I'd told the funeral director that I wanted my brother cremated. That was my only request. Other than that, Doug was to do the planning. I was relieved that Doug had only planned one day. I was sure it was to get back to his life in California, but I didn't care. I wasn't sure I could have sat through two days or a funeral. Just sitting in the same room was too much. I hadn't been able to walk to the front. I'd sat down in the very back of the room, and that was where I stayed. I couldn't see him. I just couldn't say goodbye to him.
I could hear people talking, but I couldn't tell you what they were saying. If Doug hadn't been there, Gabe wouldn't have had a sendoff at all. Doug had a smile on his face as he greeted people. I'd heard them all talking about what a great guy Gabe was. Those people didn't give a shit about him. They were just doing what they felt they were obligated to do. When Doug laughed and talked about my brother being so amazing, I wanted to get up and punch him in the face. Why was he the one that got to see Gabe every day? Why was he the one with all of the memories and stories? Why was he the one that was with my brother through his success? Because I was too big of a wuss, that was why. I should have gone to California. I shouldn't have cared who else was there. That was selfish of me. Look where it left me. I'd lost five years of memories. Gabe was gone, and there wasn't a damn thing I could do about it.
I'd done fine for myself. I had a great job at a very successful company. What good was that doing though? I'd never have that time back with Gabe. I had no family left. It was just me against the world.
Tears ran down my cheeks the entire day. I had no idea that it was even possible to cry so much. I hadn't cried that much any other time in my life. I thought I hurt in high school when Doug had crushed my heart. I'd cried when I lost each of my grandparents. None of that even came close to comparing to the loss I was feeling. My brother was gone.
When I felt a hand touch my shoulder, I jumped in my seat. I knew who it was. There was something in his touch. Even after all those years, I still felt a weird jolt when he touched me. I jerked my shoulder away from him and didn't look up. I felt him lean down next to me and shivered.
“I'm sorry, Gabby,” Doug whispered. “If you want to see Gabe, you have to do it now.”
I shook my head no.
“Gabby,” he said with emotion in his voice, as he reached for my chin and moved it so he could see my eyes. “Everyone is gone. You need to see him.”
Our eyes connected, and I could see how hard that day had been on him too. Don't feel sorry for him, I thought. He's the reason you haven't seen Gabe. He's the one with your memories. He doesn't care.
“No,” I snapped.
“Fuck,” he whispered, as he let go of my face and stood.
I looked up through my lashes to see Doug standing at the casket. His hands were on top of my brother's. I watched his shoulders shake. Then I heard his sniffles and saw one hand move up to his eyes. Then I started crying harder. I couldn't take it anymore, I had to get out of there. I couldn't accept that my brother was in that casket. He was gone. The entire time I'd hoped he'd sit up and it would all have been one of his jokes, but he never did it. He was really gone. I looked up one last time to see Doug saying goodbye to Gabe before turning in a daze and moving my feet as fast as I could away from there.
Showing Him Who's Boss, Part 1
Prologue
Carrie
It was his twentieth birthday and I couldn't wait to see him. Scott James Reid had owned my heart since I'd laid eyes on him that first day of ninth grade. He was the cutest boy I'd ever seen, and he was a baseball player. That made it even better. I went to every game he played that first year and the three years that followed. I'd loved baseball since I was a little girl and my dad took me with him all the time to see the Detroit Tigers play. Those were memories that would always stick with me. It took Scott almost a year to notice me, but when he did, I knew we'd be together for the rest of our lives. It helped that we were put together in our marriage and family class. For me, it was like a dream come true.
College took us in different directions. That wasn't easy on either of us. He went to the University of Michigan, and I went to Michigan State. He of course had gotten a full ride for baseball. I on the other hand got my scholarships from a different school. It was only going to be four years. We thought we could do it with our eyes closed. I totally believed him that our love was strong enough to get us through.
We had big plans for after graduation. It was something we talked about often. He was going to play professional ball for the Tigers, and I was going be by his side as often as I could. It was his dream, and I knew he was going to make it happen. We wanted a big family in Michigan near both of our parents.
Not a day went by that I didn't talk to him the first two years of college. We were able to see each other for most holidays and tried to meet up one weekend a month when he wasn't knee deep in practices and games. I knew he loved what he did, and I would never have tried to hold him back. I was proud of the man he was becoming.
We hadn't been able to see each other that month between work, classes, games, and practices, and he was going to be so busy with the team the following month. Scott was free on his birthday but was leaving the next day with the team. I couldn't do it. I couldn't miss his twentieth birthday. That morning, I called into work and got ready. It was only an hour drive without any traffic, so I knew I could have at least ten hours with him. I also had no plans of leaving his apartment within that time. I stopped on the way there at his favorite sub shop to get us lunch before heading over to his apartment. We hadn't spoken that morning, and I knew he was going to be so surprised.
