“You look so good!” she yelled.
“You look good, too, Rose. I missed you.” My voice cracked briefly. She pulled away from our hug to inspect me—like I had a glob of chocolate syrup on my face.
I hadn’t told her.
I couldn’t tell her. Not on the phone.
Her eyes went from being a focused beam of joy to a dismal understanding—apparently this was my new effect on people. My lip trembled as I turned away to keep Cody from seeing tears splash down my cheeks.
“Cody, can you go check the trunk for your mama—make sure she got everything?” Rosie asked.
“Si!” Cody called.
She laughed. “Gracias, chico.”
The second he was gone, she pulled me into the bathroom.
I sat on the side of the tub and brought my hands to my face. She shut the door behind her quietly.
“Oh no…no, no, no,” she murmured over and over.
I nodded, grabbing a wad of toilet paper and blowing my nose. I’d managed to hold my tears in all day. Evidently the holding tank had reached its limit.
“It’s not over,” she said defiantly as she put her hand on her hip.
“It is, Rose. He’s fighting to stay at his company; he doesn’t want me.”
“No, this is not how the story ends.”
I rolled my eyes, thinking if she only knew the kind of ending Jackson was capable of writing, she would have a different opinion.
“Sorry Rose. Not everyone gets a happy ending.”
She pushed my shoulder back, almost knocking me off balance and into the tub.
“You do.”
I smiled weakly as she pulled me in for another hug.
**********
I spent the evening catching up with Cody, snuggling with him on the couch. I finally made him go to bed when his head bobbed for the tenth time or so. Grudgingly, he turned off his light and went to sleep. I shut down the house and made my way back to my bedroom. Apparently, Briggs had left my suitcases and garment bags on top of my bed.
I glanced at the clock. It was almost eleven, which meant it felt like midnight to my body. I knew myself too well though. I would not want to spend tomorrow unpacking and organizing. Better just to rip the band-aid off now.
I unlocked and unzipped the larger of the two suitcases and then stood back…blinking.
There was a wrapped, light blue box in the center of my suitcase with a card attached. I bit my lip and shifted my weight back and forth on my feet as a thousand questions filled my mind—the most obvious being, who had done this?
My options were limited at best:
1. Walt
2. An airplane bomber with a master luggage key
3. A magical fairy
I deduced it was the first, although I approached the box as if it were indeed a nicely packaged bomb that lay in wait for me and not a gift. My fingers shook as they held the box, the shiny paper was miraculously without a wrinkle as I began the process of unwrapping it. I didn’t want to read the card first, somehow I knew whatever words awaited me there would be more painful than the contents of this box.
“Oh my gosh…” I gasped. The lid held a familiar logo, one I’d only seen in magazines or on TV. Or in New York City.
As I lifted the lid to peek inside the box a sob broke from my chest.
My necklace.
No, not my old, frail, faded pendant and chain. A new one—or rather, an exquisitely expensive replica of the old. One that hadn’t been weathered with time or tears.
I sank down to the floor near my bed and laid my head against the comforter, opening the box again to stare at the most beautiful piece of jewelry I’d ever seen—much less been given. I touched the cool silver charm of angel wings surrounded by a heart encrusted with diamonds, and let the sobs roll out until I was short of breath.
I stared at the unopened note, afraid to read the message attached to such an exquisite gift.
Several minutes passed until I was brave enough to pick it up.
I opened the envelope and pulled out a card. Jackson’s handwriting was yet another kick to the gut. My breathing faltered as I read his words.
Angela,
I wanted to give this to you in person, but I made Walt do it for me instead. I just couldn’t do it. I couldn’t watch you leave…and I knew I couldn’t beg for you to stay either.
I realize I owe you more than a “five nice things list” for not showing up to the airport to see you off properly, but perhaps this gift can help me make a plea bargain?
