Never Say Never (Reapers MC: Shasta Chapter Book 3)

by Bijou Hunter

  Gasping dramatically, I ask, “You don’t think I can keep a man?”

  “I don’t think you want to keep a man. I think you’re lonely in a way that only a man can fix, but I also believe having a guy around all the fucking time will drive you nuts. You have a busy life with friends and family and hobbies. I can’t imagine you’ll want to give that up unless the guy fits just right, you know?”

  “You gave up stuff for Kelsi.”

  “Not really. She and I have a lot of the same interests. We share friends. Besides listening to some crappy indie music and eating her dicey cooking, it’s been easy. While you could find a guy who fits like that, men aren’t usually cool enough to like the shit you like.”

  “I do have exemplary taste,” I mumble, and Taylor smiles.

  “And maybe there’s a guy out there who does too. Or maybe there’s a guy who will change enough to mimic your exemplary taste. Or maybe you date a few guys, have fun, get bored of it, and go back to the life you were enjoying until everyone around you started hooking up.”

  “It’s true that I wasn’t in any rush to find a man before the rest of the Fearsome Foursome settled down with your special people.”

  “Exactly,” Taylor says, wrapping her arm with mine. “You’re competitive and feel left out. Think about how things were around the time Goliath entered your life. Shane had his second kid. River was having his first. I moved in with Kelsi. Everyone around you was doing a particular thing, and you felt as if you should do that particular thing too. Like how you moved to Shasta because we did despite you hating the smell and, you know, everything else here.”

  “I really did hate this town.”

  “But you forced yourself to get used to it. Now you’re forcing things with Goliath, so you can fit in with the rest of us,” Taylor says and steals one of my fries. “But, Shelby, you are perfectly fine being you. There’s no reason for you to be with a man if you don’t actually want a man. There’s no reason to change for any man either. You as you is the best you. Don’t let Goliath or anyone else make you feel as if you have to be something you’re not.”

  “I do feel like a third wheel when I’m out with you guys.”

  “Then we need to bring along Maverick or Hugh, so you have a partner. Or when we’re out, we can split into non-couple groups. The Band on one side of the table, and the Fearsome Foursome on the other.”

  “What about the babies?”

  “They can sit in another section as a group. The Magnificent Minions.”

  Grinning, I love the idea of my nephews chilling in their own area like little tough guys. Calmer now, I glance at where Goliath sits alone. I don’t know if he’s sleeping or looking down at his phone or meditating. Doesn’t matter, I guess. He’s not mine and never will be. I’ve been building up a fantasy based on my insecurities. After months of filling my head with bullshit, I need to flush it away and start fresh.

  THE GOLIATH

  Lunch with Shelby left me feeling fucked up. She’s messing with my head, leaving me unsure about shit. What’s her con? I don’t get her. Women in the past—Becklyn and Jaymes—weren’t faking their bullshit. I just missed what was right in front of my fucking face. I did that. Not them. They weren’t confusing. I was just confused. Is that what’s happening with Shelby? Am I too fucking stupid to get what she’s doing?

  That evening, I end up back at the Saloon. I’m bored at the trailer. I already suffered through a visit to my mom’s this week. I ain’t got any friends, and I never want any girlfriends. There’s nothing to fucking do except show up at the clubhouse, play pool, watch sports, and get drunk. Shit, I can’t even get sucked off anymore because Shelby scared Dione, and now the sweet butts are terrified of her wrath.

  Inside the Saloon, I spot the new guy from River’s circle. Hugh is Utah’s boyfriend. Or lover. I don’t know how it works. They aren’t hanging out together tonight. I rarely see them sitting in the same place, but everyone knows they fuck. Not that Utah has many options around Shasta. If he wants a better selection of men, he needs to drive to Lexington.

  No way would Fuse let Utah’s fuck-buddy into the club. He hated the bald gay biker, always giving him the shit assignments. Yet he offered Utah a patch. That was classic Fuse. He wanted muscle, really scary fuckers. Then he treated those same terrifying bastards like his bitches. I told him to put Utah in charge of the whores at the trailer parks. Anybody else would be tempted to fuck those girls.

