Adam disappeared into the lab and it seemed to take forever before he became visible again, carrying the head and a bulky bag.
He still didn’t return to us; he disappeared deeper into the complex and John cursed under his breath. “Should I go after him?”
I grabbed his arm. “You are not leaving me alone. If he doesn’t return we’ll both go, but you are not leaving me alone.”
Adam’s voice drifted over. “Do you want another Eve?”
Had he gone crazy? “No!”
“A robotic dog?”
I closed my eyes for a moment and rubbed my forehead. John chuckled and called out, “Only if it’s really cute.”
When Adam returned, he carried a large box brimming with parts and had the android head balanced on top. “I figured why not. We’re here, and we don’t want to come back.”
Chapter Thirteen
My husband was himself again, and that was good news.
The bad news?
He didn’t seem interested in spending time with us. Once we reached the ship, he put his box with parts in an empty room and disappeared.
John said, “What a day.”
“Is it morning?”
“Our time, I think so. Want a drink?”
I wanted a nap, but everything that happened had been more emotional for him than for me. He deserved company.
“Sure.”
When John declared he was going to bed, I was tempted to follow him. This wasn't the time and I set out to look for Adam instead. My eyelids wanted to fall shut, but I should at least try.
I searched for some time and found him just as I was about to give up. He stood in a completely empty room far down in the ship, staring out at the stars.
“Hey handsome.”
He glanced back and a shadow of a smile flew over his face, but he didn’t respond.
I walked up to him and tucked my hands around his arm. “It’s late, or early, I don’t even know anymore, and I’m going to bed. Would you like to come keep me company?”
He shook his head ever so slightly. “Not this time. I have some things to work through. You know, being dead and all.”
I wanted to plead, but if he needed space I had to be able to respect it.
“Okay.”
This was the first time he said no to following me anywhere when it was within his power to do so. It made me feel like icy water flowed through my veins instead of warm blood.
I squeezed his arm. “You know where to find me if you change you mind.”
He nodded, but I could see in his eyes that he wouldn’t show up.
This, whatever it was, was too much for me to deal with at the moment. My feet brought me to the door, but stopped moving a yard or so away from it.
“Adam, do you still love me?”
It wasn’t what I intended to say.
He glanced back. “Of course I do. Go get some rest.”
My feet shuffled forward again, towards my empty room with my cold and empty bed.
*****
Just as I expected, I was still alone when I woke up.
I headed for the lounge and was relieved to find John there. He sat by a table with a pot of coffee and a stack of pancakes. I took a seat next to him, and he poured me some of the heavenly dark brew.
He said, “Seen your husband?”
I shook my head. “You?”
“No. This was hard on him.”
“On you too.”
“Yes, but you and I bounce back. He thinks about things forever.”
That was true. In HD video with perfect sound.
“He can’t hear us from here, can he?”
John gave a slight shrug. “I doubt it, not even if he’s right outside.”
I doubted it too, but with Adam you never knew.
“Is it just me, or is life really complicated?”
There was no need to elaborate. He knew what I meant. “It’s complicated to us, because we’re humans. It’s not complicated to them.”
He paused and sighed. “You love him, and you love me. I love you, and I love her. It’s a squiggly pattern that fits together most of the time. To them it’s a straight line. He cares about you and nothing in the world but you. The rest of us exist, but we don’t matter, not really.”
Jia’Lyn told me something similar in the past. The same thing was probably true for Anya.
“I don’t know what to do.”
John smiled. “Yes you do, you know exactly what to do. I will always be here for you, and I suspect you will be here for me. Relax and enjoy life. Live it now. Life is happening right now and you don’t want to miss it.”
He was right. And when did breakfast turn into a counseling session with John at the helm?
“Can I have a hug?”
“Of course.” He held me tight for a long moment. “Go on. Go find him. Snap him out of this and make his day.”
I had to laugh.
*****
My brain claimed Adam would be in one of the places John or I would visit, but my instincts said he hung out in the shuttle bay. Now when he was back to normal he’d find something technological to potter about with.
He liked to tinker, just like his father, and Shuttle Twelve reminded him of home.
I was right. I found him on his back under the flight console, picking it apart. He must have heard me coming, but didn’t acknowledge it, not even when I sat down on the floor next to him.
Was he scared too? As afraid of losing me as I was of losing him?
“What are you doing?”
He pushed himself out so he could sit up without hitting his head and showed a burned circuit board.
“Maintenance.”
How long had he been out alone in the small shuttle? It was probably a step up from the closet, but anyway.
He sighed. “Alex, I am grateful the two of you took time with me and repaired me, but if you want me to go I will leave.”
He was definitely back to himself with his old worries. The malfunctioning version was easier to handle.
