Jack and Donna did their thing where they acted like it had been a century since they saw each other before taking off to do a lap around the house. Jesse knew I was headed in his direction, so he just stood there, waiting for me.
"Merry Christmas to you," he said, watching me approach.
My insides turned to hot, mushy goo at the sight of him, leaning against the counter and smiling like that. All he needed was a plaid Christmas robe with some sort of wind-machine blowing his hair back and he would be a straight-up Christmas miracle.
"Santa came," he said, smiling.
I was almost certain my beating heart could be seen physically from the outside of my chest, and there he was, grinning and looking cool as a cucumber.
"I hope you're not talking about something for me," I said. My voice could not be trusted. I was speaking deliberately, and it was still shaking. Dang it. I smiled, begging myself to calm down.
Jesse pointed toward the living room, and my eyes immediately fell onto the box he had brought home the day before.
"Is that seriously for me?" I asked.
He stretched out across the bar and pushed a little plastic bag toward me. "This is too," he said. "But it's not for Christmas or anything. It's just a little prepaid phone. I figure it'll get you through a few months."
This man knew exactly what I needed, and he had taken upon himself to get it. Thankfulness wanted to ooze out of me. I fought the urge to lean against him, forcing him to catch me—hold me.
I took a mug from the cabinet and poured myself a cup of coffee, trying my best to steady my shaking hands as I went through the motions.
"I thought I was gonna come out here and be all cool and say a few lines from the Christmas Story, but here you go, right off the bat, making me nervous and shy."
Jesse let out a laugh at my straightforward confession, and I glanced at him with narrowed eyes.
"I think that phone is the most amazing, thoughtful Christmas gift, ever," I said. "I shouldn't take it after everything you've already done, though, and I definitely can't take whatever that is," I said, gesturing to the box, which was sitting on the hearth near the fireplace.
"I really hope you didn't spend your afternoon going to get that for me yesterday."
He shrugged.
"Jesse, why'd you do that?"
He smiled and shrugged again. "I wanted to. You're gonna like it."
I felt a rush of hot tears stinging my eyes, and I blinked as I took the milk from the fridge to add it to my coffee. I turned to face him once I felt like I wasn't in danger of crying anymore, gazing at him from over the top of my coffee mug.
"I'm afraid I don't possess the grace it takes to know what to say right now, Jesse. You've already done too much. It makes me feel like the thing I'm giving you is…" I hesitated. I had already decided what I was giving him. It was something from my childhood. The day before, while he was away, I brought it inside and helped myself to some tape and a brown paper bag I found in his recycling container. I used my best handwriting to add a handwritten note of gratitude. I planned on leaving it for him when I took off.
"You better not give me anything," he said.
I scoffed at him. "How is it that you get to say that and I don't?" I asked.
"I really hope you didn't go try to buy me something," he said.
I moved to stand beside him in the kitchen, so close that I could just about feel his body heat where our arms and shoulders almost touched. I reached out to grab the plastic bag that contained the phone. It was convenient that I had to lean over him to reach it, and my side "accidently" touched him as I did. I wanted him to pull me into his arms while I was stretched across him, but he didn't. He was a perfect gentleman and acted like I did it on accident.
There was a box in the bag with a picture of an old-school flip phone.
"It's not fancy, but it makes calls," he said. "I think you can get texts, too, but it might be only a certain number a month. There's a bunch of information in the bag."
I set down the box. I was at a loss for words yet again.
"That's not your gift," he said. "That's just something I'm making you take like the mace and knife."
"I'm giving you something, too, but I was planning on leaving it when I go," I said. "I don't think we should give each other our gifts now. Let's just hang on to them, and open them after I leave. I can't believe you got me something after you paid for the car and the phone. Plus, you've paid for a bunch of stuff since I got here. Who knows how much you've spent on my food."
He reached out and gently cupped his hand over my mouth as if to tell me to be quiet. He was barely touching me, but the side of his finger touched my top lip, and I knew he felt my face shift as I smiled.
