Cassie leaned against the nearest tree for support because both her insides and her knees suddenly felt a little weak. “An Asian lady? Who would that have been, and why would she have my number? We didn’t have any Asian kids on our team.”
“Beats me,” Matt said. “Whoever she was, I’m grateful.”
Cassie couldn’t let it go, couldn’t shake the feeling that something extraordinary had happened all those months ago, and they’d missed it. Or nearly so. “Was this woman old or young?”
“Older definitely, but a graceful old— still very pretty. She didn’t look like she belonged at a soccer game. I’m not good at recalling this kind of thing, but she looked out-of-place enough that day that I actually remember what she was wearing.” Matt stared past Cassie a moment, the lines on his forehead creasing into what she recognized as a look of concentration. “She had on a silk blouse— white, I think. And her hair was done up kind of fancy with this pearl thing in it.”
Cassie felt the color drain from her face. “Are you sure?”
“Pretty sure. What’s wrong?” Matt stepped closer, reached out as if he wanted to touch her, then let his hand drop to his side.
“Nothing is wrong,” Cassie said after a minute. “It’s just that the woman at the soccer game and Pearl at the care center sound like they could be the same person.”
“Your Pearl wore a silk blouse and pearls in her hair, and she was Asian?”
“Yes, yes, and yes,” Cassie said. “Though the first time I met her she was in scrubs.” She searched Matt’s eyes. “What do you think this means?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know. You have a fairy godmother?”
“That might not be far off.” Cassie bit her lip as she tried to think of a plausible explanation for the coincidence.
“So Devon was still at the care center and Pearl came back, too?” Matt redirected their conversation back to its starting point.
“Yes,” Cassie said. That in itself had been strange. “She was in the lobby as I was leaving the care center the night Devon died. We talked. She told me I had the courage to do what must be done, what he was waiting for.”
Matt didn’t say anything to this, just watched her intently, a look of deepest concern reflected in the depths of his eyes.
“So I did. Instead of going home after that, even though I’d just visited Devon, I went back to his room. I told him it was okay if he wanted to go, that Noah and I would be all right without him.”
Matt let out a slow breath as he ran his fingers through his hair. “I don’t know if I could have done that with Jenna. I can’t imagine—”
“Don’t try to,” Cassie said. “It was terrible. I didn’t pull any plugs or touch any machines, but it felt like I killed Devon just the same. I lay next to him and told him I loved him enough to let him go and that he should go— and then, a while later, he did.”
Matt took her hands in his. “You’re made of stronger stuff than most of us.”
“So everyone tells me.” She pressed her lips together to keep overflowing emotion in check. “I’m kind of tired of that program, you know? I’d like to not have to be strong for a change.”
“Yeah.” He hesitated a second, then pulled her into an embrace. “I know.” Cassie closed her eyes as she pressed her cheek against his shirt. Matt’s arms came around her, warm, solid, protective, comforting. She wrapped her arms around his waist and linked her hands behind him.
“It’s okay now,” he said. “You made it through the worst of it. Take it from someone who’s eighteen months on the other side; it gets better. Not great, necessarily, but better.”
But I want great. What she wanted— after years of rising in the morning with the hope that today was the day Devon would return to her and going to sleep each night with his picture beside her and that same prayer on her lips— was to know how she was supposed to go on now.
How was she supposed to pack up the photos, give all his things away, and seal off that part of her heart forever? How was she supposed to live without the hope that had sustained her for so long?
Hope is right in front of you. You must only open your eyes and your heart. It is capable of loving again. Pearl’s voice, but now Cassie was imagining conversations they’d never had. Perhaps this was the beginning of the breakdown she’d feared.
Gradually Matt released her, and she stepped back, leaning into the tree for support once more, though she’d vastly preferred the comfort of his arms and could have stayed there a lot longer.
“Thanks,” she said. “That was a much-needed hug.”
