by E. M. Moore
Chad’s eyes go even wider. “I didn’t know, man.”
Reid seems to relax a little then.
Chad holds his hands up and starts to slip by all of them. I reach out for him. “Chad?” My voice is slurred now. All that beer is catching up with me.
He looks at me and shakes his head before leaving the room. There’s no way he’s getting involved in this shit. I don’t blame him. If I wasn’t knee-deep in all this, I wouldn’t want to be in it either. The crowd that gathered outside the room parts for him as he leaves.
“Goddamn you, Reid!” I lunge at him, my own fist raised in the air. I get a couple punches into his shoulder, which are more like hammer fists before Lex’s arms come around me, pinning my own arms to my side.
Reid turns toward me, seething. “You were going to fuck him in my house?”
“It’s none of your business,” I scream back.
“You are my fucking business now.” His loud voice roars through the room. Almost the whole party goes silent then. At least the people watching shut right up. When Reid looks their way, they scatter. No one wants to be on the receiving end of his ire.
Reid shakes his hand out.
“Fuck, dude,” Cade says. “We have to put some ice on that.”
He nods, then looks at Lex. “Take her to my room. Lock her in if you have to.”
“Lock me in? Are you insane?” I’m trying to sound coherent, but I’m pretty sure my words are all jumbled, drowsy with alcohol.
He doesn’t bother responding. He walks out of the room with Cade, who glares at me. Lex, with his arm still around me, moves me forward until we hit Reid’s room. It’s on the exact opposite side of the house as his parents’ suite, but it’s not too shabby itself. It has an en suite even though the closets aren’t as large as his parents’ room.
When we get into Reid’s room, Lex kicks the door closed. When he lets me go, I stumble forward, and he ends up righting me on my feet again before I pull away. I move to the bed, pull my knees up, and stay there with my head in my hands.
Shame washes over me. I’m so embarrassed. I thought they’d get exasperated watching me drink. I thought they’d say shit if I wanted to go into a room with a guy, but I never thought they’d barge in, telling him he couldn’t do anything with me because I’m Brady’s sister.
I rub my eyes, then my forehead, trying to make the memory disappear, but that’s the thing about real life. Nothing disappears. Nothing dissipates. You can always still feel it in your heart.
“Why did you guys do that?” I ask. My voice cracks, and I clear my throat, trying to keep the emotion back.
“Why did you do that when you knew it would piss us off?”
“Why should me dancing and kissing a guy piss you off?” I counter.
Lex’s jaw ticks. It takes him a while to answer, but eventually, he says, “Because none of this is you, Briar.”
“You don’t know that.”
“You’re wrong. We’ve all known you since you were little. We know you, whether you like it or not.”
I sigh. “You only think you know me, Lex.”
When I look up at him, his face falls. I must look so sad right now because he bridges the distance between us in two steps. He hesitates when he gets to me, but then he puts his hand on my shoulder. “We’re trying to stop you from being someone you’re not. We’re trying to stop Brady’s death from turning you upside down, putting you on the wrong course. That’s all we want.”
I swallow hard. “I can do it myself.”
His finger traces over my jaw. His dirty blond hair is all over the place. He moves toward me, his lips descending on mine. “You’re so strong,” he whispers.
My heart gets clogged in my throat. I’ve only kissed Lex once. I’ve let him kiss me down there, but not on the lips since that first night.
A loud knock comes on the door. Lex practically throws himself back from me before going to the door. He yanks it open, and Cade is there. “Reid needs your help calming Sasha down. She about lost her shit when she heard Reid punched Winthrop.”
Lex nods and leaves without looking back.
Cade smiles at me, but then he pulls the door shut and locks it with him on the other side. I leap for the handle, but it’s too late. It won’t move. “Cade! Cade, what the fuck?”
“This is your punishment, Shortie. Next time don’t try to screw a guy on our turf.”
I pound my fist on the door. “I wasn’t going to screw him, you fucker.”
All I hear is Cade’s laughter as he walks away.
