by E. M. Moore
I reach for a towel in the open shelving, but Reid beats me to it. He lets it drape open then comes closer. He reaches it out toward me, his hands sliding from my collarbone down. When he hits the swell of my breasts, he hesitates a moment before sliding further, then cupping me through the towel, taking his fill.
My heart stutters, and my knees feel weak.
The top of the towel falls open, revealing the swell of my breasts as he cups me. “I have no fucking willpower,” he growls. “I need a taste.”
He bends his head, his own hands offering my breasts up to him. They feel round and full due to his attention, but when his mouth clamps over my nipple, a surge of pleasure shoots through me. My hands reaches out to steady myself, and I cry out.
“Oh fuck,” his muffled words sound around a mouthful of my breast. He wraps the towel around me and then carries me back to my bedroom. He sets me on the edge of the bed and then climbs over me. My legs automatically open for him. I’m wet and not just from the shower. I want him to touch me. He ravishes my breast while I writhe on the bed. I lift my hips in search of him, of something, and rub against his erection. He groans hard, forcing his hips down to grind against me. “Fucking hell, Briar.”
He throws the towel out of the way, his hands moving up my inner thigh. He touches me the way he did Friday night, his palm resting against my clit before he moves lower, his fingers swirling through my hair until they’re at my entrance. I can barely think. “Oh, God.”
“Mmm,” he murmurs, his lips still worshiping my breast. “You want this?”
“Yes,” I say, nodding.
His finger swirls over me, and I buck into him. He moans in approval. “No lying this time, Briar. Has anyone done this to you?” He slips his finger inside me until I cry out.
Our gazes meet, and my heart catapults against my chest. He moves his finger out and in once, his eyebrow rising, waiting for me to answer. “Yes,” I nod.
He stops, his expression tightening. “Who?”
“Reid, really?” I ask. He wants to talk about this now? All I want him to do is to continue what he’s doing. Not because of the way I feel but because of the way he’s making me feel.
He pumps his finger inside me a couple of times, making me forget what we were even talking about, but then he stops. “Who, Briar?”
“Please don’t stop,” I tell him, moving my hips to force his finger inside me again.
He watches me closely but holds my hips to the bed. The way his eyes bear into mine, I have no choice but to tell him. “Lex,” I say breathlessly, then I move into him again.
His eyes widen, and I know in that instant, I’ve made a terrible mistake. He pulls his finger from me. “Lex touched you like this?” I nod, reaching out for him, but he sits up. “When?”
“After—after Brady. We used to talk, and then it turned into more, but it wasn’t right, so we stopped.”
Reid’s eyes glaze over. His jaw tenses. He runs his hands through his hair. “Motherfucker.”
I sit up while he starts to pace the room. “Don’t get mad.” His head spins, and the look he gives me makes me shrink inside myself. “He—he likes me. He told me on Saturday.”
This makes him stop pacing. He moves forward. “Do you like him, Briar?” I feel like there’s an inherent choice in that question even though he didn’t outright give me one. Do you like me? Or do you like Lex?
“I don’t know,” I say honestly.
I don’t know if it’s because I tilt my chin in the air afterward, but Reid swears again, then he tells me to get fucking dressed. Even as he says it, he goes to my closet. He flips through the different outfits hanging up, then takes one out and throws it down on the bed next to me, the dress covering my bare ankles. I stand up, my legs still a little weary. I went from being the most turned on I’ve ever been to now. Reid Parker had a mouthful of my breasts. His finger pumped inside me.
I see his toes next to mine before I look up. He cups my cheek. “I don’t share, Briar Page. You got that?”
I nod.
“Did you—?” He looks away. “Did he fuck you?”
I shake my head. “We didn’t even kiss. Once maybe.”
“Oral?”
My jaw hardens. I don’t want to say. This is less about me and Reid now or me and Lex. Reid seems genuinely angry. I’m worried for them, for their friendship, even though I don’t know why Reid would be this mad if I was just an easy opportunity. “On me,” I say. “That’s all.”