I know this necklace can never replace the one you lost—or the memories that were attached to it, but I hope it will bring you many new ones. Happy ones. When your Grandpa first gave your Granny that necklace all those years ago, I’m sure he wanted to protect her, to give her a Guardian Angel that would watch over her when he couldn’t be there for her…
But the angel I know is not found inside a necklace.
She’s not a pendant made from gold or silver. She’s as real as her name depicts. Her beauty is as matchless as her heart.
I’m convinced she is my angel, and I miss her something terrible.
I need you, Ang.
Jackson.
P.S. Don’t give up on me yet.
I don’t know how long I sat on the floor thinking about Jackson, or when I finally gave in to the pull of sleep, but I woke up with a new revelation and a warm feeling in my chest.
When I was a young girl I believed that romantic love had the power to save. I saw it as the great remedy, the one cure that could fix all wounds and mend all hearts. But I didn’t believe that anymore.
Sometimes love was not all we needed.
Sometimes it didn’t cure our hurts.
Sometimes it wasn’t the eraser of our mistakes.
Love is instead, the bridge that leads the broken to grace, hope, and redemption. Love is the greatest amplifier that God ever gave to us. Our strengths are made stronger with it, and our faults are shown mercy because of it.
As much as I wanted to be with Jackson, to hold his hand, and kiss his lips…I knew my love could not heal him. I could no sooner make him fly than I could reach into his soul and make him forgive himself. He had to do it on his own. I knew all about recovery, and Jackson needed to recover from his guilt more than I needed him to love me.
If Jackson needed distance, then I could give him that.
After all, I’d already given him my heart.
I opened my phone and sent him a text:
Thank you for the necklace. It’s the most stunning gift I’ve ever been given.
P.S. I won’t give up on you, Jackson.
Chapter Forty-Two
“You ready babe?” I called out.
“Yep! Uncle B’s coming tonight, too!” Cody yelled back from his room. I filled his water bottle as he put his cleats on. He was so excited about tonight’s game. And I was happy to watch him play.
I’d just finished my book revisions for Sally last night. She would be proud of my efforts. During the last two weeks, I’d stayed up late in order to get them finished since my hours at the flower shop had picked up. Editing had served as a great way to cope with my now quiet evenings. Crazy to think I’d been more than fine with the quiet prior to NYC—prior to Jackson Ross.
I hadn’t heard from him in several days. We’d texted brief exchanges back and forth almost daily since I’d been home, but I was careful not to initiate. I wanted him to take the lead. He knew where I stood. I’d already poured out my heart to him in the middle of Central Park.
If there was a next move for us, it would be in his timing, and knowing Jackson the way I did…it could be a very, very long wait.
“I’ll be in the car, mom!” Cody called as he ran out the door, leaving me with all the soccer loot.
Nice. Thanks.
I followed Cody out the door, trying to balance a duffle bag, mini-cooler, and water bottle and purse, all while locking the deadbolt behind me.
“I need to as
k Santa for octopus arms for Christmas!” I yelled out to no one.
I heard a deep, familiar chuckle come from somewhere behind me. I froze in place.
I closed my eyes.
“I only have two arms to offer—but they’re yours if you want them.”
I turned around slowly, tears already blurring my vision.
“Jackson.” The word was like a sweet prayer on my lips.
In that instant, while watching him take my porch steps two at a time and unburdening my arms, my life came full-circle. The man of my dreams had finally replaced the man of my nightmares.
He wrapped his arms around me and nuzzled his face into the crook of my neck as Cody whooped and hollered somewhere nearby.
“You surprised, Mom? I told you I could keep a secret, Jackson!” Cody yelled.
My laugh was giddy, elated even. Jackson’s smile was huge as he waved Cody over to the steps. He hugged my son close.
“You did a great job, buddy. Remind me to tell your Uncle B thanks, too, okay?”
Cody gave Jackson a high-five. “You bet…but we should get going so I don’t have to run laps.” He ran to Jackson’s black, shiny rental car.