“I offer free hugs anytime you need one. Just ask.” His lips curved in a half-smile. “And thanks for not pushing me away on that one, since you didn’t ask.”
“Not in words maybe, but you get mind-reading credit for it.” Cassie felt a sudden longing to touch his face with tender reassurance but didn’t because she thought that’d be crossing a line.
“In that case, I’m going to test my mind-reading powers a bit more.” Matt searched her eyes a moment, took a deep breath, as if mustering courage, then leaned forward, one arm braced on the tree behind her. Beneath her sweater, Cassie’s heart raced. Sure they’d been this close a second ago when they hugged, but this felt— different.
“I have a proposal that might benefit both our boys.” Matt attempted a straight face and business-like tone— and failed miserably on both counts— as he spoke the words she’d once used on him.
“Oh?” Some of her nerves calmed in the face of his less-than-serious announcement. Amusement tinged her words. “You want to get the boys together to play soccer?”
“Getting together was definitely what I had in mind, but the boys and soccer, not so much.” He leaned in, his face even closer to hers.
Her nerves and frantic heartbeat were back. “I’m afraid you’re going to have to be more specific.”
“How’s this?” Matt asked. “I would like to kiss you, Mrs. Webb. In fact, I would like to kiss you so long and so well that you forget about being Mrs. Webb and go back to just being Cassie. Single, available to be loved Cassie.” He backed up the slightest bit. “Direct enough?”
She nodded, swallowed, licked her lips. He watched all three as a sort of wolfish grin made its way across his face.
She placed a hand on the front of his shirt, not sure if she wanted to push him away or pull him closer after such an honest declaration. “I’m terrified, Matt.”
“I know.” His words were gentle. Gone was the teasing, self-assured Matt of a moment before. “You think I’m not?”
“I haven’t been kissed for over seven years.”
“And who gave you your last kiss?”
“Devon, of course.” She frowned at his ridiculous question. Who else did he think she’d been kissing then?
“And who gave you your very first kiss ever?” Matt persisted.
“Devon.”
“And you think you’re terrified? Do you see what I’ve got to live up to? He was your first love, your only love, your first and last kiss. He lived and died a hero. His pedestal is, I don’t know, this tall.” Matt raised a hand high above his head.
Cassie heard the plea in his words, read the insecurity in his eyes, and found that was exactly what she needed to get over her own fears. I love Matt, and that’s okay now. It’s good. It’s great. Not only was she in love, but she wanted to give him her love, to make his life better, whole again, and she held that power in her hands.
“Just kiss me already, Matt,” she ordered in a throaty sort of voice, meant to be more seductive than frightened, though she wasn’t sure.
His eyes widened in brief surprise, then he tilted his head and leaned in. Her eyes barely had time to close before his lips brushed hers, as tentative and gentle as his words had been. Vulnerable. They both were. He’d been in love before, too, and he’d lost and suffered. Now she wanted him to win, to have every desire of his heart.
Cassie wrapped her hand around the loose cloth o
f his shirt and pulled him closer, then parted her mouth slightly to kiss him back. He moaned and deepened their kiss to something far beyond tentative. His lips meant to claim her, and they were. She clung to him as she felt herself falling farther and farther into a glorious abyss of happiness. Every one of her senses reeled; every nerve ending seemed alive. Her heart soared. It felt like waking up after so many years of a self-induced slumber.
Just like I felt.
Cassie froze then stiffened. Her eyes flew open, and she stared into Matt’s startled ones for a split second before she leaned away from him.
“I’m that bad, huh?” He tried to joke, but she could tell he was hurt.
“No. It isn’t you. It’s just—” She’d heard Devon’s voice, as loud and clear as if he was standing right beside her. Impossible.
It’s okay, Cass. This is the way it’s supposed to be. You and Matt are supposed to be together.
Tears filled her eyes. Seven long years had passed since she’d heard that voice, and hearing it now brought a tidal wave of memories, good and bad.
