by Jessie Cooke
“Well, hopefully you’re right and she’ll learn her lesson and get back on with her life once she’s out,” Collin said. Noah was glaring at him and it was making Ciara nervous. Collin didn’t seem bothered by it, though.
“So what kind of job did you have in Tucson today?”
“Just picking up some dues for Jace. No biggie.” Noah raised an eyebrow but didn’t say anything. Ava didn’t look like she believed him either. Collin might have been on the hot seat if not for the ringing of Noah’s phone. Ava went over to the counter where it lay and looked at it, rolled her eyes, and said:
“It’s Hayden—tell him we’re having family night.” Noah grinned at her, kissed her on the cheek, and took the phone in the other room. Once he was gone Ava started clearing dishes and Ciara got up to help her. “No. You two take your coffee and go out back. It’s a beautiful night.”
“Ava,” Ciara said with a smile. “If I’m going to be staying here for a while, you’ll have to let me help with something.”
“I will, but tonight’s your first night home and you have your first day of work already tomorrow…you deserve a night off. So, go relax and look at the stars with my disheveled brother.”
“Hey!”
“Seriously, does the club have a rule against shaving?”
With a grin Collin said, “Don’t you think the stubble makes me look tougher?”
“Not even a little bit,” Ava said, rolling her eyes again. “While you’re out there, Ciara, see if you can talk him into using his razor when he gets home.” Collin laughed, looked at Ciara, and said:
“Shall we?” Ciara had been aching to be alone with him, but suddenly she was a nervous wreck. Talking to him online and on the phone was different than looking at his gorgeous face and knowing he was looking at her flawed one. With shaking hands she picked up her coffee and followed him outside. Ava was right, the stars were bright and the moon was shining. It was a beautiful night. Ciara was about to sit down when Collin said, “You know what? I have a better idea. How’d you like to go for a ride on my bike?”
33
It was a weeknight, so the road was dead, the black sky was dotted with bright, twinkling lights, and the warm wind whipped through Collin as he steered the bike toward the hills. Ciara’s arms were wrapped around him and she was melded into his back and holding on tightly. She’d never been on a Harley before, but she hadn’t hesitated when he asked if she wanted to go for a ride. Ava snuck them out while Noah was still on the phone. Collin knew Noah would be an obstacle he’d have to go through to get to Ciara, but he was willing. Having her hold onto him like this felt so right…and not just in his pants the way it might with another girl. Everything felt right…like they were both exactly where they belonged.
The wheels of the Harley stuck like glue to the hot pavement as they climbed, and each time Collin turned into a curve, Ciara’s tiny body melded tighter to his big one and she leaned with him. He drove for about half an hour until they came to the entrance to the state park. The gates were open but the road was dimly lit and unpaved. It was a bumpy ride to the place where Collin wanted to take her, a little out-of-the-way picnic area where they used to go when he was a kid. There was a swimming hole there that he and Ava and their brothers used while their dad fished, and Mom sat at the table and read a book in the shade.
He parked the bike and turned it off and as soon as Ciara let go of him, he wanted to take off again, just so she’d grab back onto him. “It’s pretty here,” she said. She stepped off the bike and pulled off the half-shell helmet Collin had given her. He took it out of her hands and stepped off himself.
“Yeah, have you ever been up here?” She smiled at him and started to raise her hand to her mouth as she did. Collin caught her hand and brought it up to his mouth and kissed her palm instead. “Don’t hide it, remember? You’re beautiful, Ciara, and you look so healthy now—that’s so good to see.” It was dark, but he was pretty sure she was blushing.
