by Hazel Kelly
Why did I believe that for so long?
I’d never considered myself someone with particularly low self-esteem or anything. So how come I demanded the best for myself in every area of my life, always believing that I could meet my own extremely high standards, but when it came to relationships, I just settled over and over again?
Did I think I wasn’t good enough? That I didn’t have what it took to entice a real man? That I didn’t deserve to be treated like a lady?
Because I was wrong.
And even though Will was only one man- one very impressive man- the way he made me feel was more than the sum of all the fleeting good moments I had with those other guys.
He made me believe that I was worth charming and that my sexual pleasure was nothing to be ashamed of. If anything, he made me believe that it was okay to pursue it, and while I had no intention of verbally thanking him for that, I was grateful.
I finally felt like a woman, and it was liberating.
It didn’t matter that he was my boss. Outside the office, when we were behind closed doors, he treated me like a lover. And no man had ever treated me like that before. Not like he did. Not in the classy, delicious way he did, and it felt amazing.
His touch made my skin feel alive. His kiss made my appetite insatiable. Even the way he looked at me made me feel like I had a halo and devil horns at the same time.
It was so fun I hoped it would never end.
And his dick made me sore, but I could get used to it.
After all, I’d been sore for a long time. Just not for the right reasons.
Chapter 8: Will
Every time I blinked I could see her riding me. I could see the curve of her ass jutting out from her thin waist, the arch in her lower back, and the delicate muscles moving in her shoulders as she tried to keep from collapsing.
Our lunchtime rendezvous left me positively invigorated in a way that I wished my workouts did. I felt like I could take on anything.
Not that I didn’t usually feel like that, but her attention made me feel stronger than ever.
And yet, her lips on my dick was the most vulnerable I’d felt in years. I couldn’t believe she attempted to fit me in her mouth. Most women gave up because I was just too big, especially when I was excited.
I used to be jealous of my friends for the blowjobs they used to get. There was a time when it felt like every one of them was getting their dick sucked more than me. That’s when I realized I was going to have to learn to use my cock in other ways, and I’ve never looked back. My favorite moment used to be the flash in a woman’s eyes when she saw my erection for the first time. It was always sort of a mixture of panic and curiosity, fear and attraction.
But they never ran screaming. They always came screaming instead.
Even the women who were used to taking a rough ride. But Ella was different. I could tell she didn’t know what she was doing. She hesitated at strange moments which gave her away. That and the fact that she couldn’t think or move when she was overwhelmed by pleasure made it obvious that she was inexperienced.
Of course, I’d been handled by experienced women before, but eventually it became so predictable I lost interest. The stroking, the pumping, the way they knew exactly how to stimulate me. All of it.
But with Ella it was different. She wanted to make me feel good because of how I’d made her feel, and the fact that she had to discover me to pleasure me made her touch feel new and exciting. To see her fat bottom lip dragging across the tip of my dick turned me on more than any graphic image I’d ever seen.
And something about the fact that she’d resisted initially made me confident that it was purely sexual chemistry that made her want it. Which was refreshing. I was so accustomed to the fact that women- even those that genuinely liked me- couldn’t put my money or my influence out of their head. But Ella wasn’t thinking about anything but my physical effect on her when I was fucking her. She couldn’t have been. She could hardly speak for ages afterwards.
And it felt good to fuck her mind blank. Especially since it was usually racing. Worrying. Thinking. I found her fascinating for more than her banging body. I liked the way she thought, her stubborn insistence on independence, the way she begrudgingly let me open doors for her.
Sometimes she was too easy to impress. You’d think I’d rolled out the red carpet by the look on her face when I pulled out that ginger ale. Like it was so hard to remember what her favorite non-alcoholic drink was. I couldn’t help but wonder what kind of idiots she was shacked up with before if she was impressed by such a small gesture.
Speaking of shacked up, suggesting that she move in with me was the only thing I regretted about the afternoon.
That and maybe not fucking her a third time, but I couldn’t have her waddling around the office.
I think she knew I was joking. Which I was. It was a ridiculous suggestion for a million reasons. Which is why I shouldn’t have joked about it. The fact that I even said it facetiously freaked me the fuck out. She was supposed to be a bit of fun. The fact that she was also gorgeous and good company was a bonus, but I couldn’t let things escalate past sex.
I didn’t want anything serious. Not just because my life was great the way it was, but I didn’t think I even had what it took to start compromising again like people in “equal” relationships had to do. Not that I’d ever had an “equal” relationship in my life. Every relationship I’d ever had was built on a false show of equality coupled with disingenuous compromise.
Because women didn’t compromise. It wasn’t in their nature. Men did. Mostly by allowing women to do what they wanted. However, I couldn’t think of a single married guy I knew who wasn’t lying to himself about how much control he had over his wife, their relationship, or himself, and that lifestyle was something I never envied.
