by George Wayne
GW:
Who is the bitchiest supermodel you’ve ever met in your life?
BH:
There’s plenty of ’em . . . and no names!
GW:
Come on, B, you’ve got to give me some names.
BH:
No names . . .
GW:
There are so many bitchy supermodels, and you can’t give me one name? Let me hazard a guess: Linda?
BH:
No names. Linda’s been nice to me.
GW:
All right—light another cigarette, honey, get another Heineken, and get ready.
BH:
I’m ordering it up, another Heineken . . .
GW:
I know that’s your favorite beverage. And I know that you’ve lost your cherrystone, but I want to know to whom.
BH:
No, not saying. I’m not gonna say that.
GW:
When did you lose it?
BH:
When I was fifteen.
GW:
Was it to a little farm boy in the trailer park?
BH:
No, I’m not saying, George.
GW:
Where?
BH:
My mom’s gonna read this!
GW:
Honey, your mother must know you are a growing woman!
BH:
Okay, in a hotel room in New York.
GW:
Okay, now I want to know the man who took your chastity!
BH:
It’s going to take about twelve Heinekens to get that answer.
GW:
What do you do in your spare time, when you are not forced to be fabulous for the camera?
BH:
I sleep and try to get over my hangover, watch MTV.
GW:
Not since the seventies has the name Hall been such a force in fashion. I can’t believe some queenious fashion editor hasn’t been inspired to pair Bridget Hall and Jerry Hall in a shoot together.
BH:
I think she is pretty cool. I would love to be in a shoot with Jerry Hall. It would show that Texans are ruling!
MILTON BERLE
FEBRUARY 1994
After this interview hit the newsstand for Vanity Fair, I got a phone call from a close college friend who was back home in Savannah, Georgia. Even after all those years, he clearly had not lost the opportunity to show how much smarter and culturally astute he was than I was.
“Why didn’t you ask ‘Uncle Miltie’ about his enormous cock?” he postured. “You know he is supposed to have one of the biggest cocks in Hollywood.”
I had not been aware of this Hollywood lore. And looking back, my perennial reasoning was that GW was still, in 1994, an ingénue to documenting the ins and outs of Hollywood Babylon. The size and girth of Milton Berle’s phallus was then news to me. And even had I known I probably would not have broached the subject to this iconic curmudgeon. I was still a shy, young arbiter learning the ropes—and giddy with the great fortune of having his own column in the most prestigious magazine of celebrity culture in the world. So, despite my seemingly endless phallus mania, that particular subject with this particular subject was never broached.
That said, it is more important to note that Hollywood no longer conjures true professionals, true masters of the acting/comedic craft like the endless legend that will always be Milton Berle. And he was certainly in fine form the day we did this GW Q&A. I was most fascinated about what he had to say about RuPaul Charles, the drag queen impresario who my college friend and I had known from our formative years spent in Athens, Georgia, which was then the nexus of cool-college-town-counterculture. And where we both first met and were mesmerized by the likes of RuPaul and Lady Bunny doing drag shows at the famous 40 Watt Club in downtown Athens, GA.
And I can tell you that even back then RuPaul was one smart, clever, very ambitious, and very calculating queen. And if “Uncle Miltie” were still around today, there is no doubt he would agree. . . .
GW:
So tell me, Mr. Berle, what was the problem between you and RuPaul at the MTV music awards?
MB:
Well, MTV asked me if I would make an appearance, teaming me up with . . . what’s his name? Rude-Paul? Because in the forties and fifties I wore dresses in shtick and doing bits. So person . . . what’s his name?
GW:
RuPaul.
MB:
Rude-Paul, this female impersonator—I don’t know how long he’s been in show business, maybe two months. So they figured me being of my era it would be a good comedic point if we both came out together wearing drag. I am one that respects what I’m doing, and the word is rehearse, practice, know your lines. When he finally showed, he said, “Don’t worry about me, I know exactly what I’m doing,” in a very gay-ish way. So the first time I met him was when we walked on. My line was “I used to wear dresses, but I don’t anymore.” And he was supposed to say, “Why don’t you?” And my answer was “Because it’s a drag.” But instead he said, “What do you wear, diapers?” Being a reference in my mind that I’m a little over-aged; that I possibly pee in my pants. I was ready to hit him with a left hook to the stomach, right on camera.
GW:
You were the first real TV star, Mr. Television! You made your movie debut with Charlie Chaplin! What more could Uncle Miltie want from life?
MB:
Nothing more. I was brought up in show business. I was the Buster Brown boy when I was five, in 1913!
