by Liz Maverick
“We’ve got ourselves a legitimate reason to go after this guy,” Missy said.
“Then there’s only one question before we proceed,” Rothgar’s steady voice said. “Does Nick want to blackmail Sokolov to solve his problem before I use Sokolov to solve ours?”
CHAPTER 33
Nick stared at his phone for a moment, steeling himself for making one of the worst calls of his life. He dialed Jane’s number and tried not to imagine the look on her face as she debated answering his call.
When she answered, he knew immediately what he was dealing with.
“How can I assist you today, sir?” she asked with a definite edge in her voice.
“Jane,” Nick said. And for a second the words wouldn’t come out. All he could think was, Jane, I am so in love with you. Please don’t let this phone call be the thing that sticks in your mind. Remember how it’s been between us from day one; read between the lines and do what I need you to do to get through this.
“I think it’s best that you stay with Ally and Cecily from here on out” was what he actually said.
“You’re asking me to pack up and leave your apartment?” she asked coolly.
“Yes,” Nick said.
There was a long silence on the other end before Jane spoke. “I’m going to be blunt and say that it was complete bullshit that you left me there in that mess. That was so cowardly. I can’t even believe you did it, but it just makes me realize that I didn’t know you as well as I thought I did.”
Nick inhaled but didn’t answer. Jane took a deep breath and then managed a laugh that only had a slight bitter edge. “Hey,” she finally said. “Well, now that’s out of the way, it’s all good. I mean, we’d just done this crazy thing being spies and stuff, and we’d had a little too much to drink, and we lost our heads.”
Listening to her too-cool voice and her brush-off, Nick started putting his armor back on, piece by piece. Because it had all fallen to the ground at her feet. He waited for the knockout punch, and it finally came.
“You know me as a straight shooter, right?” Jane asked.
“It’s one of the things I really like about you,” he said.
“Well, I know what it is to feel lonely, Nick. You called me your star that night, right? I think that’s what you said. I know what it is to look for a star shooting across the sky. But you look in the sky long enough, and it turns out it’s not a shooting star. It’s not a glorious, once-in-a-lifetime comet. It’s just a fucking airplane.”
Nick’s heart beat a mile a minute. No, it’s not. I don’t believe that. But he stayed silent.
“And you’re my superrich, superhot boss, who’s in trouble with dangerous people, and you’re reaching out for the brightest star you can find because it’s something to hold on to that looks like the opposite of the shit you’re dealing with. But I’m just a plain old airplane, Nick, and, really, when you take away all the money and the missions, so are you. You probably can’t see that, though. And there’s nothing wrong with a plain old airplane, but it is what it is.”
Nick forced himself to keep his mouth shut and listen. He could feel the pain behind her words, but he did nothing to ease it.
“Last night was amazing and fabulous and like a dream and”—she paused like she was trying to decide on the right word—“having sex with you is going to be a great memory, actually, because it was really . . .” Her breath hitched here. “Special. It was great, right? I mean, I think objectively speaking, we can both agree that it was some really excellent sex. If, perhaps, a little difficult to clean up the next morning. But I digress. Because we both know that you’re going to solve your problem. And when you do solve your problem, you’re going to look around for your star and you’re gonna see I’m just . . . Jane. I’m just Jane, Nick. I’m just a normal, size-twelve woman. Nothing special. And I’m fine just being Jane. But I keep picking guys who aren’t fine with me being Jane. They always want a brighter star. The morning came, the lights went on, you saw everything for what it really was. And you ran. So, I get what this is.”
No, you don’t, Nick wanted to yell. I didn’t run. I didn’t want to leave you.
“See, I’ve been somewhere like this before, more than once, in a couple of different ways, and it almost did me in. I’m not going to be that weak. It’s time to find my own way and stand on my own two feet and build something out of nothing with my own hands and a heart on the mend. When it comes down to it, you’re just my rich boss,” she said dismissively. “I mean, you’re a great guy when you aren’t running in the wrong direction. A really great guy. But you’re my boss. Or at least you were. So, you don’t need to ask me to stay away and silently pray that I don’t stalk you like some lovelorn idiot. Because I want to stay away. I don’t want what you have to offer, Mr. Dawes, sir.”
And this time, it was Jane who hung up on him.
Jane shoved the phone back in her pocket and stood there, frozen to the street corner where she’d taken Nick’s call, until Rochester strained so hard against the leash he basically moved her against her will.
The wind whipped her hair around as she trudged forward into the gale and finally made it to Nana’s.
“I brought you book two in the series. It’s called The Lowdown in the Highlands” was as far as Jane got before bursting into hysterical tears.
“Oh, my darling Jane,” Nana said, enfolding her in her arms.
CHAPTER 34
Nick stared at the olive on a toothpick in his martini and then slid it off with his teeth. He savored the salty tang and then said in a cold clip, “Turns out I didn’t need to worry about Jane’s feelings quite as much as I thought I did. I thought we had something beyond ordinary; she did not. I guess Rothgar made the right call, because I would have been upping the risk for a relationship that doesn’t have legs.”
Flynn pursed his lips. “Missy said you were going emo. She’s right. You’re going emo.”