"I have money," he said. "Stop talking about money. It's not an issue for me. I would love it if we could just enjoy this day." He paused for a second before adding, "I don't want you to go. I'm dreading it."
"Not as much as I am." I said it in a jovial way as I headed toward the living room to check out the box. I knew I said I didn't want to open gifts, but I felt the urge to cry when he said he didn't want me to go. My best option at the moment was to walk out of the kitchen.
"I thought you said you didn't want to open it," he said, seeing me walk toward the box.
"I was just coming over here," I said. "It's big."
"Open it," he said. "It's Christmas. You always wanted to open that for Christmas."
And then it hit me what he was probably talking about.
"Jesse, don't you dare…" I turned to look at him, leveling him with a wide-eyed expression.
His smile grew as he headed into the living room to join me.
"There better not be a…" I trailed off, staring at the box, trying to figure out if it was large enough to contain a violin. They called them fiddles where I grew up, but I always imagined myself playing it like a violin with those long, sweeping notes. I asked for one for Christmas when I was 7, 8, 9, and 10, but stopped asking after that. It was something I had told Jesse in passing when we talked about our childhoods. I certainly didn't expect him to… Wait. I didn't even now what was in the box.
"What is it?" I asked, pointing at the box but looking at Jesse.
He smiled. "Open it and find out. All you have to do is pull the top off."
Indeed, there was a top to the box, which came off easily. My heart pounded as I lifted it. Part of me expected to find a violin and bow sitting at the bottom of it, so I was sort of taken aback when I saw a black box. It only took a second to realize that the shape of the black box indicated that there would, indeed, be a violin inside. My head whipped up so I could stare at Jesse, and he smiled. My face crumpled, and I sank it into my hands.
"Don't cry," he said. I was sitting on the hearth, and he came to stand next to me. He put his hand on my shoulder while I cried happy tears, and I reached out to wrap my arms around his legs. The side of my face fell onto his thigh, and I squeezed him, giggling as I tried to keep from crying.
"I can't believe it," I said. "I can't believe you did that."
"You didn't even look at it yet. It could be a hot dog in there."
"It's not a hot dog," I said.
He sat next to me, and I put the box on the rug at our feet so that we could both stare into it. "Nina knows a guy who builds them. He sells out of them during the holidays, but this one came out of his collection. He was a really neat guy. I regretted not bringing you out there to meet him."
"I can't believe I'm getting a puppy and a violin all in one Christmas," I said. "It's seriously the best Christmas I've ever had."
I stared into the box for a while before reaching down to pull the black case out and sit it on my lap. Inside, there was the most beautiful violin I had ever seen. The dark cherry-colored wood had been hand carved and polished to perfection. I closed the case after only a few seconds of staring at it.
"It's so beautiful," I whispered reverently. I leaned down to set it gently back in the box before loo
king at him. "Is it mine for real?"
He smiled and nodded, and I leaned into him collapsing onto his shoulder.
"It's yours for real."
I shook my head, which was still pressing against his arm. He adjusted, putting his arm around me, drawing me closer.
"I really think I'll regret it if I don't at least ask you to stay, Mae. I know how you feel about starting over on your own and everything, but I don't want to see you go. I want you to stay here."
"Don't," I whispered beseechingly.
"I have to," he said. "I'd be mad at myself if I let you leave without a fight, Mae."
"Don't," I whispered again, feeling desperate. I took a deep, calming breath, feeling more on edge than I'd ever been. A whole host of emotions washed through my body. Fear, love, hope, hopelessness, happiness. In those seconds, I didn't know left from right or up from down. I was swimming in a sea of emotions.
Jesse reached for me, and I took his hand in both of mine and held it securely against my chest. I hadn't meant to place it next to my heart; I just instinctually held it there.
"I thought we both knew this situation for what it was," I said, "…temporary."
