“It’s what we wanted, isn’t it?” He scoffed at his own comment and raised his head. “The baby is gone. No more issues for us.”
I found no comfort in what he said. “Don’t do this to yourself. Yes, we didn’t want the baby to be yours, but that didn’t mean we wanted it to die. That was my niece or nephew regardless of whether you were the father.”
Nothing I said appeared to make a difference. Ayden hadn’t looked at me once since I’d spoke. He stared in a daze toward the chair where I’d been sitting. “We don’t just hurt each other. We hurt the people around us too. Is the universe trying to tell us something?”
This time, he looked my way. His eyes were hollow and distant. I wasn’t sure if he was seeing me or just peering in my direction. The longer I studied him, the more I worried.
“I know we’ve hurt each other in the past, but it’s because of lies we were told. We didn’t do this to Izzy. She came at me with her fist, and you moved me out of the way. If she had gone to her suite like I asked, this wouldn’t have happened.”
“Maybe so, but I’m the one who provoked her. Instead of keeping my mouth shut, I let her get to me. When I get angry, people get hurt.” He shook his head and scoffed. “I haven’t forgotten about the way I hurt you right before I chased you away. You were scared of me that night, and with good reason. I’m a horrible person.”
“Ayden, stop. It was an accident. That doesn’t make you a terrible person.”
“How can you say that? Your niece or nephew is gone, and Izzy is so doped up, she doesn’t even know yet. A life is gone, and all I can think about is the fact that I can’t prove my innocence. That’s not the makings of a great person, Mia.”
“Wanting to know what happened that night doesn’t make you a horrible person either. As much as I didn’t want this to happen, I keep telling myself that it wasn’t meant for my sister to have a child yet. We both know what kind of life that baby would have had.”
“At least it would be alive.”
I hated that he was so hard on himself. The news was devastating to both of us, but I had to prove to him that no one was at fault. Accidents happened. Neither of us knew what fate had in store. Maybe Izzy had to go through this tragedy to straighten up her life. Something had to give. The girl was a walking time bomb ready to explode and destroy everything in her path.
“Ayden, please listen to me.” When I reached for his hand, he moved it away. It crushed me to know that he didn’t want me touching him. Did he hate himself that much?
“I need a minute.” He stood and walked toward the exit before I could say anything. It was just as well. The stress of this situation was getting the best of me.
Without a word to anyone, I rushed toward the ladies’ room down the hall. Andi asked where I was going. I assumed she figured it out. At least I hoped. By the time I made it to the toilet, my dinner had splashed into the water. My body jerked as I heaved again, emptying my stomach of everything.
Once I knew I was finished, I rinsed out my mouth and stared inside the mirror. I knew I’d be in here at some point. My stomach hadn’t felt right all evening. I chalked it up to nerves. Both Ayden and I dreaded our chat with Izzy, and the one we ended up having proved we’d been right. Now that I’d witnessed my sister fall and miscarry her baby, my stomach bottomed out.
Patting my face with some cold water, I rinsed my mouth one more time, grabbed a hand towel to wipe off the excess water, then gripped the door handle in my hand. Deep breaths expanded my chest. I needed to settle my nerves, or I’d be right back in here. This time, I wouldn’t have anything to throw up.
As I stepped into the hall, I saw Ayden. He’d come back inside and returned to his chair. Someone else was with him. It took me a second to realize it was D. I wasn’t sure where he was when the ambulance came for Izzy, but I assumed he caught word of what had happened.
D had a hold of Ayden’s shoulder. He patted it every so often as he spoke to him. I couldn’t hear anything he was saying, but regardless of that fact, Ayden appeared calmer.
Andi gawked at me when I sat beside her. “Are you okay?”
“I’ll be fine.” I concentrated on Ayden, hoping he would look at me. His silence increased my anxiety. “Ayden, are you okay?”
“I don’t know what I am.” He stared at the floor and shook his head. “That’s not true. I’m an asshole. Everything I touch turns to shit.” Cold eyes finally landed on me. “You’d be wise to get as far away from me as you can. I’ll drag you under too.”