“Thank you, and no…I’ve never been here. We didn’t go much further than our own neighborhood when I was a kid…and then, well, you know about my adult life.” Her voice changed when she talked about her past. Collin wished that she wouldn’t drown herself in regrets, but since he couldn’t control her thoughts, he planned to do the best he could to distract them. He took her hand and led her over to the edge of the pond. He pulled off his vest and then his t-shirt. In the moonlight he could see her eyebrows go up and then her eyes go to the scar in the center of his chest. She lifted her fingers and brought them up to the scar. The bullet had left a jagged round scar and then down the center his surgeons had left a thick, straight one. Ciara traced them both and Collin’s body convulsed at her touch. He had to swallow a big lump in his throat so that he could speak when she finally pulled her hand away.
“Um…sorry. I was going to put the shirt down for us to sit on.” He dropped the t-shirt. She was still smiling up at him. God, he wanted to kiss her…but was it too soon? He slipped his vest back on and dropped down on top of the shirt and patted the spot next to him. Ciara sat down too and for a second Collin just sat there, enjoying her presence and the fresh scent of whatever perfume she was wearing. He’d never enjoyed silence with a woman before; that was another first. Ciara shivered then and he said:
“Are you cold?” He couldn’t imagine how she could be. The desert night air had to be eighty degrees at least, even with the wind.
“No,” she said with another pretty smile. “I’m a little nervous.”
Collin smiled and put his arm around her. It made him happy when she leaned her head into his chest. “Me too,” he admitted. “I’m really glad you’re here, though.”
“Me too,” she said, snuggling into him deeper. Collin buried his face in her short hair and inhaled. He felt his cock twitch and tried to envision his childhood Sunday school teacher in a thong to make it go down. Mrs. Emery was a sixty-seven-year-old woman who weighed at least two-fifty pounds and she had a full mustache and a good start on a beard. The vision worked, at least for the time being. Collin kissed the top of her head and then his hand began to stroke up and down her side as if it had a mind of its own. When he heard her say, “Collin?” he froze, fearing he’d gone too far.
“Yes?”
She looked up at him and her big hazel eyes swam with the light of the moon. “I’ve wanted this for so long, and I know in our emails and texts, we talked about dating and all that…but there’s so much we need to talk about. You know my history and none of it is good. You know that it’s going to take me a while to learn how to live like a normal person; I still have nightmares, I still crave heroin, and I still pull the covers off the bed and sleep on the floor…stuff like that. You know that you’re my only real friend and if it weren’t for you I would have lost my mind by now. You know all of that and yet here you are…with me.” She paused there and Collin forced himself to stay quiet and let her go on. Finally, she said, “I’m just afraid I won’t be able to give you what you need for a while, and I’m afraid you’ll get tired of waiting.”
Collin knew that wasn’t true. He’d already waited longer for her than he had any woman, and he wasn’t even a little bit tired of it. But he also knew that his words alone wouldn’t convince her and what she was afraid of was investing in him only to have him tire of her and walk away. The problem was he didn’t know how to prove to her that wasn’t going to happen. “I don’t want to put any pressure on you, Ciara. I told myself I’d wait for everything to settle down for you before we even went on a date, and look at me. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought you up here, alone, so soon. The thing is, I don’t think so clearly where you’re concerned. I can tell myself all of that, with conviction…and then watch you eat cake and lose it.”
She giggled. “Watch me eat cake?”
“God, yes.” He looked down into her eyes and said, “When you licked that icing off the fork earlier…” Ciara was the one that made the first move, but Collin didn’t try to stop her
. Her hot lips were suddenly pressed into his and she turned so that she could put both arms around his neck. Collin snaked his tongue into her mouth…and finally he got to taste her. It wasn’t long before she pulled back. He rested his hand on the back of her head, against her soft hair, and looked into her eyes. She looked conflicted.
“I’m sorry.”
Collin chuckled. “Please don’t ever apologize for kissing me.”
“It’s just that here you are, trying so hard to be a gentleman, and I attack you like…” She stopped and looked down at her lap. Collin hated it, but he knew what she was thinking.
Tipping her face back up so he could see her eyes he said, “Hey…the only end to that sentence I’ll accept is: like a woman who is falling in love with a man.” Her eyes were brimming with tears and she smiled through them.
