by Teegan Loy
“Fine . . .” I paused. “Carrie.”
“Thank you.”
“What secrets have been spilled?” Jamie asked.
“I’ll tell you later,” she said to Jamie.
“What are you doing out here?” I asked.
“Oh, Stef is waiting at the bar. She says you’re not answering your phone.”
“I think I left it at the cabin.”
“That’s what I told her.” Jamie handed me my phone. “Hey, Carrie, do you want to come out with us?”
“Nope, I need to wash the bedding.” She winked and covered Agnes’ ears. “That’s what I call bath time for Agnes. She hates getting a bath, but she rolled on a dead fish today. You guys have a fun evening.”
“Give me a second,” I said to Jamie. He nodded and trudged back to the cabin while I walked Carrie back to hers.
Agnes rubbed against me. “Are you sure you’re going to be okay? I don’t need to go to the bar.”
She smiled warmly. “Go be with your friends. Barbie will be here in a few minutes. I can’t wash the bedding alone, and then we’re going to drink wine and talk about our ungrateful kids.” She laughed. “We’ll chat more later. Have fun.”
I didn’t really want to have fun tonight. What I wanted was to hit the internet and search for Julian Leonard.
The bar was crowded, and I immediately scanned the people, trying to guess which one Jamie would decide to take home. There were several good candidates.
“Hey, Kelley boy,” Stef shouted across the bar.
Jamie was already ordering drinks. I really didn’t want any alcohol tonight but I accepted the beer he handed me. Stef kicked a stool out, hugged Jamie, and asked him how everything was hanging or if something had fallen off.
“It’s all good,” he said. “I’ll be back in a minute. I see Elena.”
We watched him swagger through the crowd and give a blonde woman a big hug.
“Who’s Elena?” Stef asked.
“I have no idea.”
“So . . .” Stef leaned into me. “With Harry and Dylan gone, why haven’t you talked to Jamie?
“He doesn’t want to hear what I have to say. He basically told me love screws everything up.” I took a drink of my beer. “Let’s not talk about Jamie. How good are you at detective work?”
Her face lit up. She was a huge fan of mysteries.
“Tell me.”
“Buy me another beer,” I said.
I felt a tiny bit of guilt, but after a few more drinks, I let loose and told her Mrs. Jorgenson’s story. She agreed we should do some research on the guy. I swore her to secrecy with a promise of a very painful death if she told anyone what we were doing.
Jamie occasionally stopped by to make sure we both had enough to drink. I was well on my way to getting drunk.
“You’re staring again,” Stef said.
I kicked her barstool and she scowled at me when she dribbled some beer down her chin.
“I have to pee.” She slid off her chair and weaved through the crowd.
“Hey, Kell.” Jamie nudged me.
“What?”
“What’s your problem? It looks like you’re trying to turn that beer bottle into tiny glass shards.”
“Couldn’t find anyone to pick up?” I asked with a sneer.
Jamie shrugged and took a drink. “It’s still early. I have a couple of options if I feel the urge.”
“Right,” I grumbled into my beer.
“What is going on with you? Since Dylan left, you’ve turned into a raging dickhead.” He stared at me with those piercing blue eyes again, and I yearned to punch him in the face.
“How would you know how I’ve been acting? It’s not like you’ve been around.”
Jamie shook his head and mouthed the word asshole at me.
“What the fuck?” I shouted. “You’re calling me an asshole. You’re the one who hasn’t really been speaking to me for the past few weeks. You’re the one who’s had an endless parade of people running in and out of your fucking bedroom this summer. I never said anything about all that shit.”
“Yeah,” Jamie shouted back. “Well, at least I have people around who want me. If you weren’t such an asshole, maybe someone would want to be with you for more than a couple days.”
My mouth dropped open, and all the air seeped out of my lungs like a balloon with a pinhole. He managed to put all his feelings into one simple sentence. He definitely didn’t want to be with me. I paled and carefully set my beer bottle down.