I twist the knob on the door one more time, but it’s useless. I wander back to the bed and throw myself down on it. My cell phone cuts into me. I pull it out. On habit, I bring up my conversation with Ezra and see his last message asking me to send him a risqué pic.
It might still be because I’m drunk, or maybe it’s some sort of payback to the guys, but I lift my skank shirt, pull my bra down and cup my breast. I leave my fingers spaced apart, so you can see part of my nipple. Then, I hold the phone up, make sure my face doesn’t show, and snap the picture. I hurry up and send it, so I don’t overthink it.
Afterward, I lay on the bed waiting for my phone to buzz, but it never does. Eventually, my eyes drift closed, and I fall asleep on Reid Parker’s bed.
11
I wake to the door banging against its hinges. I blink my eyes open and find my lashes wet, sticking to my bottom ones. The lights are out everywhere, so all I see is a huge, hulking form stumbling forward, cursing. I’d gone to bed with the sounds of the party below, but it’s silent in the house now.
“Jesus fuck,” a slurred voice says.
I have to peer hard through the dark, but I immediately recognize the form as Reid Parker. I sit up in the bed just in time to see him slam the door closed. Then, he stumbles backward before the back of his legs hit the bed and he falls over like a toppling domino. I have just enough time to move my legs and scoot out of the way before he lands right on top of me. Alcohol stench permeates the air. He’s fucking hammered.
I growl in disgust and then get up, throwing the blankets over top of him. At least the door is unlocked now. I can get the fuck out of here. I’m sure my mom wouldn’t be pissed if I called her to come get me from Reid’s party.
Before I can get very far, a hand shoots out and wraps around my wrist. His grip has the effect of a rubber band, making me come back a step or two. “Just where do you think you’re going?”
“Home. A different room. Somewhere you’re not.”
He laughs darkly. “Not going to happen. All the rooms are taken. No one’s sober enough to drive you home and that would defeat the purpose of me coming in here, wouldn’t it?”
At least, that’s what I think Reid Parker said to me. His voice is still a bit slurred even though the grip on my wrist is pretty firm, drunken state or not. I try to wrestle my wrist from him, but he doesn’t give. “What the hell, Reid? You make me come here. You lock me in your room practically all night.”
“I’m saving you.”
Now he’s really pissing me off. I should definitely be able to get myself out of his drunk grip. I start hammer fisting his fingers that are wrapped tightly around me.
“Ow. Fuck, Briar.” Finally, he releases me, but I don’t get very far. Apparently, his athleticism doesn’t fail him even when he’s been drinking. He’s up and on his feet, his hands around me. “I came in here because you were crying. Now lay the fuck down and get some sleep.”
I lift my chin in the air. I can’t even deny it. I wake myself up sometimes from crying in the middle of the night. It’s not something I’m conscious of. “I don’t need you to help me, Reid. Or save me. Have you noticed that you’re, in fact, not helping me?”
He throws me down on the bed. A breath of air escapes me. “Stay there,” he orders. “Sleep.”
I can tell he’s exhausted. He rubs his head, then his eyes. This is his own fault. “You’re only making things worse.”
�
��Oh, because I stopped you from losing your virginity to fucking Winthrop? That’s making things worse?”
My cheeks burn. He just laid my truth out there without a conscience thought. “I wouldn’t be losing my virginity. Asshole.” I take one of the two pillows from his bed and throw it at him.
He laughs. Not just a slight chuckle, he full on laughs. His face breaks out into a huge grin as he doubles over.
The more he laughs, the more the anger rises inside me. “What’s so funny?”
“I know you’re a virgin, Briar. Don’t try to be something you’re not.”
I bite the inside of my cheek. Why does Reid Parker think he knows everything about me? He may be technically correct, but I’ve done other things. Hell, Lex can attest to that. “I am not a virgin,” I tell him, still trying to argue the point.
