Next day
A horse and buggy turned into the front gate, gallopin’ at full speed. Whenever I write the word S-T-R-A-N-G-E, I will remember seein’ Mr Ely Harms bouncin’ ’round in that buggy, comin’ up the drive. The tutor is here and I can’t wait to find out ’bout him.
Monday again
The tutor’s been here a week. He’s a little freckled-faced man with a shock of red hair that sticks out of the side of his hat. He looks like he’s been pieced together from parts took from other folks. His teeth got a big gap in the middle and his legs and arms seem a bit too long and too thin for the rest of hisself. I can’t guess his years, but he’s got young eyes that look at you over cloudy glasses that sits on the tip of his nose. I’ll guess and give him ’bout 25 years – give or take one or two.
Miz Lilly fluttered on and on ’bout how sorry she was that nobody – nobody – had told Mr Harms not to come ’cause of William’s bad fall. Mr Harms used a lot of fast words – real fancy-like. And by the end of supper, he had Mas’ Henley and Miz Lilly set on him stayin’ on here at Belmont.
I was glad, ’cause if William’s studies stop, then so would mine. Trouble is, what sort of tutor was Mr Harms gon’ be?
After the dinner meal that same day
Things in the kitchen be a big mess! Eva Mae got her own way of doin’, her own recipes. When I try to show her somethin’ she tells me to shut up. “I’m the mistress of the kitchen, now.” So, I decided to just let her alone – do what I’m s’posed to do and keep my mouth shut – just like she say.
Week later
Dr Lamb came by – say William was well enough to start studyin’ – an hour or so a day, and added it would be good for the boy. The first lesson time with Mr Harms was today in William’s bedroom. I was standin’ in my place ready to fan.
“Why are you here?” Mr Harms asked, lookin’ at me over the top of his glasses.
William s’plained that I was a fanner. Mr Harms say they didn’t need a fanner. My heart sunk down to my toes. My learnin’ would have ended right then, too, if William hadn’t gone to whinin’ ’bout how it was too hot. He let me stay. I never thought I’d be glad to hear William’s whinin’.
Few days later
I went down to Aunt Tee’s cabin in the Quarters after the last meal. That gave me a chance to visit with her and Spicy. She’s holdin’ her own, but it’s got to be hard on Aunt Tee, losin’ first Uncle Heb and then her job.
They live in a real small cabin now with a dirt floor – no windows, only a door that don’t shut all the way. Yet, everybody in the Quarters is seein’ after Aunt Tee. All them years Aunt Tee took care of them and they children, now they payin’ her back with love and kindness. Aine none of them got much, but what they got, they’s willin’ to share.
I slipped out a piece or two of day-old bread and a few leftovers for her to fill out their meal. I told them how Missy and Eva Mae had changed. They are thick with Miz Lilly, grinnin’ and smilin’, gettin’ in with her. Before I left, I told Aunt Tee ’bout my warnin’ Miz Lilly ’bout William and her not listenin’. “She’s scared I’ll tell Mas’ Henley.” Aunt Tee agreed. She took me to her heart. “Be careful, chile. Miz Lilly aine gon’ stand for you to have nothin’ over her head. She’ll keep on ’til she find somethin’ on you to use – to get rid of you – to keep you down. She’ll use them two in the kitchen to help her. To win favours, Eva Mae and Missy will tell everythin’ they know and then make up some. Be particular, and watch as well as pray.”
Now I’ve got to be very, very careful ’bout my readin’ and writin’, ’cause now Miz Lilly is lookin’ for somethin’. Now I know how Daniel must have felt in the lion’s den.
Thursday night
Woke up after dreamin’ ’bout Mama – all in a sweat. It was unlike any dream I’ve ever had ’bout her. She was standin’ beside Mr Harms. He was smilin’ at me, all the while Mama was sayin’, “It’s gon’ be jus’ fine, baby girl. It’s gon’ be jus’ fine.”
Rufus say, God talks to us in dreams. If that’s so, then I wonder what God is tryin’ to tell me?
