by Paloma Meir
Breakfast was strange. Her parents served us Champagne because it was her birthday weekend. Zelda and Carolina guzzled down. Her Mom was overly aware of me making me uncomfortable. The food was good. Anthony as always was talkative and upbeat. Thankfully the whole thing was over quickly.
Zelda, Carolina and I went back to her room. It was awkward having Carolina with us. Things would settle down, but at that point it there was only us in the world, nobody else was welcome. Carolina took the hint and left after trying to make plans with her for the next day, Zelda looked up to me for confirmation that she was available. I know how that sounds, but that moment will always be one of the happiest of my life. It had the opposite effect on Carolina. She left looking angry.
Zelda opened my present for her. She loved the vintage combs. She rolled her hair up and held the style together with them. Her hair away from her face I could see her teary eyes. I kissed them away from coffee-colored brown doe eyes and told her I loved her again. She smiled.
After that we lay in her bed talking instead of the sex times she liked so much because her parents were home. She was a little out of it from the Champagne, giddy saying silly things. She talked about psychology and books. I liked the way her mind worked. She was interested in things I never bothered to think about. She didn’t talk about herself and had little interest about my life but you know what? It didn’t matter. I had my crew to talk about my interests with. She was a whole new world of thought. I couldn’t get enough of her.
Chapter Ten
He needed to finish up his homework and left a few hours after breakfast. We didn’t make plans to see each other again. Part of me hoped that he would vanish with the weekend and I could go back to my girlfriends and our shopping and goofing off. The other part of me missed him all ready.
Nothing that a good book wouldn’t take my mind of, I thought to myself. I curled up in pile of blankets by the fireplace in the living room and read Jane Eyre. Lost in Jane’s life, I imagined myself as her and Danny as Mr. Rochester. Reading didn’t help.
Putting the book down as the sun set, I went to find Anthony. He was in his room building a Lego city. I helped him for a while, adding tiny houses on the outskirts of his city. I knew he would remove them later. My building skills were inferior to his.
Our parents were out to dinner. I asked him if he wanted leftover pizza. Maria, our main housekeeper, had Sunday’s off and wouldn’t be home until early the next morning. We were on our own.
We went downstairs and reheated the leftover pizza. He didn’t like the onions Carolina and I had ordered. He picked them off and began throwing them at me. I threw my napkin at him. He squirted water. We started picking up unbreakable items and tossing them at each other. Running through the house, grabbing pillows and pounding one another.
Out of energy we collapsed on the floor laughing wondering how we would clean the mess up before our parents got home. One room at a time, it took about an hour to clean up what we had created in no more than five minutes.
I took him up to his room and tucked him to his bed and read him a story. He fell asleep quickly. I watched him, too tired to move back to my room. His baby curls were growing out of his hair. I would miss them. I forced myself up not wanting to sleep in the chair I was dozing in. I had done that before and woken up twisted and uncomfortable for the day.
In my room I heard my parents come home. They were arguing which was unusual. Their voices faded away as I brushed my teeth. Sleepy me climbed into bed and I shut my eyes.
I woke to a light tapping on my window, scared I didn’t know what to do. I hid for a moment under my covers, the tapping continued. I stuck my arm out of the covers and grabbed my phone. I punched in my home phone number with my finger above the call sign ready to press it and wake up my home as I approached the tapping. I moved the curtains. It was Danny. I couldn’t have been happier.
I opened the window as noiselessly as possible, not an easy task in a house that was over eighty years old.
“What are you doing here? Are you okay?”
“I missed you. My family is asleep. Nothing is going to wake them up until morning. So here I am.” He climbed into my room. “I want to sleep with you. I mean sleep. I want to sleep next to you.”
I was nervous at his idea. What if my parents came to check on me? I don’t remember them ever doing that before. The danger was exciting. The consequences, well we weren’t going to get caught.
“Perfect, but how are you going to wake–up?”
“I have an alarm on my phone.” He looked down at mine, “So do you. Don’t you know how to use your phone?” He asked with a sweet smile on his full red lips.
“My school is really strict about technology. We sign contracts. Why are we talking about this? Come to bed.” I closed the window and pulled him toward my bed.
He stripped off his clothes down to his briefs. I eyed him to let him that everything was coming off. I pulled the nightgown over my head throwing it onto the floor and climbed into my bed. He took his boxers off and climbed in beside me. His hands ran over my body. I was in heaven.
“Zelda we are going to sleep. That’s it.”
I made a noise of protest and then drifted off. When I awoke in the morning he was gone.
Chapter Eleven
I couldn't fall asleep. I missed her. She was so close. I threw on my clothes and snuck down the back stairs and walked to her house. Coyotes were in the road but they ran away when they saw me. I tapped on her window. She opened it to let me into her room.
She beamed. I told her I was only there for sleep. She made me take my clothes off anyway. We got into her bed, me up against her back, her hair in my face. I held her tightly as she quickly fell asleep. I left before she woke up.