“Well, this is not okay. I don’t feel like myself. I feel off if I don’t talk to her before turning in, but she didn’t seem to bat an eyelash before giving me walking papers,” Nick said. “I dunno, Flynn. I don’t trust my instincts anymore. I really thought . . . I don’t know what I thought. I just know she’s not like any other woman I’ve ever met. She’s . . .”
He jabbed the toothpick into his cocktail napkin until the end splintered, and then he tossed it aside. “She’s not like anybody else. There’s chemistry between us. Everything’s so easy. We’re on the same page. How can she think it’s not worth it? I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life for Jane MacGregor, and she thinks I’m just some good-time rich guy.”
Flynn grinned. “You realize this is just deserts for all the poor girls you looked straight through out on the town, right?”
Nick glared at the clock across the bar. “This doesn’t happen to me. Hell, none of this happens to me. I’m the financier, not the hit man.”
“The lines blur sometimes,” Flynn said, shrugging. “I’m the explosives expert, not the babysitter.”
Nick punched him in the arm. Hard. “Did Missy tell you to baby me?”
“She told me you called Jane to give your big fake ‘we’re done’ speech, but before you could really dump her, she dumped you worse. For real.” He said kindlier, “That’s gotta smart some.”
Nick thought about pretending it didn’t smart at all, but then he didn’t feel like faking anything anymore. And anyway, Flynn didn’t have Chase’s aversion to deep feelings.
“Uh-oh,” Flynn said quietly. “You really think Jane is . . . special.”
Nick shot a death look in Flynn’s direction. “Don’t fuck with me right now.”
“You know what I’m saying. If she’s ‘the one,’ you can’t fight that shit,” Flynn said. “Look what happened to Shane.”
“I’m not the one fighting it,” Nick said.
“Well, she doesn’t know that.”
“Unless she’s denser than a fence post, which I feel I’ve e
stablished isn’t the case, I don’t think she could have missed the chemistry between us. It’s not something you just wave away, like it’s nothing. It’s not like anything. If you’d been there that night . . .” He trailed off, and both men laughed.
“Yeah, forget what I just said,” Nick said, finally loosening up a little. “I figured she’d be floored, but she took it in stride. Like there was nothing special between us.”
“Well, from what I’ve learned about Jane so far, that sounds like her,” Flynn said. “You’ve described her to me yourself—takes whatever comes her way in stride and all that. Doesn’t mean she’s not feeling something underneath it all. Really, you’re basically bitching that you called to dump her, and she didn’t get upset, and you’re upset about it.”
Nick looked at Flynn—could almost feel sparks flying out of his eyes as he tried to explain. “I need her. I feel like . . . there’s this place inside my chest that’s so empty, and I don’t feel that when I’m with her.”
“Um.” Flynn gave him an apologetic look. “I think you’re saying this to the wrong person. Not that I don’t want to help. But you’re a poet at heart . . . after the shit goes down, go ‘poet’ her or whatever you gotta do. It’ll be fine. You’ll fix it. You’ll show her what’s different about the two of you, why it’s special. There’s the kiss. And there’s the words. Not that many people know about that soul of yours, Nick. You put those two together, man, you’ve got your girl.”
“For a guy who doesn’t date, you give some pretty believable advice.”
“Well, I used to date,” Flynn said grimly.
Nick inwardly winced, sorry that he’d accidentally reminded Flynn about his fucked-up face.
Flynn made his escape, passing Chase on the way, to whom he whispered not softly at all, “He’s definitely going emo.”
“I am not going emo,” Nick said as Chase took a seat.
Chase threw up his hands. “I know nothing about that shit. I’m just here for the booze.”
Nick considered his options. “Listen, Chase. I know I should drop this, but can you do me a favor?”
Chase looked at him suspiciously. “The correct answer is yes. Unless this is an emo favor.”
“It’s an emo favor.”
“Aw, maaaaaan.”
It was lucky Rochester needed his daily walk, because if he hadn’t needed to pee, Jane would not have had one single goddamn reason to lug herself out of bed once she’d moved out of Nick’s place and onto Ally’s couch.
She’d stopped by Nana’s again, in part to see how she was and in part to show that she was already over yesterday’s Nick Dawes–induced meltdown. Which was totally untrue, but Nana had looked so sad that Jane would have done anything to wipe that expression off her grandma’s face.
So, it was out on Amsterdam Avenue, halfway to Jacques Torres (where Jane planned to stand outside and smell the chocolate), when a call came in with no ID. What if it was Nick? What if it wasn’t? Jane waited a beat, a little confused, and then took the call.
“I feel really fucking stupid,” said a disgruntled male voice.
“Who is this?” Jane asked.
“It’s Chase. We spoke once before. And we met at the Armory.”
“Hi. Oh, god, is Nick okay?” Rochester looked up at her.
“Yeah, oh, yeah, Nick’s okay,” Chase said in a voice that sounded like she’d asked a stupid question. “He asked me to make sure you’re okay . . . fuck, what is this? High school? I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
“I’m okay. And so’s Rochester.” Jane looked down and gave Rochester a pat. He wagged his tail and continued with his business of sniffing every tree on the walk. “He’s staying with me at Ally’s now. Everybody’s present and accounted for and unharmed,” Jane said.
