by Irene Hannon
“Please, Eric. It’s okay. We’re fine. Just do what you can for that poor child and his parents.”
“Thanks, Kate.”
“For what?”
“For understanding. For not making me feel guilty. For not hating my work and resenting the demands and the disruption.”
Once again Kate had a glimpse of the hell he must have lived through with Cindy.
“Eric, your profession is part of who you are,” she said quietly. “Your conscientiousness and caring are two of the things I lo—” She paused and cleared her throat. “Things I respect in you and find appealing. So stop worrying and go do your job, okay?”
“Okay. And I’ll get there as soon as I can. You’ll explain to Sarah? Tell her I’m sorry?”
“Yes. Everything will be fine. We’ll see you later.”
“Count on it.”
As Kate slowly replaced the receiver, Sarah trailed excitedly into the kitchen, holding her halo. “When do we have to leave, Mommy?”
Kate took her hand and drew her into the living room, tucking her under her arm as they sat down. “In about fifteen minutes. Honey, you know how Dr. Eric was supposed to take us?”
Sarah looked up at her with wide eyes that were suddenly troubled. “Yes.”
“Well, he’s at the hospital. There’s a very sick little boy there who needs him very much. And his mommy and daddy are very worried and they need Dr. Eric, too. So he has to stay with them for a while and try to help that little boy get well so he can go home for Christmas.”
Sarah’s lower lip began to quiver. “Isn’t Dr. Eric coming to see me in the Christmas pageant?”
“He’s going to try his very best, honey. But he isn’t sure he’ll be able to get there in time. This little boy needs him. Just think if you were sick and had to go to the hospital. Wouldn’t you want Dr. Eric to stay with you?”
“Yes. But he said he’d come to my show. And I need him, too.”
“I know, honey. And Dr. Eric knows, too. It’s just that sometimes, when you’re a doctor, other people need you more. This little boy is so sick that he might die if Dr. Eric doesn’t stay with him.”
“You mean like Daddy?”
“Yes. Just like Daddy. And then his mommy and daddy would be all alone, just like we were after Daddy went to heaven.”
“And they would be very sad, wouldn’t they? Like you used to be?”
“Yes, they would.”
Sarah bit her lip and struggled with that idea. “I guess maybe they do need Dr. Eric more,” she said at last in a small voice.
Kate’s heart swelled, and she pulled Sarah close. “Oh, sweetie, I’m so proud of you. You’re such a big girl! Why don’t we say a prayer for the little boy so that God will watch over him?”
“Okay.”
As they held hands on the couch and sent a heartfelt plea to the Lord, Kate also took a moment to silently give thanks—for the wonderful, caring man who had come into her life, and for a precious daughter who had shown a compassion and unselfishness beyond her years.
“Oh, my, will you look at that!”
Anna stood at the window of the church hall and gazed outside. A mixture of sleet and snow had begun to fall during the program, and the roads were already covered. Kate, who stood at her elbow, felt the color drain from her face. Eric hadn’t made it to the pageant, and there was still no sign of him. The road would only get worse the longer she waited, and even though the social was just beginning, she decided to call it a night.
“I think I’m going to head home, Anna,” she said, trying to control the tremor in her voice. “I’m not much for driving in bad weather.”
Anna turned back to her. “Well, I can’t say I blame you. But you’ll have to pry Sarah away from the dessert table.”
Kate glanced at her daughter, whose obvious delight in the wonderland of sweets brought a fleeting smile to Kate’s face. “We’ll just have to get a plate to go. How about you? Will you be okay getting home?” she asked worriedly.
“Oh, absolutely. Fred and Jenny have a four-wheel drive. In fact, if you want to wait, you could ride with us and just leave your car here.”
Kate considered the offer for a moment, then regretfully shook her head. “Thanks, Anna. I’d love to take you up on that, but I need the car for school tomorrow.”
“Well, you be careful then, okay?”
“I will.”