GW:
What’s the greatest honor you’ve ever received?
MB:
Well, I was the first comedian-actor to appear simultaneously on the cover of Time and Newsweek. I was also the first one inducted to the TV Academy Hall of Fame, along with the beloved and terribly missed Lucille Ball.
GW:
I hear the secret to your longevity is that you drink a gallon of water every day.
MB:
It flushes me . . .
GW:
You’re a big deal in the Friars Club. What did you think of the Ted Danson–Whoopi Goldberg debacle?
MB:
I’m the Abbot Emeritus of the Friars Club. I must take a stand on the Friars Club. I must take a stand on the Friars’ behalf. It’s no one’s business what we do at the club. We only roast people we like, and it’s all in jest. It was Whoopi’s idea—she wrote the material, she thought it would be funny. It is none of the media’s business. This is our own fun, Friars’ fun. This was not for public consumption.
GW:
What do you think of Roseanne Arnold?
MB:
I like her. She has a character going for her and she sticks to her character.
GW:
Who do you think are the greatest comedians?
MB:
Jack Benny was one of the greatest comedians who ever lived because he was not afraid of pausing, he was not afraid of silence. He took the time, and his timing was the greatest in the world. Woody Allen is one of the giants, and then of the new group, Robin Williams.
GW:
Do you still watch television?
MB:
I do not watch sitcoms, because they are all the same, the premise. I’m too show-wise.
GW:
How is your sex life?
MB:
In what respect?
GW:
Do you still have orgasms?
MB:
What kind of a question is that? Do you wanna test me? You sound like Howard Stern! I’m not even gonna answer you.
GW:
How about the mythic figures you’ve met? What are some of Uncle Miltie’s lasting impressions?
MB:
Well, I was in Washington the other day, and I got such a mist in my eyes when I realized that I was at the White House in 1920 and I met Woodrow Wilson.
BARRY WHITE
NOVEMBER 1999
Without question the opportunity to interview the great Bar
ry White to this day remains one of the highlights of, yes, my rather stellar career! And on that day in September of 1999 when we first spoke, I could hardly contain how intrigued and mesmerized I was by that inimitable distinct velvet baritone. His voice was so seductive even in conversation that throughout the entire interview all I kept thinking to myself was “Gee . . . I am really talking to the sultan of soul!” He had just published his memoir, Love Unlimited, when he sat to give this personal serenade to yours truly. And when all was said and done I quickly realized that he was very much aware of the genius he blessed and left this world with.
GW:
Barry White is getting ready to go on tour with Earth, Wind and Fire.
BW:
Way into the year 2000.
GW:
The New Year’s Eve Concert with Barry White and Earth, Wind and Fire will be the ticket. Barry White—“Icon of Love.” He’s been a part of showbiz for forty years.
BW:
That’s right.
GW:
How does he maintain that savoir faire, that legendary growl?
BW:
I just keep myself, my thoughts in shape. . . .
GW:
Is it a lot of hot tea, lemon juice? No ritual for the throat?
BW:
No, no, no ritual for the throat. I don’t drink tea or lemon juice.
GW:
That’s amazing, just a God-given talent.
BW:
That’s right.
GW:
The voice of Barry White can bring a woman to ovulation. Why do you think that is?
BW:
I have no idea. I’ve heard that.
GW:
Where was Barry White born?
BW:
Galveston, Texas, and raised in Los Angeles.
GW:
Your mother was an actress on the MGM studio lot. Around what year was this?
BW:
Nineteen fifty-one. She stopped working at MGM when she got pregnant with me. She never went back to acting, or to Hollywood after that. She didn’t want to. She wanted to raise and take care of her son.
GW:
Come to think of it, at the age of fifteen you were in jail. Was it a murder rap?
BW:
No, for burglary.
GW:
So you weren’t on death row?
BW:
[Laughs loudly] No, no. My childhood was super poor. The ghetto of Los Angeles is just as low as the ghetto of Harlem. My family had no money; we had a very meek life. But I fell in love with music, by my mother playing the piano. And one day I came home, when I was five years old. And she lit my soul up, by playing that piano. She would play the “Moonlight” Sonata and all those classical pieces. She could play the hell out of ’em. And that was what fired me up, for playing the piano.
GW:
Now you’re writing a book.
BW:
Yes, I am. People have been asking me for years to write a book about my life. This is the time when I have decided to do it.
GW:
“I’ve made $200 million dollars in five years,” you once bragged to the New York Times. I hope you have saved some of it.
BW:
I still have a lot of it. Believe me.