“I’m not afraid, Ayden. You’re upset and saying things you don’t mean.”
“No, I’m speaking the truth. It’s time I face facts. I’m not meant to be in a relationship. You and I shouldn’t be together, Mia. The best thing I can do for you is to let you go.”
I struggled to breathe, but I couldn’t get enough air inside my lungs. “What are you saying, Ayden?”
A nurse walked up to us before he could answer. “Which one of you gentlemen is Ayden McAllister?”
“I am.” He pointed to himself.
“Sir, can you come with me? Miss Giles is awake and asking to see you.”
“Uh, yeah. I guess so.”
As they stepped away, I stood. I wanted to follow Ayden, but Andi grabbed my arm. Just before he went through the ER doors, he peered at me again. He didn’t say anything, not with words. His icy gaze said enough.
Tears formed in my eyes, blurring my vision. I couldn’t grasp what was happening. “He’s breaking up with me.”
“No, he’s not.” Bentley had been quiet up to that point, but when I looked his way, he was staring at the doors. “He’s upset, Mia. Just give him some time to process what happened.”
I didn’t miss the worried expression on Andi’s face. She didn’t believe Bentley anymore than I did. “He’s not the only one hurting over what happened. Mia lost a niece or nephew. I get he’s upset, but that’s no reason to end things.”
Breaking free of Andi’s grasp, I stumbled forward, catching myself on the chair at the end. Arms went around my shoulder, but it wasn’t Andi this time. When I turned around, D was standing beside me.
“You should sit down.”
“I can’t,” I cried. “Ayden just . . .” It was a little over an hour ago when Ayden assured me that he loved me. He promised nothing would come between us again. How could he suggest we break up?
D tugged my arm and attempted to turn me around, but I broke free. I took a few more steps as the room began to spin. The acid creeping up the back of my throat warned me that if I didn’t calm down, I’d be sick. At this point, I didn’t care.
Voices called to me. They sounded as if they were miles away. I wanted to turn around and assure my friends that I was okay, but I couldn’t. My knees grew weak. Everything around me grew quiet.
Then the ground cradled my back as I spiraled into the darkness.
Chapter 19
~Ayden~
Izzy had fallen back to sleep after spending the last forty minutes bawling. I wish the nurse had told her about the miscarriage before I came into the room. Perhaps I wouldn’t have felt inclined to comfort her. I knew it would give her the wrong impression.
While I sympathized with her, my feelings hadn’t changed. I didn’t love Izzy. As much as it bothered me to know an innocent life had died because of my reaction, I was glad I wouldn’t have the responsibility.
Double-checking to make sure she was asleep, I opened up the door and made my way into the hall. The guys who worked in the transport department stopped in front of her door. Hopefully, they were coming to move her to another floor.
“Are you here to take Izzy Giles to another room?”
“No, sir,” the younger guy answered. “We’re taking her down for a test. She’ll be back in about thirty minutes.”
“Thanks.”
Continuing through the hall, I passed the nurses station and a few more rooms before making it to the waiting room door. It took me a moment to prepare myself.
I didn’t leave things on the best terms when I came to see Izzy. I left Mia thinking I didn’t want a relationship with her.
She was wrong. I wanted to be with her more than anything in the world. The truth of the matter was I didn’t believe I deserved it. What if my lot in life was to be alone and miserable? I was a musician after all. Weren’t we supposed to suffer through heartache and pain to write songs that spoke to people? It’s what many of the songs on our album were about.
Still, I didn’t want that to be my fate. I wanted to be with Mia, get married, have children with her. Yet here I was allowing her sister to drive a wedge between us again. Izzy didn’t plan to have a miscarriage, but the fact she did ripped me apart. How could Mia love me when I was a big reason her sister was lying in the hospital?
This was my fault.
Twisting the door handle, I pushed open the door and walked into the waiting area. It was late. The clock on the wall showed it was midnight. I rubbed my eyes as a yawn slipped out. Then I glanced around the waiting area for my party.