Last Monday in August
Calendar say it’s August 29, 1859.
Mr Harms brought a book to study time. William wouldn’t read it. Mr Harms never said a word. He opened the book and he started to read. “Long ago, in a far away place called Greze there lived a great hero named Herquelez.”
I knew Mas’er John Hamby’s slave named Herquelez who lived on a nearby plantation. He was powerful strong, too. But this was not a story ’bout him.
Mr Harms told us how the long-ago Herquelez killed a big serpent. Then the teacher-man stopped, closed the book and walked away without sayin’ another word.
“There’s more, right?” William called out.
“Tomorrow,” said Mr Harms.
I can’t wait to find out more, too.
First day of September
There was a big race up in Winchester last week, and Hince won. Soon as he got back, he came to the kitchen to see me and to tell me all ’bout his win. First thing, Missy come sidin’ up to him – like he came there to see her. He asked where Spicy was, right in front of her. I gladly told him.
Monday
Mr Harms starts each day by sayin’ the day, month and year. Today is Monday, September 5, 1859. So, now I can keep better track of time.
Tuesday, September 6, 1859
William has taken to Mr Harms like a bird to berries. I declare, the boy is reading now and liking it. I’m learning a lot, too. I’m adding “ing” to my words now, ’cause Mr Harms made William stop saying, “talkin’”, and “walkin’” and “singin’”. It is talking, walking and singing. I remember to write my ings, but I still forget to say my ings.
Wednesday, September 7, 1859
Mr Harms has taken charge of William’s days. Two men from down in the Quarters comes up every morning and helps William get bathed and dressed. One brings William down for breakfast in his rolling chair. Afterwards, we have our study time – in the cool of the morning – just hot enough to need a fanner, which is still me. Then it’s time for lunch. William eats with Mr Harms most of the time. The rest of the day William listens to Mr Harms read to him, or they play card games, or a game called chess. William spends the evenin’ with his mother and father – but most time they spat ’bout one thing or another, so he goes off to bed.
Thursday, September 8, 1859
I slipped out late last night. Came out to write in my diary. I heard a twig snap. Someone was coming. I called to see who it was. Missy answered, asking, “What you doing out here?”
I was sitting on my diary. I told her it was too hot to sleep, so I’d come out to look at the stars.
“Why do you always come back here behind the kitchen?”
She was digging for a bone. “I like it back here. I can see the river and the stars.”
My hiding place behind the kitchen is no longer safe. I have to find a new place, safer, and real soon.
Friday, September 9, 1859
Since Uncle Heb’s been dead, the garden’s been looking real pitiful. I pulled a few weeds from ’round the roses. But it just aine the same. I miss him and sometimes turn ’round to say something to him, but he’s not there. He never will be there, just like Mama.
Oh, yes, I learned from Mr Harms that it’s around and not ’round. It’s something and not somethin’. I’ve got more out of Mr Harms’ lesson than I ever did from Miz Lilly.
But there’s something real different about Mr Harms, and I cain’t put it to words yet. He never even looks at me. Treats me like I’m not there.
Saturday, September 10, 1859
I was digging through some of the trash in Mas’ Henley’s study, looking for things about abolitionists and the Underground Railroad. Nothing. I cain’t find a thing to help me understand my list of words better. So, when I just wrote F-R-E-E-D-O-M, it still don’t show me no picture. But I’m keeping my eyes open.
Sunday, September 11, 1
859
Aunt Tee been so sad since she been turned out of the kitchen. I would do anything to help make her laugh and be happy again. I guess that’s why I did a very foolish thing. I went down to her cabin to visit. After we’d talked, I used a stick to scratch writing on the dirt floor. C is for CAT.
Before I could blink my eye, Aunt Tee had slapped me so hard I had to hold onto the table to keep from toppling over. Miz Lilly aine never hit me that hard. She rubbed out the letters with her foot. At last, my head stopped swimming and the spots before my eyes cleared up. There wasn’t no anger in Aunt Tee’s eyes, only fear.