  Nomp. Instead of listening to me, Fuse said a gay guy wouldn’t take the job seriously because there was no sex in it for him. Typical bullshit. The asshole refused to listen to me. I was only the SGT-at-Arms. It was my job to watch out for the men. I reported back to Fuse about who was a lazy fuck or was dipping into the product. I gave him intel on who was showing promise and who needed an ass-kicking. But did our fucking president respond with any brains? Fuck no. He based his choices on who kissed his ass best.

  “Are you going to punch me?” Hugh asks when I stand next to his table, thinking about how I got screwed by Fuse. “Because I’m not okay with that.”

  “Shut up,” I grumble and shove my body into the booth, nearly tearing the seat off the hinges. “I’m not punching anyone.”

  “Good to know,” he says and tips his beer before taking a swig.

  “What are you doing by yourself?”

  Hugh is a smaller guy, not even six feet tall and kinda skinny. His pale blond hair is tied back in a short ponytail, and his blue eyes sparkle with amusement at my question. “I enjoy the ambiance.”

  “Huh?” I mutter.

  “River insists I spend at least three nights here. This is one of those nights.”

  “How come?”

  “He figures if I had a choice that I wouldn’t pick you fuckers to spend time with?”

  “Then why wear the patch?”

  “I like money. I’m very greedy. Why do you wear the patch?”

  Shrugging, I admit, “Out of habit. Been wearing a patch since I was seventeen.”

  “My reason sounds better.”

  “How come you’re not with your boyfriend?”

  Hugh’s icy blue eyes go frigid immediately. If he were a chick, he’d likely be hissing at me right now. Instead, he puts his beer on the table and places his hands flat next to it.

  “I’m here for work, not to date.”

  “But those guys are getting sucked off,” I say and jut my thumb at the table where Chase and Pom-Pom get attention from the sweet butts.

  “Are you asking why I don’t have Utah suck me off in public? Would claiming I was shy be enough of an answer?”

  “Sure,” I say and rub my head roughly. “You know Shelby, right?”

  “Everyone knows Shelby. She threw a parade for herself last year, waving from the bed of a truck like a pageant queen.”

  “Why the fuck would she do that?”

  “Why does anyone do anything in Shasta?” he asks and gulps his beer. “Boredom.”

  “Yeah. Ain’t much to do around here.”

  Hugh leans closer and tilts one of his hands near his mouth to block anyone looking to spy. “Is there a reason you want to know about Shelby?”

  “Nomp.”

  “She liked you. I remember her brother getting pissed about that. Can’t blame him, can you? She’s his second mommy, virginal, soft. You’re a dirty biker like him.”

  “Huh?”

  “Dude, have you not noticed the way Ellsberg people think compared to us locals?”

  “Nomp,” I say, taking the beer the waitress brings me.

  “Well, they’ve got a lot of weird hang-ups. Shane sees his sister as saintly, untouchable, perfect. She babies him like he’s five. He loves his club but would freak out if a biker fucked his sister. It’s weird shit. Their parents raised them bizarre,” he says and then leans back.

  “They’re good people, though. Real tight-knit. Mom’s got some issues, but she’s warm, you know? Like she just opened up her home to Kelsi and me the first ti
me she met us when Shane was showing off Ramona. A lot of people would have been cold with us, thinking we were outsiders stinking up their fancy house. Not Winnie and Dylan. Made me realize that Shane and Shelby are weird, but they’ll love Ramona right.”

  I think of Fuse’s bastard daughter. I remember her around town, always with her dyed hair and punk-like makeup. She was trying too hard to seem tough. Couldn’t pull it off, though. Her eyes ratted her out. Fuse didn’t give a shit about her. He liked fucking her mom sometimes. Not as much before I went away. I remember him saying Velma was a drag. His newer girlfriends weren’t so needy. I don’t remember him saying anything one way or another about Ramona, but Fuse was a cold fucker. I don’t remember him saying much about his other girls, either. I suspect he wanted boys. When his old lady, Coterie, gave him girls, he could blame her. When Velma came up pregnant with a girl too, then it was his own balls that did him wrong.

  “Shelby flirt with a lot of the guys?”

