by Amy Lillard
“How can I when I know he’s the one trying to get you to leave?”
Tillie sniffed. “He’s not. We’re just talking about it.”
“Uh-huh, and you’ve been talking about it long enough that one of you doesn’t want to and the other does.”
“It’s really not like that.” But even in the day’s fading light, Leah could tell that her sister wasn’t even fooling herself.
“If you really wanted to leave, then you would have been gone by now.”
Tillie leaned back in the swing, folding her arms across herself once again. “Maybe” was all she said.
Leah sighed. “I’m sorry. It’s just been a long week.”
“So you keep saying,” Tillie said with a nod.
“No one can make the decision for you. Not me or Gracie or Hannah. Not even Melvin.”
But you let Hannah make the decision for you.
She pushed that voice away.
“I suppose,” Tillie said.
“And I believe that your still being here says something.”
Tillie nodded again. “I suppose you’re right,” she said, then pushed herself up from the swing. “Thanks, Leah.”
“Anytime.” Though she doubted she had added any new advice to the argument. Each person had to decide for themselves. She might have left to be with Hannah, but she had made the decision in a heartbeat. One minute she was being left behind, and the next she was standing on the side of the road waiting for someone to pick them up.
Leah watched as Tillie let herself into the house. It really had been a long week.
Laughter and the sound of voices rose in the air as Gracie and Brandon made their way back to the house.
“Are you ready to go?” Leah asked him.
He grinned. “I was born ready.”
* * *
“Did you get to talk to your dad?” Leah asked once they were in the car and on the way home. Brandon had just recently discovered that Aaron Zook, his mother’s one-time boyfriend, was his father, not Mitch McLean, the man who had raised him. Mitch had died in a boating accident earlier in the year, leaving Hannah and Brandon practically destitute as unknown debts started drifting in. Hannah had had no place to go but home. And once she had returned to Pontotoc, there was no keeping Brandon from the truth.
But it had all worked out. Or at least, they were working things out. Such a tangled mess took time to unwind.
“A little bit. It’s hard, you know? I don’t know what to say to him.”
“You could tell him about school. And about the shop. Maybe about Shelly.”
He blew out a disbelieving breath. “Me and Shelly are just friends.”
“Shelly and I. And you can still tell him about her if you’re only friends.”
Brandon shook his head. “He wants . . . I think he wants to teach me things. You know, be a father to me.”
“But you don’t think you need that.”
“Learning how to train horses is not going to help me.”
“You never know. You might grow up and be a horse trainer.”
“I doubt it.”
“But would it hurt you to learn?”
He let out another breath, this one closer to a groan.
“I thought you liked watching him with the horses.” It was a sight to behold, the poetry that was Aaron Zook with a horse. There was a beauty in it that wasn’t from this world. Awe inspiring.
“That was before.”
“Before what?”
“Nothing.”
Before he found out that Aaron was his father. It would be tough news at any age, but Brandon was especially vulnerable. He had just lost the man he had always thought was his dad, then had to move out of the house he had always known to live in the middle of one of the most conservative Amish districts in the country. Culture shock didn’t quite cover it.
“Give him a chance,” Leah said softly. “This has to be just as hard on him.”
“I guess.”
But Leah could tell Brandon wasn’t convinced. One day . . . one day, she prayed the two would be able to have as normal a relationship as possible. Given the circumstances.
“What were you and Aunt Tillie talking about?”
“Nothing.” The word slipped out so easily, even if it wasn’t the truth.
“Is she still thinking about leaving the Amish?”
Leah took her gaze from the road long enough to give him a quick look. “How did you know about that?”
Brandon shrugged. “People talk, you know. The Amish are the worst. But what do you expect, since they don’t have television?”
“Who’s been talking?”
“Everybody. Joshua and Libby mostly. But Anna and Jim when they think I’m not listening.”
“I see.” She didn’t have a better answer to that. What would Tillie say if she knew everyone was speculating? Or perhaps she did know, and it was all a cry for someone to stop her?
“Do a lot of people leave?”
“Wh-what?” Leah pulled herself out of her thoughts.
“Do a lot of people leave? I mean like you and Mom. Are there a lot of you?”
“Enough, I suppose.” She had no idea. She had heard statistics on the matter, but who truly knew how accurate they were? Leaving wasn’t easy, and most who did tried several times before they were successful.
“What about turning Amish?”
“Turning Amish?”
“Yeah.” He sat up a little straighter in his seat. They were almost into town. But at this time on a Sunday evening, hardly anyone was stirring around. “Mom is coming back. So that’s different. Does anyone who’s never been Amish before just decide they want to be?”
“I’ve heard of it happening once or twice, but it’s not very common.”
“But it does happen?”
“Yes.” She pulled her car to a stop behind the shop. “But it’s a hard life, and not many people can start living it on a whim.”
“If it’s so hard, why does anyone come back? Why does anyone stay?”
Leah put the car into park and turned off the engine, but she made no move to get out. “People have all sorts of reasons for coming back.”