I reached out to snatch the ruined component from his hand and tossed it on a chair. “No. I don’t want you to leave, and that’s not why I came down here.”
He lifted an eyebrow. “Why did you come down here?”
“Because I’m done.” Those words could be misunderstood and I made sure to keep a cheerful voice.
I clearly made no sense to him.
“Done with what?”
“I asked you to give me a couple of days to understand that you’re back and won’t vanish again. It took more than a couple of days, but I’m done now.”
Deeming from the look on his face, he still didn’t get it. I straddled his outstretched legs and draped my arms around his neck. “Done.”
My husband gave a soft sigh. “Are you sure about this?”
“Oh yes. And you know you want to.”
He still didn’t move, so I grabbed his hands and put them on my back. It made his mouth twitch into a smile.
“And you want to do this here?”
“Right here.”
He still didn’t move and now I was sure he was teasing me. I bent forward so far our noses almost touched. “Do you want me to leave you alone?”
“No.” At least he answered with a smile.
“So, what are you going to do?”
He pulled me close and brushed his lips over mine. Good start, but not enough.
I pressed my mouth against his and he returned the kiss, entangling his fingers in my hair.
When he broke the kiss I said, “I will need you to remove your uniform, Commander.”
“No one has called me that for a long time.”
“If you want them to, I’m sure they’ll call you that again. If you don’t want them to, you probably still want to get out of the uniform.”
He brushed a lock away from my face.
“I know.”
All the things that had been broken between us were clearly still broken. I soug
ht his eyes, but they held no answers.
“Are you okay?”
I wanted to ask if we were okay, but I already knew the answer and I didn’t like it. My heart claimed everything should be like it used to, despite all the time that passed and everything that happened.
“I think I will be. It’s hard not to think about all this but…” He trailed off and made a small grimace.
No words were sufficient for the sympathy and loved that welled up in me, but he could probably read my feelings on my face. He was good at that.
“I need you to stand up for a second.” His smiled was forced, but it was a smile.
I wanted to ask why, but he said it in such a sweet way I didn’t want to argue.
Adam rose too and swept me off my feet, making me yelp with surprise. He carried me to the back of the shuttle and pressed a switch with his foot, making a bunk swing out from the wall. I expected him to sit down with me on his lap, but he put me down and took a seat on the edge.
“Let’s talk.”
What was it with the men in this family? It seemed impossible to get any action from them unless I dropped my clothes and walked around naked. With their self-control not even that might do it.
“Alright. What do you want to talk about?”
A faint smile played on his lips. “Us. The past. The future.”
Oh boy. Well, I probably had it coming.
“You start.”
He chuckled. “I knew you would say that.”
I reached for his hand and he entwined his fingers with mine, falling serious again.
“I died. You were a widow, you mourned me, you were moving on, and I barged in again. If had been myself I would have let you go.”
“I’m glad you didn’t.”
“Good. Do you still want to be my wife?”
What a strange question. “Of course I do.”
“Because one party dying cancels a pair bond in most cultures.”
“What are you saying? Don’t you want to be my husband anymore?”
He looked honestly surprised. “Of course I do.”
He still wore his ring. I had taken mine off during the long weeks of mourning on the Bell. John acquired a gold chain for me during one of his less drunk moments, and I had carried the precious bands around my neck ever since.
I pulled the chain out from under my clothes and opened the clasp so I could drop the rings in his palm.
“If you still want to be married, put them back on me.”
He looked at the glittering treasures.
“You want them back?”
“If you wish to continue your commitment to me, yes. This is your moment to decide.”
Adam smiled, slipped the rings on my finger, and kissed my hand. When he released it I wrapped my arms around him and pressed my lips against his.
This time he relaxed and allowed himself to get into it. He trailed his fingers over my shoulder, sending tingles down my spine, and when I leaned backwards, he let me pull him down.
Now he was in a hurry, tugging at my clothes.
Chapter Fourteen
Resting in Adam’s arms felt heavenly, even though we were on a narrow bunk in a Confederacy shuttle.
He trailed his fingers over my arm. “I’ve been thinking.”
“You’re always thinking.”
My words made him smile and hold me tighter.
“That is true. Let me rephrase. I have been thinking about the future.”
That would have been scary, had we not just made love. He wouldn’t do that minutes before telling me he wanted to leave.
I waited.
“Everyone thinks I’m dead. Even you thought I was dead. I know you and John assume we’re heading back to the Bell just because I returned, but we don’t have to.”
“I think John and I assumed you wanted to go back there and solve the riddles, do your thing.”
“I know you did, but we don’t have to. This isn’t bad. The three of us make a good team and we can go anywhere we want.”
Tempting. We were free and together. If we went back John and I would still be free, but Adam would not.