“Do you know what happen to slaves the mas’er finds out got learnin’?” she whispered sternly.
I knew they got beaten, or much worse they got sold to the Deep South. I couldn’t make her understand that I was trusting her. I knew she wouldn’t tell on me.
“I don’t wanna be trusted,” Aunt Tee say, near tears. “Look at what trust got me. I b’lieved Mas’ Henley would do right by me, ’cause I’d done right by him. Not so. Look at me now. Trusting got me here. Who teached you, chile?” I was scared to say – and real sorry I’d told her about any of it. I decided to hold back on all the truth. “I teached myself just a few words.”
Aunt Tee sucked in her breath and clicked her teeth. Her face was clouded over with worry. “Don’t bring trouble to yo’ own front door,” she say, biting her lip, the way she did when she was real worried. “Don’t you tell another living soul that you got this little piece of knowing. You hear me?”
Never have I been more sure of anything. I will not tell another person my secret ever.
After study time – Monday, September 12, 1859
Now Mr Harms is on to something! And I brought the trouble to my own front door.
He and William was reading a play together. As usual I was standing behind them, fanning – up and down, up and down – and reading over their shoulders. William got stuck on the word “circumstances”. I was so taken by the story, I plum forgot where I was. Suddenly, my mouth got ahead of my thoughts and I blurted out the first part of the word. “Cir—” I caught myself, but not soon enough.
Mr Harms jerked around and looked at me – his mouth dropped open a little, like he was surprised. “What did you say?”
“Cir – yes, sir? Yes. Sir is what I said. Sir. Sir? May I go, please?” I was thinking fast – Lord let me get out of this.
Mr Harms looked down at the book, then he looked back up at me and where I was standing. He told me I could go, but asked my name. He knows – he knows! Lord! Lord! What’s going to happen to me?
Wednesday, September 14, 1859
I guess I was wrong about Mr Harms being on to me. He aine said a thing, and I’m still fanning during lessons. I let up writing for a few days, ’cause I’ve been too scared to go near the hiding spot, what with Missy slipping around, and maybe Mr Harms is on to something.
Thursday, September 15, 1859
Spicy looks tired when she comes in from the fields. But she says the tobacco don’t slap you in the face, and call you all hours of the night, and send you to do this or that. Spicy likes the fields better than working in the Big House.
Missy likes the Big House. She’s struck by all the sparkle and pretty of the Mas’er’s house. She go around touching things and oohing and aahing over it all. She so busy looking at stuff, she gets careless. I have to redo some of her work sometimes to keep us both out of trouble.
When I show her where she’s made a mistake, Missy gets mad and starts yelling at me all hateful. “You just think you cute. Make me sick – all the time trying to talk all proper-like. You’re just a skinny, little thing, so don’t come trying to say I’m stupid.” I never say she’s stupid, even though I think it. And I don’t try to talk proper-like.
Then before the evening is over good, she’s back trying to be friends with me again. She always asking me a lot of questions about Hince. I know how to get back at Missy, though. I say, “Why don’t you ask Spicy.” It’s hard to b’lieve we was ever friends. Missy bears watching.
Monday, September 19, 1859
Apple harvest time is almost over. The tall men been knocking apples and then we gathered them. I got to sort with the grown women this year – putting the big, the middle and the little apples in barrels. It aine the work I like – but I love to hear the women telling stories, remembering. I really like it when they tell a story ’bout my mama.
Tuesday, September 20, 1859
I’ve found a good hiding place for my diary in the hollow of a tree, just beyond the orchard. I feel safer coming here. My hiding place behind the kitchen was getting too dangerous. I sure miss the way things used to be when Uncle Heb was alive and Aunt Tee ran the kitchen. They were far less troublesome times than these are now.
Later the same day
After the last meal, Missy said to me all syrupy sweet, “We been friends for a long, long time, but I don’t know you.”
What was that supposed to mean? She knew me, sure.
“I know your name,” she say, “and that you favour cornbread over biscuits. You’ll take red colour over green colour, and you like being off by yourself. But I don’t know you, Clotee. Like what makes you happy or what makes you cry? You’re not like the others. You’re different. What makes you different?”