The only person I saw was Bentley. What the fuck? Where had everyone gone?
Bentley stood as I approached him. “Hey, bro. How you holding up?”
“I’m tired. At the same time, I’m pissed. Where the hell is everyone? Did they decide to bail on Izzy now that they know she miscarried?”
“No man.” Bentley shook his head. “It’s not like that at all. It’s Mia.”
“Mia?” His response caught me off guard. I searched the waiting area again as if I’d see her this time, but that was wishful thinking. “What about her?”
Shrugging his shoulders, he waited until I faced him again before he answered me. “I’m not sure what happened, but a few minutes after you went to see Izzy, Mia fainted.”
My chest tightened. “She did what?”
“She passed out, Ayden.”
I grabbed both of his arms and jiggled him. “Where is she? I have to see her.”
“They took her into an observation room because the ER is full. Andi sent me a text to let me know.”
“So where is the observation room?”
“Down the hall toward the outpatient surgery area.” He followed me as I walked toward the hallway where the restrooms were. The sign above the archway had two separate arrows pointing in the same direction with the words OUTPATIENT SURGERY spelled out on the top.
“Dude, slow down.” Bentley struggled to stay in step with me. “I can’t keep up with you.”
“Try. I have to see Mia, Ben. I have to tell her I fucked up and I’m sorry.”
As we rounded the corner of the hall, I saw Darius. He was sitting in a row of chairs opposite a door. The squeaking noise coming from my shoes gained his attention, causing him to stand.
By the time I reached him, I was too out of breath to talk. Bentley was panting as hard as I was, but somehow he managed to find his voice. “Darius, do you have an update on Mia yet?”
“No.” He studied me from head to toe before he finished. “I haven’t seen her since I carried her into the room after she passed out.”
My face grew hot. Was that a dig at me? I couldn’t complain if it were. I deserved it.
“What about Andi? Where is she?”
“In there.” Darius pointed toward the door. “She came to the door to update me once, but all she said was the doctor ordered blood work and would proceed from there once he had the results.” He gazed at me again. “How is Izzy?”
There was no sarcasm in his voice this time. I appreciated that fact. “She didn’t handle the news well, but at least she knows. They have her so doped up on pain meds, she didn’t stay awake for long.”
“It’s probably best. If Izzy’s awake, she’s thinking about it.” He shifted his eyes to the floor a moment and chewed on his bottom lip. “Mia is devastated over what happened with Izzy. You know that, don’t you?”
I nodded. “I feel bad for everything I said to Mia before I went back to Izzy’s room. I’m here to apologize and grovel.”
Darius chuckled then rubbed the back of his neck. “Good luck getting to see her. Andi is watching her like a guard dog. You’ll never get past the curtain if she hears the door open. Every time someone has opened that door, I’ve watched her rush around the curtain to see who it is.”
“Sounds like she’s expecting it to be me.”
When he nodded, I groaned inwardly. Fighting with Andi was the last thing I wanted to do, but I had to speak to Mia. I wouldn’t leave unless it’s what she wanted. Andi would have to deal with it.
“Wish me luck.”
Darius went back to the chairs and sat in the one he’d been occupying. As soon as Bentley joined him, I scoffed. “What’s the matter? Are you afraid Andi will be pissed that you brought me here?”
“Nope. I just don’t plan to anger her any more than she is.”
Great. I was walking into a hornet’s nest.
The door to Mia’s room didn’t creak when I opened it. It provided me a smidgen of relief. I was sure the sound coming from the hall would be enough for Andi to realize someone had walked inside. Fortunately for me, someone paged a doctor over the intercom.
Even after the door clicked shut, Andi was still nowhere in sight. As I crept closer to the curtain, my palms began sweating. Mia was on the other side, and the thought of seeing her had me anxious.
Taking a deep breath, I pushed my fears aside and walked around the curtain. Andi was nowhere in sight, and Mia’s eyes were closed. I couldn’t tell if she was sleeping, but the rise and fall of her chest appeared normal.