I don’t know why I care so much. It isn’t as if I was going to let things get that far with Chad and me. Why does every guy think just because you want to have a moment with a guy it means you’re going to have sex with him? Lex understood that. We had fun with foreplay. Well, I had fun with his foreplay. He never let me touch him.
I think what bothers me most is that Reid is laughing right now. Like there’s no way I could have had sex already.
Reid stalks toward the bed. I have nowhere to go, so I plaster myself against the mattress as if I can dig right through it. “Who?” he asks.
“You—you don’t know him,” I say, thinking of Ezra.
He shakes his head. “I know everyone in Spring Hill, and I’d know if you gave it up, Briar.”
“It wasn’t with a guy in Spring Hill.”
His eyes narrow at this. For a moment, I think I got him, but he just laughs. His eyes are clouded over, but he’s pretty sure about this. “So, if I stuck my finger in your pussy right now, it’d be clear?”
I lift my chin and nod. I’m pretty sure no one can tell. That’s a science thing, right? You can’t actually tell if someone is a virgin or not. I’ve heard of the hymen, but I don’t think it’s something Reid would know where to find and say definitively that I was still a virgin if it was there. If anyone could do it, it would have to be a medical professional, even if such a thing can be done.
Reid reaches for my knees and forces them apart. I squeal, but he has a hold on them. The skirt I put on earlier is now wide open. He can definitely see my panties. For a second, he just stares down as if he can’t believe he went that far either. My heart starts to pump harder inside my chest. I don’t move. Not because I’m scared of what Reid might do to me, but because I’m secretly hoping he does.
I don’t know where this came from.
His stare rakes over me, past my stomach where my shirt has pulled up, over my chest, then to my eyes. I raise an eyebrow at him. “Shall I take my panties off? Or will you?”
My stomach twists. I feel like I’m going to throw up with anticipation. His hands move down the insides of my thighs. He doesn’t even have to keep my legs pressed open now. I’ll freaking staple them to the bed to give him easier access.
“How was it?” he asks.
I blink up at him. Every muscle I have in my body is locked up. “Huh?”
“The sex? Was it good?”
He’s hovering over the apex of my thighs. I’m creaming myself. If it wasn’t so dark in here, he could probably tell. Hell, it’s Reid Parker, he can probably tell now. He probably has a sixth sense about these things.
I nod.
“That’s it?” he asks, his voice growing husky.
“I—I enjoyed it.”
My intent is only on him. I’m answering with whatever comes to my mind first because I’m staring at his pointer finger, wishing it’ll drop to my soaked panties, slip inside, and push between my folds.
“You’re full of it, Briar Page,” Reid says, dropping his hands to his sides, the moment leaving us just like that.
“No, I’m not,” I say quickly. I grab my panties and start to pull down.
“Stop,” he says. He reaches out, presses his palm against my lowering panties, which only puts pressure on my clit.
I exhale harshly at the contact. “Oh fuck.”
His eyes blaze. He licks his lips as his chest heaves in front of him. “You liked that? Just that little touch?”
I bite down on my lip. I don’t want him to know how much. I don’t even want to admit to myself what my brother’s best friend is doing to me right now.
“You want me to touch you, don’t you, Briar?” His gaze rakes over me. Goosebumps sprout over my skin like waves coursing over the ocean surface, battering at the shores of my core. “I don’t have a stop button, Briar. If I touched you, I’d keep going. I’d dive my fingers inside you, make you come around me, then rip your clothes from your body. I’d suck on your tits, pierce you with my cock until you scream my name. Is that something you want?”
I can barely get words out. With every description he uses, I picture the two of us together, connecting that way until my body vibrates with need for him. “Y-yes.”
His face falters. He tears his hand away and then closes my legs. “None of that will bring your brother back. You don’t think I get sad, too. You don’t think I want to set fire to the world and fuck everything else.” He leans over me and grabs my chin. “None of that will bring Brady back, Briar. Start thinking with your head. What would your brother want you to do? Throw your whole life away because he died? Or get out there and do what he couldn’t? You’re not going to get that by fucking random guys at a party, and you’re sure as hell not getting that with me.