“I seriously hope he’s not going to ask me to do this every goddamn day.”
“Me neither. You clearly need a cup of coffee,” Jane said, pretty offended.
“Why’d you have to do that? Break his heart like that?” Chase asked.
“What?”
“You heard me,” Chase said.
Jane’s heart did something weird. “Did he say that?”
“No.”
He dumped me! Jane wanted to scream. Except she didn’t want Chase to have any inkling of how much this all hurt. “Are we done with this call?” asked Jane.
“No. Besides the ‘okay’ part, he also asked me to say that he knows you’re in an awkward position. And that maybe you didn’t want to ask, but . . .” Chase was reciting this like the ultimate boring script. “He’s happy to send a check over and pay you now through the month.”
“What about his fish?” Jane snapped.
“How do you even get attached to fish?” Chase yelled.
“They matter to him,” she yelled back. “They’ll die. You have to get the water just right and clean the tank regularly and with some delicacy, thank you very much. And that’s not even going into what you have to do for the frog.”
“It sounds like you care more about a frog than you do Nick!”
“I kind of hate you, Chase. You’re my least favorite superhot Hudson Kings member. By far.”
“Fuck you too, lady. You broke Nick.” And that was it.
CHAPTER 35
“You find anything?” Jane asked.
Ally didn’t even look up from the real estate app she was staring at on her phone when she muttered, “How do people afford to actually live in this city?”
Jane sighed. Not a good sign. Things were cramped here at Ally’s place. Apparently, when Cecily had said she was moving in with Shane sooner rather than later, she’d meant, like, now.
Suddenly, there was Shane at breakfast, there was Shane when Jane went to get the mail, there was Shane needing exercise when Jane went for a power walk, and there was Shane squeezed onto the couch with them watching duchesses mince in and out of drawing rooms on TV. Jane had never realized Shane was such a group activity sort of guy, nor had she previously witnessed the level of devotion he gave to Cecily. He must love her a lot. Which wasn’t all that fun to be around, given how fresh the Nick disaster still was.
It was just that Shane was Cecily’s, and they were adorably in love, and the last thing that Jane really wanted was to be hanging around in close proximity with the wrong extremely large, superhot Hudson King, watching him look at Cecily like he couldn’t wait to get her alone.
Yeah, come to think of it, from the moment he’d moved in, Shane was around all the time. Maybe it was on purpose, so she and Ally would move out already. Jane looked over at her pal; they’d have to find somewhere a lot cheaper. Which meant that they’d probably be moving to Queens like everybody else, and she’d be farther from Nana.
“Where’s Shane?” Jane asked, hoping she and Ally could have a private conversation.
“He’s finally taking a shower,” Ally said, tossing her phone to the table.
They both giggled. “I can’t figure out what’s going on with him. On the one hand, he seems weirdly shy or something; every time he wants to take a shower he asks us if we’re going to be sticking around the house for a while. But then, on the other hand, he seems really, um, present, right?” Jane said. “Maybe it’s that he doesn’t want to let Cecily out of his sight. Which I suppose you could say was romantic.”
“Yeah, but I don’t remember him being quite so obsessive about scheduling,” Ally said. “I mean, why does he care what I’m planning to do all day? Why does he ask about your plans every day? What do we have to do with his plans?”
The thought dawned on them both at once, and after a pause, Jane grinned.
“Shit, I didn’t think of that. Aw, man. The poor things. So deprived of quality alone time with all of us living on top of each other like this.” Ally checked the time. “Cecily’s going to be home from work soon. What if we just slip out without saying anything? I could leave a note saying our plans unexpectedly changed, and we’ll be back in a couple of hours. They can
get busy, and nobody has to have the awkward conversation.”
“Sure,” Jane said. “I guess.” It was kind of hard to feel enthusiastic about anything lately. Jane stared down at her stuff piled high on Ally’s pity couch and sighed. The icing on the cake was that Rochester’s owners had called and then come to collect him from Ally’s right after she’d hung up after Chase’s really unpleasant phone call, but before she’d even had time to take the jerk’s ice pick out of her chest and cry into the dog’s fur. I miss Nick. I miss his dog. And I miss his fish . . . oh, god, they’re probably so hungry!
Jane sucked in a quick breath as she mentally calculated how long it had been since she’d fed them. She was probably at the tail end, so to speak, of what was necessary to keep them alive. Not to mention the tank probably had too much algae, and the frog was almost certainly in a shit mood.
Ally looked up from the mass of accessories she was now pawing through on the dining room table. “I could be ready in five minutes. I already sent my stuff into work.”
“Do I have time to run an errand first, or are you starving?” Jane asked.
Ally shrugged. “I could have a snack. It can’t wait?”
“I need to feed Nick’s fish.”
“What? I’m sorry, are you having some sort of multiple personality attack?”
Jane blinked. “Well, he hired me to feed the fish.” She flushed. “And I’m embarrassed to say that I deliberately left without feeding them because I was so upset, and I seriously doubt he’s been able to hire a replacement on such short notice.”