By the time Kate and Sarah were strapped into their older-model compact car, the icy mixture had intensified. Kate glanced nervously at Sarah, but fortunately she was so busy sampling her smorgasbord of desserts that she seemed oblivious to her mother’s tension. Which was just as well, Kate concluded. With any luck, they’d be home before Sarah even made a dent in her plate of goodies.
Eric swung into the church parking lot, skidding slightly as he made the turn. For the first time he realized that it was sleeting. He’d been so distraught since he’d left the hospital that he hadn’t even noticed the weather. He’d simply turned on the windshield defroster and made the drive to the church on automatic pilot, his mind in a turmoil.
Was there anything else he could have done? he asked himself for the dozenth time in the last hour. Had he reacted quickly enough? Had he pushed the tests through as rapidly as possible? Would it have made any difference if they’d made the diagnosis even half an hour sooner? And dear God, how did you explain to two grief-stricken parents that you’d let their only child die? They’d stared at him numbly, in shock and disbelief, and all he’d been able to say was, “I’m sorry.” “Inadequate” didn’t even come close to describing those words.
Eric parked the car and took a long, shaky breath. Even after years of dealing with scenarios like this, he’d never gotten used to it. Some doctors learned to insulate themselves from the pain. He never had. On nights like this it ripped through him like a knife, leaving his heart in shreds, his spirits crushed.
Wearily he climbed out of the car and made his way toward the church hall. He wasn’t in the mood to see anyone, not even Kate, but he’d promised to come if he could. And he wasn’t a man who gave his word lightly. So when he’d left the hospital he’d just automatically headed in this direction.
“Heavens, Eric, are you all right?”
Anna met him inside the door, her face a mask of concern.
He jammed his hands into the deep pockets of his jacket. “Not especially.”
“Kate told me about your patient. Did he…”
“He didn’t make it.” His voice was flat and lifeless.
Anna’s eyes filled with tears and she reached out to touch his arm. “Oh, Eric, I’m sorry. I know how losses like this tear you up.”
“I’m in great shape compared to the parents.”
“I know you did all you could,” Anna said quietly.
He sighed and wearily raked the fingers of one hand through his hair. “I hope so.” He glanced around the room and frowned. “Is the pageant over?”
“It’s been over for twenty minutes. Would you like some coffee?”
Distractedly he shook his head, his gaze once more scanning the room. “Where’s Kate? And Sarah?”
“They left about five minutes ago. Kate said she didn’t want to wait in case the weather got any worse.”
For the first time since leaving the hospital his mind switched gears. Kate hated to drive in this kind of weather. And now she was out there on roads that were rapidly becoming treacherous, probably as terrified as she’d been on the drive home from Tennessee. His frown deepened and he turned toward the door.
“I’ll call you tomorrow, Mom,” he called over his shoulder, not waiting for a reply.
As Eric set off on the familiar route from the church to Kate’s apartment, his heart began to hammer against his rib cage. He drove as quickly as the deteriorating conditions would allow, peering ahead, his hands gripping the wheel. Please, Lord, watch over her, he prayed. Let her feel Your presence and Your guiding hand.
By the time he caught
sight of her, she was only about a mile from her apartment. She was driving slowly and cautiously, but she was safe, he reassured himself, his shoulders sagging in relief. In a couple of minutes he’d be right behind her, and a few minutes after that, she’d be home.
Eric watched as Kate stopped at an intersection. She took plenty of time to look in both directions, then continued across. But for some reason she stopped right in the middle. Or perhaps her car stalled or got stuck on the ice. He wasn’t sure. All he knew was that he suddenly saw headlights approaching too quickly, heard the squeal of brakes, and then watched in horror as the other car slammed into the passenger side of Kate’s vehicle.
For the second time in a handful of hours, Eric felt as if someone had kicked him in the gut. He stepped on the accelerator, oblivious to the road conditions, and skidded to a stop with only inches to spare. The other driver was already out of his car and clearly unhurt.
“Do you have a cell phone?” Eric shouted as he slipped and slid across the icy surface. The man nodded. “Call 911,” Eric barked harshly.