With a bag of clothes strapped over my arm and the sub shop bag tucked under my arm, I walked toward his apartment and lifted my hand to knock. Then I heard it and stopped frozen. I leaned in quietly and listened through the door to the loud moaning of a woman.
“Oh fuck, baby,” she cried out. “Don't stop. Fuck me harder.”
I couldn't believe what I was hearing. The closer I got to the door, the louder she was. I was loud during sex, but I didn't have anything on whoever was fucking my man just inside of his apartment. Slowly, I moved over so I could peek through the curtains just inside the window. I knew better, but I couldn't stop myself. If I would have left without looking, I would have been trying to tell myself all kinds of lies. Maybe he was on the computer or in front of the television watching porn. Maybe the noise was coming from another apartment. It wasn't true. I knew that for sure, but I would have been trying to convince myself that it was. Just as I reached the window, I heard her cry out again. Then I saw it. There was a very naked woman riding my man on his living room floor. They were in the very same spot I had put out a blanket for us to watch movies on. It was a spot I'd ridden that same man on before. I couldn't see his face no matter how hard I tried. She was blocking my view of him. Her hair flowed around her shoulders as she leaned back with her hands on his thighs. Her ass bounced up and down while he drove his dick deep inside of her. Then she turned for a second and I saw her face. Her eyes were closed, so I was pretty sure she never saw me. For that, I was relieved. I didn't need him running naked out the door to assure me that I was seeing things and it wasn't what I thought. I could see for myself that it was exactly what I thought. I stood watching them, unable to breathe. It felt like my chest was closing up and my heart was crushed into a million pieces. When she cried out again and I saw his arms wrap around her as he began to sit up, I begged my feet to move and was thrilled when they actually listened. There was no way I wanted to see his face. There was no way I wanted to see what he looked like when he was coming inside of another woman. I already knew I'd see her riding him in my mind a million times. I would never forget her. I would never be able to erase that look on her face as she fucked my man. I guess he wasn't my man after all.
I got to my car, threw my bags in, and pulled the door shut behind me as fast as I could. When my face landed in my hands against the steering w
heel, I burst into tears. How could he do that to me, I wondered? He said we were going to be together forever. He promised we'd make it through college. How long had he been with her? Shit, I yelled out into the open space of my car. Had he been with her the entire time? Was he fucking her and then fucking me bare? How could he tell me he loved me when he was with someone else?
I pulled my shit together just enough to be able to call him. There was no way I could walk away without seeing what he would say. I wiped the back of my hand across my face to dry my tears and let my body settle so he couldn't hear me sobbing. I dialed his number and waited. He answered on the third ring.
“Hey, baby,” he said, barely able to breathe.
I could hear him panting into the phone. That was how he used to sound if he answered during practice. Was he really at practice those times?
“What are you up to?” I asked in as loving a voice as I could when I really wanted to tear him to shreds.
“Can I call you back in a few minutes?” he asked. “I'm in the middle of something with the team.”
So she was the team. That was bullshit.
“Sure,” I said. “I just wanted to tell you I was hoping you were having a good birthday.”
He definitely was having a good birthday. The only problem was the fact that his dick was buried deep inside of another woman.
I hung up the phone without waiting for him to respond. He didn't deserve a goodbye.
“Don't bother calling back,” I said, as I turned my phone off and shoved it into my bag.
I wouldn't be needing that anymore.
I let the tears run down my cheeks as I made my way back to my dorm. Every mile that passed seemed to turn my hurt into anger. By the time I got back to school, I was beyond pissed.
My whole fear of me not being enough for him once he hit the big leagues really had been a waste. The asshole hadn't even bothered to wait for that. He'd decided college was as good of time as any. Who knew really, maybe it was even high school.
I was done, and there was no way I was going to be stupid enough to buy any of the excuses he would have had for me. I couldn't even give him the chance to make me look like a fool. The first thing I did was stop at the phone store and change my number. If he couldn't call, there was no way for me to break down and run back to him. He'd be leaving the next morning and would be gone for most of that month. Neither of us would have time to run to each other, not that he would even bother if he wasn't busy. I knew one month would be enough time for me to come to my senses and realize he was the biggest asshole in the world.
I made my way to my dorm room and collapsed on my bed in a fit of tears. That was when I realized the man I thought would love and protect me forever was the same one that was destroying me. Things would never be the same again.
Chapter 1
Carrie
Ten long years passed since I'd talked to Scott Reid. Everyone called him Scottie once he started playing ball for the Pittsburgh Pirates. Yep, he made it. He'd gotten everything he'd ever wanted. Instead of Detroit, it was Pittsburgh. His run with the Pirates lasted almost six years before he retired from an injury. I couldn't believe it was over for him. There was no way I would have thought he would have ended his professional ball career that early. I thought about him way more than he ever deserved for me to, that I knew for sure. It didn't help that his face was on television or in the magazines all the time. You know the magazines. The ones you knew were full-of-shit but you couldn't help but pick them up and flip through them when you waited in line at the grocery store. That was where my life had gone. I was one of those women that read the magazines while waiting to check out. The only difference was it hit way too close to home for me.
