"What are you doooing?" I asked myself in a slow whisper once I made an effort to relax my tense body. "Where are you going?"
I didn't make a habit of talking to myself, but these weren't exactly normal circumstances. I blinked noticing that my eyes were still burning even though it had been more than an hour since I was actively crying. The thought of them burning made more tears rush to my eyes and I laughed and wiped them away with the sleeve of my jacket. My eyes burned and my cheeks were tearstained, but all I could think about was putting more miles between Jeff and myself.
For the next hour or so, I sat there, driving down the road and having a whole chain of thoughts about the life I was leaving behind. It was easier for me to think about what I was leaving behind because I had no idea what I was headed toward. It felt as though I was on my way to the end of the earth, and once I got there, I might hop on some other transportation device like a boat or hot air balloon that would take me to a faraway land.
I had been on the road for nearly four hours when I had to stop for gas and a restroom break. I was on the outskirts of Charleston, WV. I parked the car at the gas pump and found my exact location on the map. It was just after 5pm, and it was almost dark outside, so I had to turn on my overhead lights to see what I was doing. I looked at the map long enough to make sure I was doing the right thing by staying on I-64 when I went through Charleston, which I was.
"64 to Richmond, then 95 south," I whispered to myself as I stashed the map and prepared to get out of my car. I repeated my interstate mantra a few more times just to lock it into my head. "64 to Richmond, 95 south. 64 to Richmond, 95 south."
I didn't have much of a plan past heading south on 95. I thought I'd probably end up making my way down to Florida, or at least far enough that it was warm enough to sleep in my car in December. I had done some research, and thought I'd be safe stopping anywhere from Daytona on down to Key West. Who knew, maybe I'd just get on a boat and keep on going on after that.
My body seemed to have an aversion to me getting out of the car. I was stiff and achy as I unfolded myself and tried to stand up. It was ridiculous, but I just knew that Jeff was going to walk up behind me any second. I kept glancing over my shoulder, trying to look casual as I made my way into the convenience store.
I glanced toward my right as I went inside, and I couldn't help but notice a few guys standing against the windows in the front of the store. They were laughing and goofing off with a little brown dog, and I vaguely noticed one of them flick his cigarette at it and laugh when it scampered away. They were causing a scene, but I really didn't care what they were doing as long as none of them were Jeff. I was wrecked with paranoia as I walked into the brightly lit store.
I located the restroom and went there to use their facilities and splash some water on my face. I stared at myself in the mirror for several seconds, straightening my ponytail and tucking some stray locks of hair behind my ears.
I had only been standing there for a few seconds when someone else came into the restroom, causing me to flinch and feel like I needed to scramble. It was an older, portly lady, and I gave her a quick smile before turning to walk out.
I got a cup of coffee and a protein bar on my way to the cash register. I also splurged for a bag of roasted cashews that was on clearance for a dollar on one of the displays. I was thirsty for something besides coffee, so I got a cup of ice water from the soda fountain. I was balancing all of this while I waited in line. There were two people in front of me at the register, and I stared through the windows, making sure that Jeff didn't pull up.
That group of guys was still standing out there, and I watched as they continued to interact with the little dog. One would lure it up to them with some food and another one would scare it just before it got the bite. They did this several times, each time cracking up at the dog's reaction.
"Those guys should torture their dog at home," I said once I got up to the cashier.
"That ain't their dog," she said as she rang up my purchases.
"Thirty dollars on pump seven, please," I said as she scanned the bag of cashews. Then I added, "What do you mean it's not theirs?"
"It's just a little stray," she said. "It hangs out up here, looking for food. They're just messing around with it. We call the dogcatcher all the time, but he always runs off into the woods when they come pulling up. I think he knows the sound of their truck or something. Thirty-three, twelve."
I felt stunned, but I dug in my wallet and fished around for exact change before handing it to her. "Is it nice?" I asked as she put the money into the till.
She shot me a puzzled expression. "Huh?"
"The dog," I said. "Is it nice?"
"Oh yeah he's real sweet. The owner just has us call the pound because he doesn't want him get run over by all these cars. Plus, he'd be better off at the pound than dealing with kids like that. He'd probably get adopted."
"Can I have it?" I said.
She shot me a stunned, almost disgusted expression. "The dog?"
I nodded.
"You want it?"
I nodded, feeling woozy with the instant internal battle that began raging within me. I knew deep down I could not add a responsibility to my already stressful situation, but part of me thought adding a dog to the mix might be just the thing I needed. I decided to see where it went since it was a long shot that it would work out, anyway.
"You don't want that thing in your car," she said.
I gave her a slightly offended expression in defense of the poor little dog, and she wrinkled her nose at me.
"You ain't gonna feel sorry for it once you bend down and put your nose next to him." she said.
"I don't mind if he's stinky," I said, feeling giddy with anticipation at the thought of rescuing that poor dog.