“That’s all?” he asks, his eyebrow sharp and his eyes fierce as he stares straight inside me. “That’s not all, Briar. That’s too fucking much.”
15
The drive to school is filled with tension. I don’t know what to say or do, but the amount of anger seeping out of Reid seems catastrophic.
“It’s not Lex’s fault.”
“Don’t talk to me about my friend. I know what is and isn’t his fault.”
I shake my head. “This is utterly ridiculous, Reid. At least Lex fucking likes me. I’m just some game to you. You didn’t care about me until you saw me as a charity case. Until you could somehow be a fill-in for Brady, and let me tell you, you’re a poor stand-in for my brother. You think he’d want you to touch me like you just did?”
A growl rips through the car. “Stop fucking talking.”
“No,” I growl right back. “You think these clothes will somehow make me feel normal again. They’ll make me forget the huge hole I have in my heart. You think if I dye my hair back, I’ll go back to being the person I was before Brady died… Well, I fucking won’t. I won’t ever be the same again. It’s nice that you can just continue on with your life like nothing fucking happened, but that’s not me.”
The car swerves to the side of the road and the brakes lock. I brace myself on the dashboard. Reid throws the car into Park and glares at me. “You think I’m the fucking same? You’re not looking close enough. It’s not all about you. Yes, you were his sister, but I was like his fucking brother. All of us were, so don’t act like you’re more broken up than me, Briar. I just knew I had to grow the fuck up and realize he wasn’t coming back, and even though I want to bury my head in the sand, even though it sometimes kills me to pick up a fucking football, I know I have to do it because not doing it isn’t going to bring him back.”
By the time he finishes, he’s shouting. My skin sprouts in goosebumps.
“He’s gone,” Reid says, his voice lowering. It’s half disbelief, half resolute. It’s like we know it, but we also can’t believe it at the same time. “Making your parents work extra hard to try to comfort you isn’t helping anyone, Briar,” he says. All of the hardness has left his voice. “Running away won’t help. Making other people worry won’t help.” His hands turn to fists on the steering wheel. “I’m just trying to get you to see that you can be the same person you were and the world won’t end. It doesn’t matter if you go to school wearing black with dirty hair or if you try to make yourself feel nice, your brother still won’t be there at the end of the day when the last bell rings. I get all that. But one way, you feel good about yourself, and the other, you’re just…depriving the rest of us of that light we’re so used to seeing, even if you don’t see it inside yourself right now.
“One of the things I hate most about not having Brady around is seeing the change in you.” He shakes his head. “It infuriates me,” he spits. “It makes me want to yell at someone—anyone—for seeing this. And no, I’m not your brother or your parents. I’m not going to coddle your ass.” He turns back toward the road and puts the car in Drive. He pulls away from the side of the road a little less abruptly than how we got here, but he still swerves.
Tears track down my face. I’m angry at Reid for yelling at me. I’m angry at Brady for dying. I’m angry at myself.
When we pull into a parking space by the school, I step out of the car and start walking away. “That’s great, Briar,” Reid calls out after me. “Keep running away.”
I walk
faster, my bookbag banging against my back as I go.
“I’m still going to be there when you turn around, and Brady still won’t be.”
My foot catches on a loose crack in the pavement, but I keep going. I want to put as much distance between Reid and myself as possible. When I get inside, I head toward my locker only to find Lex there. He cocks his head when he sees me. “Are you okay?” He doesn’t wait until I get to him, he pushes off the lockers. “You didn’t answer your phone.”
I swallow, trying to get my bearings. All I can choke out is Reid before we hear the culprit behind us.
“You motherfucker.”
Lex’s head snaps up. “Dude, why the fuck is Briar crying like this?”
Reid comes up and pushes Lex into the lockers beside us.
My stomach drops. The boys don’t fight. They just don’t. Not for real. Not like this.