"I don't see why it has to be that way," he said. "You just decide to stay."
Chapter 16
"I can't just decide to stay," I said, staring at him like he'd gone mad, which apparently, he had.
He still had his arm around my shoulder, but I shifted to stare at him. His eyes roamed over my face. "Why not?"
"Oh my goodness, Jesse. You can't stare at me like that."
"Like what?"
"All gorgeous like that. Don't make that face."
He grinned, which only made matters worse.
"Don't," I said. "I'm already all mixed up. The last thing I need is to start hoping…" I cut myself off. "I can't just stay here."
"Why's it any different than stopping anywhere else?" he asked.
"Because my house isn't temperature controlled at night, Jesse. I need to head south. That was the plan all along." I reached out and pinched his thigh. "You're being mean for making me dread it."
"I'm not being mean," he said. "I'm asking you to stay. I'm not kidding. At least stay past Christmas. Stay till New Year's."
I leaned over to let out a laugh, but when I sat back up, I noticed that Jesse didn't think it was funny. "Jesse don't."
"Stop saying don't, Mae. You don't."
"Don't what?"
"Don't leave."
I pulled back and narrowed my eyes at him before making a sincere expression. "Jesse, let me try to string some words together that say what I'm feeling here."
He nodded as if waiting for me to continue.
I sighed. "Okay," I said. "So, basically, I, uh, have these feelings. Like when I'm around you, I feel things that a girl feels toward a guy—more than friend things." I paused and stared at him. "What I'm saying is that if I stay here in Virginia, till New Year's or whenever, that I would, uh, be really tempted to, uh..."
His expression, which had been serious, broke into a small, amused grin that had me trailing off. He quickly wiped the smile off of his face, and adopted a serious look. "Did you just say you like me for more than a friend?" he asked, teasing me.
I narrowed my eyes again. I was so nervous and shaken up around him. How was he this calm and funny? I glanced down shyly, and he used a knuckle to tilt my chin up so I would look at him again. He was regarding me with a sweet expression when I made eye contact with him.
"I'm specifically asking you to stay here because I want to be with you." He adjusted so that he could face me, staring into my eyes. I was short of breath. "I can't imagine you driving off in the morning, Mae. I don't want you to do that."
"Well, I don't want that to happen either, but it just has to be that way. You can't just pick a girl up on the side of the road and let her move in with you, Jesse. The world doesn't work that way—maybe in books, but not in real life. You don't randomly just bump into your happily ever after at a gas station. It just doesn't happen. It's not real."
Jesse reached out and pinched my thigh. It wasn't hard enough to bruise, but I felt it. "Oww," I said, wrinkling my nose at him.
He smiled. "You seem pretty real to me," he said.
I smiled, and we sat there and stared at each other. The air between us was charged. I was so physically attracted to him that I couldn’t be trusted with making important decisions like should I stay or should I go. I was helpless to do anything but give in to whatever he was proposing—whatever option included being with him.
"Maybe an extra day wouldn't hurt," I said breathlessly.
"Maybe not," he whispered, inching closer to me.
"What happened to you not wanting a girlfriend?" I asked dazedly.
"You happened," he answered.
"One more day," I said.
His eyes squinted a little as he grinned. "I'm gonna talk you into one more after that."
"You think?"
He nodded.
"I have nothing to offer you," I said, knowing it was the truth by comparison of what he had to offer me.
"Yes, you do," he said.
"I can't just agree to jumping in with both feet," I said. "I don't know if it's wise for me to get right out of one thing and into another. I feel like I must not be thinking straight or something."
"I'm not thinking straight either, Mae. I wasn't expecting to pick a girl up at a gas station. That Christmas party I went to was some blind date my sister set me up on, and I left there vowing that I would never date again."
"Your sister set you up?" I asked. "Who? Nina?"
"Yes, Nina," he said, smiling as if he was amused by my jealousy.
"Who'd she set you up with?"