She laughed, drawing me from my thoughts. "You're gonna mind once you smell him in your car," she said. "The other day, a little girl was petting him, and she came in here cryin' with how bad her hands stank. Her and her mom had to go in the bathroom for ten minutes to wash the smell off her hands. It ain't just a regular stink. It's a whole layer of the funkiest stuff you ever smelled. He probably hadn't had a bath his whole life."
I was quiet for a few long seconds before I said, "Can I wash him?"
She let out a laugh that said it was the last thing she expected me to say. "I can't believe you really want to take that dog," she said.
She held a finger out to me as if telling me to wait, and I stepped to the side to let her ring up another customer.
"I don't know if you'll be able to get him," she said once she was done. "I think one or two other people have tried to take him with no luck. He might be kind of skittish about getting into your car even if you'd let him."
Chapter 3
I had already made up my mind that I was going to attempt to adopt this dog, but I knew I couldn’t waste too much time in doing it. Thankfully, the cashier was willing to help me. I learned her name was Cher by looking at her nametag, and I introduced myself, giving her the fake name "Kate" since I panicked and it was the only thing that came to mind.
The first thing we did was look for something we could use as a leash. Cher had a bungee cord in her car that we fashioned into a makeshift leash by looping it around itself. We stooped down and made kissy noises from the area near the side of the building where my car was parked, and the dog came running over to us.
His back was about up to my knees and was built like a Jack Russell terrier only a little bigger and with scruffy brown fur. He let us put the bungee cord around his neck and lead him to the water hose near the back of the building. I ended up thinking of his name as "Jack" since it seemed to suit his looks.
It was cold out, and the water that came from the hose was shockingly cold, but Jack seemed to know we were trying to help him. He just stood there, shivering and staring straight ahead with an intense expression like he was thinking, we'll get through this eventually.
I was so glad Cher was there to
help me. I absolutely could not have done that without her. We used hand soap from the restroom and hand towels Cher got from the supply closet. We had to wash him twice because there was so much built-up gunk.
The whole process took about twenty minutes, and by the end of it, I was wet and freezing. I was so miserable that, as we walked toward my car, I reprimanded myself internally for ever coming up with this hair-brained scheme to try to wash this dog and put it into my car. The only saving grace was that his fur was wiry and didn't hold a lot of water, so he dried easily.
"I think we got him good," Cher said, "but I still don't know if he's gonna get in with you or not. Oh, you got a lot of stuff in here," she added as we came to stand near my car.
I had already put my coffee in the car before we ever washed the dog, and all I could think about was opening the car door, getting my coffee out of the cup holder, and wrapping my frozen fingers around the warm cup. I opened the door, and before I could even sit in my seat, Jack jumped into my car.
"You must be joking me!" Cher said staring into my car and then at me with a perplexed expression. "Is that your dog?" she asked.
I let out a humorless laugh as if I couldn't believe what I was saying. "I guess he is."
"I mean was he yours all along, and you lost him or something?"
"What? No. I've never seen him before if that's what you're asking."
"Why'd he hop up in your car?" she asked, looking genuinely confused. "I've seen several people try to get him to get in a car. That's crazy."
I leaned down to glance at him. He was sitting on a pile of things I had stacked in the passenger's seat, staring out of the windshield as if we were already headed down the open road.
"You're gonna get my stuff all wet," I said to him.
He looked at me and before jumping into the driver's seat.
"You're not sitting there either," I said. "Here, use one of these," Cher said, handing me a dry towel from the stack she had brought from the supply closet.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah, it's fine. We have to throw them away all the time for one reason or another."
I sat in the driver's seat, relying on the fact that Jack would scoot over before I sat on him, which he did. He perched awkwardly on the console while I sat settled in my seat and closed the door. I was just about to roll down my window so we could say goodbye to Cher when Jack stepped onto my lap. He used a stealthful approach, and before I knew what had happened, he was sitting directly on the towel, which at the moment, was on my lap. I knew Cher was freezing so I rolled down the window so we could say goodbye and let her get back inside.
"Is he your dog?" she said, giving me a narrow-eyed expression like she didn't know whether or not I could be trusted.
"I promise, he's not. I've never even had a dog. I don't know what to do with a dog." I looked at the furry creature on my lap and then up at Cher with a reluctant expression. "Do I just let him pee, and give him food and water and stuff?"
"Pretty much. I don't think you can really mess up, especially with a dog like that. Even if you just let him off at the next gas station you come to, he'll be fine."
"All right, I guess that makes me feel a little better," I said, feeling extremely back-and-forth about my decision to take on this responsibility.
"Yeah, don't worry about it," she said. "Just drop him off on the side of the road if you can't deal with him. He'll be fine."
"Thanks for helping me," I said.
She smiled and nodded. "I'm glad you're taking him."
I waved goodbye to Cher and rolled up the window, but before I drove away, I put the towel in the passenger's seat and made Jack sit there, mostly just to see if he'd obey, which he did.
My coffee was not so hot by the time I finally got around to drinking it, and my heater took a little while to warm up, so I wasn't in the best mood about my decision to adopt a dog. I was miserably cold and doubtful of my own ability to make wise choices, so I didn’t interact with Jack at all for about the first hour. He curled up on his towel, and I stared straight ahead as I drove. We didn't even listen to music; we just rode quietly.