“You fucking asshole,” Reid breathes. “I can’t believe you’d do this to me.”
Lex’s gaze flicks from me to Reid. He looks resigned, which only spurs Reid on.
“You touched her.” He gets in his face. Lex is huge, but Reid has him on height. “You know—” Reid slams his fist into the locker behind Lex’s head, cutting himself off.
We’ve drawn the attention of the entire hallway crowd now. Looking around, we must’ve come into school between periods.
“The hell?” I hear Cade say behind me.
He runs up, and I grab his hand. “Make them stop.” The world is just so topsy turvy right now.
Reid’s breathing down Lex’s neck, a scowl twisted in betrayal.
Lex swallows. “You know I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you, brother.”
“You touched her,” he says again. “Do I need to spell it out for you?”
Cade turns, his eyes wide. “Alright, everyone. Get to fucking class.” He starts to urge the crowd back, but no one’s budging. This is fucking juicy. This is juicier than Reid making me stand and turn in a circle so he can approve my outfit. When that doesn’t work, Cade turns to his best friends, “Guys, we need to take this elsewhere.”
When they don’t move, Cade physically moves them to a classroom that happens to be empty. I try to turn away, go to my next class or something, but he grabs my hand and yanks me inside too. I can’t even look at Reid, but there’s really nothing else to look at.
“Let’s just talk this over, okay?” Cade starts.
Reid runs his hands through his hair. “Sure, let’s talk this over. Let’s talk about, oh, I don’t know. How did she taste, Lex? Huh?”
Cade’s eyes round once more, then he looks from me to Lex. I can see the questions flaring in his eyes, and in the next second, him making the connection.
“Answer me!” Reid roars.
Lex shakes his head. “I’m not doing that, man. I’m sorry you’re pissed, but I couldn’t help myself.”
Reid pulls his fist back and punches Lex in the mouth.
Lex’s head snaps back, and I gasp.
“And she says you like her? You told her that?”
“Guys!” Cade says, placing himself between Lex and Reid before Reid can take another shot at him. I can tell he’s as disturbed by this as I am. My mouth dropped when Reid punched Lex and it’s still hanging open at this moment, wondering what world I’m living in now.
Lex looks over at me. I feel so guilty for saying something to Reid. “I-I didn’t know,” I say to him. I feel like I need to apologize for Reid’s outburst. I had no idea he would react that way. Now he’s getting punched because I didn’t keep what we did between us.
“It’s okay,” he says with a small smile. “I should’ve told him before this.”
“You’re damn right you should’ve,” Reid says, pushing against Cade to get to Lex.
I lunge forward. I’ve been staying out of it until now, but the tears dried on my face a long time ago. “Stop,” I shout, holding back on Reid’s arm. “Please. This isn’t you. This isn’t all of you.”
My touch on Reid’s arm does something to him, and he steps back. That doesn’t mean he likes it. He pulls his arm out of my grip and then wipes at his face. “Yeah, how does it feel to have someone you know act completely out of character? I told you you weren’t the only one suffering.”
“Leave her alone,” Lex says.
Reid points a finger at him. “Don’t you dare fucking act like she’s yours to defend.”
My head explodes. The fucking testosterone in this room is too much. “I’m none of yours!” I scream. “I ran away to leave all this behind, and I’d gladly still be there. If you want to punch each other, fight with one another, be my guest, just leave me the hell out of it.”
I turn on my heel and leave the room. Oddly, there are only a few people still outside the classroom, and when I open it, they take huge steps back, giving me as much room as I need. I grab my bookbag that’s still sitting at the base of my locker, and I head toward my next class. I have to check the time to figure out where I should be, and I don’t even know how late I am because my brain completely skipped over the bell ringing overhead or maybe I couldn’t hear it over the shouting.
When I walk in, the teacher gives me a look at the front of the room. “Pass?” he asks.
I blow him off, stalking my way to the back row and finding a place to sit. Classmates stare at me like I have three heads in the process, but that’s nothing new. The teacher continues on with his lecture while I sit in the back, trying to piece myself back together.