GW:
Barry White has this Midas-like persona. He loves gold, loves wearing it. Down to the brand of cigarette he smokes—Benson and Hedges Gold.
BW:
Benson and Hedges Ultra Light Menthol.
GW:
Does Barry White growl with disdain when people call him the “sultan of the bedroom”?
BW:
Well, to me that’s nothing more than a compliment.
GW:
You would have to take it as a compliment. How else can you explain your eight children. Is Barry White now in a stable relationship?
BW:
Yes. I have a girlfriend going on six years now.
GW:
One thing that one can always say is that the one mistress of Barry White will always be his music.
BW:
Music, that’s one thing you can die with.
GW:
Do you ever chant “God Bless America”?
BW:
No.
GW:
Who do you give thanks to?
BW:
I give thanks to myself. I thank me for being dedicated to music, for being loyal to music, for being consistent in music. I thank me for those things.
DOLPH LUNDGREN
JUNE 1995
One of my most captivating early memories of becoming a New Yorker was the first time I finally gained entry into the hottest, most exclusive nightclub at the time in 1985 known as Area. I will never forget that night this wide-eyed arriviste finally made it past the velvet ropes of that incredible disco in Tribeca and stood agog at the balustrade, when I quickly realized that right across the crowded dance floor and thumping music stood Andy Warhol in deep conversation with Jean-Michel Basquiat and Tina Chow. GW was starry-eyed beyond belief! And then suddenly there was even more commotion as Grace Jones arrived with her Scandinavian mastodon and lover Dolph Lundgren.
Years later after I became friends with Dolph, I recalled that moment in my early life as a Manhattan gadabout. We were having tea in a midtown hotel where he asked me to meet with him to consider the possibility of ghostwriting a fitness book he was interested in doing. I stupidly turned down the offer, and remember naively telling him that before I write anyone else’s book, I would first have to write mine. Of all the great, unforgettable stardust showbiz couples through the decades, Grace and Dolph will forever stand the test of time as one of the most fascinating and fabulous.
In early 1995 we met again for this formal interview, and he was just as charming, just as erudite, and just as gorgeous as the first time I ever set eyes on him. He is not only a karate champion and movie star, but also a former Fulbright scholar, bouncer, and boyfriend of Grace Jones. He is in sum, just one incredible human being. He was in the midst of reviving his film career when we sat to speak.
GW:
So, Dolph, darling, tell me about this new movie, Johnny Mnemonic.
DL:
It’s based on a William Gibson story—you know the guy who started the cyberpunk movement? I play a preacher.
GW:
So you have a good-guy role?
DL:
No, he’s a villain, but an interesting villain.
GW:
The thing I really dig about you, Dolph, is that you not only have the brawn but the brain. I hear you were a Fulbright scholar!
DL:
Yes, that’s why I came over here, to go to grad school at MIT.
GW:
But weren’t you a nightclub bouncer?
DL:
I worked at Private Eyes as a doorman, and did a little modeling after I dropped out of school, but I didn’t do too well, because they thought I was too big.
GW:
Let’s go over your relationship with Grace Jones. How did you ever hook up with a wacko like Grace?
DL:
She’s not a wacko. I’d say she is an eccentric artist. We met backstage at one of her concerts, where I was doing security, as usual.
GW:
I used to think that Grace and Dolph were so fabulous! I’ll never forget that night at Area when you and Grace made an entrance. You were wearing nothing but a pair of tight leather pants!
DL:
Oh God, those were my crazy days!
GW:
Another favorite image is that Albert Watson photo—you’re both nude, and she’s wrapped around you like the only black panther.
DL:
I remember that one. It was after I ran into Andy Warhol at a club, and I didn’t know who he was, and he came up to me and said, “So what are you famous for?” And I said, “Nothing, as far as I know.” And then he did this article on Grace and me in Interview.
GW:
Wh
at did your parents think about Grace?
DL:
My mother was very cool, but I think my dad had a few problems. He couldn’t figure out what he did wrong, but he came around. Now I’ve married a Swedish girl.
GW:
Yeah, tell me about this plain-Jane you just got married to.
DL:
She’s not a plain-Jane, no way! She was a fashion stylist and jewelry designer, so we had some similar interests, and of course, she is Swedish.
GW:
What do you think about Jean-Claude Van Damme?
DL:
Well . . . he’s amazingly successful.
GW:
Aren’t you surprised? He’s shot up there, and you are still down here.
DL:
No. I moved here because I wanted to be an actor. I was a movie star before having the chance to become an actor, so now I’m trying to backtrack.
GW:
Do you think that Hollywood thinks you’re a has-been?