Be happy, Cass. I’m going to be all right without you. I want you to be free and happy, too.
“Cassie?” Matt’s voice was panicked. He gripped each of her arms, as if afraid she might faint any second.
“I can’t—” She was talking to Devon, not Matt. How dare you use my words on me, her mind shouted at Devon. At no one. For as much as she would have sworn he was standing next to her a second ago, she knew the instant that he was gone. For good.
A few leaves rustled in the tree above, then floated gently down to Earth. Cassie watched their descent and felt herself falling, not in the abyss of happiness she’d felt a minute before but in a swirl of despair. Devon had been here, and now he wasn’t and he wouldn’t ever be again. Her head fell forward, and the tears spilled over.
Matt gathered her close in another hug. “It’s all right Cassie. We don’t have to do this. We can be friends. I shouldn’t have kissed you.”
Courage, Cassie. Sometimes love requires courage. Pearl’s voice again.
Maybe I really am going mad. This made her cry harder, thinking of Noah without any parent to care for him. Matt held her tightly for long minutes while she wept. Why did she have to be falling apart now, all these weeks later?
Slowly, when her tears had stopped at last, Matt released her. His hands came up to cradle her face. “I love you, Cassie. If I can only love you as a friend, I’ll take that. Just please don’t shut me out completely.”
“Oh, Matt. I wanted to say it first. I wanted to make you so happy.”
“You do. You did say it first.” He pulled back, giving her a mischievous smile that spoke of some secret she wasn’t in on.
“I did?” She used the back of her hand to wipe her eyes and tried to recall when that might have been. Sure, she’d thought about loving him and fought it for a lot of months, but she’d never said the words out loud, had she?
“On my voicemail, Christmas Eve. You said, 'I love you, Matt. I shouldn’t, but I do.’ Then you gave this sad little sigh.”
Cassie gasped. “I thought I’d hung up.” Devon was still alive then. The guilt she’d felt for all those months stole over her once more, scattering what remained of the pleasant feelings to the remote corners of her heart.
Matt must have sensed it because he took her hand in his and held it close to his own heart. “I know you didn’t mean for me to hear it, and I know you didn’t mean to feel it then either. You did the right thing. You told me to take a hike so you could get back to the business of caring for your husband. But you’ve also got to know how much hope those three little words gave me. I’ve played that message over and over again; it’s kept me going.”
“How could that keep you going when it seemed there was no future for us? When I’d made it clear that we could never be?”
“Because.” Matt’s eyes were tender as they met hers again. He brushed his fingers against her cheek and caught a tear falling there. “If a woman as wonderful as you could find something about me to love, even in the broken state I was in, I had to hope that someday, maybe someone else would feel the same, and I wouldn’t be alone forever.”
No one else. Me. She didn’t want some other woman to be with Matt. Courage, then. This time it was her own voice that she heard. Cassie shook her head as a second and third tear fell. “No one else for you, Mr. Kramer. I found you first. And I do love you.” She leaned forward and kissed him then, long and slow and even sweeter than their first kiss. I love you, Matt. You.
He threaded his fingers through her hair, and she felt his heartbeat quicken beneath the fabric of his shirt. “Cassie.” He whispered her name with an awe-filled reverence, then sought her lips again, clinging to her as he hadn’t before. She felt his reservations melt away as hers did beneath the heat of their kiss. When her mind was spinning and her heart was soaring, Matt pulled himself away, his own breathing as ragged as hers.
He chuckled. “Apparently, neither of us needs a whole lot of practice to get back in the game.” He pressed his lips to her forehead while she struggled between laughter and tears of joy.
“So what are we going to do about this?” he asked.
“About kissing?” Why did they have to do anything? Why did we stop? She leaned her head back and looked up at him, hoping her seductive smile made up for puffy eyes.