“Aren’t you curious to find out who the saboteur is, and if someone in the group is still free?”
He gave a slight shrug. “I am, but I’ve already given my life for it once. Don’t you think it’s enough?”
“It is.”
A happy smile crept on my lips, I couldn’t hold it back. “You really mean this.”
“I do.”
I stole a kiss and he smiled too, but fell serious quickly.
“And while we’re out here, just the three of us... Don’t get me wrong now, I don’t know what you and John did while I was... dead, and I don’t want to know. The second you two set foot on that ship, Anya will know everything.”
I wanted to say something just to break the silence, but this was a good time to keep my mouth shut.
Adam sighed and held me tighter.
“I must admit she has been a good sport about it in the past, much better than I, but she will know.”
“What do you mean, in the past?”
“You and John have always been attracted to each other. Who comes for you the second something happens? To whom do you turn when you need someone?”
How could he sound so calm when discussing something like this?
I opened my mouth to object but closed it again. I didn’t have anything remotely intelligent to say – he was right – and he wouldn’t let me get a word in anyway.
“She says she’s telepathic and empathic, because it sounds good. It’s a simple and acceptable way to explain complicated concepts to a human. What she really does is pick up minute electrical currents from people’s brains, interpreting thoughts, feelings, and even memories.”
When said like that, it sounded disturbing.
“Can you do that?”
“No. I can read other signals in humans, but you already know that. I don’t pry in people’s brains.”
He was a master at interpreting endorphins, pupil dilations, and microscopic muscle movements. Keeping secrets from him was nearly impossible. I had managed, but only for brief periods of time.
“So you don’t know what I’m thinking right now?”
Adam smiled. “I have no idea. I can tell you like that I hold you.”
“I do. I missed you.”
He rubbed my arm, making me want to purr, but this wasn’t a good time for that.
“I think we should go talk to John.”
“You agree with me?” I thought it was self-evident, but he sounded surprised.
“Yes. Yes I do. We deserve a life.”
His hands said we could stay in the shuttle a little longer. He was right; the world would go on even if we enjoyed life and each other a few minutes longer. I leaned on my elbow and kissed him.
*****
John seemed as caught off guard by Adam’s decision as I was, but patted his back.
“You’re making the right choice, son. Where do you want to go?”
Adam shrugged. At the moment he seemed to care as little as I did.
“Deep space sounds good. Anywhere with peace and quiet.”
I asked, “What is it like outside Confederacy territory?”
John flashed a smile. “I have no idea, let’s go find out. I’ll make a stop to get supplies, and then we’ll investigate what the rest of the world is like.”
The idea of just the three of us and the ship appealed to me.
“I have a good feeling about this.”
Chapter Fifteen
John plotted a course to the nearest station and everyone leaned back to relax.
Adam worked on his brother’s head and sorted the parts he brought. I kept him company, reading a book. He would never admit it, but he probably needed the downtime more than anyone.
He kept his cool façade while he cooked dinner for us, beat me and John in chess with ease, and held me as I fell asleep.
I dream
ed about being back in college with Anya and a panther as roommates, but the dream turned into being stuck under a fallen tree, and then I woke up. Adam held me much too tight; I would have had more wiggle room under an actual tree.
I squirmed and he whispered, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. Go back to sleep.”
Right.
I clung to him all the time. The other way around, not so much.
I wriggled more and he released the grip enough for me to roll over on the other side, facing him.
“Don’t lie to me. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing important. I just can’t stop thinking about it.”
My mouth spoke before my brain kicked in.
“Thinking about what?”
He was clearly attempting to find something to say that would soothe me. I frowned, wanting to show I wouldn't fall for it.
“Leaving you on the Bell and going into space, wondering how long you would remember me and what dying would feel like. The cleaning closet, searching for you and John… Do you think it’s my fault mother was killed? Many bad things would never have happened if I’d stayed with them.”
With the speed and power of his mind he could have gone through the gruesome chain of events hundreds or even thousands of times.
“Many wonderful things would never have happened if you’d stayed with them.”
“I should get up and let you get back to sleep.” His voice was gentle, but weary.
“Please stay. Anything I can do?”
“No. Go back to sleep.”
Yes, that would happen.
I leaned on my elbow and smoothed imaginary strands of hair away from his face. I needed a way to snap him out of the mood. Once he stopped obsessing over the memories he probably wouldn’t start again.
He forced a smile. “I’ll be fine. I’ll stay here until you fall asleep again.”
If I got my way he’d stay much longer. I pressed my lips against his chest and when I looked up, a real smile played on his lips.
This was the answer.
At the moment I would much rather take a nap than have sex, but it was the best way I knew to distract him.
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