He didn’t want to look inside Kate’s car. But he had no choice. Hiding from what was inside the car was as impossible as hiding from what was in his heart.
He tried Sarah’s door first, but it was too smashed to budge and he couldn’t tell how seriously hurt she was by peering in the window. All he knew was that she was crying.
Eric moved around to the driver’s side as quickly as the icy conditions would allow, and when he pulled open the door the wrenching sound of Sarah’s sobbing spilled out. Kate was leaning across the seat, frantically trying to unbuckle her daughter’s seat belt, but she was too constrained by her own. Eric reached in and unsnapped it, freeing her.
“Kate, are you all right?”
If she heard him, she didn’t respond. Her attention was focused solely on her daughter.
He tried again, this time more forcefully, his hands firmly on her shoulders, a touch of desperation in his voice. “Kate, look at me. I need to know if you’re all right.”
She turned then, her eyes frantic. For a moment she didn’t even seem to recognize him, and when she did, her face crumpled. “Eric? Oh, God, where were you? We needed you! Please…help us! Help Sarah!”
Eric felt as if a knife had just been thrust into his heart and ruthlessly twisted. Those few words, and the look of hurt and betrayal on her face, sent his world crashing so rapidly that it left him reeling. But he couldn’t think about that now. There were other, more pressing things that demanded his attention.
“Kate, are you hurt?” he repeated, his voice broken and raspy.
Jerkily she shook her head, then clutched at his arm. “No. I’m okay. Please…just help Sarah!”
“I’m going to. Can you get out? I can’t get in from her side.”
Kate nodded and scrambled out, swaying unsteadily as she stood. He reached for her, but she shook him off impatiently, clinging to the frigid metal of the car as the sleet stung her face. “Go to Sarah.”
Eric climbed into the front seat and reached over to touch Sarah, speaking softly. “Sarah, it’s Dr. Eric. I’m going to help you, okay? Sarah? Can you look at me?”
Her sobbing abated slightly and she turned to him, her eyes wide with fear. At first he thought the dark splotches on her face were blood and his stomach lurched. But then he noticed the plate of cake and cookies on the floor and realized it was chocolate. He drew a steadying breath.
“Sarah, can you tell me what hurts?”
“M-my ar-arm,” she said tearfully.
“I’ll tell you what. I’m going to unbuckle your seat belt and take a look, okay?” He tried to keep his voice calm and matter-of-fact, but it took every ounce of discipline he had.
“I want my mommy,” Sarah declared, her lower lip beginning to tremble.
“I’m here, Sarah.” Kate leaned into the car. “Do what Dr. Eric says, okay?”
She sniffled. “Okay.”
“Sarah, honey, can you turn toward me? I just want to take a look at your arm. I promise I’ll try not to hurt you.” Eric reached over and unsnapped her seat belt as he spoke, holding it away from her body as it slid into its holder.
She angled toward him slightly, her sobs subsiding. Fortunately she was wearing a down-filled parka, he noted. It had probably padded her somewhat from the impact. But it also hampered his exam. He reached over and took her small hand in his, forcing himself to smile.
“It looks like you had chocolate cake tonight. Was it good?” he asked, gently manipulating her arm.
“Yes. But I didn’t get to finish it.”
“Well, we’ll just have to get you some more. Maybe your very own cake.”
Her eyes grew wide. “Really?”
“Really.” He unzipped her parka and eased it off her shoulders. “Do you want chocolate or yellow?”
“Chocolate.”
“Ah. A woman after my own heart.” He carefully pressed her arm in critical places through the thin knit of her sweater, slowly working his way up. “I think that’s a good choice. Chocolate or white icing?”
“Chocolate. And maybe it could have— Ouch!” She gave a startled yelp when he reached her elbow.
“I’m sorry, honey. Does it hurt up here, too?” Carefully he pressed along her upper arm to her shoulder. Silently she shook her head.
“How is everything in here, Doctor?”
Eric turned, suddenly aware of the flashing red lights reflecting off the icy pavement. A police officer was looking into the car.
“Nothing too serious, as far as I can tell.”
