan to shower her in them. I would take her in and buy her the whole goddamn store, but I do not want to put her on the spot in front of Cristofano. It would only embarrass her.
After eating a simple but tasty meal of fresh pasta in one of the restaurants, Lexi says she wants to write something in her journal. Bloody hell, that was quick. Before she does, I reach across and write something for her on the inside page. Always for her.
Voi siete la più bella donna intrigante che abbia mai conosciuto. Tu sei il mio qualcosa di speciale, da sempre e per sempre. Mantenere questa stretta al cuore, ho intenzione di rimanere vicino al mio. Amore, Lucca xxx