“Kissing and other stuff, too.” Matt brushed a stray hair from her face, then caught her hat when it nearly fell off. He did his best to pull it down over her hair again, and Cassie could only imagine the mess she must be with runny mascara, tangled hair, and swollen lips. His eyes darkened to serious once more, and his words quieted. “My boys need a mother, you know.”
Cassie nodded. She did know. They needed someone who could make dinners consisting of more than peanut butter and jelly. They needed someone who understood the timeliness of the tooth fairy and the magic of Santa. Someone who wouldn’t let their underwear turn pink in the wash. Someone who would be there after school with a plate of cookies, a glass of milk, and a listening ear.
“Noah could use a father, too,” she said, thinking of all the things Matt could offer him.
“What about you, Cassie? What do you need? What do you want?” Matt’s look was still serious, searching— and still uncertain.
She made an exasperated face as she looked up at him. “If you have to ask after that last kiss.” She slid her arms up his shirt front and over his shoulders. Her fingers tickled the hairs at the base of his neck as she kissed him once more, the way a wife would kiss her husband.
A long minute later, they were both breathless again. Matt leaned his forehead against hers and groaned. “You’re making me crazy, Cassie.”
“That’s what I want,” she said, turning her lips up seductively. “To make you crazy every day for the rest of our lives.”
“Deal.” He reached forward and scooped her into his arms as she gave a yelp of surprise. “Let’s go out to ice cream and tell the boys.”
“You want chocolates, too?” Matt exclaimed. “After all the ice cream we just consumed?” Three heads nodded, and Cassie followed Matt’s gaze as it traveled the sticky, napkin-covered table the boys and their triple scoop sundaes left behind.
“Oh, let them get chocolates,” Cassie’s mom said. “After all, this is a special occasion.”
Is it? Cassie hadn’t been entirely surprised to find her mom and the boys waiting for them at Samantha’s, her mom having been the one who’d dropped her off to talk with Matt in the first place. But Matt hadn’t made any announcement, hadn’t really told the boys anything yet. And as the minutes had ticked by and they finished their sundaes, Cassie had begun to wonder if she’d misinterpreted Matt’s questions at the park.
“A year ago today, the boys and I played our first soccer scrimmage with you, and we came here after.” Matt began stacking the empty bowls. “That was the day life started to turn around for us.”
“I was the one
who invited them,” Noah reminded everyone.
“It was because I pushed you that we played at all,” Austin said.
“The only pushing from you that I will ever be grateful for.” Matt placed a hand on Austin’s shoulder.
“Right,” Austin said.
“Certainly cause for celebration,” Cassie’s mom said. “Come on, boys. Let’s go get those chocolates.” She rose from the table and led the boys, marching across to the candy counter on the other side of the store and leaving Cassie alone with Matt and her senses and emotions that had been on hyper drive since their kiss at the park.
She helped him clear and clean the last of the mess from the table, her insides feeling as if they might melt with every accidental brush of their hands. She waited, admiring his walk and everything else about him, while he returned from throwing their garbage away. He sat once more, closer to her this time, and held his hand out, palm up. With no hesitation, Cassie placed her hand in his even as she felt a goofy grin spreading across her face.
“What?” Matt asked. “Do I have ice cream on my chin or something?”
She shook her head. “I’m just smiling.” She couldn’t seem to help herself.
Matt tugged on her hand, pulling her closer as he leaned across the corner of the table, then stole a kiss.
“Matt. The boys—”
“Are going to be seeing a lot of this.” He kissed her again, and Cassie found she was powerless to resist his charm or lips.
“We’ve got a lot of lost time to make up for, you know,” he said.
She did but still wasn’t sure what their status was other than friends with kissing benefits, and that didn’t sound completely satisfying to her. She wanted to do more than drive him crazy kissing every day for the rest of their lives. She wanted to make him as happy as possible in every way.
“Look. Look what we got!” Asher squished between Austin and Noah as they returned carrying the largest box of chocolates Cassie had ever seen.
“Mom,” Cassie complained. “Do you want them to throw up tonight?”
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