  Hugh gives me an “are you stupid” look that I’m used to after nearly four decades on this earth. People always think I’m an idiot. I don’t do much to prove them wrong, of course.

  “You know what asexual means?”

  “Nomp.”

  “It’s people who aren’t attracted to either guys or girls. They’re not sexually interested in anyone. I was sure that Shelby was asexual. Then she saw you. Not to give you a big head,” he says and then smirks. “You do have a big head. Huh, maybe she has a thing for giant men. She is on the tall side.”

  “She’s playing a game.”

  “No, she lacks the seriousness to make her seriousness seem real.”

  “Huh?”

  “Shelby acts like a goofball so much that it’s hard to take her serious feelings seriously. Like she was angry the other day, and I thought she was goofing around because she pretends to be angry a lot. Turned out, she was actually fucking angry. She’s hard to read.”

  “Well, I don’t care about reading her.”

  “Sure,” he says and glances around the room. “Are you going on the three-day-ride thing that Shane and River are putting together?”

  “Is it optional?”

  “Sure,” he says and smirks. “No doubt, you’ll put a target on your back by not going. However, I can’t imagine they’ll kill you as long as Shelby thinks you’re sexy.”

  “Sexy,” I grumble.

  “I think she’s just mental,” he says and frowns at Utah watching us. “Shelby’s great in a lot of ways, but she’s also a little unhinged.”

  “How?”

  “She thinks her house is haunted. She obsessively watches horror movies. She attaches bows to her dogs’ ears, even the male one. Poor shamed fucker. She wipes her brother’s mouth when he’s eating something messy. She stole Shane’s oldest kid for hours without telling anyone where she’d gone. She hasn’t slept in a bed in as long as I’ve known her. She sleeps on a couch in the TV or sitting rooms. And those are just the things I can remember off the top of my head. She’s different, so her liking you isn’t like Dione and Sandi liking you. They want your bod. She thinks she wants to rut with you and make mini Goliaths. Like I said, she’s mental.”

  “Women like that make sense,” I say, gesturing at where the girls finish sucking off my club brothers and high-five each other. “Them, I get. No games. Just fucking and partying. That makes sense.”

  “Yeah, but they can still turn up pregnant like Velma did with Fuse. They can still give you a raging case of syphilis. They can still get attached and clingy and jealous when you pay attention to other sweet butts. Connecting with anyone is complicated, and not everyone is suited for relationships.”

  Hugh pauses long enough to size me up. “Nothing wrong with staying solo. You like your space. I’m unsure Shelby’s suited for a relationship either. Except there’s pressure to pretend as if you need what everyone else needs. Still, even without relationships, there’s always drama. The sweet butts throw tantrums at times. The guys do too. Those twats Pom-Pom and Vowel threw down over the same chick they wanted to pound one night. Slutty people cause drama just as much as the committed ones. We just do it with more flair.”

  Grinning, I admit Hugh’s not what I expected. He’s easier to be around than Utah. Less of a grump, I guess. I also like how Hugh’s not really one of the guys. He’s an outsider in the Reapers. I feel like one too. I thought I was one of the Skullz, but they ditched me in prison.

  I guess I don’t fit much of anywhere. I think Hugh gets that. Though I see him with his three chick friends. He’s not an outsider with them. Huh, maybe he don’t get it either.

  “How come you think Shelby isn’t right for commitment?” I ask after a few songs play, and I finish two beers.

  “She’s prickly. Like me, I guess. She wants shit the way she wants it. The people in her life know how to bend to her rather than her bending to them,” Hugh says and drinks more beer. “Now I’m not saying she’s unlikable. She’s fun to be around. I just don’t think she can add a man to the mix in the way someone like Ramona or Max could. My friends naturally bend to the will of stronger people. I don’t think Shelby does, and I can’t imagine a weak man would interest her. That’s why I think she’s better suited to remain alone. She’s attracted to the kind of men that wouldn’t fit in her life.”

  “Then good thing I ain’t interested.” When Hugh rolls his eyes, I shrug. “I didn’t say I wouldn’t fuck her. I’ll fuck any attractive woman. Maybe a few ugly ones too. I’m not picky.”

