by Amy Lillard
Mamm nodded. “I pray. Let’s just hope God is listening.”
Chapter Seven
It was three a.m. before they convinced Mamm to lie down and get some rest. Pacing the floor wouldn’t bring Tillie back to them. Only time and the good Lord’s grace.
Hannah and Leah met Gracie out on the front porch. They were hoping for a measure of privacy, and they needed to be as quiet as possible to allow Mamm to rest.
“Do you really think she has someplace safe to stay?” Leah asked. If Tillie had wanted, she could have come to live with her and Brandon. It might have gotten a little crowded from time to time, but at least Tillie would be close. Or maybe that was the reason she didn’t let Leah know; she wanted to do this on her own.
Gracie shook her head. “I don’t know.”
“I just never thought she would actually do it,” Hannah lamented.
“None of us did,” Leah said. Maybe they should have taken her questions and idle talk more seriously.
“It’s that Melvin,” Gracie said. “I don’t mean to accuse him, but Tillie would never have left if it hadn’t been for him.”
“He did want to work on engines, but Tillie is a smart girl. She can make her own decisions,” Hannah said.
“Yeah,” Leah agreed. “Bad ones.”
Gracie sighed. “So now we just wait?”
Hannah and Leah nodded.
“There’s nothing more we can do until she decides to reach out to us,” Hannah added.
But how many times had either one of them reached out after they left? Once, maybe twice. Reaching out meant tears and questions and facing how much the ones they left behind were hurting. Reaching out sounded like a fine idea, but in reality it was a painful process that was best avoided if at all possible.
But they could hope and pray that Tillie would call, tell them that she was safe, make them believe her, and then allow them to tell her all the reasons why she needed to come home immediately. Hopefully she would have a clear head. She would see the merit in their words and she would come back as soon as possible. Hopefully.
“Will you stay tonight?” Gracie asked.
“Please,” Hannah added.
Leah made a vague gesture with one hand. “Brandon . . . and . . .”
“Brandon will be fine,” Hannah said.
“You left him a note?” Gracie asked.
Leah nodded.
Hannah smiled, a little sadly. “Then he’ll be out here in time for breakfast.”
* * *
There was a full house for breakfast the next morning, but Tillie’s presence still left a gaping hole. As predicted, Brandon drove in from town. Peter and Jamie walked down from their cabin, and David was there as well.
Sometime after the girls went to bed, they heard Dat come in. Hopefully whatever monsters that haunted him had moved on, and he had made his peace, but Leah had her doubts when first light came and he was back in his workshop once again. They might have lost a daughter, but they would gain a cabinet or chair out of the deal. Not exactly a good trade, but that was how it would be all the same.
“Danki for inviting us,” Jamie said and rose from the table. “Should I—” He nodded in the general direction of the workshop, and Leah took it to mean did they want him to go talk to Abner.
Mamm shook her head. “Just sit for a while. Let your breakfast settle.”
It was something Leah had been hearing her entire life.
Jamie nodded and eased back into his seat. He braced his elbows on the table in front of him and clasped his hands, as if praying.
Peter slid from his seat and tugged on Jamie’s shirtsleeve. Once he gained his uncle’s attention, he pointed toward the barn.
“You want to go see the puppies?” Jamie asked.
Peter nodded.
“Go on ahead. But leave everything else alone,” Jamie instructed. “Including Abner.”
Peter nodded with a large grin, then all but skipped out the front door despite his constant limp.
“I’ve never seen him that happy,” Gracie mused.
“He’s coming around.” Jamie wore a smile of his own.
Leah hoped he was right. Peter did look happy. And well-adjusted. Or maybe it was just that his clothes fit a little better than before. She made a mental note to keep an eye out for more items for him.
“Time for me to go.” Brandon pushed his chair back from the table.
“Where are you going?” Leah and Hannah asked the question at the same time. They looked to each other, then back to Brandon.
He gave them a look only a teenager could deliver. “Really?”
“Really,” they said, in unison once again.
“I thought I would go over to Shelly’s.” He glanced toward the battery-operated wall clock. “If I hurry I might be able to get there in time to go to church with them.”
Hannah’s eyebrows shot up so high, they almost blended with her hairline.
“And if you don’t get there in time?” Leah asked. Her sister might be surprised about his interest in church and God, but Leah had seen it several times over the last few weeks. Of course, it didn’t hurt that Shelly and her family were very devout churchgoers. Even if Brandon still claimed that he and Shelly were just friends.
Mamm grabbed a stack of dirty plates and bustled them into the kitchen.
“Go help her,” Hannah mouthed to Leah.
Leah shook her head. At times like these, the kitchen was Mamm’s domain. Leah wouldn’t dare intrude. Plus, she wasn’t sure what to say when Mamm started talking about Tillie. And one thing was certain: Mamm needed to talk about Tillie. Was it any wonder? If Leah’s father would come out of the barn and talk to his wife about the issues they now faced, it would go a long way in everyone’s healing, but she knew better than to mention it. There were some things just not discussed.
“Leah,” Hannah admonished in an urgent whisper.
“You go,” Leah returned.
