Damned (Kassidy Bell Series Book 4)

by Lynda O'Rourke

  “I guess that story about your family you told us about in the car outside the bishop’s house was all bullshit!” I snapped, feeling betrayed.

  “It was true to Jude – that was his life. His father, Doctor Middleton, was only interested in his work but that didn’t bother me, it was a million times better than being in a coffin.”

  “So who murdered Middleton’s wife?” I asked, remembering that the bishop had told us she had been hacked up.

  Sitting on the edge of the bed, Jude looked up at me. “Well this is where my life as Jude turned from happy to bad. I loved being a part of that family. Mrs. Middleton was a lovely lady but she started to get suspicious of her husband and his strange behaviour. Trabek never did quite get the hang of Middleton’s personality – in fact, I don’t think he even tried. He didn’t give a shit, really. So when we were having dinner one evening and his wife started asking too many questions… Trabek went into the kitchen and came back with a meat cleaver and killed her. It ruined the whole dinner.”

  My mouth dropped open. Was that all that Jude had been bothered by – the dinner? I shook my head and snapped, “So you weren’t too upset by Mrs. Middleton’s death but more so about the dinner being ruined?”

  “Well I wasn’t going to be getting any more… was I?” stated Jude, taking another gulp from the whisky bottle. “She was a good cook… she…” He stopped talking when he saw how disgusted I was at him. Looking down at his feet, too ashamed to look me in the eye, he continued to talk. “Listen… you have to understand that back then… I was very much Eras. I didn’t have those kind of feelings that a son should have for his mother, and even now, I still don’t get it right – because even after all this time acting out Jude Middleton’s life – I’m not really him. I’m Eras and demons don’t really come with too many emotions. We’re cold – we just go about taking what we want, and…”

  “Killing… fucking with people’s lives!” I cut over him, “That’s what you go around doing. You’re selfish, callous, and pure evil.”

  Nodding his head, Jude whispered in agreement. “Yes, we are all those things and much more… but… as Jude, I felt feelings… I still feel them now. And as long as I keep Eras buried, I can continue to live as Jude. That’s what I want. It’s all I’ve ever wanted.”

  “And you thought you’d take me, Raven, Max, and Sylvia along for the ride with you!” I glared, pacing back and forth.

  Jude jumped up from off the bed. He reached for my hand. I snatched it away. “Keep your distance from me!” I ordered. “I don’t want you touching me ever again!” I suddenly flinched as the voices broke out inside my head again.

  “Get the knife!” they hissed, “Kill him! He just wants you and your friends for himself… for the Cleaners! He’s lying to you… he isn’t Eras… he’s Doshia!”

  My eyes shifted to the floor where the knife had fallen. The voices were right, weren’t they? I couldn’t just take Jude’s word and accept that he was Eras. He could be lying. He could be Doshia. I stepped back from Jude and started to pace the room, pretending that I was lost in thought, but really planning on how I would reach the knife before he could take it from me. If I keep him talking, I thought, maybe he would be too preoccupied in conversation to notice what I was doing. So I asked, “How do I know you aren’t just lying to me… that you’re not really Doshia?” I headed over to the window. I would make a few lengths of the room before I would go for the knife. “Well?”

  Jude took another slug of the whisky before saying, “If I meant you any harm… why have I done nothing but help you all? I tried to persuade you not to go to Hannah’s – to the bishop’s. I helped you at the petrol station when that guy touched you up – I knew what he was – I knew he was a demon. I helped you all to escape from the bishop’s, when Alex was climbing after us in the chimneys. I even broke what I vowed I would never do again, I became Eras just so I could go back into the bishop’s and save you. Not that you needed saving… Ben, or should I say Quint, had already got in there.” Jude screwed the cap back onto the whisky bottle and threw it down on the bed. “I did my best on the train – as much as I could without turning into Eras. And what about the police station? I helped there, didn’t I? Got myself arrested on purpose so I could come and get you all, even though you three fucked off and left me!”

  I walked slowly past the knife. The next time I reached it, I would make a grab and go for it. Keeping Jude talking, I said, “That still doesn’t prove to me that you’re Eras or Middleton’s son, Jude.”