What the hell is going on now? Both Lex and Reid like me? Or just want to fuck me? Because from what I can tell, there wasn’t any difference. Only Lex gave me a proclamation of his feelings for me the other day and it had nothing to do with any of this happening today. I don’t know what to do with any of that. They were both tormenting me just a few days ago.
My head snaps up when the door at the front of the class opens again. The teacher sighs, then stands up straight. I barely glance up then want to flee the class when I see Lex walk in.
“You’re not in this class, Jones.”
“I know,” Lex says. When he spots me at the back of the classroom, he sits next to me.
I try to crawl into my desk further to get away from him, but there’s only so far I can go.
The teacher opens his hands up at the front of the class in an “Are you kidding me?” gesture, but Lex isn’t even looking at him, he’s staring at me while I’m making a point to look everywhere else but at him.
The whole class goes by like this. My body is boiling just under the surface. My thoughts went round and round in circles, mostly centering on Lex because he wouldn’t take his eyes off me. When the teacher dismisses the class, I grab my work from this class that I did over the weekend and head toward the desk at the front of the classroom. Lex is right behind me. I can feel his presence.
The teacher sits and crosses his hands in front of his chest.
I place the worksheets down on his desk. “This is the work I haven’t turned in yet. Grade it or not, I just wanted to show you that I did it.”
He nods, then looks behind me. “Please don’t come in this class again, Lex, unless you’re supposed to be here.”
“I can’t promise that, Sir,” Lex says from behind me.
He says it in such a way that he’s going against the teacher’s wishes, but he’s also very polite about it. How is the teacher supposed to say anything to that?
He doesn’t. He just shrugs and both of us leave the room. He follows me to my next class, and the next class after that until we’re at lunch. I’m about to sit with Jules when I notice Jules is at the football table again. When I glare at her, she lifts her shoulders, and I notice that Cade has a hand on her upper arm, making her stay in place. “I take it I’m going there,” I ask behind my shoulder to Lex.
“We would prefer it.”
I’m so tired. I’m too tired to argue.
Reid is nowhere to be seen, which means Sasha isn’t at the table either. She’s
a few over. When I glance at her, she’s talking happily with one of her friends. Who knows what’s going on? I don’t know if anyone picked up on what was going on earlier, but I would’ve thought news like Reid punched Lex over me would’ve gotten to Sasha already. Maybe everyone thought it was about her. No one probably even noticed me there.
Classic beauty, I think as Reid’s words come back to me.
My stomach twists at the same time Cade looks up. “You going to sit down, Shortie, so Lex can sit too? I don’t think he’s going anywhere without you.”
I fall into the seat across from Jules. We just stare at each other until Cade eventually gets up. He nods at Lex and then heads off toward the lunch line. I’m starving, which I’ve only realized right this moment. I didn’t eat any breakfast, so it’s unsurprising.
“Where’s Reid?” I ask.
“Taking a breather,” Lex says.
I glance toward him. His brown eyes are on me and his dirty blond hair is still a little disheveled from the fight this morning. There’s also a red welt on his cheek. My eyes won’t move away from it. “I’m really sorry, Lex.”
He shrugs. “It’s my fault.”
“I’m pretty sure it was Reid’s fault.”
“Reid’s got…some issues to deal with,” Lex finally says. He’s talking about his friend like nothing happened between them this morning. Like they’re still the same people who never fought.
I blink at him. “You don’t say?”
Cade comes back with two lunch trays after that and sets them down in front of Jules and me. “On the house, ladies. Don’t say I never did anything for you.”
“What about me?” Lex asks.
“Eat a bag of dicks, big guy.”
I blink up at them. Oddly, inexplicably, I’m transported to a time before Brady’s death interrupted our lives. Cade and Lex joke. Jules and I laugh. Even through all the shit that’s been happening, they can still draw life out of me.