“Is that weird, since we’ve mostly just been talking through electronics for three months?”
“Nope. Those three months gave me a chance to learn things about you that I might not have known in a year if we’d done things the ‘normal’ way. I think you have a good heart, Ciara, and as my mother would say, ‘You’re a good soul.’ The things I’m falling in love with are inside of you, and you shared them with me. Of course I think you’re beautiful, and I want to keep kissing you and god help me, throw you over this picnic table right now. But I can wait for that, as long as you need me to. Just please don’t talk yourself out of this because you think it’s too soon or because you’re worried about your past. We all make mistakes, Ciara. The trick is convincing yourself that it was all a mistake, learning from it, and moving on. And trust me…I only very recently figured all that out, when I thought I might die. I want to be with you, and we can take it as slow or as fast as you want to. I’m not going anywhere,”
“What about your family?”
“My family? What about them?”
She tipped her head to the side and studied his face in the dark, like she was trying to figure out if he was being serious. “They’re good people. They raised you with morals and virtues and all that. They were upset that you wanted to be in a motorcycle club. You don’t think they’ll have a problem with you dating an ex-prostitute and drug addict?”
“I don’t care,” he said, and it was true. “I figured out when I quit firefighting and joined up with the Skulls that I had to do something for myself. I had to stop living my life for everyone else. I’m happier now than I’ve ever been, Ciara. I got a second chance at life and I don’t plan on wasting it by being afraid of what someone else will say or do. My parents are good people and I have faith that once they get to know you, they’ll see you’re good people too. But if they don’t…baby, it’s their loss.”
Ciara stared up at him for a few seconds and then she literally pounced on him…like a cat, Collin thought. It shocked him even though she’d just kissed him moments before. This time was different, full of heat and passion and for just a second his body froze…but just for a second. He relaxed then and pulled her all the way up into his lap. His heart was racing and his hands were in her soft hair and her body was pressed against him again…and he knew that one kiss would be the best one of his life…the one he would hang onto forever, and never forget.
They kissed each other like they were both starving for it. After a minute or so, Ciara slid her soft hands under his kutte and let them roam over the muscles in his chest. He felt her shudder and he let his hands run down her hair to her back and he felt her warm skin through her t-shirt as he ached to rip it off of her. After a while Ciara broke the kiss. Her hands were still on his chest and she was looking at him like she hadn’t already seen him naked, once. He supposed that the first time didn’t count since a psycho had a gun to their heads. Once again she traced the thick scar that ran from the top of his naval all the way up his breastbone. And then in a whisper she said:
“Thank you, Collin.”
Collin smiled and said, “For what, baby?”
“For my life. You didn’t just save my life…you made me believe I was worth saving.”
Collin put his hands on either side of her face and pulled her back in for another kiss. Their tongues melded and they tasted each other again until no amount of picturing his old teacher, mustache or not, could keep his cock from growing as hard as a rock. Ciara let a moan escape her lips and Collin swallowed it…it was so fucking sexy. He’d never wanted a woman so badly, and yet he was sure he needed to stop this…he was sure it was way too soon.
“Collin?” she whispered against his lips.
“Mm-hmm?”
“Do you live far?”
“No.”
“Will you take me there?”
Was she asking what he thought she was…or was she just trying to stop the imminent assault? He had no idea, but as he said, “Of course,” and let her go so he could pull his shirt back on, he was hopeful.