There was still one shot sitting in front of me, so I snatched it and held it up in a mock toast before I downed it and slammed the glass back on the bar.
“Go fuck yourself,” I snarled and headed toward the door. Stef shot me a confused look when she came out of the restroom, but I hung my head and waved her off. She followed me outside and shouted my name several times with increasing urgency. I ignored her and kept walking. I didn’t need another pep talk. I needed to get the hell away from Jamie so I could piece together my shattered heart.
As I walked, I stumbled over loose gravel, branches, and my feet. The warm night air wrapped around me and tried to strangle me. The cabin was about five miles from the bar, and I was drunk. It was going to be a fun walk home.
Cars passed by me. Each time one of them slowed down, I cringed, thinking it was going to be Stef, shouting at me and telling me I was a fucking idiot. A few people stopped to ask if I needed a ride home. I shook my head and kept walking in a semi-straight line.
Finally, after hours of trekking across uneven terrain, I saw the roof of my cabin. I’d fallen a few times and scraped the shit out of my hands and knees. The last time I fell, I thought about passing out in the ditch, but a stupid deer decided to jump out of the trees and scared the crap out of me. I’d managed a burst of speed, and now I was staring at the cabin. No lights were on, and I didn’t see a vehicle in the driveway. Jamie probably found someone to take him home tonight. The last thing I needed was to walk in on him and some random guy or girl fucking around.
“Bit late to be wandering around, don’t you think?”
“Holy shit,” I gasped as Mrs. Jorgenson shined her flashlight in my face. “I could say the same to you.”
“Agnes wanted a walk,” she said, pointing the light at the ground. “You smell like you fell in a vat of booze.”
“Yep, it was a big one,” I answered.
“Kellen,” she said softly. “What’s happened?”
“I . . . he,” I stammered and then dropped to my knees, swearing into my hands. “He made me angry, so I shouted at him. And he yelled back. I don’t want to talk about it. It’s just over.”
“How can something be over that never started?” she snapped. “Get up, Kellen. Let’s go inside. You need to pass out. You’re way too drunk to be wandering around.”
“I am not going in there if he’s here.”
“No one is here. Except us. We’re here.”
“Are you sure I’m here?” I followed her to the door where she dug out the key my mom kept in the fake rock inside a flowerpot.
“You need to talk to Jamie when you’re sober. I’ve told you this a million times, but you have to trust me when I tell you, you don’t want to live a life full of regrets. They’ll eat you alive.” She patted my hand.
“We sort of had a fight,” I said.
“Saying you’re sorry is a good way to start a conversation.” Agnes barked. “I need to go. Don’t do anything stupid.”
She left me sitting at my kitchen table with the knowledge that everything I did was stupid. I raced into my bedroom, grabbed my suitcase, and shoved as many clothes as I could get into the bag. The clock in the living room chimed, making me glance up. It was one o’clock in the morning. Where the hell was I going to go in the middle of the night? I could walk down the gravel road until I came to the highway and then hitchhike into town, where I might be able to find a bus back to the city. It dawned on me I didn’t have a fucking home anymore.
All my stuff was packed in boxes, sitting in our garage.
“Oh my god.” I grabbed the suitcase and flung it against the wall. It sprang open and clothes flew everywhere. I couldn’t stay here. If Jamie came back with some random, I was going to snap and someone would end up getting hurt. I was pretty sure no jury would convict me of anything, but it was best I wasn’t around to see it.
I ran to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of whiskey, headed outside, and stumbled down to the dock. Tonight, I hoped for a tidal wave to sweep me away.
It sucked to be in love with your best friend. Nothing worse. I stared at the bottle in my hand. It wasn’t going to help my situation. It would numb everything for a few hours and then turn on me with a vengeance, giving me a hangover that would probably last for days. I was already sporting a strong buzz. Although some of it wore off when I trekked across country to get home.