"You better behave, or you're getting the boot," was the first thing I said to him after the long silence. I glanced across the console when I said it, and Jack picked up his head and tilted it at me like he was really trying to understand what I was saying. "Yeah, I'm talking to you," I said. "I said you better behave, or you're getting dropped off on the side of the road." I honestly didn't mean it, but it felt good to blow off a little steam since I'd been so on edge for weeks. "You heard me," I said. "I don't care a single thing about your welfare. All I'm worried about is what you can do for me in this relationship. You better stay on your toes, or you're outta here." I said the whole phrase in a sweet tone like I was talking to a baby.
I wasn't looking directly at Jack, but out of my periphery, I could see him stand up and stretch. I glanced at him, and he must have taken it as an invitation because right when I did, he stepped onto my lap. He made the transition with a light, careful touch as if he knew how on edge I was. For whatever reason, this made me laugh. He tried to cause me as little inconvenience as possible as he slowly turned around in my lap before sitting down with his back propped against my stomach.
I wouldn't say he smelled "good", but at least he wasn't making me gag. He was dry and warm, and it felt good to have his body heat next to me. It was a relief to touch another living creature after I had been prepared to spend my foreseeable future not doing that. I rested my hand on his belly, and he relaxed further onto my lap, curling up into a comfortable ball.
We rode like that for a while.
I planned on making it to Richmond before I stopped for the night so I could jump on 95 and head south in the morning. Richmond would be a large enough city that I would have no problem finding a safe rest stop or mega-store where I could park and sleep for a while. I drove and drove for what felt like forever, and from what I could tell, I still had a couple of hours to go before I got to Richmond.
It was after 10pm, and it had been dark for hours. The coffee I drank was no longer doing the trick. The sleepless days leading up to this had taken their toll, and tiredness washed over me like a heavy wave. I was so tired that I felt like my body might take over and shut down without my permission. I blinked hard several times in an effort to clear the haze from my eyes as I drove. There was literally a white haze hitting the windshield, and I blinked again, trying to clear it. I absentmindedly thought that if I was seeing things, it might be safest for me to pull over on the side of the road and try to get some rest.
A vehicle had come up behind me while I was lost in thought about it. It rode behind me for a minute before passing me. I looked down at the speedometer to find that I was only going 40mph, which was a bit slow for the highway. That was weird, because I felt like I was honestly going faster than that. I glanced at the truck, which was now going around me. Its windows were tinted, but I smiled and waved to apologize for going so slow and possibly even swerving a little.
I realized I should stop as soon as possible so I could, at the very least, get myself together and walk around a little bit before taking off again. I put on my blinker and slowed as I pulled off at the next exit. There was a gas station on the corner, but not much else. I figured I'd stay there for a minute and try to wake up before I got back on the road to head for a larger exit.
I glanced down to see if I needed gas, and when I did, I noticed that the meter next to the gas was in the red. I figured my car must need a break as badly as I did, and I was smiling at that thought as I parked in front of a gas pump.
The same truck that I had waved at on the interstate was parked at the pump next to mine, and I continued to grin at the thought that it didn't get there much faster than I did even though I was driving like a turtle.
I opened the door, and a rush of cold air hit me. Jack jumped off of my lap and onto the familiar concrete surface of the gas station. I was so delirious, that I ho
llered, "It's fine if you don't come back!" as he ran off toward the grassy area next to the building. Some part of me knew I would've been devastated if he abandoned me now, but in spite of those feelings, I just let him roam around on his own. I was simply too tired to do anything else.
I went inside to pay for my gas. I bought a small can of dog food when I was in there, which I planned on giving Jack in the morning. Once I made it outside, I could see that Jack was waiting for me near my car. I gave him a relieved smile as I headed in that direction.
I was still smiling absentmindedly when my eyes fell onto the guy at the pump next to me. He was in the process of finishing his transaction, and I stared helplessly at his back and profile as he dealt with the gas pump. He was strikingly handsome—tall and athletic looking, and nicely dressed in jeans, layered shirts, and a jacket. I watched in horror and amazement as he bent to call Jack. Jack stepped through the gas pump and went right up to the handsome stranger, who scooped him into his arms and held him up to his chest like he was his own.
"Is this your dog?" the guy said, glancing at me since I was only a few feet away by then.
He had light eyes and dark hair with a broad-chested, masculine build. He was so handsome that I instinctually ran a hand through my hair even though that was probably the least of my shortcomings at the moment.
"Sort of," I said.
Chapter 4
The handsome stranger smiled at me like he was perplexed by my answer. "It's sort of your dog?" he asked, clarifying.
"I just got him," I said.
Jack was perched near the guy's chest, and I reached out to pat his head before I went to my side of the pump.
"It's pretty cool that you can just let him loose like this," he said, stepping around the pump while still holding my dog.
"It's a good thing because I'm too tired to really care right now," I said, going through the process of putting gas in my car.
Almost Christmas Page 2