34
As soon as they got to Collin’s apartment, Ciara could tell that he was worried he was taking advantage of her. As they both still stood next to the front door, she put her hand up along the side of his face and said, “Collin, I might seem vulnerable to you, and maybe I am in some ways. But this…I want it as badly, if not more so than you.” That did it for him, or at least it seemed like it had. He scooped her up into his arms, and carried her down the hallway, the way he’d done the day he saved her life. Then he laid her down on top of the bed like he was afraid he might break her. She smiled up at him, nervously now because his hands were on the hem of her shirt. She had to remind herself that Collin knew about her scars…and he didn’t seem to care. She raised her arms and let him lift off the shirt and then with no hesitation, he went for her pants. Once those were gone and she was in nothing but her plain jane bra and panties, he just stood there for a second looking down at her and from the look in his eyes she could really start believing that she was beautiful. He reached down again and slid his hand underneath her, unhooking her bra and letting her small breasts fall out. He sucked in a breath and said:
“God, you’re beautiful, Ciara.” She willed herself not to cry and ruin it as his hands went to the waistband of her panties and she lifted up her butt so that he could pull them off. He shook his head again and said, “So freaking gorgeous.” He leaned over and kissed her softly on the lips and then he grabbed her hips and pulled her toward the edge of the bed. Dropping to his knees in front of her, he buried his face in between her thighs and began exploring her soaking wet folds with his tongue. Ciara leaned back into the bed and closed her eyes. She had her hands in his thick hair and she held onto it for dear life while he showed her there was definitely a difference between having sex and making love.
Collin slowly kissed and licked the inner parts of her soft thighs, breathing her in as he did. She had her hands in his hair and she was lifting up her hips towards his face. She was soaking wet and when his tongue skimmed across her seam he felt another rush of warm fluid. He loved how she was responding to him, and he was already pretty sure that he loved her. He pushed against one of her thighs and she spread her legs wider for him, and he heard her let out a long breath when his tongue found her swollen clit. He pressed against it with his tongue, and her grip on his hair tightened. With his mouth still against her wet folds he said:
“You taste so sweet, Ciara.” That caused her to moan and the sound of it went right through him. He let his tongue delve into her and pressed it in as far as it would go, and then he let it move in and out to the rhythm of her thrusts, moans, and whimpers. He pressed his face into her clit and moved his hand up to slide one of his fingers up inside of her. She gasped out his name. It was the sexiest thing Collin had ever heard and it made his cock throb. “Mmm, so pretty,” he muttered, still with his face buried into her.
“God…Collin…oh fuck!”
She sounded like she could barely breathe and he loved knowing that he’d done that to her. For years she must have thought sex was just about survival. He was determined to show her how much
more it could be. He was also surprised to discover how much better falling in love could make something that he had already thought was pretty damned perfect. He slid a second finger up inside of her and let his palm put the pressure on her clit. She was thrusting and panting and he could feel her walls clamping down and he knew she was going to cum. He slid his fingers back out and pulled away. She let out a small cry and then several long whimpers. Collin stood up and smiled down at her.
“Why did you stop?” She could barely get the words out because she was so out of breath. Collin thought she might have even been trying to glare at him if the look of rapture hadn’t still been written on her pretty face. She watched him as he undressed, and the second that he stepped out of his pants and boxers her small hand came up and wrapped itself tightly around his throbbing erection. His whole body convulsed as she slid her hand down and back up the shaft, letting her thumb glide softly across the tip when she reached it. Collin shivered again and pressed into her and back out, stroking himself into her hand. It felt so freaking good that he was afraid he might explode before he had a chance to be inside of her. He couldn’t find the willpower to pull back just yet, though, and while she stroked he reached down and took one of her nipples between his fingers and twisted and pulled on it. She closed her eyes and leaned back her head and that look of ecstasy on her face nearly put him over the edge. He finally had to reach down and take her hand off of him.
“You have to stop that,” he told her with a grin. She smiled up at him, dark hair spilling out all over the white pillowcase and those big beautiful hazel eyes burning with fire. Collin knelt on the bed next to her and leaned in to suck one of her swollen nipples into his mouth. He wasn’t sure if she was self-conscious about her breasts, but he thought that they were perfect. He sucked and licked at one while he twisted and pulled on the other. She was moaning again, and he thought he could listen to that all night. Ciara deserved to finally feel good after all the years she’d spent being kicked from one place to the other. Collin was thrilled that he could be the one to make that possible for her.