  Jude held his arms up as if in surrender. He let out an exasperated sigh. Then, as if a light had suddenly switched on inside his head, his eyes lit up and he shouted, “I know! I’ve got something that will prove that I have been acting as Middleton’s son. He looked down at his trousers, slipped his hand into a pocket, and rummaged around. Shaking his head, confused, he pulled out his hand and then checked his other pocket.

  Taking this opportunity of Jude being preoccupied, I crouched down quickly and took the knife. Hiding it behind my back, I looked up at Jude just as he pulled out his hand from his trouser pocket. “Well… what is it?” I asked, seeing that both his hands were empty.

  “Where the fuck has it gone…?” he asked out loud, more to himself than me. He spun around, his eyes searching the floor, then the bed, then back to me. “I’ve lost it… fucking hell…!” He took a step toward me and said, “I had a Cruor Pharma I.D. badge. You remember? We used them to get through security at the gates.”

  “That wasn’t yours,” I said, “That belonged to Fred Butler… the guy who mysteriously died after we left him very much alive.” I narrowed my eyes at him now suspecting that it had been Jude who had killed Fred. After all, he had been the one to go back to him after we’d escaped the locker room.

  “No. That was the one that you and Max used. I had my own. I pretended in the locker room that I had found it. Luckily, none of you got to see it at the time or you would have seen my photo on it with the name Jude Middleton.”

  “So where has it gone?” I snapped, taking another step closer to Jude, the knife concealed behind me. “Funny how it’s suddenly disappeared now that you have something to prove.”

  Shaking his head, Jude looked at me and said, “It must have fallen out of my pocket… it could have happened anywhere. The last time I saw it was after we’d left the bishop’s.” He stopped talking and suddenly smiled at me. Holding out his hand, palm up, he said, “I know what you have, Kassidy. You can either give me the knife or put it down somewhere, I don’t care. But if you don’t and you kill off Jude’s body, I won’t be able to tell you what I know about your father.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN

  Kassidy

  I flinched at Jude’s comment. I was stunned. If there was anything that would get my attention right now, it would be something to do with my father. The mystery behind him drinking himself to death, the way my father could never really look me in the eyes, and finding the photograph of him in the locker room as an employee of Cruor Pharma had eaten away at me. I let my arm fall down beside me, revealing the knife. There was no point in trying to conceal it now. But should I really put it down? Was this some kind of trap? But the mention of my father had me intrigued. I wanted to know. I had to know.

  I nodded my head slowly, placing the knife down on the end of the bed out of Jude’s reach but near enough to me so I could grab it if needed. I felt my stomach knot and my limbs shake as if I were about to hear something I really didn’t want to know. Deep down, I only wanted to hear good things about my father, but I knew that as he had worked for Cruor Pharma, surely it couldn’t be good. But I still hoped. I still longed to hear that my father loved me and that it wasn’t my doing that he’d drunk himself to death. As I looked at Jude, my heart filled with hope, I wondered, though, if Jude even had that kind of information. Why would he? If he had any knowledge about my father, then it would probably be just about his work for Doctor Middleton, not information on whether he
loved his daughter. I took a deep breath and whispered, “Go on then, I’m listening.”

  Satisfied that I had put the knife down, Jude leant back against a couple of pillows and began to talk. “I don’t know everything about your father or your mother but I’ll tell you what I can and I won’t tell you any bullshit, I promise.”

  “My mother?” I cut in. “You know stuff about her, too?” I slumped down onto the end of the bed, my head reeling. Already I was shocked just by this small bit of information. My stomach knotted tighter. What was Jude going to tell me?

  “Don’t listen to him… he’s lying!” the voices cried out inside my head.

  Trying my best to block them out, I stared at Jude and said, “Well? I’m waiting!”

  “I’m just warning you now, Kassidy, that you won’t like what you hear, and I’m apologising now for the way I will tell you, as I’ll probably say it all in the wrong way and without feeling. Maybe if I were truly Jude, then it would come across much better, but as Eras it won’t sound good.”

  “Whatever!” I snapped. “Just get on with it!”