“You’re staying for his game?” I asked, hopeful.
“I’m staying,” he said, his eyes intense with meaning.
My heart soared at the infinite possibilities hidden within those two words. He leaned down and scooped up my son’s soccer paraphernalia as I followed after him.
**********
I leaned into Jackson’s shoulder as Cody ran toward his teammates, my heart racing with unbelief. I inhaled, taking in a whiff of his aftershave and cologne—the one that smelled of mint and ocean and cedar.
Jackson laughed. “Did you just smell me?”
I looked up at him. “Sorry, I’m still not sure you’re really here.”
He glanced over at the field where the practice drills had begun and pulled me toward a large oak tree. As he put his hands on my face his gaze dropped to the necklace I was wearing for the first time. His fingers trailed over my collarbone and lifted the pendant, staring at it for several seconds before fixing his gaze on my eyes once more.
“I’m in love with you, Angela Flores.”
A tiny laugh escaped me at the bluntness of his confession. But as he put a finger to my lips I no longer felt like laughing. I stared at his face, his eyes, his lips…
“I thought about something you said at the lake—it was like an anthem in my head every day that I wasn’t with you. You know what it was?”
I shook my head, my lips desiring his kiss more and more with each passing second.
“You said, you didn’t have time to grow bitter, not when you had someone to love. Remember that?”
I nodded again, dumbfounded at his memory.
“And I remember so much more than that, Ang.”
He moved his finger across my lips and dipped his head, claiming my mouth with his own. Even when I tasted the salt of my tears mingling with our lips he was not deterred.
“How long are you here?” I whispered, finding my footing as he laced our fingers together.
“I told you, Ang. I’m staying—as long as you’ll let me that is.”
“That might be a really long time,” I said smiling.
“Deal.”
**********
“You’re so beautiful, Angie,” he said, watching me walk across the living room after tucking Cody into bed.
A slow blush crept into my cheeks as he reached his hand out for mine. His mouth curved into a slow smile, and I debated with myself when the last time was that I had felt such infectious joy.
His eyes held steady as he spoke. “I took your advice.”
“What advice was that?” I asked.
Jackson lifted my hand to his lips and kissed it. “When the board meeting came down to my vote…I realized I’d been fighting for the wrong thing for far too long. I resigned that day. I’m choosing to move on, and I told Stewart that before I voted him in.” He shifted in his seat. “I don’t want to be the man I’ve been anymore, Ang.”
My heart pounded in response to him. “Then who do you want to be?”
“The guy who gets the girl in the end.”
I squished closer to him on the sofa, wrapping my arms around his neck. “You already have her.”
He nuzzled his lips into the sensitive spot beneath my ear. “But I don’t deserve her.”
“If we based God’s goodness to us on what we deserved, then how would any of us ever know happiness, or love?”
His lips found mine, kissing me with such tender passion, my scalp tingled.
Pulling away gently, his breath fluttered across my mouth. “I don’t plan on being anywhere that you’re not. I hope that works for you and Cody.”
Planting my lips on his once more, I showed him my approval.
“And you’re going to write again?” I asked eagerly.
He cupped my face, kissing my nose, my cheek, my chin. “Yes, I’m going to write again.”
“And you promise to write happy endings?”
“I promise,” he said in between kisses. “Happy…endings.”
I pulled back slightly, teasing him. “So you’ve changed your stance, then?”
His eyes crinkled with delight. “What stance is that?”
“That true love is just a dream.”
Drawing me close again, his breath tickled my ear as he whispered, “If it is, then let me never wake up.”
The End
Epilogue
Almost four years had passed since the first time I visited the Lake House in Connecticut with Cody and Jackson. I’d lost count of how many times we’d been back since, but each time had felt as significant as the first: Jackson and I were engaged there three years ago, Pippy and Caleb were married there two summers ago, and Jacob took his final breaths there this past September.