“Should I call an ambulance?”
That would only upset Kate and Sarah even more, he decided. “I’ll take them to the hospital.”
“Okay. I’ll send one of my men over to take a statement.”
Eric nodded, then turned back to Sarah and draped the parka over her shoulders. “I don’t want to hurt your arm, honey. Can you scoot over and put your other arm around my neck?”
Sarah nodded, and a moment later he eased himself out of the car, with Sarah in his arms. Kate reached out to her daughter and touched her face, then turned anxious eyes to Eric.
“I don’t think there’s any real damage,” he said reassuringly. “But I’d like to get you both checked out at the hospital, just to be sure.”
Kate shook her head. “I’m fine. I’m just worried about Sarah.”
Kate didn’t look fine. She looked terrible. Her face was colorless and she was visibly shaking. But he wasn’t about to stand around in the sleet and argue.
“Hold on to my arm. We’ll take my car.”
She frowned. “What about my car? Is it drivable?”
“Yes, ma’m,” the police officer replied, coming up next to them. “The keys are still in the ignition, so if you’ll give us your address, we’ll drop it off when we’re finished here.”
Kate complied, and a few moments later they were on their way to the hospital. Though Eric tried to convince Kate to be examined, she refused.
“I told you, Eric. I’m not hurt. Just shaken up. I’ll feel much better when I know for sure that Sarah is all right.”
Which she was, except for a badly bruised elbow, Eric concluded after a complete exam at the hospital. Kate’s shoulders sagged with relief when he told her, and she lifted a weary, trembling hand to her forehead as tears spilled out of her eyes.
“Thank God!” she whispered fervently.
Eric wanted to reach out to Kate, wanted to take her in his arms and comfort her. Wanted to feel the comfort of her arms. But he held himself back. Her words at the accident scene, though spoken in a moment of panic and fear, had seared themselves into his soul, “Where were you? We needed you!” In circumstances like that, people often said what was truly in their heart. Cindy had just been more direct about it. “You’re never there when I need you,” had been her frequent refrain. And she had been right. Just as Kate had been right a couple of hours before. If he’d attended the pageant, as he’d pro
mised, the accident would never have happened. They would have stayed for the social, and their paths would never have crossed with the other driver. Once again, his profession had gotten in the way of his private life—and with consequences that could have been so much worse. And it could very likely happen again. Which led Eric to the disheartening conclusion he’d reached long ago.
Marriage and medicine didn’t mix.
Chapter Twelve
Something was very wrong.
Kate frowned and slowly replaced the receiver, then turned to stare out the window at the leaden skies and the barren trees cloaked in a dull, gray fog. Everything suddenly looked gray to her, she realized, her eyes misting with tears—including the future that so recently had seemed golden.
Ever since the accident four days ago, Eric had been like a different person. He’d brought Sarah her own miniature chocolate cake, just as he’d promised in the car on the night of the accident. He’d offered to drive Kate anywhere she needed to go, even though she had a rental car while her own was being repaired. He checked daily to see how she and Sarah were doing. In fact, she’d just hung up from his call. But in many ways she felt as if she’d been talking to a polite stranger. There was a distance between them, an almost palpable separation that made her feel cold and afraid.
At first Kate thought it was because of the little boy he’d lost. And that probably was part of it, she reflected. He wasn’t the kind of man who would ever be able to insulate his heart from such a tragedy. But the distance she felt was due to more than that, she was sure. For some reason the accident that had damaged her car had also damaged something far more valuable—their relationship. And she wasn’t sure why. She’d tried to bring it up a couple of times, but Eric had simply said that he was busy at work, and they could talk about it after the holidays. Which did nothing to ease her mind.
Restlessly Kate rose and began to pace, her worry deepening. Eric was slipping away. She could feel it as surely as she’d felt the sting of sleet against her cheeks on the night of the accident. And she couldn’t let that happen. Not without a fight, anyway. Not when she’d begun to build her whole future around this special man. But how did you fight an unknown enemy? How did you tackle a phantom, a shadow?