  “Well, fucking Shelby isn’t a smart idea if you don’t want more. She’s got that clingy vibe that makes me think she’ll stalk you and cause trouble if things went wrong.”

  “You don’t like her,” I mutter, protective of a woman I don’t trust. Her beauty’s gotten me all messed up.

  “No, she’s the exact kind of woman I like. Weird and funny and loyal. You seem like you want normal and easy. That she isn’t, so keep your dick away from her.”

  “Are you threatening me?”

  Hugh’s laughter nearly sends me across the table. I could break his thin body and rip off his head. Even knowing I can smash him up, he chuckles at my question. The balls are huge on this little guy.

  “But if you do decide to nail her,” he says after he stops laughing at me, “be sure to make sure your dick isn’t sick with anything. Giving Shane Campbell’s sister an STI will surely get you killed. Or at least assigned the shittiest jobs.”

  “Well, I’ll go to the clinic and get the tests to make sure my dick is clean enough for the queen.”

  “Princess,” Hugh corrects and waves over the waitress for another beer. “Shelby would view her mother as the queen. She’s a huge mama’s girl.”

  “What are you, her fucking diary?”

  Hugh laughs again. Even knowing he’s laughing at me, I don’t want to tear his head off this time. I’d forgotten how men can joke around. In prison, I didn’t trust anyone. Not even Swamp Thing and Grabby, who were better at making allies. While I assumed they hadn’t known I was gonna get pinched, I still didn’t trust them.

  I still don’t anyone, but Hugh ain’t bad. If I have to do some buddy system shit on that three-day ride with the Reapers, I’ll pick this little blond to be my sidekick. A regular old Mutt and Jeff routine.

  THE CHAPTER WHERE SHE WANTS HIS DICK

  THE WEIRDO

  Nearly every day, my mom and I talk online using our laptops. I text more often than that. The distance between Shasta and Ellsberg only takes an hour to erase, but I miss her so much some days that I feel ill. The homesickness never completely leaves me.

  “I got a note from Goliath,” I tell her one morning while holding my newest nephew, Ozzy. The little man is sound asleep and drooling on my shirt.

  Wearing her long, brown hair in a messy bun, Mom is bundled up in a pink sweater and sipping from a “Best Mommy” coffee cup. Her brown eyes warm as she asks, “Like a love letter?”

  “No. It’s his test results from a
clinic.”

  “Oh,” Mom says and frowns. “Why would he give you that?”

  “I went out to his trailer and asked for sex, but then I started worrying that he’d give me something. I think this is his way of saying he’s safe.”

  “Oh,” Mom mumbles, clearly wanting me to stay far away from Goliath. Of course, her feelings are tainted by Shane’s complete meltdown over me with the giant.

  “I feel as if I won’t be able to stop thinking about him until I explore his naked body.”

  “Oh,” Mom says as her frown shifts into an expression between horrified and amused. “Then have sex with him. You can do that, right?”

  “Sure, I’m super sexual,” I lie.

  “You should do it. Go wild. If you don’t like it, you just tell him to buzz off.”

  Sharing my mom’s smile, I love how she supports me no matter what crazy shit I do. That kind of love made me fearless. Well, until my teen years, when I realized fear has value. Feeling scared keeps a person alert. Alert people are less likely to get surprised by danger. Where’s the downside?

  Today, though, fear doesn’t stop me. After Ramona returns home from work, I hand off my baby nephew. Then I take a long shower and shave what needs shaving and pamper what will soon be aching. I text a few people to find out where Goliath is currently located. Learning he’s at his trailer in the woods, I make the decision.

  Today, I’m getting laid!

  I swipe an edible from the stash in the cabinet and toss the brownie in my mouth. Then I’m on the road.

  I drive my SUV rather than my motorcycle, figuring my lucky charms might soon require more comfort than the hog can offer.

  Arriving at Goliath’s trailer, I check my appearance twenty-three times before finally climbing out. The pot hasn’t kicked in yet, and I’m hella nervous. I actually climb back into the SUV for a few minutes and listen to “Just A Friend” by Biz Markie to settle my nerves.