I stared at her as I stood at the foot of the bed. It was hard to believe something might be wrong with her. She’d been sick during her trip, but she chalked it up to allergies. Perhaps it was something more.
The doctor she saw while she was in New York said he’d contact her if anything abnormal showed up in her blood work, but he said it could be a few days before that happened.
Maybe it was anxiety. God knows Izzy had put us through hell since she showed up at Music Haven. Wesley hadn’t helped matters. Was it possible Mia fainted because I’d upset her? The thought concerned me more than anything. It’s why I felt as if I was meant to be alone. Why did I keep hurting the woman I loved?
“What the hell are you doing in here?” Andi’s voice was full of anger even though she spoke the words in a soft tone. I expected Mia to open her eyes and look my way, but she didn’t.
“I came to see Mia and apologize.”
“Get out, Ayden. She doesn’t want to see you.”
Standing my ground, I turned to look at Mia’s friend. Where had she been anyway? Perhaps she was in the bathroom when I first came into the room. It didn’t matter now. I had to say my piece.
“If Mia doesn’t want me here, I’ll go, but I need to hear that from her. Until then, I’m not leaving.”
“You won’t hear it from her anytime soon. Her doctor gave her something to help keep her calm.”
The news hit me hard. “Why?”
“You don’t know how upset she was when you left the waiting room. How could you break up with her in a place like this?”
When she spread her arms wider, referring to the hospital, I shook my head. “I didn’t break up with her. I was speaking hypothetically.”
“It didn’t sound that way to her or to me. I spoke with her a few minutes before the medicine kicked in. She was a mess, Ayden, and it’s because she thinks you broke up with her.”
“Then it’s even more of a reason I need to be in here. I have to set things straight when Mia wakes.”
Andi massaged her temples and trudged to the seat beside Mia’s bed. “I’m not sure it’s going to be that easy. Mia is convinced that nothing she says or does will be enough. Every time something goes wrong between you two, it’s harder for her to recover.”
“I didn’t break up with her though.”
“Why don’t you give her some space, Ayden? She just lost her niece or nephew, her body is exhaust
ed from the trip, and she’s been on a roller coaster of emotions since you came into her life. She needs a break.”
“That’s the last thing she needs. I’m not abandoning her when she needs me most.”
“You and the guys are about to leave on tour for a few months. Take that time to get yourself together and figure out if Mia’s the woman you want for the rest of your life.”
I gripped the edge of the bed and glared at her. “I’m not leaving on any tour until Mia and I settle this. I asked her to marry me, Andi. She’s wearing my ring. This is between her and me. It’s none of your business.”
Andi’s head jerked back like I’d offended her. She parted her mouth with a retort, but something distracted her. Mia.
Her eyes fluttered open as she stared at the ceiling. A few seconds later, she looked at me. “Ayden?”
I nodded. “I’m sorry, Mia. God, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean any of it.”
Tears formed as her lower lip trembled. It made my gut knot. I really was an asshole. Every second I stared at her proved that. I’d broken her heart with my insensitive words right before I left to see Izzy.
How could I do that to her? The things I had said were terrible enough, but to leave her to process those words while I checked on the woman who’d made our life hell was cruel. I couldn’t expect her to forgive me.
Still, I wanted her to.
“Mia, please. Talk to me.”
“Just go away.” Her voice cracked as she covered her face with her hands.
When I drew closer to the bed, Andi straightened her back as if she were preparing to pounce on me. She watched every move I made, but I didn’t care. Making things right with Mia was my only concern.
“Please, Mia. I’m begging you. Talk to me. Let me explain. If you want me to leave after that, I will.”
She shook her head, not once moving her hands from her face. “I can’t keep doing this. Please, leave.”
“You heard her, Ayden. Go.”
“Stay out of this, Andi.”
Just as I suspected, she sprung out of her seat and advanced in my direction. Before she got around the bed, something caught her attention. I turned in time to see Bentley and Darius standing near the privacy curtain. They must have heard our raised voices.
Love Damaged: Rock-N-Roll Heiress Book 2 Page 19