I grunted, opened the bottle, and toasted my rotten life. When I reached the end of the dock, I lay on my back, staring up at the night sky. Dark clouds obscured the stars and moon, and within minutes, raindrops were splashing on my face. I swore and rolled over. If I didn’t get up, I’d probably get a splinter in my cheek.
The rain came harder, so I staggered to my feet and climbed the stairs to Peyton Place. The sign Jamie made for Dylan and me was still attached to the door. I ripped it off, crumpled it in my fist, and dropped it to the ground, making sure to stomp on it a few times.
Once inside, I tried to carefully set the bottle of booze on the side table, but I misjudged the distance and the bottle tumbled to the ground. I sat down and watched the liquor spill, soaking into the carpet. My mom was going to kill me. Tomorrow I’d have to clean the entire carpet.
I dug around for some towels, dropped them on the floor, and walked on them. It soaked up some of the booze and helped alleviate some of my tension.
Jeesh, how had my life been reduced to being upset about spilled alcohol? I collapsed on the bed and pulled my knees up to my chest, squeezed my eyes shut, and took several deep breaths. This whole thing was my fault for believing I ever had a chance with Jamie. It was stupid, and I deserved to feel like shit.
“Fuck.”
My head snapped up when I heard tapping. Either someone was knocking on the door or it was hailing outside. Who the hell knocked in the middle of the night? It could be Mrs. Jorgenson coming to check on me. Maybe she was going to offer more advice on how to get my man, but she’d probably barge right in without waiting for an invitation.
“Open up this door right now,” Stef demanded.
I stood and stumbled to the door, shouting at her to shut up.
“I can’t believe you left me,” she snarled as she shoved past me. “The entire bar witnessed your fight.”
“Where’s Jamie?”
“I put him to bed. After you left, he did several shots and got so ripped he could barely walk. I had to call Barbie to come get us.”
“Ya know, things were so much better before you told me I was in love with the idiot.” I fell back on the bed like a starfish. The mattress dipped and Stef curled under my arm.
“I’m not apologizing for that. And I don’t want to hear about your stupid problems anymore. Let’s talk about Carrie and her lost love. What do we have to go on?”
“Can we do that in the morning? I just walked five miles. I’m super drunk, exhausted, and I’m feeling sorry for myself.”
She mumbled something against my shoulder and was snoring before I answered her.
7
Baked Goods and Old Boyfriends
I snuck out of bed early in the morning and dove into the lake to wash the grime off my body. The water felt wonderful and eased the pounding in my head and aches in my muscles. I spotted Jamie on the deck but he didn’t acknowledge my presence. For once, he looked pale and miserable. When I climbed out of the water and jogged to the cabin, dripping water everywhere, he took one look at me and immediately disappeared into his room.
Stef wandered into the kitchen to start making breakfast, while I got dressed and cleaned up the water I’d dripped all over the place. Soon the smell of bacon and eggs filled the air. My contribution was to set the table, put some bread in the toaster, and bring out the bottle of painkillers.
“Set Jamie a plate,” she said.
I did as she instructed, but when she asked him to join us, he told her he’d already eaten. I poked at my food until she insisted I eat something.
“What do you want to do today?” I asked.
“Let’s go into town and talk to Josie. My curiosity is killing me. I want to know if Julian is on the list.”
“Yeah, that sounds good.”
“I have a few things to do before we go. I’ll meet you on the porch in an hour.”
She kissed me on the cheek and bolted.
Jamie had disappeared so I left him a note in case he wanted to know where we’d gone. I still had fifteen minutes before Stef was ready, so I headed over to Mrs. Jorgenson’s. I found her doing a load of laundry.
“Good to see you’re alive,” she said.
“The lake has healing powers,” I said.
She snorted. “What’s going on now?”
“Why does something have to be going on? I’m checking on you.”
She continued sorting her laundry. “I’m okay. You stirred up a lot of memories, but if it gets you to do something about your own problem, then I’m okay with it.”
“Jamie’s not really speaking to me now.”