I could have done it every night. My parents would never have noticed. I didn’t because I couldn’t get a good nights rest next to her. I was too aware of her. I couldn’t stay away either. I slept at her house two nights or three nights a week, her in my arms. I told her I loved her all the time. She would giggle. She didn’t need to say it. Her feelings were obvious.
For the next three months we were inseparable. Every free moment we spent together. I didn’t see my friends outside of school and practice. I would have texted her at school but her school was down on technology, no phones at school. Even Isabella didn’t dare to break the rules. It was like a cult up there.
We walked around as one, draped over each other when we were sitting down, my hands would always be in hers. She was a very affectionate girl, made me feel manly. She would sit up in the stadium at my school and watch my games. I think she even paid attention sometimes.
We would try to include Anthony but she seemed pulled apart not knowing which one of us to give attention too. Anthony loved the bowling alley in my garage. Mostly we liked to be alone.
The one thing Zelda was interested in about me was my sexual history. Girls love their gossip. Sorry Mom. I answered all of her questions, it fascinated her, I told her about Isabella without saying her name. Zelda wasn’t interested in names. She probably thought she wouldn’t know any of them anyway. I didn’t want to make her uncomfortable around Isabella at school. Zelda was so confident in my feelings for her it wouldn’t have bothered her anyway.
Isabella and I kept up through texts. My conquering of the Space Princess impressed her. She called me the King of Mars. I had to be cool with my guys so I could only get sensitive about Zelda with her. It was good to have to someone to talk about her.
Serge and I were good again. Everything was good.
Chapter Twelve
Weeks went by. Danny and I fell into a pattern. Well maybe not a pattern more like a plan that involved spending every free moment together. He would sneak through my window at least twice a week. It was always the sweetest surprise.
I spent less time with Carolina and my school friends. I guess he spent less time with his friends. Most of his relationships outside of me were sports related. He still did
Lacrosse. Were his teammates his friends? I thought so.
I had unquenchable desire to be with him but I still didn’t take much interest in any part of his life outside of us. We would have dinner at his house sometimes. His family was close in a way that I had only seen on television shows. They enjoyed each other’s company. They would ask questions and listen to the answers. I felt as if I were an archaeologist, scribbling notes in my head to share with Carolina.
I would mimic their way of communicating with each other. Big smiles, loud clear voice, lucid words. It wasn’t easy for me. I think that his mother understood that. I think she appreciated my effort. His Dad would talk about what a “knockout” I was, and how lucky his son was to have a pretty girlfriend.
When Carolina and I were alone everything was the same, but when Danny was with us she would get testy. I knew this was my fault. I couldn’t balance the two. I had strong private relationships with both of them. When I was with the two of them it felt as I were being pulled apart.
To make up for that Carolina and I started ditching school together. Not so often that we would get caught, One day every other week. We figured out a long time before the amount of days we could miss and still pass our classes. It was a surprisingly large number. Seven full days for her school, eight for mine per semester. If she went over the limit she could make it up with Study Halls. I could whine to my counselor about personal issues. My school though academic was very touchy feely.
We would take the bus to Venice. Carolina had a crush on a stoner surfer. Where she met him I didn’t know. I made a joke about slumming and she called me a snob. She was right of course, it wasn’t a nice thing to say. She did admire my use of an antiquated term. So we were good.
He didn’t seem to return her affection. He would hang out on the beach with us. His name was John. He was a senior at Samo High. He was surprisingly literate. They talked about mid-century writers. He would give her out of print copies of the works of Ring Lardner. That was sweet. They smoked a lot of pot. It burned my throat. I didn’t like it at all.
He would sometimes bring a tiny bottle of rum for me, liking all of us to be out of it in one way or another. I would drink but feel guilty. Danny didn’t like me skipping school and he had the misogynistic view that girls should not drink out in the world.
I didn’t want to be dishonest with him ever. I didn’t reveal myself to him because that wasn’t me, but there was truthfulness to our relationship. He used the word intimacy. Intimacy I knew what the word meant but thinking about it relating to what we had confused me.
Physically I was comfortable with him, comfortable would be downplaying what we had. Physically we were the light of a universe of stars. I trusted him completely. I loved him. Could I say that to him? No. There were so many things I could never say to him. It was as if I were little again. My mouth would open, emptiness would spill out.
Winter break was coming up. Carolina was happy. She talked of us spending all our time on the beach. I didn’t want to do that at all. I hadn’t spent any after school time with Theodora and Veronica in ages. I missed our time together, and of course Danny. I would live in his skin if I could. Okay right that was gross, but you know what I mean.
The first night of Hanukkah was a Saturday night. Danny was Jewish. He invited me over for the ceremony. He had told me all about it. It was only the best holiday ever, presents for eight nights, lighting candles, saying prayers. I wore my sparkly blue pleated mini-skirt with my short baby blue angora sweater, the one with the big bow. I dressed as casually as possible when I was with him but Hanukkah was a holiday, an exception.