“I’ll go,” Gracie pushed her chair back from the table and followed Mamm into the kitchen.
* * *
Jamie watched Gracie as she left the room. He had wanted a chance to talk to her this morning, another chance to get to know a little more about her. Maybe find out why she hadn’t come to the gathering last night. For two people who were supposedly getting to know each other better, he didn’t get to spend much time with her. Not that they were officially courting. That would come later, after they got to know each other better. But how was he supposed to get to know her if she was always off helping others?
He turned to find Leah staring at him.
“And that’s the reason why you can’t court her,” she said.
“Leah,” Hannah cautioned.
He blinked. Had he somehow missed part of the conversation? They were talking about dishes, and now Leah had switched to courting. He couldn’t find the connection. “I beg your pardon?”
“That’s the reason why you can’t court Gracie.”
“Le-ah.”
“What’s the reason?” Jamie shook his head. “Who said we were planning on courting?”
Leah scoffed. “Of course you are. What was all that on the back porch a couple of days ago? A prelude to courting.” She answered her own question without giving him a chance to do so.
“And what is the reason again?”
“She’s too sweet for you.”
“Leah!”
“It’s true,” Leah said, swinging her attention from Jamie to Hannah. “She will do anything to please the people she cares about. And that means she’s vulnerable to those who will take advantage of it.”
“And you think I’ll take advantage?”
Leah sniffed and hesitated as if not so sure of her earlier words. “It’s only natural. Especially since it’s more of a marriage of convenience.”
He could feel the heat rising up in his neck. What kind of person did she think he was? “I think that decision should be left up to Gracie. Don’t you?”
She shook her head.
Hannah stared at her, mouth hanging open in shock. “She’s so in love with the idea of being married that she can’t see how opinionated and stubborn you are.”
“Now that’s the pot calling the kettle.”
“I call them like I see them.”
“Thanks for that.” Though without great effort his words sounded more sarcastic than he had wanted them to. But as usual Leah had more pressing matters to discuss.
“She can’t court you because she is so in love with the idea of getting married that she will never be able to fall in love with you. All that’s going to lead to is heartbreak.”
The more she said, the angrier he became. “I don’t believe this is any of your business.”
“She’s my cousin.”
“What Leah is trying to say is, what exactly are your intentions where Gracie is concerned?” Hannah asked.
“And she’s a grown woman,” he shot back, ignoring Hannah’s question. “I have heard of plenty of crazy reasons why one family doesn’t want another courting their kin, but this is ridiculous.”
“Hardly, when it’s obvious that you aren’t right for her.”
“What gives you the right to decide that?” he returned.
“We just care about Gracie so much,” Hannah continued.
Jamie turned his attention to Hannah. She was the logical one. She was the one he could talk to. “I think Gracie is a fine person. And I think she would be a good mother for Peter.”
“See? That’s all he wants. A mother for Peter,” Leah said. “I knew it.”
Jamie shook his head. “What’s wrong with that? Many marriages have been based on less.”
“That’s true,” Hannah said.
“That’s crazy,” Leah countered. “Marriage should have much more than that.”
“Like what?” Jamie asked.
“Love,” Leah said. “What about love?”
“What about it?” Love had ruined a lot in his life. Love was the reason he was here, in Mississippi, instead of home and married in Tennessee. He wouldn’t trade his love for Peter for anything in the world, but romantic love? He could do without that for the rest of his life.
“Everyone deserves love,” Leah said. “Especially someone like Gracie.”
Love is a myth, he wanted to shout.
“Even you.”
“My word,” Mamm exclaimed as she bustled back into the room. “What is going on in here?”
“Nothing,” Hannah quickly replied.
Jamie wasn’t sure he could have answered in a normal tone. Leah Gingerich had a way of making his blood boil. True love. Who needed it?
“Nothing, Mamm,” Leah agreed.
“Thanks again for breakfast.” He pushed his chair back from the table and started gathering the rest of the dirty dishes and leftover food. Leah had no idea what she was talking about. Love was nothing but trouble.
* * *
“Leah, wait.”
She stopped as Jamie strolled across the yard toward her. She had already said her goodbyes and was headed back to town. She needed a nap before figuring out what was for supper. Last night’s long hours were beginning to catch up with her.
“What is it, Jamie?” She was too tired for any more of their verbal sparring. She had made her point. She had tried to make Gracie see reason, she had explained to Jamie all the reasons why he should leave Gracie be. Now she just had to have a little faith that it would all turn out the way it was supposed to.
He stopped short and rubbed his chin. After the night they had all had, rusty stubble covered his jaw. Once he married and grew his beard, the whiskers would be a coppery color. Interesting. “I just wanted to tell you that I would never set out to hurt anyone in this family.”
She nodded. She believed him. He wasn’t the enemy, just misinformed. Misguided.
“Especially Gracie. She’s about the sweetest person I have ever met.”
“And that’s why you want to court her?” She jangled her keys in one hand, hoping the rattle would speed things up a bit. She needed him to say whatever it was he came out to say—then leave her to get on her way.
“Well, one of the reasons, I guess.”
“You just want someone to cook and clean for you so you don’t have to.”