“Like Mom?”
She smiled at him. “I think your mom’s case is a little bit different from most. People get out into the world, and it isn’t what they thought. Or maybe they realize the world can separate them from God, so they come back. Most of us look for God in the first place we heard about Him.”
He seemed to think about that for a moment. “Is that what Mom’s doing? Finding God?”
“That’s part of it, I suppose.”
“And Aunt Tillie? Will she lose God if she leaves?”
The thought was heartbreaking. “It’s possible, yes.”
He nodded, then reached for his door handle to let himself out of the car.
Leah followed suit, locking it for the night.
“What about you?” he asked as they climbed the stairs.
“I didn’t lose God. That’s why I joined the Mennonite church.” She unlocked their apartment and flipped on the lamp nearest the door.
“Not God,” Brandon said. “Do you ever think about coming back?”
More times than I can count. But she couldn’t say that out loud. She couldn’t admit it. Admitting it wouldn’t change one thing. She had left, and she had never come back. She might have returned to Pontotoc, but that was as close as she had gotten. She was happy with the decisions she had made. “No,” she lied, realizing she had told two whoppers in so many hours. Less than. “Now go get ready for bed. We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow.”
* * *
He couldn’t believe he was coming in here again. Jamie opened the door to Twice Blessed with a quick sigh. It was as if he couldn’t stay away from the woman. Which was ridiculous. They seemed to argue about something every time they were together. And he wanted to stay away from her. Far away from her.
Lord help me get through this day with fr
iendship and kindness. Amen.
She was standing behind the counter when he walked in. She looked up and met his gaze as his heart gave a hard thump. Jah, he dreaded seeing her so much that his heart was beating out of normal rhythm. It was sort of sad, really, that two of God’s creatures couldn’t get along any better than that.
“Jamie,” she greeted, then cleared her throat, most probably just to stall for time. “What are you doing here?”
He held up his toolbox. “Jim said you needed a hand with a few things.”
She nodded. “But I thought Jim would come.” Or at the very least, David was left unsaid, and yet it hung in the air around them.
“He asked me to.”
She tilted her head to one side and seemed to contemplate the notion. Then she gave a delicate shrug and motioned for him to follow her. “I was hoping to have this done before the opening, but the parts didn’t come in, and I was stuck waiting until now.” She pointed to the industrial-looking setup of iron pipes and sturdy chains.
“I want to turn these into hanging clothing racks. Can you do that?”
Jamie looked over the materials, then turned his gaze toward the ceiling. “You want them to hang down from there?”
She nodded. “And I need two of them, one on top of the other. Just a little clearance room for after the clothes are hung.”
He took out his tape measure and started measuring the distance from the ceiling and how high off the ground the lower rod would be. “How do you want—”
The bell over the door rang out its gentle warning.
“Excuse me.” She held up one finger and moved toward the front of the shop.
He could hear her talking to whoever had just come in while he stood there with his hands on his hips and did nothing. Nothing but wait for her to come back and show him more of what she wanted.
She returned a few minutes later, and he showed her what he had come up with.
“I think that’s too much clearance room,” she said. “People need to be able to reach the clothing on the top bar just as easily as they can the bottom one.”
“That’s all well and good, but what happens when someone really short comes in? What are you going to do then?” he asked.
“Are you always this contentious, or is it only with me?”
He felt exactly the same. “I’m merely saying that you can’t cater to everyone. There will always be someone who doesn’t fit the criteria.”
She propped her hands on her hips and studied the situation.
“Plus, if you hang the bars like I just showed you, then you still have space to hang something over the window to protect the fabric and yet let the sunshine in.”
She chewed on her lower lip, and he had the feeling that she liked his idea but was too proud to admit it. “I like it,” she finally said.
Jamie felt as if a light breeze would have knocked him to the floor. There was a soft side to Leah Gingerich after all. Besides the one that wanted to force handouts on him.
“Make it so,” she said with a quick nod, then turned and wound her way back to the front of the store.
* * *
She had to admit that Jamie did good work. He was fast and thorough.
“All done.” He came from the back of the store and placed his toolbox on her counter.
“I appreciate it.” She opened the cash register and pulled out a few bills to pay him.
He shook his head. “No need.”
She frowned. “I paid you the last time you came out.”
“That was different.”
“I don’t see how.” She waved the cash at him, but he refused to take it. “Fine,” she said. “Let me pay your sitter. Where is Peter today?”
“At your mamm’s house.”
He had left his child with her mother in order to come and do a favor for her brother, which was a favor to her, and he wouldn’t take any money for the job. She shook her head to smooth out the tangle, but the thought still remained a jumbled mess in her mind. So why did she feel like he had somehow taken advantage of her family? Or maybe she felt like he was setting them up to owe him.
Maybe she had been living out too long. But the distaste still burned in her stomach.
“Just take the money.”
He grabbed his things and started for the door. “Let me know if you have any problems with the fix.”