Perhaps on some level I was jealous of the occasional home cooked meal, but even that was ridiculous. The kind of women that were interested in me were smart enough to know that with access to my money they’d never have to cook another meal in their whole life.
So as far as I was concerned, relationships weren’t worth the hassle, especially considering the fact that I had no interest in ever getting married again. I’d fallen once for the whole “look how chilled out and easy going and fun I am” scam that women all over the world run full time.
Then when they get the ring, they think it’s a drill sergeant’s whistle and they stop trying to impress you. Or worse, they fuck you up or fuck you over. And after they take everything they want, they tell you you’re not capable of love.
Well fuck that bull shit.
Maybe I wasn’t capable of love, but whatever this thing with Ella was, it was better. For me and for her, and we were both enjoying it for what it was. Love was messy. This thing we had going was neat and tidy and harmless.
It was everything two people could want out of a relationship without all the nasty stuff that no one likes.
Which is why I had to not make any more jokes about her moving in or anything like that. It sent the wrong message. It might give her the idea that we had a future, a future that involved marriage and babies and all that other crap she was bound to think she wanted in a few years. And as much as I didn’t like thinking about it, whatever this was between us would be over by then.
But it was comforting to know it wasn’t only me that felt that way. She’d made it perfectly clear that she didn’t want anything serious with me. Or anybody. She was very upfront about the fact that she wanted to focus on her career, and I admired that. I was the same way. Her blind ambition was something I not only understood but felt obligated to support.
I couldn’t see any reason why our arrangement needed to interfere with any of her goals, and as long as I set clear expectations and boundaries, I couldn’t see how what we were doing would bring any harm to either of us.
That being said, the fact that I might not fit into her plans for the future made me even more determined to make sure I w
as a gratifying and indispensable part of her present. Because it would be a lie to say I didn’t care about her at all. Just because our attraction was mostly sexual didn’t mean I wasn’t interested in her well-being. I wanted to keep her happy for as long as I could keep her.
Like a silly school boy, I went back and forth between getting hard at the thought of her and trying to think of ways to make her happy when she wasn’t attached to my cock.
But it seemed like a healthy past time. I had to think about something so why not think about her and ways I could surprise her and make her smile.
Eventually, she would realize that the dreams she had for her personal life didn’t have room for me, and I would go back to having meaningless flings with women who barely excited me physically, much less mentally.
But it wouldn’t be anytime soon. Not now that I’d worked my way so deep inside her. It was chemical. She wouldn’t be able to stop herself from wanting it.
For the time being at least, I could make her the happiest woman in New York.
Chapter 9: Ella
I thought I was seeing things.
Ever since I started working at the Abbott Hotel, my pay check was directly deposited into my account on Friday afternoon like clockwork. It was always over my lunch break, and I always checked it because not only did it make me happy, but it made the rest of the work day go by quickly.
After all, most of the jobs I’d had in the past involved a bundle of cash handed over as a once off so getting regular payments was a great feeling. Plus, it made me feel like I was getting increasingly far away from being a poor college graduate and closer to moving in with Jackie.
I could tell by the sound of her voice last time we spoke that she was getting anxious about me finding a place, and then she finally just came right out and said it. If I couldn’t get a place soon, she’d have to extend her lease and stay in Chicago for another six months.
Which I couldn’t bear. Not that living with my Mom was the worst, but it wasn’t the best. I mean, her efforts at making me feel guilty for blowing off church didn’t work any better now than they had when I was sixteen, but if I were living with Jackie I could start freely worshipping the way I wanted to on Sundays. At IHOP. Preferably around one in the afternoon.
What I did feel guilty about was how deceitful it felt to live with her while I was messing around with Will. I felt like I had to be immediately on the defensive when she asked about anything job related. It’s not like I was ever that open in discussing my other relationships with her, but this was different. She knew the guy, and I didn’t have to run it by her to know she wouldn’t approve.
But just because it was wrong to sleep with your boss on paper didn’t necessarily mean it was always wrong on a case by case basis. And as the saying goes, if being wrong felt this good I didn’t want to be right.
But when I saw my paycheck, I didn’t feel good. I had to look at it a few times to confirm that I wasn’t misreading the deposit, but eventually it was clear that I had definitely gotten a raise.
I finished my chicken Caesar wrap and went straight back to the office. Emily was still on her lunch break so I walked right up to Will’s door and knocked.
“Come in.”
I opened the door and closed it behind me.
He turned away from his computer monitor with a devious smile. He always looked like he was up to something when I caught him alone.
“Ella,” he said. “What a nice surprise.”
“I wish I could say I felt the same way.”
His brows came together. “What are you talking about? We weren’t supposed to have lunch today were we?”
“No. We weren’t supposed to have lunch today,” I said, making air quotes with my fingers.