  “You heard earlier from Doctor Langstone about a drug trial that went horribly wrong years ago. Well… your father, at the time, was working at Cruor Pharma, and yes, he did know about these drug trials and that there had been some problems with them. Although I will say in his defence that he had no idea on which scale that they went wrong. He didn’t know what we were – are. He valued his job and knew that to keep it he had to stay quiet about what went on behind closed doors.”

  “Okay,” I whispered, “I get that.” I wrapped my arms about my stomach, the knot inside growing ever bigger.

  Jude continued to talk, opening up a chocolate bar and popping some into his mouth. “Well…” he chomped, “I don’t know the reason for why he did it but I’m guessing that Middleton knew your father didn’t have a lot of money, and what, with you being born… your mother staying at home to look after you… I think Middleton offered your father money in exchange of trying out his new drug on your mother.”

  I gasped. “What! No! You’re lying! My father wouldn’t do such a thing! What the hell?!” I covered my ears with my hands, not wanting to hear it.

  Jude spoke up and said, “I told you that you wouldn’t like it. Some things are best left unknown – kept hidden away in the back of your wardrobe.”

  Uncovering my ears, I said, “Carry on. I need to know.” I chewed my bottom lip, bracing myself for more.

  Jude ate the last piece of chocolate, licked his lips, and said, “Your mother was very nice… nervous, but a willing volunteer. She didn’t speak much up on the ward.”

  “What – wait? You were on the ward with her?” I gasped, my eyes widening. I should have known. I guess, after all, Jude had just told me it was one of his jobs at Cruor Pharma. But it just seemed so weird. To look at Jude he seemed too young to have been around all those years ago, but he wasn’t really Jude anymore. Eras kept Jude’s body going. “Did my mother try and back out… did you stop her? Pretend it was all safe?” I closed my eyes, unsure as to whether I could stomach Jude’s answer.

  Pulling open another bag of crisps and stuffing a handful into his mouth, Jude mumbled, “Like I said… she was nervous… but willing. I didn’t have to do any convincing.”

  I let out a sigh of relief. I didn’t know my mother but I still couldn’t bear to think of her being forced into one of Middleton’s drug trials. As I sat quietly, taking in this new information with just the sound of Jude crunching his crisps and the rain hitting the window, all sorts of thoughts and questions were flying around inside my head. I looked at Jude just as he was emptying the contents of the crisp packet into his mouth and asked, “Where was I? Who was looking after me?” Then jumping to my feet, I gasped, “Oh, my god… did you see me… as a baby?”

  Brushing the crumbs from off his trousers, Jude avoided my stare and nodded his head. “Yeah… I saw you. Your father was holding you. Because he was staff, Middleton had allowed him to bring you in and wait in Ward 2 while your mother had her drug trial.” Using his tongue to dislodge some crisps that had got stuck in his teeth, Jude muttered, “I’ve been an evil bastard… still could be… but even back then, I thought that was fucked up! Middleton allowing a baby to be brought in knowing full well what was probably going to happen. Even your boyfriend argued about that!” Jude glared at me.

  “Ben?” I whispered. “So he was there, too! But why hasn’t he told me any of this?”

  Shrugging his shoulders, Jude said, “Probably doesn’t remember. He slips in and out of being Ben and then Quint. Forgets loads of shit. Quint has never mastered taking over Ben fully. I think Ben has proved more difficult than Quint had ever expected. Whereas me,” said Jude, pointing to himself, “I’ve never had that problem. I can take over Jude as Eras completely if I choose to, or I can allow Jude to come forward as much as I want. Easy!”

  “Excuse me if I don’t applaud you,” I sneered, feeling the heat rise up across my skin. I glanced back down at the knife and clenched my fists. The voices in my head had quietened but the anger within me was still there, bubbling just under the surface.

  “Shall I carry on?” asked Jude, washing his crisps down with more whisky.

  I sat back down on the bed. “Yes. Just tell me what happened.”