“You are mouthy and nosy,” he said. “Perhaps a husband would keep you in line.”
“Or not,” she retorted. She was a slave to no man. “Why don’t you admit it? A housekeeper would suit the same purpose for you. Cooking and cleaning.”
“This from a woman who does neither.”
“I happen to have a very busy shop right now. But I have cooked, and I have cleaned. And when I get married, that’s not why I want the man to marry me, so I can push a broom and make biscuits.”
His friendly manner disappeared in an instant, leaving his familiar disbelieving expression. “I doubt you even know how to make biscuits.”
“I can make them in my sleep,” she retorted and got into her car and headed for home.
* * *
Leah turned her car back out onto Topsy Road, then replayed her never-ending argument with Jamie in her mind. She had wanted to stay and talk to her mother and sister more, maybe explain to Gracie that she didn’t have to settle for the first man who came along, but it seemed that Jamie was as determined to hang around as she was. He helped clear the table, spent some time out in the workshop with her dat, and looked at the puppies with Peter.
She knew they were neighbors and all, but this should have been a family matter. And he wasn’t family.
Not yet, anyway.
Couldn’t he see how wrong he and Gracie were for each other? Leah herself might be as nosy and mouthy as he accused her of being, but at least she spoke the truth. She didn’t go hiding behind it or the Ordnung to justify her own needs.
Maybe it came from joining the Mennonites, or maybe it was all the time she spent in other, less fortunate countries. It didn’t matter. She could see it clearly, and she couldn’t let it happen right before her eyes and not do anything about it.
And she didn’t care what he thought about her culinary skills or her unwillingness to be a “proper wife” and cook and clean for her husband. She might not be married, she might not even be marriage material, as they say, but she had a wonderful store that was serving the communities—both Englisch and Amish—quite well. Her life was great, fantastic even, and the last thing she needed was a husband dragging her down and telling her that she wasn’t proper enough.
She ran a hand over her eyes and thought of her bed at home. She was proper enough. Once she had a nap she would be even better. And it didn’t matter what Jamie Stoltzfus had to say.
* * *
“What is all this?” Brandon’s eyes widened as he took in the pan of chicken sitting in the middle of the kitchen table.
“It’s supper,” Leah said with a reaffirming nod.
“It’s burnt.”
She frowned. “Just a little, on the edges. I had the stove turned up too high when I went to take a shower.”
She had come home from her parents’ house with Jamie’s words ringing in her ears. But it wasn’t like she was doing this to prove something to him. He wasn’t even there. No, it just made her think that maybe she had let her life get in the way of her life lately. She had promised Hannah that she would take care of Brandon. And that didn’t mean just ordering Chinese takeout every other night. He deserved a home-cooked meal every now and again. That was all.
He looked at the food, then back at her. “You made this?” Nothing in his tone was inspiring.
“I can cook, you know.”
Brandon nodded. “Uh-huh.”
She decided to ignore that. “Go wash your hands so we can eat before it gets cold.”
With one last look at the slightly-too-done feast she had made, Brandon started toward the bathroom.
“See?” Leah asked halfway through their meal. “It’s not so bad?”
Brandon rocked his head from side to sid
e. “I guess not. Why all this sudden interest in cooking?”
“I thought it would be better if I cooked tonight.”
“It would have been better if you hadn’t burned it.”
She shot him a look. “Are you always this cheeky?”
“What can I say? It’s a talent of mine.” He grinned. His eyes sparkled just like his mother’s, but the smile itself was all Aaron Zook.
Was it worth it? she wondered. Hannah had given up a great deal to become Amish once again. Not money, really, but living with her son, the comforts of the modern world, driving, freedom . . . Leah shook her head. It didn’t matter. Those things were on the surface. Hannah and Aaron had loved each other for years, through marriages to other people, years apart, and distance. And a love like that couldn’t be ignored.
Would it be the same for Tillie?
“What are you thinking about?” Brandon asked.
“Nothing,” Leah lied. It seemed she had been doing a lot of that lately. “Why?”
“You were frowning something terrible.”
Leah forced a laugh. “And you’ve been hanging out with your mammi too much.”
“Hanging out with Mammi gets me pie.” He gave a wink.
“And has you talking like an old-timer.”
He placed one hand over his heart. “A small price to pay.”
“I could make you a pie.”
His eyes widened in what she suspected was horror. “That’s . . . okay.”
“You think I can’t make pie.”
“I’m sure you can do whatever you set your mind to,” he said diplomatically.
“Uh-huh.” She gathered her plate and took it to the sink.
“Thanks for supper,” Brandon said.
“Even if it was burned.”
“Even if.” He kissed her cheek. “But, Aunt Leah, please don’t burn the pie.”
* * *
“It’s just not the same without Tillie here.” Gracie set down her knife and sighed.
“We planned this cousins’ day weeks ago,” Hannah reminded her.
“Before Tillie left,” Leah added. But she had to agree with Gracie; it wasn’t the same without Tillie. Her young sister had only been gone for three days, and this was the first cousins’ day with all of them as adults, but it still wasn’t the same. Just knowing that she was gone . . .