All you’re going to end up doing is adding shame on top of your grief. One day, you’re going to come out of your bereaved stupor, even if it’s ten, fifteen years later, and you’re going to realize how badly you fucked up your life.”
I went from being so completely turned on to being yelled at like I’m a little kid. “What’s it to you? It’s my life, Reid. Mine. I can do what I want with it.”
“Not while I’m around.”
I growl in frustration. “You’re so fucking full of yourself. I want you to leave me alone. Cade and Lex, too. I’ve had enough. I’m not your puppet. I’m not your fan girl, and I’m certainly not your baby sister.”
Reid lets my chin go and steps back. “I don’t care what you want. You’re doing things my way.”
He yanks my skirt down, twists on his heel, and leaves the room. I hear the lock click behind him, and I know he’s locked me in here again. He was right about one thing. Shame nudges me. My brother’s best friend just touched me. It didn’t bring Brady back. It didn’t even make me forget for a little while. Now I’m just lying here staring at the red haze on the ceiling, the light from the alarm clock on Reid’s dresser the only thing illuminating the room.
It all looks so ominous. It matches my mood.
I pull my skirt further down and then run my fingers through my hair. Reid’s a prick. A hot prick, there’s no doubt about that. He says some smart things though. Things that I grapple with. Things I know I should be doing, but I just can’t bring myself to do them.
What’s normal without Brady? That’s what I want to know. But I’m also scared to find out.
What if I like it better?
What if I forget?
What if…? What if…? What if…?
My head starts to pound, and my dry eyes feel scratchy against my lids. I keep my eyes closed, trying to let sleep come to me. I’m certainly not getting out of here until Reid lets me out and it’s not like I’m going to slip out of the second story window to walk home.
No, I’m stuck here. Just like my brother stuck me with these three when he left. I’m beginning to realize that just because I no longer want them in my life doesn’t mean they’re ever going to leave it. We’re connected now in a way we might not have been before. We all lived through the same sadness. We all loved Brady like a brother, and we all lost him.
I don’t know. I’m lost, and maybe I can admit that for the fir
st time.
I’m sure Ms. Lyons will love to hear that on Monday.
12
When I get up the next morning, Reid’s door is helpfully unlocked. I hear people talking downstairs, and since I’m too scared to jump out the second story window even if it is to avoid people I don’t want to talk to, I decide to make use of Reid’s en suite before heading down. It’s a typical guy bathroom. Sparse with several pieces of clothing littering the floor. It’s clean though. I find a fresh towel in the cabinet and drape it over the sink while I shower off the football game, the party, and even the moment with Reid.
I dreamed last night that he didn’t stop, that we went all the way. Waking up in his bed was just a tease considering we didn’t get near as far as we did in my dream. While I wash the shampoo out of my hair, I keep asking myself why the fascination with my brother’s best friends now, but don’t come up with any good answers.
Stepping out, I dry myself off, tie the towel around my body, then use the old brushing my teeth with my finger and toothpaste routine. At least it will help get the gunk taste from yesterday’s beer out of my mouth. When I move back into Reid’s room, I raid his closet. The skank shirt and skirt smells like the party, so there’s no way I’m putting that on today. Miraculously, I find one of Reid’s practice jerseys in the way, way back that looks like it’s from his middle school days. I pull that on over my bra and then find a pair of athletic shorts in his drawer. I have to roll the hem up several times, but it’s the best I can do right now.
After finger combing my hair, I walk downstairs. I blink as I take in the rooms. It looks completely different than it did yesterday. Everything is already back in order. There are no plastic cups all over the place, the keg is gone, and the furniture is where it used to be. I’m almost impressed. It’s then that I see Lex coming in through the side door, wiping his hands on his shirt. When he glances up, his eyes meet mine. His eyes widen into spheres as he takes me in. I look down. I’m not slipping a nipple or anything, so I’m not sure what his problem is. “Breakfast?” I ask.