Which was exactly how he’d wanted it.
Before he passed, Jacob was able to read his brother’s most recent work of fiction—a highly acclaimed mystery series based on an expedition near the Nile River. Jackson dedicated the series to Jacob, knowing full well that without him, it would never have been written. And much to Jacob’s delight, Jackson also dropped his pen name.
As I packed, Jackson’s arms encircled my waist from behind. He planted a kiss at the base of my neck, sending a tingle of pleasure dancing down my spine.
“You about ready, gorgeous? Briggs is here to take us to the airport. Cody’s outside loading the suitcases now.”
Biting my bottom lip, I checked the contents of the bag one last time. Did I remember everything? It’d been so long since—
Jackson spun me around. “Everything will be fine. It’s only a three-hour flight.” He kissed the tip of my nose. “And I promise to be the one to do a midnight store-run on the off-chance you actually forgot to pack something.”
His eyes sparkled when he spoke, and I knew he was just as excited as I was.
Glancing at the bag, he asked, “Can I take this to the van for you?”
He reached for the strap.
“Wait,” I said, pulling him back. “I’m not finished yet.”
Jackson arched an eyebrow as my lips found his. I’d never grow tired of kissing this man.
“Now you can take it.”
Chuckling, Jackson hoisted the mini-goliath onto his shoulder and left our bedroom. My stomach fluttered as I walked across the hall and cracked open the nursery door. Waiting for me inside was a sight I once believed I’d never see again, not in my home anyway.
A sleeping baby. My baby.
The adoption was finalized just last week, and Lucy, the beautifully spunky nine-month old, was ours. Officially. Tears pricked my eyes as I leaned over her crib. Running my hand over her dark hair and onto her bag, I lifted up a quiet prayer, the same prayer I’d prayed over Cody.
A prayer of protection, one God had answered many times over.
Lucy grunted and stretched as
I brought her to my chest. Cradling her sleepy head into my neck, I swayed in the dimly-lit room.
“Are you ready for this, Lucy?” I whispered. “There are some very special people waiting to meet you…your aunt Pippy has been begging to kiss your sweet cheeks.” I kiss the top of her head. “There’s no place like the lake house. You will love it there. I promise.”
I changed her diaper then headed toward the front door, Lucy rubbing her tired brown eyes as we walked into the sunshine.
“There she is! I need to kiss my niece before you whisk her away. I don’t want her getting any ideas about the East Coast. She loves Texas—don’t you, Lucy?” Briggs took Lucy from my arms as Cody kissed her temple.
“She may not be able to say it yet, but she knows I’m the cool Uncle,” Briggs said.
I rolled my eyes. “Well, how could she not? You remind her—and us—every time you hold her.”
Cody laughed. “You are cool, Uncle B.”
Briggs slung an arm around Cody’s shoulder. “See?”
Lucy giggled as she touched Briggs’ animated face. My heart swooned.
“Can I buckle her in the car seat, mom?” Cody asked. He was as smitten with her as I was.
“Sure, Code.”
Cody took Lucy from Briggs and walked around the van, talking to her expressively.
“You ready to go?” Briggs asked Jackson and I.
“Yeah, thanks again for taking us Briggs,” Jackson said, slapping him on the back.
“No problem. Charlie wanted to come, but the twins aren’t feeling well. She didn’t want to risk getting Lucy sick before her first big flight.”
Getting in the van, I glanced back at our farmhouse. Just north of Dallas, we’d purchased enough land to be considered “country folk”. And where Cody finally got his dog, a dog that was currently staying with Auntie Rosie.
Though we thought long and hard about where we would call home, we realized once again that home was comprised of so much more than the property we chose, but of the family we cherished—a family that had grown by one more in the recent months. We decided to stay in Texas—much to my brother’s delight—after agreeing to make several trips a year to visit the East Coast.
All Who Dream (Letting Go) Page 28