I had been running around all the little shops in town picking up presents for him, mostly things for his barren room, a hand woven blanket, artful objects, a painting I found in a junk shop, a real junk shop like Serge liked to go to, not a vintage shop. It had been heavy to carry home, but Carolina had been with me. She pointed out that only parents were expected to give the full eight days of gifts and it would be fine for me to give him one present. I asked where’s the fun in that? She just shook her head.
On the eighth night I planned to give myself to him. Carolina said that was sacrilegious. She was a hardcore Atheist, so I discounted her opinion. I was more of a non-theist myself and if there was a God why would she create our bodies to want these things if we weren’t suppose to act on them? I didn’t put much thought into it either way.
Carolina and I both agreed that such a step should only be taken with respect. So many of the older girls threw themselves at boys to get their attention, to trap them into a relationship. We didn’t think very highly of those girls and the boys that took advantage of them? They were even lower on our morality scale. We didn’t want any part of it.
Danny respected me. He loved me and I loved him. All good. I had a countdown. It was December 1st, eight days to go. Even though I wasn’t a big sharer or talker with him, this was something that was hard to keep to myself, because it related to the two of us. Having a secret made it hard to say anything. He didn’t notice too much.
Chapter Thirteen
Chanukah came. My parents had a party for the first night. Zelda was so funny. She had a near conversion during the candle lighting ceremony. She took things very seriously, her cerebral mind over-processing everything. We were so close at this point she really didn’t even need to speak. I could see the thoughts of faith spinning through her head. Best part of the night? Yes, she wore a baby blue Sailor Moon outfit.
My dad had taken to calling her my Shiksa Princess. My mom was very careful with her. I couldn’t tell what she thought. It didn’t matter either way.
“Let me look at you Zelda. That’s quite an outfit. If Hanukkah Harry were real I’m sure that he would take you as one of his elves.” My mom said before the lighting of the Menorah.
She looked down at her outfit.
“I’m sorry Mrs. Goldberg. We aren’t big celebrators at my house. I got a little carried away. I mean no disrespect to your religion. L’Chaim.”
“Yes L’Chaim. You look beautiful. I have two boys. I would love to have had a girl like you that I could have dressed up. I like your style. Are you thinking of going onto fashion school, maybe art school?” That brightened her up again.
“Maybe. I don’t know. Wherever Danny goes... I’ll probably just go there too.” She could be so quiet about her feelings and then say something like that. She made my life perfect.
“The optimism of youth.” My mom said with a smile.
“Who’s the beautiful shiksa in the living room?” My father asked while walking into the dining room with the lighter. She smiled. My dad always charmed her.
...
My room had always been minimal bed, desk, drawers, a computer table. This bothered Zelda. She bought me gifts for every night of the holiday. The presents were more her decorating my room. For the first night she bought me a crazy painting of the hillside from the 40s. It wasn’t my thing, but I loved knowing she hauled this behemoth of a picture around for me. I would destroy it, tear it apart with my hands after the bad day. I regret that now.
I spent the rest of my savings on her gift. Three vintage ruby bracelets that her Dad had told me about in the bohemian style she liked. There went my money. I would have to go back to coaching the little kids of our neighborhood. My allowance wouldn’t cover all the things we liked to do, and I hated having her pay for anything. She thought that was silly but indulged me anyway.
I snuck over to her house the day after the party. This night would be one of a few nights that would haunt me. I want to go back and shake her, not that she ever did anything wrong. Bad things happen, they always have and they always will.
My back hurt from practice. She brought scented oil out from her bathroom and rubbed me down, her slim fingers strong. I told her how much I missed her and loved her. I said things like that to her all the time. I asked her how her finals were going.
“Carolina and I ditched today. We took the bus d
own to the beach and hung out with John. I don’t know about him. He’s cute I guess.”
I hated that Carolina dragged her down to Venice to hang out with those low-life kids. I tried to play it off by joking about her John was cute comment. I flipped her over and bit her stomach. She laughed too loudly. I shushed her not wanting her parents to wake up.
“We’re naked and covered in oil. How would we explain that?”
“You’re charming. I’m sure you would think of something.”
“Shiny, oily Zelda” I playfully said to her, but I couldn’t hold back. I didn’t want her going down to the beach anymore “You’re not going down there with Carolina anymore. Hanging out with borderline homeless kids? No.”
“She really likes him. He seems nice. They love Vladimir Nabokov. I can’t get in to him, too lyrical. I prefer Daphne Du Maurier for that era.”
“Cool, I don’t want you going down to the beach to meet him anymore.”
“I’m not meeting him. Silly. It’s Carolina. There’s only you for me.”
“Say it again.”
“No.”
“Say it again. Please Zelda.”
“No.”
“I won’t kiss you again until you say it.” I kissed her lightly on the lips.
“Is that blackmail or bribery?”
“Always I will kiss you.” I couldn’t let it go, “I mean it, John sounds fine. It’s his friends. I don’t want you around those kind of people, and Carolina and the drinking. She drinks too much and I know you do it with her. I don’t want anything bad to ever happen to you.”
“Okay.”