I’d heard those words before. Miz Lilly had told me I was different, and she’d sent Missy digging for a bone.
“Friends share secrets,” she say all friendly and nice. “Do you have one you want to share with me?”
“No,” I said and got away from her as fast as I could. Missy is a tattler, sent straight from Miz Lilly. I know it.
Wednesday, September 21, 1859
I wish I could read Mr Harms as easy as I can read Missy and Eva Mae. There’s something ’bout Mr Harms that sets me to wondering. He looks perculiar and he acts perculiar, so people don’t pay close attention to him. They don’t see him all the time watching, taking in everything that’s being said and done. But I do.
Just a minute ago, I saw Mr Harms standing at the edge of the orchard, looking toward the woods and beyond the river. Just looking. Made me nervous – my diary being just a few feet from where he was standing. Maybe I need to move it again.
Aunt Tee and I have not spoke about my learning since I told her. Spicy put in that she’d seen Mr Harms watching them working in the fields. Just looking, saying nothing, just watching them work.
Monday, September 26, 1859
I brought my pallet to sleep outside. The stars are so bright, I can almost hear them tinkling. But tonight I heard Rufus singing – his beautiful voice riding on the night wind.
Steal away
Steal away
Steal away home…
Was that Mr Harms I just seen heading for the Quarters? I wonder who he be visiting this hour of the night? Oh well, white men sometimes visit the Quarters in the dark of night, when their wives and mothers aine watching. I’m surprised. Mr Harms don’t ’pear to be that kind of man.
Tuesday, September 27, 1859
Miz Lilly left this morning to visit her daughter Clarissa in Richmond. She goes every September. She’ll be gone for several good weeks. These are always happy days for us who work in the Big House.
She usually takes William. And she’d promised to take me this year. But William flat wouldn’t go this time. And for some reason, she took Missy instead. Good. I’ll get a rest from the both of them. I’m staying with Spicy and Aunt Tee the whole time, even though Eva Mae promises to tell when Miz Lilly gets back.
Friday, September 30, 1859
Miz Lilly’s gon’. Mas’er went sporting – will be gone until Monday. William is home, but he’s in his room sleeping. Mr Harms is asleep, too. Belmont is a big play house when everybody’s gone.
Spicy and me slipped up to Miz Lilly’s bedroom. We put on her jewellery and scarves and hats. We sat at her desk where there is all kinds of pretty paper, and pens and ink a-plenty. I took enoug
h to last me a good while.
We heard a noise outside in the yard. At first I thought it might be one of the dogs or a raccoon. We quick-like jumped out of the bed and ran to the window.
We seen Rufus come slipping from tree to tree then turn toward the Quarters. We figured he’d been out possum hunting. But, a little later, I seen Mr Harms creeping out from the other side of the woods. We watched as he stole from shadow to shadow until he reached the house and stepped inside. We held our breath until we heard his footsteps pass the door and go down the hall to his room.
We quietly cleaned up, put everything in its place and left Miz Lilly’s bedroom just the way we found it.
What were Mr Harms and Rufus doing out in the woods together so late at night?
Monday, October 3, 1859
I’ve been staying with Aunt Tee down in the Quarters. She takes care of Baby Noah and the other children that cain’t work yet. When Wook came to get the baby, we got a chance to visit. She aine seen her husband but twice since they got married. Seems he loved another girl from his own plantation and wanted to marry her. Wook has changed a lot. She looks so sad all the time.
I told her how Missy was acting, and she said she wasn’t surprised. “Missy has always been for Missy – selfish.” When we was growing up, I never knew that side of her, but Wook did. “If I got something, she wanted it, no matter how small it was. She’s put out at me ’cause I got married first. She coulda got married ahead of me and I wouldn’t a-cared at all.”
Later, it was like old times in Aunt Tee’s cabin. We sang, told stories and Spicy and me even got to work on our quilt.
Slave Girl Page 6