And just like that, he was gone, leaving Leah at the counter still holding the money.
Chapter Four
“I still don’t understand what you’re doing,” Brandon said that evening. He didn’t bother to take his eyes from his phone as he spoke.
“I’m packing a box of essentials for Jamie and Peter.”
Brandon looked up. “But this guy, he like, hates you, doesn’t he?”
“I wouldn’t go that far.” Maybe she would, but she didn’t like it when the words came out of someone else’s mouth.
“I would. Why do you want to hang around this guy if he makes you angry?”
Leah turned from the cabinet where she had been collecting canned goods to share. She had a tendency to buy when things were on sale and always had plenty of canned fruits, vegetables, soup, and beans at the ready. “It’s just something I have to do.” And when God tells you to do something, you should do it.
She had been fighting that voice inside her head all day. The one that told her she needed to get some things together and take them out to Jamie and Peter’s. After the fiasco with the clothing, she knew Jamie wasn’t going to take kindly to her intrusion, but she had to do what God compelled her to do. And Heaven knew, she wouldn’t be doing this without God’s direction. She would like nothing more than to stay two counties away from the man. Technically, that wasn’t possible. Far away would have to suffice.
“You want to drive with me out there or not?”
Brandon had turned his eyes back to the screen, but he shook his head. “No way.”
“I’ll let you drive.” She jangled the keys encouragingly.
“Nope.” He didn’t even bother to look up.
“You don’t want to practice driving?”
He dropped the phone to his lap. “As tempting as it might sound, I’m going to have to pass. I have a test tomorrow, and I don’t have time to get blood out of my clothes.”
“If you have a test, why are you playing a game?”
He grinned, that charming grin she had seen on Aaron’s face time and again when they were growing up. Brandon might take after his mother in coloring, but he had his father’s smile. No doubt about it. “I’m taking a break.”
“If you’re resting, then you can do it in the car while I drive.”
He retrieved his phone. “No way. Bloodshed, remember.”
Leah hoisted the cardboard box off the counter and staggered a bit under the weight. She hadn’t expected the box to be quite this heavy. “You’ve got it all wrong. He’s Amish, remember? That makes him a pacifist.”
Brandon chuckled as she made her way to the door. “That man is anything but peaceful when it comes to you.”
She shook her head. “Can you get this door for me?” Normally she would have tried to juggle the box, but it was heavy enough to topple her over if she wasn’t careful.
Brandon stood and did as she asked.
“And be sure to study. Your mamm will have my hide if you don’t have a good semester.”
“I know.” Brandon stood, one hand on the doorjamb, the other at his side.
“I know you know, but you’ve got to know enough to actually pass it tomorrow.”
He bent down and gave her a quick buss on the cheek. “I’ve got this. Now go play Good Samaritan.”
“I won’t be gone long,” she promised. After all, how long would it take before he tossed her out on her ear?
* * *
Jamie was just gathering the supper dishes and putting them in the sink when a knock sounded at his door. It had been so long since anyone had come visiting that he wasn’t sure what i
t was at first. Then it sounded again.
“Who could that be at this time of night?” Must be someone who wasn’t from around these parts. Sure, it was easier to stay up in the summertime when the time change gave them another hour of daylight to add to their day. But folks around here went to bed before the chickens. Another half an hour, and he would have been on his way to bed as well.
He checked on Peter, who was sitting at the table copying his letters into a paper tablet. It might not be the best way to learn them, but it beat nothing. Jamie hadn’t given up the hope that Peter would overcome the ghosts that haunted him and begin to speak again. But one thing he knew for certain: all good things in time. When the Lord was ready for Peter to talk, He would move Peter’s heart, and that would be that. In the meantime, Jamie was going to teach him everything he could at home. Maybe when Peter actually got to attend school, he wouldn’t be so far behind his peers.
“Leah,” Jamie breathed as he opened the door. She was the last person he had expected to see. And that was why she stole his breath from his lungs. He just hadn’t been expecting her, was all. It was that and nothing more. Not the raven color of her hair or the clear green of her eyes. For the first time, he noticed that she had a tiny band of freckles across her nose. A light dusting of cinnamon that added more charm to her features than he cared to acknowledge. He didn’t want her to be charming. He needed her to be tough as nails, take-no-prisoners. Leah who wasn’t vulnerable to the sun.
“Can I come in?”
That was when he noticed the box she was carrying. He took it from her and backed up a step so she could enter the tiny cabin he called home. One day he hoped to build himself and Peter a proper house, but for now this would do. The Lord had provided.
She looked around. He hadn’t done much since moving in, just basic cleaning and such. “I love what you’ve done with the place.” She spied Peter across the room and gave him a small wave. “Hey there, Peter.”
He waved, then bent back over his work.
“What’s all this?” Jamie carried the box over to the table and set it in front of the boy.
“Just a few things I thought you could use. Some canned goods and a few sets of clothing for Peter.”
Jamie stilled. His stomach cramped, and his heart sank. “This is charity.”