I jumped out of my chair and my thoughts when my office door swung open without the slightest sound of a knock. My friend Lucy came barreling through my office like she had a fire lit under her ass. That was how she was. She was always louder than everyone else in the office, but she made my days a little brighter there. She was already working at the company when I'd started almost a year before. It was her hometown, and she seemed to know everyone. Nobody would ever mistake her for being shy. The second she met someone, she was their friend. It was the craziest thing to me. I was nothing like her.
When I accepted a job with the company, my main goal was getting away from everything surrounding me and making enough money to live without needing help from my parents. I was pretty sure they understood where I was coming from, but I knew they weren't happy about me moving my entire life. I didn't know a single person when I moved to Pennsylvania. Before you say anything, it had nothing to do with him. Well, it actually had everything to do with him. When he retired, he found his way back to Michigan and had planted his feet firmly in the ground there. How did I know, that's easy. When a professional baseball player retires and moves back to the small town he was originally from, everyone talks about it. That was exactly what happened. Scottie James Reid, as they called him, was back, and I wanted nothing to do with any of it.
I was finally free. He was going to fade into the background. Maybe he'd take his fortune and spend it on all of the women I'd seen on his arm over the years. Maybe he'd blow it all. Hopefully, he'd at least do something useful with it. He didn't need that much money. I never understood why someone who played sports made that kind of dough. I know, I was going to be part of that. Of course I was. That was his dream, but I knew we would have donated money and done things to help people. I wasn't so sure he planned on doing any of that anymore or even then honestly. Maybe everything he'd ever said to me was a lie. Anyway, whatever he spent his money on had no meaning to me. I was just happy I wouldn't have to see his face anymore. That damn sexy face.
The down side of not having to see his face in the papers or on television meant that there was a possibility that I would see it in real life. That wasn't something I wanted to happen. It was time to move my life in the right direction. I had more important things to think about than some cheating asshole. That's what I had been telling myself for years anyway. I tried to move on once, but that didn't work out. Well, it did in certain ways but definitely not in others.
Once I found out Scott was back for good, I put my resume out everywhere I possibly could. There were no limits to the distance I was willing to go. I wanted out of Michigan and would take a job literally anywhere else. It took several months before I landed my job in Pennsylvania. I knew I'd be safe there. Nobody cared to talk about a player that didn't exist anymore. They were all about new things that were going on. Scottie Reid was a thing of the past to the regular world. Why my heart still hurt when I thought about him, I couldn't figure out.
I still loved sports just like I had as a kid. That hadn't changed. Not all athletes were assholes. That's what I told myself over and over anyway.
I worked in business and finance. When I was offered a job at an athletic equipment company, I jumped on it. Doing what I loved, working with numbers, and being around anything sports related was the ultimate for me.
Lucy was the first person to welcome me in with open arms at the company, and I knew we were going to be friends forever. Where I was quiet, she was obnoxious. When we went out, she was the one to draw the guys in around us. I'd been at the company for almost a year and loved my job. I had an apartment that was big enough for what I needed and could pay all of the bills on my own. The people that I worked with were very nice, and my boss was the best. He was very understanding when I needed time off and with anything I ever needed to talk to him about. I honestly felt appreciated there. That wasn't something easy to find. Things were going great, and I knew I'd made the right decision uprooting my life for my sanity.
“Earth to Carrie,” she yelled out. “I've been standing here for several minutes watching you stare off into space. Who's out there?”
“Sorry,” I said, as I came back to reality again. “I didn't sleep well last night.”
“Want to get out of here and go to lunch, b
itch?” she asked.
I shook my head and laughed.
“You need to close that potty mouth,” I said. “If the boss hears your foul language, he's going to kick your ass.”
I stood up and grabbed my purse and keys before walking around my desk to meet up with her.
“Your mouth is no better than mine, witch,” she joked, as she walked ahead of me out of my office.
I closed my door behind me with a smile on my face. I never would have made it without Lucy's loud mouth. She never failed to have me laughing to the point of almost pissing my pants. She was a great friend. I felt bad that I'd never confided in her beyond the last two years of my life. Some things she had to know. If she knew the rest, she'd want to talk about it all the time. Besides, it wasn't like she'd ever have a reason to know anything else anyway.
Chapter 2
Carrie
We decided to walk to lunch since it was such a nice day. I hadn't really thought about how full I would be on the walk back. There weren't too many hills, so I was good there. Being there almost a year still hadn't helped me with the damn hills. We went to a small diner down the street that had amazing food. I'd ordered a dinner special even though it was lunch, and I'd eaten the entire thing. I couldn't believe it myself. Lucy picked at her food just like she always did. That girl was crazy. It seemed like she'd go days with barely eating. Then it was like you couldn't fill her up. I didn't think I'd ever figure her out.
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