“Do you want to sit down?” He held his open palm towards the black leather chairs in front of his desk. “You seem upset.”
I walked up between the chairs but didn’t sit down. “I am upset.” I could hear my voice straining, and I wanted to be professional. Unfortunately, I didn’t see how that would be possible considering the circumstances.
“Do you want me to guess why you’re upset or-”
“No. I don’t want you to guess.” I put my hands on my hips. “But that’s exactly what your problem is. You think this is all a game.”
He shook his head. “I’m afraid I’m not following what you’re talking about.”
“You think it’s funny to mess with my paycheck without telling me?”
He leaned back in his chair. “Wait- is that what you’re upset about? The fact that you got a bonus?”
“That’s not what I’m saying.” I took a deep breath. “I’m not upset that I got a bonus. I’m upset that you think I can be bought. That you think I did those things with you the other day because I wanted money- or worse- that you think I deserve to be paid for those things which is so insulting I don’t even know where to st-”
“Ella.” Will folded his hands on his desk.
I let my waving hands fall from the air down to my sides. “What?”
“Your bonus has nothing to do with what happened between us the other day.”
“How can you expect me to believe that wh-”
“Let me speak.”
I swallowed.
“And sit down. You’re making me nervous.”
I took a seat and brushed some loose hairs out of my face. I could feel that my forehead was hot. My whole face was probably red.
“You got a bonus for two reasons.”
I stuck my hands between my knees.
“The first reason is because of the event you organized for the CEO of Dewalt Financial.”
“What about it?”
“It was such a success that they’ve rebooked for the same date for the next ten years.”
“Oh.” I couldn’t help but smile. They were such a demanding client. It felt great to know I nailed it.
“So it only seemed fair that you receive a commission on business we secured because of your hard work.”
“Thank you.” I felt my shoulders relax a little. “What is the second reason?”
“The second reason is that you would’ve continued to work your extremely fine ass off and gotten a raise eventually anyway.” He smirked at his inappropriately timed compliment. “True or false?”
“True,” I said, knowing my face was probably still too red for him to see me blush.
“Because you love working here. True or false?”
I squinted at him. “True, but you don’t have to be patronizing.”
“We’ll get to that in a second.” He twirled an expensive looking pen in his hand. “Unfortunately, a raise later doesn’t help you if you need an apartment now, does it?”
“No,” I said, feeling more embarrassed by the second.
“So I helped you out by giving you an advance on the hard work I trust you’re going to do here in the future.”
I looked down at the floor.
“I don’t want anyone who works for me to feel dependent or desperate. I only did for you what I would do for any number of my other valued employees based on their service to the hotel and its guests.”
I pursed my lips. Why did I have to burst in like I had? Now I looked like an idiot.
“So you got a raise because you deserve it, but if you don’t want to be incentivized based on your performance in the future, then just say so.” His eyebrows were poised halfway up his forehead.
“No. I’m sorry. I appreciate being rewarded financially for my hard work.” I moved to stand up so I could skulk out of the room.
“I’m not done.”
I dropped my butt back down in the seat. “Oh.”
“Speaking of patronizing, I don’t appreciate you coming in here acting crazy and making unfair accusations.”
“I apologize.”
“For you to accuse me of paying you for sex or sexual favors or even your company is beyond insulting.”
“I know. I didn’t mean-”<
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“I’m not a fool. I know you can’t be bought, and implying that I don’t know that makes it sound like you think I need to pay for women’s company or that you think I owe you something for spending time with me outside the office which-”
“I don’t think that.”
“Good,” he said. “Because I assure you, I don’t feel I owe you anything, and I think you’ll agree that I’ve only ever treated you fairly both personally and professionally.”
“You have. I’m sorry. I was totally out of line.”
He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Yeah, you were, but you’re cute when you’re mad so I’m not as pissed as I should be.”
“Let’s just pretend this never happened,” I said, standing up.
“Or better. Let’s laugh about it over dinner.”
I smiled. “When?”
“Saturday night. Do you like Renaldo’s?”
I shrugged. “Never been there.”
He shook his head. “What do you even eat when you’re not with me?”
I rolled my eyes up and thought about it. “Cheese on toast.”
“Well they don’t have cheese on toast at Renaldo’s, but they do have the best steaks on the East side.”
“Sounds good.”
“Do you want me to send a car to pick you up?”
“No, thanks. I’d rather make my own way.”
“I’ll text you the address.”
“Thanks,” I said, trying to hide my excitement. “And sorry again about the misunderstanding.”
“Forget it.” He turned back towards his computer. “Oh and Ella.”
“Yes?”
“Saturday night is a date, not a business function.”
I twisted my face. “I figured.”
“Good. I just don’t want you to be surprised when I make sexually suggestive comments during dinner and then violate you afterwards.”
“Thank you for the advanced notice,” I said. “I’ll try to wear something that will make things easy for you.”