"Not you."
I narrowed my eyes again, and he smiled and lifted his eyebrows.
"Mae."
"What?"
"You're staying at least one more day past Christmas," he said.
"Okay," I said.
"Good."
"So, what happens now?" I asked. His face was so close to mine that I knew what was coming.
"Now, I'm gonna kiss you."
I was breathless with anticipation. "This will make leaving harder"
"I don't really care," he said with a confident little shake of his head. "I'm not trying to play fair at this point. I think all's fair in love and war, anyway."
I felt color rise to my cheeks when he said the phrase, because I knew he wasn't referring to what was going on here as war.
I followed the lines of his jaw across the curves of his mouth, making plans for how it would feel when he closed the remaining inches that separated us.
"Are you gonna do it?" I whispered after we sat there in breathless silence for a few seconds. I breathed a sigh, and the rise and fall of my chest made my nerves obvious.
He leaned in as if he was going to kiss me, but he stopped short of letting his lips touch me. He was painfully close—so close I could feel the little puffs of air between us as we breathed. Gosh, was I ever breathless. He adjusted, pulling back an inch or two before letting his mouth come over mine from another angle. I just knew he was gonna finally touch me that time, but he didn't, he let his mouth hover only an inch from mine.
"Jesse," I whispered, anticipation dripping from my voice.
"What?" he said, torturing me.
"Are you gonna do it?"
"Yep."
"When?"
He smiled. "I don't know."
As if I hadn't given him encouragement enough, I reached up and wrapped my hand around the back of his head. "Hmm," he said as if he thought that was an interesting move. I removed my hand from his head, and he made a disapproving noise that made me put it right back. I giggled when I did it, and used it as excuse to pull him closer. I acted like it was an accidental spazzy move on my part, but it was totally intentional. I absolutely couldn't wait any longer for him to put his lips on mine.
"Mae."
"What?"
>
"Kiss me."
"You kiss me," I whispered.
He closed the distance between us, finally letting our lips touch. I opened my mouth to him the instant he touched me, taking just a little bit of his lip into my mouth. He did the same, taking my lip into his mouth. He pulled me closer, making me lean into him.
"Mae," he said.
"What?"
Then, Jesse really kissed me. He started gently, but it built until he made his intentions clear. He kissed me passionately, but with an edge of gentleness that put me completely at ease. It was nothing like Jeff. There was simply no reason to compare him with Jeff in any way, shape, or form. Jesse was Jesse, and nothing I had ever experienced compared to the way he kissed me.
We pulled back and smiled at each other, and I used my thumb and forefinger to pinch him gently, starting at his wrist and going up his arm.
"You're real," I said, as if assuring myself.
He smiled and tilted his head to kiss me again. "You're real too," he said. "Wait. (kiss) Let me see. (another kiss) Hang on." (lingering kiss where our lips got stuck together, causing us both to smile)
"This is terrible," I said.
"What is?" (kiss)
"This," I said. (kiss) "This is terrible." (two kisses)
"Are we experiencing the same thing?" he asked.
I laughed. (kiss, kiss, long, lingering kiss where we just held our lips there) "It's terrible because…" (kiss) I stared at him for a few seconds. (kiss)
"Because what?" he asked.
"I can't remember what I was saying," I said.
He smiled. "Good."
"You got me a violin."
"Uh-huh. (kiss, one that seemed like the last because he pulled back afterward) Are you gonna learn how to play it?"
"Of course I am. I can already imagine Jack using his paws to cover his ears while I screech it out for the first year or so."
"He'll just have to stay outside with Donna while you're practicing," he said, standing up and straightening his clothes. "I'll probably get lost, too, if it's all the same to you," he added. "At least till you get a few notes down."
I smiled at his theoretical practice scenario as I stood up. Jesse was starting to walk toward the kitchen, but I grabbed him by the arm, tugging him back toward me. He came easily, like he wanted me to do it.
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