“You two.” Disappointment dripped from her voice.
“I know. I’m going to try and fix things, but I think I need to give him some space today. We both said some really shitty stuff, and if I talked to him today, I might just tell him to fuck off, which I believe I did last night.”
She sighed and handed me a pile of freshly folded towels, so I followed her down the hall and helped her put her laundry away.
“I’m hanging out with Stef today, so if you need anything, you’ll have to call.”
“You’re up to something,” she said.
Agnes barked in agreement.
“I’m always up to something.” I kissed her on the cheek and dashed outside before she could interrogate me. I didn’t want to say anything about Julian unless we had something concrete to tell her.
The birds sang a happy song and the sunshine warmed my skin. It was a gorgeous day, and I almost decided to suggest we go skiing instead of sleuthing. But once Stef got something in her head, there was no changing her mind. If anyone could find Julian, it was Stef.
She was already sitting in the car and immediately honked the horn when she spotted me. She grinned, pushed open the door, and revved the engine. I tried to calm her down because, morbid as it may be, Julian might not even be alive.
“Let’s go over to the pavilion first. I want you to see the picture of him, and then we can go into town and talk to Josie. Carrie said she’s in charge of the party and has a list of people who are invited and who responded.”
“You called Mrs. Jorgenson by her first name,” Stef said.
“She insisted, and it only seems right since I’ll be escorting her to the pavilion celebration.”
“I always knew you liked older women.” Stef tapped the steering wheel with her nails. “Maybe I’ll ask Jamie to the party.”
I shrugged. “I don’t want to talk about him today.”
“Fine.” She squealed. “This is so exciting.”
“I think it’s insane. Even for us. What if we do find the guy? We can’t just call him and tell him about Carrie. He doesn’t even know he has a daughter.”
“We can decide when we know if he’s coming.” She raised her eyebrows and smiled a wicked little grin. “I think all the work has been done for us. I bet Josie already has his address.”
“Maybe,” I muttered.
The pavilion came into view and Stef pulled into the parking lot. I got out quickly and ran around to the driver’s side to open the door. I offered Stef my h
and and bowed. She giggled and did an exaggerated curtsey.
“Just practicing my manners,” I said. “Carrie will expect me to be on my best behavior.”
She dragged me up the stairs and into the pavilion. I led her to Julian’s photograph. Before I could point him out, she told me to let her guess. She studied the photo for a few minutes before her finger landed on him.
“This has to be him,” she said.
I nodded and wondered how she knew. There were ten other guys in the photo.
“He’s super cute and has kind eyes. I don’t blame her for falling for the guy.”
A stab of guilt shot through me. “Are you sure we should be doing this?”
“We’re not really doing anything. If he’s coming, we can warn Carrie. Let’s go to town,” she said.
Josie wouldn’t be at the library until later in the afternoon, so we spent the morning doing our own computer searches until we were going cross-eyed. It was difficult when you only had a name to go on.
When we decided to take a lunch break and eat at the diner, Stef called Jamie. Again, he begged off, saying he’d already eaten and was going for a swim.
“He’s pouting,” Stef said in between bites of her hamburger. She sopped it in a pile of ketchup and moaned after each bite. “God, this is good.”
After we’d brought our energy level up, we headed back to the library where Josie was waiting for us. She swept her dark hair off her face and smiled brightly, her red lipstick making her teeth almost glow.
“I heard you’ve been looking for me. What can I do for you?”
Stef leaned on the counter and told Josie what we wanted.
“The invitations went out two weeks ago. Let me show you the list.” With a swish of her blue skirt, Josie disappeared into her office and returned with a folder filled with papers.
Stef vibrated next to me, digging her fingers into my arm.
“Who are you looking for?” Josie asked.
“Julian Leonard,” Stef said.
Josie leafed through the papers and pointed to his name. “He’s on the list. He lives in a suburb of Chicago, and we sent him an invitation. I can definitely let you know if he RSVPs.”