  Jude inched himself further up the bed toward me and lowered his voice as if it were some big secret. Or maybe it was because he thought it made him come across more sympathetic. He licked his lips and continued to talk, “Well… to cut a long and gruesome story short… pretty much what happened on your drug trial happened, only there was more blood – more suffering. It took me much longer than usual to sort out the volunteers after they turned bad. So I think a lot more pain was felt. I did my best, though. But I think what really held me up was that some of the volunteers escaped into Ward 2 – the crazy ones.”

  “But that’s where I was with my father, how did we escape unharmed?”

  Jude rolled his eyes and answered. “Your knight in shining armour stepped in and pulled you and your father out. I think Ben took you somewhere safe to hide and then he came back to deal with the volunteers.”

  “And my mother… what happened to her?” I asked, fearing the worst.

  “Well… I… she...” Jude struggled. “She didn’t take to the drug, obviously… no surprises there – none of them did. They were like vicious monsters. I mean, you think Alex was bad? He was like an angel compared to your mother. She was fucking insane… she devoured several volunteers so quickly – even I couldn’t stop her!”

  “Okay… enough!” I shouted. “I don’t need to hear the gory details!” I looked away from Jude, sick to my stomach. Having been in a similar situation myself, I could easily picture what the scene must have looked like. “So what happened to her… who killed her? You?!”

  Jude shook his head. “She was uncontrollable. I’m not gonna lie, I did try to kill her… I had to. She killed several members of staff – two nurses and one security guard. Even Ben couldn’t cope! But it wasn’t me who killed her in the end and it wasn’t Ben. The Cleaners were called in and… well… you know what they do.” Jude looked down at the floor and fell quiet.

  I stared across the room at the rain hitting the window. The true scale of this nightmare filled me with fear. I couldn’t even begin to think straight about what had happened to my mother. I didn’t want to. And what about my father? How did this new information make me feel about him? I should be angry – livid – disgusted with him for persuading my mother to take a drug test for money, knowing full well that there had been problems in the past with the tests. What the hell had he been thinking? My eyes fell upon the bottle of whisky lying on the bed. I reached over and snatched it up. Unscrewing the cap, I held the bottle to my lips and swallowed down several mouthfuls. The taste was disgusting. I hated whisky. Just the smell of it reminded me of my father, pissed up in his armchair. But right now, I needed a drink. I needed something t
o dull my senses and block out the pain and trauma caused not only by Doctor Middleton and Cruor Pharma but also by my own family – my father. And those fucking voices inside my head. They wouldn’t shut up. I wanted them to go away – to leave me alone. I took another swig of whisky. I grimaced as it gushed down my throat, heating my insides as it went. My head pounded as I thought about everything I had seen – everything I had run from – still running from and everything I had been told. There was too much to decipher. Too much had happened and as I took another gulp, I could feel myself drowning – sinking in what was left of my life – my ruined life. And that was exactly how I felt.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  Ben

  As I trudged along the sodden path, wind pulling at me from all directions, I could see the trees more clearly. They were burnt. Charred branches listed in the gale and I wondered what had happened here at Doctor Langstone’s. It had been a long time since I had seen him, at least as far as I could remember, although my memory couldn’t be trusted. But from what I could remember of him was that he had taken his work seriously, looked after his patients, and had been kind and caring. Of course, that had been before the coffins had been opened. After that, I could only remember snippets of Langstone and of him leaving to come and work up here. But what would I find of him now? Would he still look the same? Tall and muscular, dark blonde hair, with a few wrinkles set under his eyes and across his brow? What about his staff here? Did they know what he was? Had he shown the demon in him?

  As I rounded a bend in the path, my eyes were met with a sight of pure destruction. I gasped out loud at the state of the building that loomed out in the dark.

  “What the fuck… what happened here?” I whispered, staring wide-eyed at the burnt ruin. I jumped at the sound of dogs growling and barking from somewhere close by. My presence had obviously disturbed them. I stepped off the path and took cover underneath a tree with low hanging branches, concerned that the dogs’ barking would alert Langstone that I was here. I didn’t want to see him yet and I wasn’t sure if Quint wanted to either. I didn’t even have a clue as to how Quint was going to handle Langstone. I knew nothing, really, of Quint’s plan other than he wanted the volunteers. But my guess was that Langstone would want them too.